Talking Through Walls (3/?)
anonymous
January 29 2012, 10:12:44 UTC
He shudders, violently, feeling sick. Greece. Japan almost never uses only his name, using san or kun or chan or other short syllables Greece doesn't really understand. Only when he was very sleepy did he call Greece by his name alone, and then Greece had to look up what it meant anyway. It was meant to be familiarity, endearment - and he smiled, at what that must mean for Japan. Now, he feels like he's been stabbed. It just feels like a violation, an insult - and somehow doubts intimacy and familiarity are what Japan means right now.
“Of course.” His pants are undone, Greece realises, and Japan strokes there gently too. Greece attempts to relax, to just lean to the touches like he's done so many times before. He's obviously not going to enjoy them, so he should just ignore the ropes, the gag, the words. It's okay for him not to have every kink, and it's okay for him to indulge Japan's regardless. He can do that; when their is something he is unhappy with, he can just remove it in his own mind. It's not pretending; such things just go away for him, and he is grateful. Not now though. The cuffs bite and the ropes claw and the gag chokes him.
He panics.
Head spinning, heart pounding, and he's in pain. He remembers - he's been in pain before, more than a few times. But he remembers it all so vaguely, by rote; it's no real help. He thinks he might be sick - in this position he might choke like that, since he's lying on his back and his mouth is secured to stop anything escaping. Japan would notice and let him go in that case, wouldn't he? He would.
Greece thinks he should stop now. The longer this is going on, the more it's getting at... whatever the actual reason he's panicking like this is.
But there is something happening, something outside his current trainwreck of a mental state. Japan needs this. He is frightened; he is frightened of himself and it is up to Greece to teach him not to be. That's how it's always been: Japan loves him, but is so full of complexes and neuroses it takes forever to let him relax, let him enjoy life. Greece is the simple one, carefree and laidback; he shows Japan how he lives, and Japan uses him as an example, learning how to finally take off those shackles. Japan is restrained; he's spent centuries in chains, metaphorically. Greece should be able to handle an hour in them literally.
“Relax. You are bound, gagged and blindfolded; escape would be almost impossible.” Japan still strokes him, gently; Greece's body is sweaty and he feels a chill. Cloth still sticks to him, and he cringes. He just doesn't have sex wearing clothes. That's a giveaway - a sign of rushed, frantic fucking; forcing yourself towards climax solely for relief, without stopping to think of what would be good. That's not what Greece does. He has sex for pleasure, slowly, changing and moving as he goes. He can't - he can't let the need be all of it. He has to be making choices.
Why on Earth did he ever think he could do this?
He's sliding over all levels of denial and forgetting to keep track of them; first he says it's fine, then he doesn't know why it isn't fine, then it could never have been fine to begin with. When he stops to think, he has no idea what's going on. What was he saying again?
“Don't squirm like that.” Japan grabs his forearms, and Greece realises - despite the ropes and the cuffs, his arms still flail wildly. His hands are outstretched. Was he just reaching for the chain? He knows he can't pull it. To do so would be - betrayal, yes; abandoning Japan in his moment of need. He's been told he's selfish, but he doesn't believe it. “It is uncouth. Perhaps others were more lenient with you, but...”
Greece suddenly wonders why Japan wants this to begin with. He can't understand it, not at all, and it's wrong because he was trying to teach Japan someone would understand. He is at the same time, the only person who can and the one person who cannot do this for Japan.
Perhaps he is scared of the unknown. Most people are, after all.
Re: Talking Through Walls (3/?)
anonymous
January 29 2012, 22:07:46 UTC
Oh, Greece. I perfectly understand why he's thinking and acting the way he is and that just makes this entire scenario even more heartbreaking; either he admits that he's not fine with this and gets Japan even more ashamed of himself, or he keeps quiet and continues to suffer through all this.
I have to say that you're doing a wonderful job with this prompt so far, uncomfortable as it might be.
“Of course.” His pants are undone, Greece realises, and Japan strokes there gently too. Greece attempts to relax, to just lean to the touches like he's done so many times before. He's obviously not going to enjoy them, so he should just ignore the ropes, the gag, the words. It's okay for him not to have every kink, and it's okay for him to indulge Japan's regardless. He can do that; when their is something he is unhappy with, he can just remove it in his own mind. It's not pretending; such things just go away for him, and he is grateful. Not now though. The cuffs bite and the ropes claw and the gag chokes him.
He panics.
Head spinning, heart pounding, and he's in pain. He remembers - he's been in pain before, more than a few times. But he remembers it all so vaguely, by rote; it's no real help. He thinks he might be sick - in this position he might choke like that, since he's lying on his back and his mouth is secured to stop anything escaping. Japan would notice and let him go in that case, wouldn't he? He would.
Greece thinks he should stop now. The longer this is going on, the more it's getting at... whatever the actual reason he's panicking like this is.
But there is something happening, something outside his current trainwreck of a mental state. Japan needs this. He is frightened; he is frightened of himself and it is up to Greece to teach him not to be. That's how it's always been: Japan loves him, but is so full of complexes and neuroses it takes forever to let him relax, let him enjoy life. Greece is the simple one, carefree and laidback; he shows Japan how he lives, and Japan uses him as an example, learning how to finally take off those shackles. Japan is restrained; he's spent centuries in chains, metaphorically. Greece should be able to handle an hour in them literally.
“Relax. You are bound, gagged and blindfolded; escape would be almost impossible.” Japan still strokes him, gently; Greece's body is sweaty and he feels a chill. Cloth still sticks to him, and he cringes. He just doesn't have sex wearing clothes. That's a giveaway - a sign of rushed, frantic fucking; forcing yourself towards climax solely for relief, without stopping to think of what would be good. That's not what Greece does. He has sex for pleasure, slowly, changing and moving as he goes. He can't - he can't let the need be all of it. He has to be making choices.
Why on Earth did he ever think he could do this?
He's sliding over all levels of denial and forgetting to keep track of them; first he says it's fine, then he doesn't know why it isn't fine, then it could never have been fine to begin with. When he stops to think, he has no idea what's going on. What was he saying again?
“Don't squirm like that.” Japan grabs his forearms, and Greece realises - despite the ropes and the cuffs, his arms still flail wildly. His hands are outstretched. Was he just reaching for the chain? He knows he can't pull it. To do so would be - betrayal, yes; abandoning Japan in his moment of need. He's been told he's selfish, but he doesn't believe it. “It is uncouth. Perhaps others were more lenient with you, but...”
Greece suddenly wonders why Japan wants this to begin with. He can't understand it, not at all, and it's wrong because he was trying to teach Japan someone would understand. He is at the same time, the only person who can and the one person who cannot do this for Japan.
Perhaps he is scared of the unknown. Most people are, after all.
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I have to say that you're doing a wonderful job with this prompt so far, uncomfortable as it might be.
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