Dear Diary, I no longer need you 2/11
anonymous
January 24 2009, 10:58:04 UTC
There were a few more entries, about his time spent in America's house, during his independence, and painful, angry entries about Poland taking Vilnius, and Germany seizing the Klaipeda region. Quickly, she turned the brittle pages. She needed to know more about her brother and that damned man, not his pointless troubles! She found an entry mentioning him again, around 1939.
He... he returned it to me. Vilnius, and the entire region. No one else was willing to help me. Even Raivis told me that I should give in to Feliks. But Ivan... He brought his soldiers right in, and he pushed Feliks out. He could have kept it, but instead he gave it to me. I've been independent for a while now, and I haven't even seen him much at all since he brought me back from Alfred's. God, his smile was so wide. I even thought I saw a little of that light I used to see. Has the Soviet been that good to him?
Belarus bit her lip in agitation. Her brother had never lost any light to begin with! He had simply changed with time, as everyone did! That was all. This foolish man thought to write of her brother as if... as if he was something less than normal. Taking a good many pages into her fingers, the leather of the diary creaking, she flipped through it. WWII dates flashed by her eyes, but most of those had been about his people, and Germany. Her brother had been wounded again in WWII, though there had been nothing that she could do about it. She pressured him, and tried to be by him, but he always ran from her.
When did I stop hating it?
Her eyes stopped on that phrase. There was no date. In fact, none of these entries had dates anymore. She skimmed through them, her heart racing.
It's so strong, and so warm. I still can't breathe, but it doesn't feel the same. Every where he touches me, he has already been. Somehow, I can't even remember when, I stopped feeling so dirty.
It's been at least fifty years since I've seen him cry. I thought he wanted to do something else, so I struggled with him, but once he held me down on the floor he only stayed still. With his head on my chest, I felt him shake with silent tears that never came. I don't know what made him behave like that, and he didn't tell me. I just laid still and lightly touched his hair until he was calm again.
It's been a very long time since I've disliked it. When he touches me now, I never pull away. And even if I try, he only holds me tighter. Sometimes, I pull away just so that he'll do that.
Bela felt her face heat with an irritated blush. She didn't like this at all. If Lithuania hated it, she could deal with it. She knew that her brother was confused. She didn't know why Russia wanted the brunette so badly, but she knew that Lithuania didn't deserve him. She wanted Liet to hate her brother. She wanted him to leave them be!
I can't do a thing when he kisses my scars. He doesn't apologize for them, and I don't think he wants to. But he makes me feel like they're not disfiguring marks, but something to be cherished. The way that he traces them gently, even through my clothing, it makes my stomach flutter and my head dizzy. They are perhaps, my biggest weakness.
There was only one last entry, and Belarus set the book down for a moment. Her chest was already rising and falling with slow, heavy breaths. She didn't want to know, but she had to. Only then could she decide what to do with the brunette. Opening the old diary again, she looked at the last entry. The handwriting was messier than the rest, it seemed. But it was unmistakably Lithuania's.
They're going to think me insane. Maybe I am. But I can't deny it anymore. I'll never say it out loud, and no other time I have said it counts. All the other times that I have said those three words, I didn't mean them. I didn't know what it was to mean them. It was the kind of thing you said to loved ones, not overbearing captors. If anyone ever discovers the truth, I might just die of shame. I still hate myself a little for it, but that's fading too.
He... he returned it to me. Vilnius, and the entire region. No one else was willing to help me. Even Raivis told me that I should give in to Feliks. But Ivan... He brought his soldiers right in, and he pushed Feliks out. He could have kept it, but instead he gave it to me. I've been independent for a while now, and I haven't even seen him much at all since he brought me back from Alfred's. God, his smile was so wide. I even thought I saw a little of that light I used to see. Has the Soviet been that good to him?
Belarus bit her lip in agitation. Her brother had never lost any light to begin with! He had simply changed with time, as everyone did! That was all. This foolish man thought to write of her brother as if... as if he was something less than normal. Taking a good many pages into her fingers, the leather of the diary creaking, she flipped through it. WWII dates flashed by her eyes, but most of those had been about his people, and Germany. Her brother had been wounded again in WWII, though there had been nothing that she could do about it. She pressured him, and tried to be by him, but he always ran from her.
When did I stop hating it?
Her eyes stopped on that phrase. There was no date. In fact, none of these entries had dates anymore. She skimmed through them, her heart racing.
It's so strong, and so warm. I still can't breathe, but it doesn't feel the same. Every where he touches me, he has already been. Somehow, I can't even remember when, I stopped feeling so dirty.
It's been at least fifty years since I've seen him cry. I thought he wanted to do something else, so I struggled with him, but once he held me down on the floor he only stayed still. With his head on my chest, I felt him shake with silent tears that never came. I don't know what made him behave like that, and he didn't tell me. I just laid still and lightly touched his hair until he was calm again.
It's been a very long time since I've disliked it. When he touches me now, I never pull away. And even if I try, he only holds me tighter. Sometimes, I pull away just so that he'll do that.
Bela felt her face heat with an irritated blush. She didn't like this at all. If Lithuania hated it, she could deal with it. She knew that her brother was confused. She didn't know why Russia wanted the brunette so badly, but she knew that Lithuania didn't deserve him. She wanted Liet to hate her brother. She wanted him to leave them be!
I can't do a thing when he kisses my scars. He doesn't apologize for them, and I don't think he wants to. But he makes me feel like they're not disfiguring marks, but something to be cherished. The way that he traces them gently, even through my clothing, it makes my stomach flutter and my head dizzy. They are perhaps, my biggest weakness.
There was only one last entry, and Belarus set the book down for a moment. Her chest was already rising and falling with slow, heavy breaths. She didn't want to know, but she had to. Only then could she decide what to do with the brunette. Opening the old diary again, she looked at the last entry. The handwriting was messier than the rest, it seemed. But it was unmistakably Lithuania's.
They're going to think me insane. Maybe I am. But I can't deny it anymore. I'll never say it out loud, and no other time I have said it counts. All the other times that I have said those three words, I didn't mean them. I didn't know what it was to mean them. It was the kind of thing you said to loved ones, not overbearing captors. If anyone ever discovers the truth, I might just die of shame. I still hate myself a little for it, but that's fading too.
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