Hetalia kink meme part 23

[hetalia_kink]

axis powers
hetalia kink meme
part 23

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Comments

OP

[anonymous]

Hi there! Thanks for taking up my request~! I've just read your fill, and I'm getting excited as to what happens next. :D I like the sparsity of your writing style, and the air of mystery that surrounds the setting and fem!Japan's character especially. Your fill is making me ask so many questions! I hope they'll be answered soon by the end of the fic. I'm liking the characterizations too; I have a feeling Herakles is going to have a morality crisis later regarding his feelings for fem!Japan and his obligations to his fiancé, poor guy.

Though, um, please forgive me, but I do have a few nitpicks. First off, there are a few grammar errors in your story - in particular, "creatures subordinate to others" and "ring upon his finger" sound a bit off. When you write "It is Herakles job to set them up, to transport boxes . . .", there should be an apostrophe, making it "It is Herakles' job". (Note also, that because Herakles' name ends in s, it's just an apostrophe and not apostrophe s, i.e. Alfred's). Regarding Herakles, I also notice that at some point you suddenly shifted to using the English spelling of his name (Heracles), and at another point you slipped and called him Greece. Just pointing it out in case you need to correct things. ^^;

Also, another thing that bugs me is Ringmaster Arthur's speech patterns. Correct me if I'm wrong, but his dialogue/announcing to me sounds more like an American's way of speaking rather than an Englishman's. But then again, I've never seen any UK-based circus so I could be wrong. Ah, and 'malleable' doesn't seem like a good descriptor for fem!Japan's skin (it's usually used to describe metal that can be hammered into shapes). You might want to consider using a more fitting word to describe her.

Ahh, I-I'm sorry if I offended you with pointing those stuff out orz but other than those, it's still good! I'm still looking forward to you continuing this~! Good job!

Oh, and let me guess, the eagle-person and the bear-person . . . Is that America and Canada? :D Or maybe America and Russia? And I found Italy! Most adorable ticket-seller ever. ^^

A!A

[anonymous]

Nitpicks are fine! Constructive criticism helps us improve, after all. ^_^ Ah, I was kinda tired when I wrote this, and I am generally terrible at editing. About Arthur's speaking, though, I'm not sure there's such a difference between the "American" pattern and "English pattern", at least in this context? (I am neither English or American and have never seen any actual circuses, so y'know). But he's a performer, and is speaking in this casual context because well he wants to seem warm and energetic for his audience. He's a bit different in private. *shrug*

Yes, the eagle and the bear are meant to be America and Russia... The ticket-seller wasn't actually meant to be Italy, but hey I guess that works. ^_^

OP

[anonymous]

Oh, it's alright, :D I'm not very good at editing my stuff either, haha. ^^; And ah yes, okay, thanks for clarifying Arthur's speech patterns. :D

Yay, got two in one! XD But oh, haha, whoops looks like I got the ticket-seller wrong. ^^; Uh, is it New Zealand? Or who else has curly eyes in the cast? Haha please don't mind me. :P

A!A

[anonymous]

Well, I keep doing this thing where characters who don't actually exist in canon show up in my AU fics... I actually thought the dude was Wales, 'cause I was all like "huh, if Arthur's running this thing wouldn't the rest of the UK be here? Perhaps in management positions?" But there is no reason for you to listen to my strange justifications. Go with Italy, it makes more sense. xD