Re: Part IX (the second half ), notes
anonymous
January 4 2012, 04:36:42 UTC
Critique!Anon (or was I Long!Comment!Anon) back!
My, what a long read! But was it ever a present!
As others have undoubtably said, this was a very heart-wrenching installment. I love reading about England's history and the fact that you are delving deep into both the motivations and feelings of Francis and Arthur, trying to explain how they could engage in such cruel acts of war despite understanding its ugliness (OMG France and that bit about "When in Rome"; and Joan of Arc!!!).
I do, however, agree with your notes (a little more severely) that this has departed greatly from the initial USXUK prompt. Actually I feel you're getting lost at sea a bit expressing the various ideas you have in your head including fleshing out Francis and Arthur's relationship. For sure, this installment continued the themes of the past and how England could not believe in love, with his insecurities in his youth and his feelings of betrayal from Francis. I admit you lead into it from the previous chapter with the "England was blind" part. But, this installment could have been a fanfic of its own right and didn't bring anything new to the table that was necessary in regards to the initial direction of the fanfic.
Basically, I can tell you had some things planned and then other things took off on their own, especially with the 8th chapter and again with this chapter. I do not mean to say they are not brilliant. I enjoyed this chapter as I did all the other installments. Rather, though, for future works I think it best you keep your focus more with the one major theme (like how the first chapter had the specific mission of introducing England's affliction with regards to being loved, and how the short historical snippets demonstrated Arthur's disbelief in the affections of others, succinctly but satisfyingly - and therefore more directly and powerfully than a long background into England's history that introduced several other factors to pale the original message down).
But, I'm not disheartened. It's a great pleasure to read anything you've written. I hope that your wayward writing will only serve to demonstrate your interest in exploring multiple topics in the hetalia fanfiction and we'll see more of you in the kink meme or some other medium. :)
See you next chapter! Looking forward to how Alfred might be able to counter Arthur's massive history that so makes him romantically disinclined.
Author anon here
anonymous
January 10 2012, 03:05:08 UTC
Hello longcomment!anon, thank you for taking time out of your busy day to review this again. And, oh gosh, what a long review! I never thought I'd get more than maybe a handful when I started writing this story, let alone a long one. : ) Thank you again for your compliments.
This story was always and will continue to be USUK. I've had this story planned out pretty much from the beginning, so it sucks to hear someone say they felt the direction and main focus was lost along the way. 8( But I am very thankful for the honesty. I've wondered, though, if maybe the posting format is partly to blame? I've read fics where sometimes things felt disjointed due to a long break between chapters, but when I went back and read large parts of it in longer sittings, ideas and scenes seemed to flow and bounce off each other much more smoothly.
That could be part of it, but I won't deny some author failure on my part as well. >.<
I've focused so much on Arthur in this story because I felt the prompt called for it. There are so many stories where Arthur frets over something trivial, and then Alfred comes and saves the day with his Amazing Penis of Healing, and then I feel cheated out of a meaty story with real potential. What's really going on in that head of his -- this country who used to own a fourth of the world, who laughs at and mocks others, but also feels lonely and looked at his reflection in a pool of water as a child and asked, "I'm fine just the way I am, right?" He's my favorite character and I really felt called to explore him. Thankfully, my OP seems to be okay with this. (I really hope I haven't offended them in some way, and that they're okay out there...)
But just because I'm placing the main focus on Arthur doesn't mean his relationship(s) with Alfred aren't vital to the story as well. Alfred's been an important thread throughout the story. He's been featured in most of the chapters and has had a great effect on Arthur's life. Even in the chapters where he wasn't present (chapter 8, for example) he and Arthur's relationship to him was still part of the main focus. We only had the flashback about child!Arthur because Francis thought this story would help Alfred better understand Arthur and how to better approach him -- something that will be explored later on in the next chapter.
And, for the drama, I felt this bit of Arthur (and Francis') past was a good fit for right here because it's really the moment where my Arthur decided, "Fuck it, when the world turns it back on you, you turn your back on the world." He's had those feelings festering for a while, but this moment was when he kinda snapped and decided to really act out on them, and become the "delinquent" we all know and love (and want to give a good shaking to!). This, added with his almost innate insecurity, is why we have the conflict of the story of the present day: He's done horrible things and doesn't see how anyone can see past them, but he can't deny these feels he's starting to have for Alfred, and, poor baby, it just wrecks his mind trying to wrap itself around the idea. I apologize for the length, but at the same time, I felt it was justified in that it's really a watershed moment in my Arthur's life.
I know I'm rambling, dear anon, please forgive me! I guess part of what I'm trying to say is that I hope it doesn't come off as though I'm forgetting about the USUK aspect of the story or brushing it to the side just because sometimes I focus on one of the characters more than the other. But in all the chapters, I've tried to write the USUK as brimming the surface, all leading up to the final chapter and the epilogue. But whether or not I succeed is, as always, completely up to you guys. : )
I hope I've been cordial in my response and haven't only responded out of a bruised ego, lmao. I hope this reads more as an "explanation" than a "defense," so to speak. I'm really glad you're here to tell me these things, anon! Also, I had a weird Monday at work and I'm functioning on very little sleep, so I hope I haven't...needlessly reiterated anything you said, or randomly brought stuff up that didn't make a lick of sense, or talked down to you in any way.
My, what a long read! But was it ever a present!
As others have undoubtably said, this was a very heart-wrenching installment. I love reading about England's history and the fact that you are delving deep into both the motivations and feelings of Francis and Arthur, trying to explain how they could engage in such cruel acts of war despite understanding its ugliness (OMG France and that bit about "When in Rome"; and Joan of Arc!!!).
I do, however, agree with your notes (a little more severely) that this has departed greatly from the initial USXUK prompt. Actually I feel you're getting lost at sea a bit expressing the various ideas you have in your head including fleshing out Francis and Arthur's relationship. For sure, this installment continued the themes of the past and how England could not believe in love, with his insecurities in his youth and his feelings of betrayal from Francis. I admit you lead into it from the previous chapter with the "England was blind" part. But, this installment could have been a fanfic of its own right and didn't bring anything new to the table that was necessary in regards to the initial direction of the fanfic.
Basically, I can tell you had some things planned and then other things took off on their own, especially with the 8th chapter and again with this chapter. I do not mean to say they are not brilliant. I enjoyed this chapter as I did all the other installments. Rather, though, for future works I think it best you keep your focus more with the one major theme (like how the first chapter had the specific mission of introducing England's affliction with regards to being loved, and how the short historical snippets demonstrated Arthur's disbelief in the affections of others, succinctly but satisfyingly - and therefore more directly and powerfully than a long background into England's history that introduced several other factors to pale the original message down).
But, I'm not disheartened. It's a great pleasure to read anything you've written. I hope that your wayward writing will only serve to demonstrate your interest in exploring multiple topics in the hetalia fanfiction and we'll see more of you in the kink meme or some other medium. :)
See you next chapter! Looking forward to how Alfred might be able to counter Arthur's massive history that so makes him romantically disinclined.
Reply
This story was always and will continue to be USUK. I've had this story planned out pretty much from the beginning, so it sucks to hear someone say they felt the direction and main focus was lost along the way. 8( But I am very thankful for the honesty. I've wondered, though, if maybe the posting format is partly to blame? I've read fics where sometimes things felt disjointed due to a long break between chapters, but when I went back and read large parts of it in longer sittings, ideas and scenes seemed to flow and bounce off each other much more smoothly.
That could be part of it, but I won't deny some author failure on my part as well. >.<
I've focused so much on Arthur in this story because I felt the prompt called for it. There are so many stories where Arthur frets over something trivial, and then Alfred comes and saves the day with his Amazing Penis of Healing, and then I feel cheated out of a meaty story with real potential. What's really going on in that head of his -- this country who used to own a fourth of the world, who laughs at and mocks others, but also feels lonely and looked at his reflection in a pool of water as a child and asked, "I'm fine just the way I am, right?" He's my favorite character and I really felt called to explore him. Thankfully, my OP seems to be okay with this. (I really hope I haven't offended them in some way, and that they're okay out there...)
But just because I'm placing the main focus on Arthur doesn't mean his relationship(s) with Alfred aren't vital to the story as well. Alfred's been an important thread throughout the story. He's been featured in most of the chapters and has had a great effect on Arthur's life. Even in the chapters where he wasn't present (chapter 8, for example) he and Arthur's relationship to him was still part of the main focus. We only had the flashback about child!Arthur because Francis thought this story would help Alfred better understand Arthur and how to better approach him -- something that will be explored later on in the next chapter.
And, for the drama, I felt this bit of Arthur (and Francis') past was a good fit for right here because it's really the moment where my Arthur decided, "Fuck it, when the world turns it back on you, you turn your back on the world." He's had those feelings festering for a while, but this moment was when he kinda snapped and decided to really act out on them, and become the "delinquent" we all know and love (and want to give a good shaking to!). This, added with his almost innate insecurity, is why we have the conflict of the story of the present day: He's done horrible things and doesn't see how anyone can see past them, but he can't deny these feels he's starting to have for Alfred, and, poor baby, it just wrecks his mind trying to wrap itself around the idea. I apologize for the length, but at the same time, I felt it was justified in that it's really a watershed moment in my Arthur's life.
I know I'm rambling, dear anon, please forgive me! I guess part of what I'm trying to say is that I hope it doesn't come off as though I'm forgetting about the USUK aspect of the story or brushing it to the side just because sometimes I focus on one of the characters more than the other. But in all the chapters, I've tried to write the USUK as brimming the surface, all leading up to the final chapter and the epilogue. But whether or not I succeed is, as always, completely up to you guys. : )
I hope I've been cordial in my response and haven't only responded out of a bruised ego, lmao. I hope this reads more as an "explanation" than a "defense," so to speak. I'm really glad you're here to tell me these things, anon! Also, I had a weird Monday at work and I'm functioning on very little sleep, so I hope I haven't...needlessly reiterated anything you said, or randomly brought stuff up that didn't make a lick of sense, or talked down to you in any way.
Reply
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