The Appliance of Charm (UKUS) [3a/21]
anonymous
February 19 2012, 23:32:34 UTC
- III -
“Here's your tea, sir,” Alfred said as he set Arthur's teacup down on his desk.
Arthur didn't look up from what he was reading. “Did you steep it longer this time?”
“Yes,” Alfred answered, rolling his eyes.
“Don't roll your eyes at me,” Arthur said, still engrossed in his reading.
Alfred frowned at his boss, wondering how the hell he did that without even glancing up. “I wasn't,” Alfred said, because there wasn't any way the man could prove it.
“And don't lie,” Arthur added, finally looking up as he reached for his tea. He took a cautious sip, swallowed and looked straight ahead for a moment, silent. Alfred could tell he was grading the tea preparation on a scale of one to ten. Alfred rarely got anything above an eight and was continually threatened with being fired if he ever let it drop below a six.
“Seven,” Arthur said succinctly, and took another sip.
How, exactly, Arthur had his rating scale set up was a complete mystery to Alfred, but seeing as how the American couldn't tell the difference himself, he was convinced that the rating had nothing to do with the tea itself, and was based solely on how annoyed Arthur was with Alfred at any given moment. It wouldn't surprise Alfred if the man had made up the rating system on a whim just to mess with Alfred's sense of worth, as if that could possibly be based on something as lame as tea, anyway.
Also, Alfred had taken sips from both an eight cup and a six cup and they'd tasted exactly the same. He couldn't offer this as proof of his argument, however, because he was fairly certain Arthur would fire him for drinking from his teacup, which would be entirely counterproductive. The fact that Arthur hadn't figured it out yet, however, gave Alfred hope; perhaps the man hadn't honed his telepathic super powers to their full capacity yet.
“Apologies,” Alfred said. He waited for Arthur to glance up at him before he added, “Sir,” with a hint of a smirk. Arthur's cup paused briefly on it's way to his mouth before continuing smoothly.
Alfred was almost completely sure that Arthur had no idea he'd done it, and that made Alfred want to grin outright. There weren't many ways he could entertain himself in an office where all he did was answer phones, take messages and occasionally attempt to charm people in broken Spanish - though it was sometimes fun to come up with inventive ways to say 'no' to people Arthur didn't want to talk to. But when Alfred had discovered the effect the word 'sir' had on Arthur, his days had become infinitely more enjoyable. The man paused or twitched every time Alfred said it, without fail, and it led to amusing incidents more often than not. The fourth time he'd said it, and the first time he'd added that little quirk of his mouth that he usually used on cute girls, Arthur had actually run into the door frame on his way into his office. Alfred had continued doing it for the past week and he had to admit to the probability that it wouldn't ever get old.
“I've been thinking, sir,” Alfred said.
“Dangerous pastime,” Arthur responded, as if he'd been waiting for Alfred to feed him that line, had been practicing in front of a mirror to make sure it came out smoothly and with just the right intonation and cadence to make it sound like an effortless cut to his intelligence. Alfred took a moment to tip his metaphorical hat, then continued.
“Yeah,” Alfred agreed, because despite Alfred's budding love of annoying the man, now wasn't the time. He had a favor to ask and his brother had told him repeatedly as children that it was unwise to piss someone off before you asked them to do something. Timing was key. “But sometimes I do it anyway.”
Arthur just raised a substantially bushy eyebrow at him. Sometimes Alfred got distracted by them, especially when the man frowned and they came together like a dark furry caterpillar stuck just above his eyes, which were, ironically, just as green as he imagined most caterpillars were. Maybe greener.
The Appliance of Charm (UKUS) [3b/21]
anonymous
February 19 2012, 23:33:50 UTC
“And?” Arthur prompted, and Alfred refocused.
“And I know we have that tea kettle thing,” Alfred continued, flopping his hand about in the air to sort of indicate what he was talking about. “But we don't have a coffee machine.”
“We don't need a coffee machine, Mr. Jones,” Arthur said, taking a sip of his tea, as if to punctuate his statement. “I drink tea, not coffee.”
Alfred hummed and nodded, bringing his hands together in front of him. He'd anticipated this argument. He'd also anticipated a finger pointed at the door and a death glare, perhaps followed by a GTFO! Sometimes, in Alfred's mind, Arthur spoke using chat-room acronyms, and it made him giggle. Not out loud, but-
“But I like coffee,” Alfred said.
“And I tolerate that caramel, chocolate, whip-creamed battery acid you bring in from Barstucks every morning despite the fact that it makes my office smell so strongly of sugar and malnutrition that I must constantly tamp down on my urge to throw up all over the most recent applications from college students so deprived of intelligence and common logic from sucking down gallons of artificially flavored, sugary sludge masquerading as something edible that they actually cannot control their motor functions enough to write coherently, spill that vile substance all over their applications and then still send them in to my office so I can waste half my morning throwing them in the bin.”
There was a pause where Alfred contemplated his response. For a brief moment, he considered conceding defeat, but he'd never been one to back down from anything, not even blind hatred or scathing British wit, and he certainly wasn't about to start now. But he had to go about this delicately, because if he didn't, he might lose his one chance at having a coffee machine before he'd even gotten into the extensive arguments he may or may not have practiced in front of the mirror in order to persuade Arthur that it was a good investment. So he decided to choose his words carefully.
“First of all,” he started. “It's Starbucks. I think it's pretty cute the way you mix up your letters like that. Do you do that on purpose?”
Arthur glared at him and Alfred thought that maybe that hadn't been the best opener. But he couldn't help it, sometimes things bypassed his filter and just came out of his mouth without his permission. He'd been trying to work on that, but his progress had slowed to a stop ever since he'd started working for Arthur, strangely enough. Maybe bushy-browed Englishmen had some weird affect on a charming American's ability to think before he spoke?
“And secondly,” he continued, holding up two fingers. “Have you ever even had coffee?”
“Why would I?” Arthur asked derisively. “Tea is much better.”
Alfred hummed loudly. “But technically you can't say that since you've never tried coffee.”
Arthur scowled at him and took another pointed sip of his tea. He brought the cup away from his mouth slightly, let out a pleased sigh, then brought it to his face again just to smell the steam still coming off the liquid inside. He took another sip and set the cup down gently. Then he went back to work, ignoring Alfred completely.
The American let him get away with it for approximately six seconds. “So is that a yes?”
Arthur's fingers tightened on the pen in his hand and he looked up slowly. “No, Alfred. It is not.”
The look on Arthur's face told Alfred to stop pushing him, that he was dangerously close to the edge and if the American said one more thing, he might just snap. Alfred hadn't seen Arthur snap yet, but he'd heard stories from other employees that he'd spoken with. One had involved a smashed printer and an arm cast, another had ended with a broken window and the loss of exactly forty-three and a half post-it pads. Another had ended with a stain on the carpet of the fourth floor hallway that had enough of a red tinge to freak people out and hadn't ever come out completely. Alfred didn't really want to press his luck, so he made the surprisingly conservative decision to back off.
Re: The Appliance of Charm (UKUS) [3b/21]
anonymous
February 20 2012, 01:27:22 UTC
This? This that you have posted? This is perfection. A perfect AU where everyone is in character and yet different enough to be a real, well-rounded universe.
Arthur's reputation is glorious and his tirade was a thing of wonder. America works great here, his bubbly personality present while knowing how to act in a working environment. I read this and I can see their voices in my head so well that I an do nothing but bow to your talent.
Two things that I loved:
1) The Roger/Archibald/Robot thing: I actually laughed out loud. Literally. Archibald is a name of villainy.
2) Arthur walking into a door when Alfred called him "sir". There's a kink of much appreciated kinkiness in it.
All in all, an amazing start that promises to be a wonderful fic.
Well... one of the OPs, really. Because there were two minds behind the prompt. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HARD I FANGASMED WHEN MY FRIEND TOLD ME OUR PROMPT WAS BEING FILLED. AKSJHDGASKJHD
This, this. EVERYTHING
I CANNOT EVEN. I am sorry but I am beyond coherency. It is a very alien concept to the current state of my brain.
PLEASE CONTINUE!! OP is very much delighted that it is being filled after two years! (I didn't even remember about this until my friend notified me)
Re: The Appliance of Charm (UKUS) [3b/21]
anonymous
February 20 2012, 03:36:52 UTC
I love reading wit, and this has plenty of that. The things Arthur and Alfred say and do are just so incredibly in character. It's that and both their attitudes that make this so good, well and your way with words. I look forward to seeing what's in store. Obviously, Alfred is going to get his coffee maker, and I can't wait to see how; what his argument is. Everything! Especially the small details, like the pens and the stain, and how Alfred described Arthur's eyebrows.
I'm glad you've made Alfred quirky, but still intelligent enough to be believably functional in a working, business, environment. Arthur has just the right amount of innate fury bubbling in him.
All those applications and he chose Alfred to be his PA, I guess he saw something he liked!
The use of 'sir' is a great device, and I love Arthur's reaction to it, and the ways and times in which Alfred employs it to his advantage and entertainment. It is certainly entertaining me, as well.
Since you have a final number listed there, I guess you know exactly where you're going with the plot? I can't wait to read more!
Re: The Appliance of Charm (UKUS) [3b/21]
anonymous
February 20 2012, 07:01:02 UTC
This is wonderfully snarky, clever and witty. I love the world you've set up here, and I really love how you've presented the USUK relationship beginning. Also, Alfred not being a total idiot = <3, yes yes.
I shall definitely be following this. This is a very bright beginning indeed.
Re: The Appliance of Charm (UKUS) [3b/21]
anonymous
February 20 2012, 14:07:45 UTC
This is very cute so far, and I like your Arthur and his attitude. Alfred must be very charming indeed. I really look forward to seeing more!
A little note of critique? Your writing is good enough that you don't need the epithets (the American, the Spaniard, the English Gentleman, etc.). Once we know what nationality they are you never need mention it again (unless it's dialogue). I offer this because mostly your writing is clever and a pleasure to read.
Re: The Appliance of Charm (UKUS) [3b/21]
anonymous
February 21 2012, 17:04:25 UTC
As always, I'm forever alone with my opinions - and indeed, I hate to disagree, but to me the characters are horribly out of character. They all feel so... washed out to fit in the trying-to-be-sarcastic dialogue that it ends up being quite painful to read.
Re: The Appliance of Charm (UKUS) [3b/21]
anonymous
February 21 2012, 18:30:23 UTC
RAEG!
lol no, really I just was gonna say: of course you're allowed to have your own opinion.
I may disagree with you, but y'know. Mature adults and all that.
imo they aren't ooc so much as toned-down for a real world AU, aka not larger-than-life embodiments of stereotypes. And when I read a real-world AU, that's just what I like.
Re: The Appliance of Charm (UKUS) [3b/21]
anonymous
February 21 2012, 20:55:58 UTC
imo they aren't ooc so much as toned-down for a real world AU, aka not larger-than-life embodiments of stereotypes. And when I read a real-world AU, that's just what I like.
This! The characters, as they are in canon, are not functional in the real world because they are not human. The level of violence England shows, for example, would get his pale ass in jail in a second. America would make someone punch them in a second.
Like you, when I read Human AUs, I want to see the characters' unique traits but in a human context. And I think this fic does that in an awesome way.
But as you said, mature adults and everyone has an opinion :)
“Here's your tea, sir,” Alfred said as he set Arthur's teacup down on his desk.
Arthur didn't look up from what he was reading. “Did you steep it longer this time?”
“Yes,” Alfred answered, rolling his eyes.
“Don't roll your eyes at me,” Arthur said, still engrossed in his reading.
Alfred frowned at his boss, wondering how the hell he did that without even glancing up. “I wasn't,” Alfred said, because there wasn't any way the man could prove it.
“And don't lie,” Arthur added, finally looking up as he reached for his tea. He took a cautious sip, swallowed and looked straight ahead for a moment, silent. Alfred could tell he was grading the tea preparation on a scale of one to ten. Alfred rarely got anything above an eight and was continually threatened with being fired if he ever let it drop below a six.
“Seven,” Arthur said succinctly, and took another sip.
How, exactly, Arthur had his rating scale set up was a complete mystery to Alfred, but seeing as how the American couldn't tell the difference himself, he was convinced that the rating had nothing to do with the tea itself, and was based solely on how annoyed Arthur was with Alfred at any given moment. It wouldn't surprise Alfred if the man had made up the rating system on a whim just to mess with Alfred's sense of worth, as if that could possibly be based on something as lame as tea, anyway.
Also, Alfred had taken sips from both an eight cup and a six cup and they'd tasted exactly the same. He couldn't offer this as proof of his argument, however, because he was fairly certain Arthur would fire him for drinking from his teacup, which would be entirely counterproductive. The fact that Arthur hadn't figured it out yet, however, gave Alfred hope; perhaps the man hadn't honed his telepathic super powers to their full capacity yet.
“Apologies,” Alfred said. He waited for Arthur to glance up at him before he added, “Sir,” with a hint of a smirk. Arthur's cup paused briefly on it's way to his mouth before continuing smoothly.
Alfred was almost completely sure that Arthur had no idea he'd done it, and that made Alfred want to grin outright. There weren't many ways he could entertain himself in an office where all he did was answer phones, take messages and occasionally attempt to charm people in broken Spanish - though it was sometimes fun to come up with inventive ways to say 'no' to people Arthur didn't want to talk to. But when Alfred had discovered the effect the word 'sir' had on Arthur, his days had become infinitely more enjoyable. The man paused or twitched every time Alfred said it, without fail, and it led to amusing incidents more often than not. The fourth time he'd said it, and the first time he'd added that little quirk of his mouth that he usually used on cute girls, Arthur had actually run into the door frame on his way into his office. Alfred had continued doing it for the past week and he had to admit to the probability that it wouldn't ever get old.
“I've been thinking, sir,” Alfred said.
“Dangerous pastime,” Arthur responded, as if he'd been waiting for Alfred to feed him that line, had been practicing in front of a mirror to make sure it came out smoothly and with just the right intonation and cadence to make it sound like an effortless cut to his intelligence. Alfred took a moment to tip his metaphorical hat, then continued.
“Yeah,” Alfred agreed, because despite Alfred's budding love of annoying the man, now wasn't the time. He had a favor to ask and his brother had told him repeatedly as children that it was unwise to piss someone off before you asked them to do something. Timing was key. “But sometimes I do it anyway.”
Arthur just raised a substantially bushy eyebrow at him. Sometimes Alfred got distracted by them, especially when the man frowned and they came together like a dark furry caterpillar stuck just above his eyes, which were, ironically, just as green as he imagined most caterpillars were. Maybe greener.
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“And I know we have that tea kettle thing,” Alfred continued, flopping his hand about in the air to sort of indicate what he was talking about. “But we don't have a coffee machine.”
“We don't need a coffee machine, Mr. Jones,” Arthur said, taking a sip of his tea, as if to punctuate his statement. “I drink tea, not coffee.”
Alfred hummed and nodded, bringing his hands together in front of him. He'd anticipated this argument. He'd also anticipated a finger pointed at the door and a death glare, perhaps followed by a GTFO! Sometimes, in Alfred's mind, Arthur spoke using chat-room acronyms, and it made him giggle. Not out loud, but-
“But I like coffee,” Alfred said.
“And I tolerate that caramel, chocolate, whip-creamed battery acid you bring in from Barstucks every morning despite the fact that it makes my office smell so strongly of sugar and malnutrition that I must constantly tamp down on my urge to throw up all over the most recent applications from college students so deprived of intelligence and common logic from sucking down gallons of artificially flavored, sugary sludge masquerading as something edible that they actually cannot control their motor functions enough to write coherently, spill that vile substance all over their applications and then still send them in to my office so I can waste half my morning throwing them in the bin.”
There was a pause where Alfred contemplated his response. For a brief moment, he considered conceding defeat, but he'd never been one to back down from anything, not even blind hatred or scathing British wit, and he certainly wasn't about to start now. But he had to go about this delicately, because if he didn't, he might lose his one chance at having a coffee machine before he'd even gotten into the extensive arguments he may or may not have practiced in front of the mirror in order to persuade Arthur that it was a good investment. So he decided to choose his words carefully.
“First of all,” he started. “It's Starbucks. I think it's pretty cute the way you mix up your letters like that. Do you do that on purpose?”
Arthur glared at him and Alfred thought that maybe that hadn't been the best opener. But he couldn't help it, sometimes things bypassed his filter and just came out of his mouth without his permission. He'd been trying to work on that, but his progress had slowed to a stop ever since he'd started working for Arthur, strangely enough. Maybe bushy-browed Englishmen had some weird affect on a charming American's ability to think before he spoke?
“And secondly,” he continued, holding up two fingers. “Have you ever even had coffee?”
“Why would I?” Arthur asked derisively. “Tea is much better.”
Alfred hummed loudly. “But technically you can't say that since you've never tried coffee.”
Arthur scowled at him and took another pointed sip of his tea. He brought the cup away from his mouth slightly, let out a pleased sigh, then brought it to his face again just to smell the steam still coming off the liquid inside. He took another sip and set the cup down gently. Then he went back to work, ignoring Alfred completely.
The American let him get away with it for approximately six seconds. “So is that a yes?”
Arthur's fingers tightened on the pen in his hand and he looked up slowly. “No, Alfred. It is not.”
The look on Arthur's face told Alfred to stop pushing him, that he was dangerously close to the edge and if the American said one more thing, he might just snap. Alfred hadn't seen Arthur snap yet, but he'd heard stories from other employees that he'd spoken with. One had involved a smashed printer and an arm cast, another had ended with a broken window and the loss of exactly forty-three and a half post-it pads. Another had ended with a stain on the carpet of the fourth floor hallway that had enough of a red tinge to freak people out and hadn't ever come out completely. Alfred didn't really want to press his luck, so he made the surprisingly conservative decision to back off.
For now, anyway.
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Arthur's reputation is glorious and his tirade was a thing of wonder. America works great here, his bubbly personality present while knowing how to act in a working environment. I read this and I can see their voices in my head so well that I an do nothing but bow to your talent.
Two things that I loved:
1) The Roger/Archibald/Robot thing: I actually laughed out loud. Literally. Archibald is a name of villainy.
2) Arthur walking into a door when Alfred called him "sir". There's a kink of much appreciated kinkiness in it.
All in all, an amazing start that promises to be a wonderful fic.
Reply
Reply
This, this. EVERYTHING
I CANNOT EVEN. I am sorry but I am beyond coherency. It is a very alien concept to the current state of my brain.
PLEASE CONTINUE!! OP is very much delighted that it is being filled after two years! (I didn't even remember about this until my friend notified me)
Reply
I'm glad you've made Alfred quirky, but still intelligent enough to be believably functional in a working, business, environment. Arthur has just the right amount of innate fury bubbling in him.
All those applications and he chose Alfred to be his PA, I guess he saw something he liked!
The use of 'sir' is a great device, and I love Arthur's reaction to it, and the ways and times in which Alfred employs it to his advantage and entertainment. It is certainly entertaining me, as well.
Since you have a final number listed there, I guess you know exactly where you're going with the plot? I can't wait to read more!
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I shall definitely be following this. This is a very bright beginning indeed.
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Arthur is snarky. Alfred is actually intelligent.
PLUS IT'S UK/US. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THAT MAKES ME.
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A little note of critique? Your writing is good enough that you don't need the epithets (the American, the Spaniard, the English Gentleman, etc.). Once we know what nationality they are you never need mention it again (unless it's dialogue). I offer this because mostly your writing is clever and a pleasure to read.
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My opinion. I hope I don't get RAEG'd over it.
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lol no, really I just was gonna say: of course you're allowed to have your own opinion.
I may disagree with you, but y'know. Mature adults and all that.
imo they aren't ooc so much as toned-down for a real world AU, aka not larger-than-life embodiments of stereotypes. And when I read a real-world AU, that's just what I like.
But I can see why someone else might not like it.
*gives alone!anon a cookie*
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This! The characters, as they are in canon, are not functional in the real world because they are not human. The level of violence England shows, for example, would get his pale ass in jail in a second. America would make someone punch them in a second.
Like you, when I read Human AUs, I want to see the characters' unique traits but in a human context. And I think this fic does that in an awesome way.
But as you said, mature adults and everyone has an opinion :)
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