Part X, cont.
anonymous
February 21 2012, 06:07:25 UTC
He looks away, a slight pout on his face.
“But, I can’t force people to do something. And I can’t force you to feel that way about me. So…I won’t bring it up anymore. Just forget about it, alright? I mean, I won’t ever stop loving you - I haven’t stopped in, what? Like, three and half centuries? But I won’t bring it up anymore, so…you don’t have to worry. I’ll only be boring and professional from now on.”
Arthur’s hand jerks ever so slightly, unsure if he should reach out and touch Alfred or not.
“You needn’t apologize, Alfred,” he says, “it’s I who owe you an apology.”
“What?” Alfred exclaims. “No way! You haven’t done anything!”
“Oh, but I have.”
“No - ”
“Listen to me.” Arthur’s voice is gentle. “I’ve been a right cad, Alfred. I’ve pushed you away when all I really wanted was - was - well. Suffice it to say, you’re too generous to have put up with my behavior as long as you have.”
He looks up at the grey sky and sighs. “I understand that smarmy frog told you a story about me when I was but a boy.”
Alfred nods.
“I’d rather you not have heard that, to be honest.”
“I promise I won’t tell no one.”
“Thank you. I hope it made you realize why I’ve never believed - do you understand now why I’ve always found it so difficult to - ”
Arthur laughs.
“Do you know,” he says around a lopsided, rather dumbfounded grin, “I’m finally starting to realize something, Alfred, after all these years. Though that little boy with the dirty face and the seaweed in his hair - that unwanted tagalong, that unlovable disappointment - will always be me, perhaps I need not always be that boy.”
“I ain’t never seen you that way,” Alfred softly says. “To me you’ve always been…well, just really awesome, all around. The best, even.”
And just as Arthur could feel his heart overflowing the day Alfred ran to him and clung to his legs and changed everything - “You’re here!” - he feels his heart overflowing now. The sea is his natural boundary, his most assured way of keeping people out - but Arthur knows that what began with Alfred so long ago will also end with Alfred today and tomorrow and all their tomorrows hereafter. The time has come to let the ocean around his heart roll away, taking with it all his fears, all his anxieties, all his guilt. Roll on, ocean - it is time to let the walls around his heart be swept away, let the familiar fire churning in his belly be extinguished.
“You are so - ”
Wonderful. So utterly and delightfully wonderful.
“Alfred, I - I do care about you, very much. I - you don’t know, can’t possibly know how much. And - ”
You have always meant the world to me, and you always will.
“Oh, bollocks!” he suddenly shouts, frustrated, and Alfred jumps.
Arthur gets up from the bench and begins to pace back and forth. “Shit, fuck, damnation, and the lot of it! My people are the greatest authors and poets to ever put pen to paper, and yet their own nation cannot weave his own words half so well!”
He’s so close and he’s come so far - farther than he’s ever been, farther than he could have ever dreamed, farther than he’s ever permitted himself to go. He’s determined to let Alfred know how he feels, how he has felt for the past God-only-knows how long but has never allowed himself to -
And then an idea dawns upon him, and he huffs out a short, disbelieving laugh.
Part X, cont.
anonymous
February 21 2012, 06:12:03 UTC
“I’m not a poet, Alfred, but if I were - ” he closes his eyes as he begins to recite, his fists clenched at his sides - “I would tell you that you pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. For you alone I think and plan. Have you not seen this?”
Arthur opens his eyes to see Alfred staring at him, eyes wide and mouth open. He’s as still as Arthur’s ever seen him - is he still breathing?
His hands begin to shake, and before he completely loses his nerve, Arthur swallows and continues: “Hear my soul speak: The very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly to your service. You mold my hopes, you fashion me within.” He lowers his head and chuckles softly. “I am two fools, I know, for loving and for saying so in whining poetry, but…in life’s noisiest hour, there whispers still the ceaseless love of thee.”
He takes a deep breath and, after a moment, lifts his head.
“Well,” he begins after he clears his throat. “That is what I would say if I were a poet, or an artist, or some such - which, as I said, I’m not.”
Alfred finally blinks and a corner of his mouth rises.
“That sure sounded like poetry to me!” he says, full of wonder.
Arthur colors in embarrassment. “If you’re just going to make fun of me -!”
“No, no!” Alfred says, waving his hand. “It was all so pretty. It makes me feel special that you told me all that. Kinda warm and happy, too.”
“Well.” Arthur looks away and readjusts the cuffs of his pea coat, checks his tie. “I’m not completely heartless, despite my reputation. There are those I care about - ”
That is it, Angleterre! One day, I swear it, I will find a way to dig a secret tunnel from my house to yours, even if I have to dig it with my own two hands! That way I will be able to taunt you whenever I want - which is always, you uncultured brat!
“ - and those I want to protect - ”
Marie, did you happen to lose a hair ribbon? I found one that looks like yours...
“ - and those that I - that I love.”
Artie, you know you’re my favorite, right? I just think that what we have is something really special. Even Mr. Churchill agrees! I know there’ve been things we’ve had to work out, but I really think if we can make it through all that, we can make it through anything, and...hey, don’t you roll your eyes like that!
Alfred stands and, grabbing Arthur’s wrist, pulls him roughly into a tight, almost desperate, embrace.
Arthur’s body freezes and his muscles tighten. “Don’t - Alfred - ” he pleads, and it comes out choked.
Alfred gives him a gentle shake and says, fiercely: “Yes.”
“Alfred, please - I’m not any good at this - I cannot even tell you that I - how much I - but I do, Alfred, I do, just give me time - ”
“I know you do, Artie, and you know I do - so, so much. But for right now, just hug me back.”
There’s a drumming in Arthur’s head then. So much of his identity is tangled with the tempo of war, the rhythm of campaign, the cadence of crusade, that he briefly wonders if it’s another distant call to arms. But no - his hands slowly snake around Alfred and clutch at him, fiercely hold on for dear life, and he realizes: It’s the thrumming of his heart. It’s beating with such an almighty, exquisite tenderness that it nearly undoes him completely, but it’s a call he joyously answers and marches to without hesitation.
Part X, cont.
anonymous
February 21 2012, 06:13:37 UTC
Arthur pulls away first, putting a respectable distance between them.
“Look, everyone’s going back inside. The lunch break must be over.”
“Yeah, guess so. But - say, Artie?”
“Mmm?”
“When the meeting’s over and done with, and if you’re not busy, do you…well, do you wanna hang out? Spend the rest of the day together, I mean. We could go do something, but…it might be nice just to go back to your place and relax.”
“What, and have you be subjected to the dullness of all my old books and maps?”
Alfred smiles and takes Arthur’s hand.
“Pretty much.” He quickly turns and sneezes into his shoulder. “And your fireplace, too,” he sniffles.
Arthur looks down at their hands, and wonders how much of their shared trembling is strictly from the cold. “That sounds brilliant.”
It’s not much, but Arthur gives Alfred’s hand a gentle squeeze. Alfred can tell Arthur is happy; for once, it shows on his face plain as day, and that is more than enough.
Part X, notes
anonymous
February 21 2012, 06:22:13 UTC
There’s an epilogue coming! ; )
First, I want to apologize for taking so long to update. I suddenly became very unmotivated. I think some of it has to do with the pressure to finish the story in a satisfying way, but also, I happened upon some very good fanfics that were so great they made me doubt my own writing skills (or lack thereof). So I tried walking away and distancing myself from the story, but that didn’t help (duuuuumb idea, anon), and neither did taking a break to write another fill for the meme in an effort to boost my confidence. The only thing that worked was me finally sitting my dumb ass down and forcing myself to write, and here we are. I hope it was at least an okay ending. But it’s about dang time we stopped wanting to hug Arthur and finally get to cheer him on! After putting him through the ringer, it was fun to write something happy. 8D
*Bizet’s opera Carmen
*The Lady of the Camellias by Alexandre Dumas (fils), sometimes shortened to Camille
*The “Miracle at Dunkirk” wasn’t so much the battle itself - Churchill called it “a colossal military disaster” - but the evacuation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunkirk_evacuation). In his Memoirs of the Second World War, Churchill wrote about how the French commander wanted the British soldiers to withdraw first, since it was their own boats coming to get them, but Churchill said nuh-uh, brosef, you bet your ass we’ll march outta here arm in arm like true bros (“bras dessus bras dessous”), so they did. The evacuation was bittersweet for the French soldiers, however, as they were eventually forced to return home to France v2.0 - a German puppet state.
*The North Star has been used by navigators since antiquity because it appears to stand motionless in the sky; all the other stars seem to rotate around it. The terminology of the Morning Star is complicated (at least for me!), but it is often associated with the name Lucifer. Easy to see then why Arthur would equate it with Francis. XD
*“cadaverous mob” - TOTALLY stolen from my favorite Interpol song, “A Time To Be So Small”. I know they’re an American band, and I know this story pretentiously-as-fuck references British literature, but you shoosh. On a personal note, I recently re-discovered this song a few weeks ago and I can’t say why, but it reminds me a bit of Arthur (and Sealand, too).
*The two Richards are Richard II and Richard III, generally regarded as two of England’s worst kings. Though I do have this weird soft spot for Richard II. (look at my life, look at my choices)
*Don’t worry, Shakespeare! You’ll get your endin’! (Once the Duke gets his…end…in…) -“If I profane with my unworthiest hand” and “good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much” from Romeo and Juliet -“knocking at the gates” is a reference to Macbeth -“Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear” from Venus and Adonis -“Hear my soul speak: The very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly to your service” from The Tempest
*“crying out over the moors” - a reference to Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights
*“My sun sets to rise again” from Robert Browning’s “At the ‘Mermaid’”
*“You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. For you alone I think and plan. Have you not seen this?” from Jane Austen’s Persuasion
*“You mold my hopes, you fashion me within” and “in life’s noisiest hour, there whispers still the ceaseless love of thee” from Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s The Presence of Love
*“I am two fools, I know, for loving, and for saying so in whining poetry” from John Donne’s The Triple Fool
Re: Part X, notes
anonymous
February 21 2012, 08:50:17 UTC
*sigh* This was so lovely. But so long! I hope you repost elsewhere, for easier rereading. I haven't reread it long enough that I couldn't remember who 'Marie' was..
I think Alfred was having trouble not swooning at Arthur's speech.
And London Bridge has indeed been rebuilt again and again...they sold the last one to an American millionaire, who had it transported, stone by stone, and rebuilt like a puzzle in Arizona. Of all places..! Part of me wants to see Arthur visit the thing...
author anon here
anonymous
February 22 2012, 00:38:14 UTC
Ahhhhh, I know, it was a little long...I can't wait to edit this story and de-anon with a "cleaner" version. And I love the meme, but sometimes all the posting and linking can seriously mess with a story's flow. : /
I'd swoon too if a handsome absolutely invincible British gentleman started quoting poetry at me!
I first heard about it being in Arizona when my grandfather mentioned something about it...I totally didn't believe him at first. You're right -- Arizona, of all places! XD
Thank you for taking the time to comment, it really means a lot.
Re: Part X, notes
anonymous
February 21 2012, 14:12:37 UTC
Every single one of your updates makes me insanely happy and keeps me glued to the screen. Anon, you're simply amazing and I don't mind to wait if this is the result. Also, you have every reason to feel more self confident about your writing. Granted, there are very good fics in the fandom, but yours is top quality for sure!
England and America literally warmed my heart. It must be insane to feel so happy for the fictional happyness of fictional carachters, but still...:D And England keeps on thinking he his 'not good at this', but he managed one hell of declaration of love! If somebody came to me with such words I could pass out XD I'm talking about the quotes of course, wich were gorgeous, all the rest instead was uber cute <3 Oh, and the interaction between France and England was great too. I really like how you portray them and their relationship, also the Lucifer reference made me laugh :)
Your quotes and notes make me wanna read or reread english classics, and this is a big plus :) Btw, as the anon before me said, it'd be lovely if you de-anoned, so we could read the whole thing more confortably. Oh and of course, also stalk you ;)
One last thing, to know there's an epilogue makes me happy, I think I'll miss this fic very much, but for now there's still something to wait for ;)
author anon here
anonymous
February 22 2012, 00:57:10 UTC
Oh wow, thank you very much! : D
Aw, no, I get ridiculously happy and giddy when my babies, no matter what fandom, get a happy ending. I know tragic endings are all ~artsy~ and ~meaningful~, and I do enjoy them, but sometimes it's just nice to sit back and bask in fluff and happiness!
And, England. OH ENGLAND. Poor baby, it's all so new to him and he's still a little insecure, so he beats himself up over how he has to quote other people to adequately express himself. He's completely oblivious to how romantic and swoon-worthy he is. XD
I agree about the length and how disjointed it appears. I can't wait to edit this story and post a "clean" version. But I'd also love to be stalked and keep in touch with everyone!
LJ is weird - sorry if this appears 2 times!
anonymous
February 21 2012, 14:15:17 UTC
Every single one of your updates makes me insanely happy and keeps me glued to the screen. Anon, you're simply amazing and I don't mind to wait if this is the result. Also, you have every reason to feel more self confident about your writing. Granted, there are very good fics in the fandom, but yours is top quality for sure!
England and America literally warmed my heart. It must be insane to feel so happy for the fictional happyness of fictional carachters, but still...:D And England keeps on thinking he his 'not good at this', but he managed one hell of declaration of love! If somebody came to me with such words I could pass out XD I'm talking about the quotes of course, wich were gorgeous, all the rest instead was uber cute <3 Oh, and the interaction between France and England was great too. I really like how you portray them and their relationship, also the Lucifer reference made me laugh :)
Your quotes and notes make me wanna read or reread english classics, and this is a big plus :) Btw, as the anon before me said, it'd be lovely if you de-anoned, so we could read the whole thing more confortably. Oh and of course, also stalk you ;)
One last thing, to know there's an epilogue makes me happy, I think I'll miss this fic very much, but for now there's still something to wait for ;)
Re: Part X, notes
anonymous
February 21 2012, 15:40:41 UTC
Critic!Anon back.
Wow, if it was me who discouraged you I apologize most humbly:
The only reason I said maybe the flashback scene didn't fit as well was because of its length (and in consideration of the one humorous part that stuck out in this fanfic) but I think you tied it in nicely in this last part and it worked out well. Yes, admittedly, the style of the kink meme can also work to make parts seem separate from each other as a united whole. I'm sorry I neglected to check your reply on the last part - my life became rather busy. And yes, I believe honesty is the best way to review but if I came off as harsh that wasn't my intention at all. Honesty can be a gamble like that.
Overall, I think this was a wonderful fill: the cadence of the sentence structure; the interpretation of the characters; the multiple allusions; and the happy ending! I acknowledge that it must have been difficult to write and I'm proud of you for finishing. Your writing really is one of the best on the hetalia kinkmeme so please don't be in doubt!
I'm excited for the epilogue and I am in hope that you one day decide to denon. Also, I'd love to see the other fill you wrote if you are willing to share the link on this story.
author anon here
anonymous
February 22 2012, 01:34:52 UTC
Oh, no! No no no, long comment anon! You weren't harsh and you didn't discourage me at all! I'm sorry if I made you think that. : ( I really, really appreciate the honesty of your critics; that you take the time to express your thoughts/concerns and have stuck with this story til the end really means a lot. I always take what you say into consideration. And please don't apologize for not responding to my last reply -- you're under no obligation to! : ) Life happens and I should be the very least of your worries, lol! I also apologize profusely if I was at any time harsh in tone.
Honestly, most of my lack of motivation came from reading some really good fics. I was being so childish about it, too. Instead of loving those stories, appreciating them for what they are, and being inspired by them, I was getting straight-up jealous. I'm...really embarrassed that I let myself get like that, actually. I was also putting a lot of pressure on myself with this chapter and kinda psyched myself out. Also, on a personal note? I'm thankful to have a job but it's really, really becoming come clear to me now that I need to change careers. So I've had that on my mind lately -- not really having the willpower to get up and go earn a living every day, just wanting to go home and curl up in a ball and watch TV. But...well, that's kinda depressing, so let's talk about something happier! : D
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your compliments. I'm proud to be almost finished, too, but it's going to be so weird when I finally do. This story's been on my mind non-stop since, oh, what? September? Gah! Sometimes at work I would find myself with nothing to do and ended up doing research for this story -- what am I gonna do when it's over? Lol! Though I have other story ideas floating around in my head for our wonderful landmasses and will most likely spend my time researching for them as well. : D I do plan to edit this story, tighten up bits here and there, and post a cleaned-up version. (Oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed by some of the earlier parts...)
Thank you again, your correspondence (I like to think of it as friendship in my mind? Please don't be weirded out, I consider everyone I talk to on the Intarwebz as my friend!) has meant the world to me. <3
Re: author anon here
anonymous
February 22 2012, 14:10:52 UTC
I'm very glad that it wasn't me that caused your discouragement. And based on what you explained was the cause, I actually might be the opposite of you. I feel that fanfiction at it's best demonstrates the ability of normal, average people to produce admirable and creative works. Instead, I get more discouraged reading the classics because it's impossible to imitate geniuses. I've battled with my own depreciating sense of self-work in reading such literature, and it's put a real hamper on my motivation to write something as well. The problem with being a perfectionist is that you will never get anything done - so I tell myself that I should just go ahead and write something for practice without worrying about its quality as much - and I fall into the same habit again of being too hard on myself. That's why I say it's really admirable that you finished this fill. You should be really proud of yourself because even while bearing feelings of supposed inadequacies you pulled through. :)
Also, I've very sorry to hear about your job. I'm still in university so I haven't had to think about careers quite as seriously... but I'm more than half way through and frankly I'm getting quite sick of entry-level summer jobs. It gets me down thinking that I might not get anything related to my major after I graduate.
Considering our correspondence has lasted so long, I don't think it abnormal at all that you might think of it as friendship. It's as natural as a celebrity appreciating her fans? :P
And in truth, I would be quite sad to end our correspondence. I don't have any online accounts, because as I've said, although I believe I can have a knack for words, I hold myself to such high standards as to discourage anything from being finished. But, if you'd be willing, I could create an ff.net account (which I've been planning to do for a while) and maybe that will encourage me to actually take a chance, make mistakes, but finally write. The pressure of assignment due dates in university certainly seem to work. Maybe the connection with someone online might work too. :) But no pressure, you can definitely ignore me if you think I'm being creepy! I'll wait for a reply before I do anything drastic. :P
Also, thanks for denoning. I'll definitely read your other story. <3 And thanks for being a great inspiration!
No way, not creepy at all, my good sir/madam! I would love to hear from you, so please don't hesitate to keep in touch. And creating an account somewhere usually does seem to be a good motivator...at least with my personal experience. And having friends who write is also a good motivator! I'm lucky to have a friend in "real life" who also writes; I love the actual person-to-person face time, though I don't think I would ever show her any of my actual work, lawl.
I know exactly what you mean when you talk about being a perfectionist. But we need to remember that we're always our own harshest critics. I think maybe we get so upset and discouraged with ourselves because we see in our mind what we want to happen, but it doesn't always translate into the written word the way we'd imagined it. But, to the reader, the scene/conversation/character/mood/whatever is all completely new. We think they're missing out because we screwed up with the writing; they don't know that they're missing out on anything, so to speak. So in that sense, it might be a little easier to see why they're completely happy with a story you or I, as the writer, would find immeasurable fault with. (...I don't think I'm too good at explaining, haha. I will stop rambling and preaching and just say: It's not always easy, but believe in yourself!)
Oh goodness. This fandom makes me feel so old sometimes. : D The first few years after graduation are especially difficult, but if you can make it through college, I know you can make it through that! (Pah. Adulthood. It's fun to be in it, but it's the getting there that sucks.) But who knows? You might find a job unrelated to your degree and be completely fulfilled by it!
Know what you mean about friends. There's no way I could show my university friends what I do on my spare time. Hahahaha... :P Besides, I need to get away from fandom and enjoy other aspects of life sometimes. Thankfully I have two wonderful sisters who I can rant to. :P
I'll contact you on ff.net when I can think of a good penname! LOL Pretty soon, maybe tomorrow or the next day! ^_^
And a kinkmeme prompt really got me going so I can already see the start of a fanfic! (I've been thinking about it obsessively for a week now.) Great departure from what I ultimately want to be able to write but it'll be loads of fun and help me experiment, I think, and also help me escape perfectionism. :)
“But, I can’t force people to do something. And I can’t force you to feel that way about me. So…I won’t bring it up anymore. Just forget about it, alright? I mean, I won’t ever stop loving you - I haven’t stopped in, what? Like, three and half centuries? But I won’t bring it up anymore, so…you don’t have to worry. I’ll only be boring and professional from now on.”
Arthur’s hand jerks ever so slightly, unsure if he should reach out and touch Alfred or not.
“You needn’t apologize, Alfred,” he says, “it’s I who owe you an apology.”
“What?” Alfred exclaims. “No way! You haven’t done anything!”
“Oh, but I have.”
“No - ”
“Listen to me.” Arthur’s voice is gentle. “I’ve been a right cad, Alfred. I’ve pushed you away when all I really wanted was - was - well. Suffice it to say, you’re too generous to have put up with my behavior as long as you have.”
He looks up at the grey sky and sighs. “I understand that smarmy frog told you a story about me when I was but a boy.”
Alfred nods.
“I’d rather you not have heard that, to be honest.”
“I promise I won’t tell no one.”
“Thank you. I hope it made you realize why I’ve never believed - do you understand now why I’ve always found it so difficult to - ”
Arthur laughs.
“Do you know,” he says around a lopsided, rather dumbfounded grin, “I’m finally starting to realize something, Alfred, after all these years. Though that little boy with the dirty face and the seaweed in his hair - that unwanted tagalong, that unlovable disappointment - will always be me, perhaps I need not always be that boy.”
“I ain’t never seen you that way,” Alfred softly says. “To me you’ve always been…well, just really awesome, all around. The best, even.”
And just as Arthur could feel his heart overflowing the day Alfred ran to him and clung to his legs and changed everything - “You’re here!” - he feels his heart overflowing now. The sea is his natural boundary, his most assured way of keeping people out - but Arthur knows that what began with Alfred so long ago will also end with Alfred today and tomorrow and all their tomorrows hereafter. The time has come to let the ocean around his heart roll away, taking with it all his fears, all his anxieties, all his guilt. Roll on, ocean - it is time to let the walls around his heart be swept away, let the familiar fire churning in his belly be extinguished.
“You are so - ”
Wonderful. So utterly and delightfully wonderful.
“Alfred, I - I do care about you, very much. I - you don’t know, can’t possibly know how much. And - ”
You have always meant the world to me, and you always will.
“Oh, bollocks!” he suddenly shouts, frustrated, and Alfred jumps.
Arthur gets up from the bench and begins to pace back and forth. “Shit, fuck, damnation, and the lot of it! My people are the greatest authors and poets to ever put pen to paper, and yet their own nation cannot weave his own words half so well!”
He’s so close and he’s come so far - farther than he’s ever been, farther than he could have ever dreamed, farther than he’s ever permitted himself to go. He’s determined to let Alfred know how he feels, how he has felt for the past God-only-knows how long but has never allowed himself to -
And then an idea dawns upon him, and he huffs out a short, disbelieving laugh.
Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear...
Why didn’t he think of it sooner?
Reply
Arthur opens his eyes to see Alfred staring at him, eyes wide and mouth open. He’s as still as Arthur’s ever seen him - is he still breathing?
His hands begin to shake, and before he completely loses his nerve, Arthur swallows and continues: “Hear my soul speak: The very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly to your service. You mold my hopes, you fashion me within.” He lowers his head and chuckles softly. “I am two fools, I know, for loving and for saying so in whining poetry, but…in life’s noisiest hour, there whispers still the ceaseless love of thee.”
He takes a deep breath and, after a moment, lifts his head.
“Well,” he begins after he clears his throat. “That is what I would say if I were a poet, or an artist, or some such - which, as I said, I’m not.”
Alfred finally blinks and a corner of his mouth rises.
“That sure sounded like poetry to me!” he says, full of wonder.
Arthur colors in embarrassment. “If you’re just going to make fun of me -!”
“No, no!” Alfred says, waving his hand. “It was all so pretty. It makes me feel special that you told me all that. Kinda warm and happy, too.”
“Well.” Arthur looks away and readjusts the cuffs of his pea coat, checks his tie. “I’m not completely heartless, despite my reputation. There are those I care about - ”
That is it, Angleterre! One day, I swear it, I will find a way to dig a secret tunnel from my house to yours, even if I have to dig it with my own two hands! That way I will be able to taunt you whenever I want - which is always, you uncultured brat!
“ - and those I want to protect - ”
Marie, did you happen to lose a hair ribbon? I found one that looks like yours...
“ - and those that I - that I love.”
Artie, you know you’re my favorite, right? I just think that what we have is something really special. Even Mr. Churchill agrees! I know there’ve been things we’ve had to work out, but I really think if we can make it through all that, we can make it through anything, and...hey, don’t you roll your eyes like that!
Alfred stands and, grabbing Arthur’s wrist, pulls him roughly into a tight, almost desperate, embrace.
Arthur’s body freezes and his muscles tighten. “Don’t - Alfred - ” he pleads, and it comes out choked.
Alfred gives him a gentle shake and says, fiercely: “Yes.”
“Alfred, please - I’m not any good at this - I cannot even tell you that I - how much I - but I do, Alfred, I do, just give me time - ”
“I know you do, Artie, and you know I do - so, so much. But for right now, just hug me back.”
There’s a drumming in Arthur’s head then. So much of his identity is tangled with the tempo of war, the rhythm of campaign, the cadence of crusade, that he briefly wonders if it’s another distant call to arms. But no - his hands slowly snake around Alfred and clutch at him, fiercely hold on for dear life, and he realizes: It’s the thrumming of his heart. It’s beating with such an almighty, exquisite tenderness that it nearly undoes him completely, but it’s a call he joyously answers and marches to without hesitation.
Reply
“Look, everyone’s going back inside. The lunch break must be over.”
“Yeah, guess so. But - say, Artie?”
“Mmm?”
“When the meeting’s over and done with, and if you’re not busy, do you…well, do you wanna hang out? Spend the rest of the day together, I mean. We could go do something, but…it might be nice just to go back to your place and relax.”
“What, and have you be subjected to the dullness of all my old books and maps?”
Alfred smiles and takes Arthur’s hand.
“Pretty much.” He quickly turns and sneezes into his shoulder. “And your fireplace, too,” he sniffles.
Arthur looks down at their hands, and wonders how much of their shared trembling is strictly from the cold. “That sounds brilliant.”
It’s not much, but Arthur gives Alfred’s hand a gentle squeeze. Alfred can tell Arthur is happy; for once, it shows on his face plain as day, and that is more than enough.
It is a beginning.
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First, I want to apologize for taking so long to update. I suddenly became very unmotivated. I think some of it has to do with the pressure to finish the story in a satisfying way, but also, I happened upon some very good fanfics that were so great they made me doubt my own writing skills (or lack thereof). So I tried walking away and distancing myself from the story, but that didn’t help (duuuuumb idea, anon), and neither did taking a break to write another fill for the meme in an effort to boost my confidence. The only thing that worked was me finally sitting my dumb ass down and forcing myself to write, and here we are. I hope it was at least an okay ending. But it’s about dang time we stopped wanting to hug Arthur and finally get to cheer him on! After putting him through the ringer, it was fun to write something happy. 8D
*Bizet’s opera Carmen
*The Lady of the Camellias by Alexandre Dumas (fils), sometimes shortened to Camille
*The “Miracle at Dunkirk” wasn’t so much the battle itself - Churchill called it “a colossal military disaster” - but the evacuation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunkirk_evacuation). In his Memoirs of the Second World War, Churchill wrote about how the French commander wanted the British soldiers to withdraw first, since it was their own boats coming to get them, but Churchill said nuh-uh, brosef, you bet your ass we’ll march outta here arm in arm like true bros (“bras dessus bras dessous”), so they did. The evacuation was bittersweet for the French soldiers, however, as they were eventually forced to return home to France v2.0 - a German puppet state.
*The North Star has been used by navigators since antiquity because it appears to stand motionless in the sky; all the other stars seem to rotate around it. The terminology of the Morning Star is complicated (at least for me!), but it is often associated with the name Lucifer. Easy to see then why Arthur would equate it with Francis. XD
*“cadaverous mob” - TOTALLY stolen from my favorite Interpol song, “A Time To Be So Small”. I know they’re an American band, and I know this story pretentiously-as-fuck references British literature, but you shoosh. On a personal note, I recently re-discovered this song a few weeks ago and I can’t say why, but it reminds me a bit of Arthur (and Sealand, too).
*The two Richards are Richard II and Richard III, generally regarded as two of England’s worst kings. Though I do have this weird soft spot for Richard II. (look at my life, look at my choices)
*Don’t worry, Shakespeare! You’ll get your endin’! (Once the Duke gets his…end…in…)
-“If I profane with my unworthiest hand” and “good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much” from Romeo and Juliet
-“knocking at the gates” is a reference to Macbeth
-“Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear” from Venus and Adonis
-“Hear my soul speak: The very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly to your service” from The Tempest
*“crying out over the moors” - a reference to Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights
*“My sun sets to rise again” from Robert Browning’s “At the ‘Mermaid’”
*“You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. For you alone I think and plan. Have you not seen this?” from Jane Austen’s Persuasion
*“You mold my hopes, you fashion me within” and “in life’s noisiest hour, there whispers still the ceaseless love of thee” from Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s The Presence of Love
*“I am two fools, I know, for loving, and for saying so in whining poetry” from John Donne’s The Triple Fool
Bye! See you guys soon!
…for the end.
8’(
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh
so glad to see you updated
i really like your use of history and quotes
sometimes it can be overdone, but here it just felt so right
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Thank you! And thank you for taking the time to comment.
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I think Alfred was having trouble not swooning at Arthur's speech.
And London Bridge has indeed been rebuilt again and again...they sold the last one to an American millionaire, who had it transported, stone by stone, and rebuilt like a puzzle in Arizona. Of all places..! Part of me wants to see Arthur visit the thing...
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I'd swoon too if a handsome absolutely invincible British gentleman started quoting poetry at me!
I first heard about it being in Arizona when my grandfather mentioned something about it...I totally didn't believe him at first. You're right -- Arizona, of all places! XD
Thank you for taking the time to comment, it really means a lot.
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England and America literally warmed my heart. It must be insane to feel so happy for the fictional happyness of fictional carachters, but still...:D And England keeps on thinking he his 'not good at this', but he managed one hell of declaration of love! If somebody came to me with such words I could pass out XD I'm talking about the quotes of course, wich were gorgeous, all the rest instead was uber cute <3
Oh, and the interaction between France and England was great too. I really like how you portray them and their relationship, also the Lucifer reference made me laugh :)
Your quotes and notes make me wanna read or reread english classics, and this is a big plus :)
Btw, as the anon before me said, it'd be lovely if you de-anoned, so we could read the whole thing more confortably. Oh and of course, also stalk you ;)
One last thing, to know there's an epilogue makes me happy, I think I'll miss this fic very much, but for now there's still something to wait for ;)
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Aw, no, I get ridiculously happy and giddy when my babies, no matter what fandom, get a happy ending. I know tragic endings are all ~artsy~ and ~meaningful~, and I do enjoy them, but sometimes it's just nice to sit back and bask in fluff and happiness!
And, England. OH ENGLAND. Poor baby, it's all so new to him and he's still a little insecure, so he beats himself up over how he has to quote other people to adequately express himself. He's completely oblivious to how romantic and swoon-worthy he is. XD
I agree about the length and how disjointed it appears. I can't wait to edit this story and post a "clean" version. But I'd also love to be stalked and keep in touch with everyone!
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England and America literally warmed my heart. It must be insane to feel so happy for the fictional happyness of fictional carachters, but still...:D And England keeps on thinking he his 'not good at this', but he managed one hell of declaration of love! If somebody came to me with such words I could pass out XD I'm talking about the quotes of course, wich were gorgeous, all the rest instead was uber cute <3
Oh, and the interaction between France and England was great too. I really like how you portray them and their relationship, also the Lucifer reference made me laugh :)
Your quotes and notes make me wanna read or reread english classics, and this is a big plus :)
Btw, as the anon before me said, it'd be lovely if you de-anoned, so we could read the whole thing more confortably. Oh and of course, also stalk you ;)
One last thing, to know there's an epilogue makes me happy, I think I'll miss this fic very much, but for now there's still something to wait for ;)
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Wow, if it was me who discouraged you I apologize most humbly:
The only reason I said maybe the flashback scene didn't fit as well was because of its length (and in consideration of the one humorous part that stuck out in this fanfic) but I think you tied it in nicely in this last part and it worked out well. Yes, admittedly, the style of the kink meme can also work to make parts seem separate from each other as a united whole. I'm sorry I neglected to check your reply on the last part - my life became rather busy. And yes, I believe honesty is the best way to review but if I came off as harsh that wasn't my intention at all. Honesty can be a gamble like that.
Overall, I think this was a wonderful fill: the cadence of the sentence structure; the interpretation of the characters; the multiple allusions; and the happy ending! I acknowledge that it must have been difficult to write and I'm proud of you for finishing. Your writing really is one of the best on the hetalia kinkmeme so please don't be in doubt!
I'm excited for the epilogue and I am in hope that you one day decide to denon. Also, I'd love to see the other fill you wrote if you are willing to share the link on this story.
Thanks for an amazing story.
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Honestly, most of my lack of motivation came from reading some really good fics. I was being so childish about it, too. Instead of loving those stories, appreciating them for what they are, and being inspired by them, I was getting straight-up jealous. I'm...really embarrassed that I let myself get like that, actually. I was also putting a lot of pressure on myself with this chapter and kinda psyched myself out. Also, on a personal note? I'm thankful to have a job but it's really, really becoming come clear to me now that I need to change careers. So I've had that on my mind lately -- not really having the willpower to get up and go earn a living every day, just wanting to go home and curl up in a ball and watch TV. But...well, that's kinda depressing, so let's talk about something happier! : D
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your compliments. I'm proud to be almost finished, too, but it's going to be so weird when I finally do. This story's been on my mind non-stop since, oh, what? September? Gah! Sometimes at work I would find myself with nothing to do and ended up doing research for this story -- what am I gonna do when it's over? Lol! Though I have other story ideas floating around in my head for our wonderful landmasses and will most likely spend my time researching for them as well. : D I do plan to edit this story, tighten up bits here and there, and post a cleaned-up version. (Oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed by some of the earlier parts...)
Psst -- here's the original request: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/21125.html?thread=84897413#t84897413, and here's the better, typo-free, cleaned-up version of the fill: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7825528/1/From_a_Most_Inauspicious_Beginning. It's vastly different in tone and style, but I used it as an experiment to work through my writer's block.
Thank you again, your correspondence (I like to think of it as friendship in my mind? Please don't be weirded out, I consider everyone I talk to on the Intarwebz as my friend!) has meant the world to me. <3
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Also, I've very sorry to hear about your job. I'm still in university so I haven't had to think about careers quite as seriously... but I'm more than half way through and frankly I'm getting quite sick of entry-level summer jobs. It gets me down thinking that I might not get anything related to my major after I graduate.
Considering our correspondence has lasted so long, I don't think it abnormal at all that you might think of it as friendship. It's as natural as a celebrity appreciating her fans? :P
And in truth, I would be quite sad to end our correspondence. I don't have any online accounts, because as I've said, although I believe I can have a knack for words, I hold myself to such high standards as to discourage anything from being finished. But, if you'd be willing, I could create an ff.net account (which I've been planning to do for a while) and maybe that will encourage me to actually take a chance, make mistakes, but finally write. The pressure of assignment due dates in university certainly seem to work. Maybe the connection with someone online might work too. :) But no pressure, you can definitely ignore me if you think I'm being creepy! I'll wait for a reply before I do anything drastic. :P
Also, thanks for denoning. I'll definitely read your other story. <3 And thanks for being a great inspiration!
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I know exactly what you mean when you talk about being a perfectionist. But we need to remember that we're always our own harshest critics. I think maybe we get so upset and discouraged with ourselves because we see in our mind what we want to happen, but it doesn't always translate into the written word the way we'd imagined it. But, to the reader, the scene/conversation/character/mood/whatever is all completely new. We think they're missing out because we screwed up with the writing; they don't know that they're missing out on anything, so to speak. So in that sense, it might be a little easier to see why they're completely happy with a story you or I, as the writer, would find immeasurable fault with. (...I don't think I'm too good at explaining, haha. I will stop rambling and preaching and just say: It's not always easy, but believe in yourself!)
Oh goodness. This fandom makes me feel so old sometimes. : D The first few years after graduation are especially difficult, but if you can make it through college, I know you can make it through that! (Pah. Adulthood. It's fun to be in it, but it's the getting there that sucks.) But who knows? You might find a job unrelated to your degree and be completely fulfilled by it!
<3
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Know what you mean about friends. There's no way I could show my university friends what I do on my spare time. Hahahaha... :P Besides, I need to get away from fandom and enjoy other aspects of life sometimes. Thankfully I have two wonderful sisters who I can rant to. :P
I'll contact you on ff.net when I can think of a good penname! LOL Pretty soon, maybe tomorrow or the next day! ^_^
And a kinkmeme prompt really got me going so I can already see the start of a fanfic! (I've been thinking about it obsessively for a week now.) Great departure from what I ultimately want to be able to write but it'll be loads of fun and help me experiment, I think, and also help me escape perfectionism. :)
<3
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