Re: Part VII, cont. and notes
anonymous
December 1 2011, 13:37:35 UTC
I want to start by saying that I love this fanfic and this part was great. It was just like reading the hetalia webcomic. Goes to show you're multitalented and can write many different genres (including comedy) with success.
My only problem is I feel this installment did not complement what has gone on so far in the fanfic - in the sense that in the previous parts I felt you really went beyond Hetalia's simple interpretation of the characters and gave them the depth one expects from having such a rough history. You included many literary references in the previous chapters, and set up a lot of scenes with wonderful imagery. Consider the time when England was outside and the nightinggale was singing and then stops after Alfred's confession and the writing itself along with the events evoke so many emotions.
And then contrast it to Alfred and Arthur stereotypically meeting in a janitorial closet. And the meeting a little too reminiscent of the world meeting in modern day. I think the aftermath of WW2 would not have people acting this comical, despite wanting to forget about war. I think they would care a little less about how England's food would taste bad. I'm not sure how many stereotypes these other countries they would know back in the 1940's as opposed to the modern day. After being so sensitive with history and really integrating it in the fanfic with previous chapters, after the level of depth in emotions, with Arthur wondering how Ludwig feels, and Alfred's heartbreak, and France's anger after WW1, I was confused as to why this part divorced completely away from what you had done with the story so far.
Don't get me wrong. I still love this fanfic. This comical take on a United Nations meeting was brilliant. It just doesn't flow with the rest of the story, in my opinion. Even your writing of the previous chapters echoed segments throughout the story by copying the format of the beginning paragraph, and repeating certain phrases for it to flow wonderfully. Now, it feels like a different (brilliant) writer picked it up and only continued the concept of Arthur feeling like it's impossible to be loved.
If you take the comic root with the rest of the story, I will keep reading it. You're too good an author for me to not pay attention to. I hope you do keep writing for the fandom too - there's not too many good fanfics out there, anymore. But I hope you don't sacrifice the level of depth and seriousness you introduced in the first chapters for comedy. I don't think they necessarily can't work together - but maybe balancing the seriousness/comedy/history/literary references a bit better could work.
Author anon here
anonymous
December 2 2011, 01:30:52 UTC
Oh goodness, thank you for taking the time to leave such a long comment. I had several reservations about this chapter, most of which you hit right on the head. Thank you for your compliments and thank you for being so kind in your concrit. : )
I also felt it was a serious shift in tone from previous chapters, which I was initially uncomfortable with. I want to try and fulfill the OP's bonuses, but at the same time I also realize it needs to flow with the previous chapters. (I don't think bonuses should be fulfilled just for the sake of fulfilling bonuses.) This was why I decided to have the world meeting bookended by more serious moments -- to give the reader a breather in between all the drama (while still using the comedy as a means to further develop Arthur and Alfred's relationship) but hopefully leave them with a sense that the story is still about Arthur's insecurities and his (budding) romance with Alfred.
I struggled with the other countries at the meeting (none of whom I have ever written before, and after writing so much of Arthur, and to a certain extent Alfred, I went through a kind of mental roadblock. This roadblock intimidated me like crazy and is part of the reason why this chapter took so long for me to write!). Do I keep them cracky like they are in the show/manga? Or should I write them all with a serious temperament? In the end I tried to do a little of both, but whether I succeeded or not is entirely up to the readers! The nations are all changed by the war, of course, but they're still themselves, they're still going to make fun of each other and show out during a meeting. I was going for a kind of "hidden depths" vibe in this chapter, which is why I picked Denmark and Poland to be the nations to counter Arthur when he scolded them for not taking the meeting seriously, and America to give a shot of hope at the end when they're all feeling less than optimistic about the UN's future.
And, I also have trouble when I shift the focus of the story off of Arthur and onto other characters. I feel like I'm at my best when I write only him. The way I've written Arthur, he's serious-minded and has several internal struggles; for the most of the story the focus has been on him, so changing the focus to other characters (or even including other characters) seems a little jarring while I'm writing, but I have to remind myself that not everyone has been through what he's been through and they have different temperaments as a result. I've been trying hard to make it as seamless as possible, though, but I still struggle.
There are several instances where I look back at what I've written and think, "I shouldn't have done that! I should have done this instead!" but I would never give you guys a chapter that I wasn't (mostly) satisfied with. I'm my own worst critic and looked over this chapter several times before posting it. In the end, I decided it did what it needed to do, which was: introduce Francis as a major player, have Arthur see past Alfred's irreverent exterior and realize that Alfred's feelings for him are quite possibly genuine, and set up the upcoming conversation (and flashback! Oh how I love a flashback...) between Arthur and Francis. And because I felt it did what it needed to do, I felt more confident about it and decided it was time to stop hemming and hawing and just post the darn thing already. : )
The way the rest of the story is planned out, there won't be any more comedy. The next chapters will be more serious in tone and will definitely be a return to my usual style, with more history and more literary references. I hope to see you there, anon! And thank you again! <3
Re: Author anon here
anonymous
December 2 2011, 12:55:58 UTC
I'm glad to hear that. I was afraid you were catering more to the readers than what you had started out with. And yes, I admit that you only wrote Arthur up until this chapter and the shift in narrative would definitely make this part seem a bit different. I also acknowledge how hard it is to balance seriousness with hetalia's comedy (I've been planning to write something for a while and realized I will struggle with the same thing you did this chapter in the fanfic because I want it to be likeable and fun at parts but also cover very serious episodes in history).
So, I think rather than being disappointed I was more confused when I read this part because it was so different. I'm glad we're shifting back to Arthur's perspective and more serious topics just because it'll bridge what happened so far... but I definitely would love it if you took a stab at humour/crack in another fanfic. Well, I'd probably stalk anything you read. /Planning to de-anon, after? *teary, hopeful eyes*
Author anon again
anonymous
December 2 2011, 22:33:50 UTC
Good luck on your story! I'm sure it will be great. : )
And, aw, thank you! I am planning to de-anon after...I would love to stay in touch with everyone when this story is finished! I was a little intimidated at first about participating in a new fandom (especially one that's as large and established as Hetalia's) but everyone's been so nice and encouraging. : ) I feel like a kid at school: "Please sign my yearbook! Please don't forget about me over summer break!" Haha <3
Re: Author anon again
anonymous
December 3 2011, 00:24:22 UTC
Were I to finally write this fanfic (I've been planning it for 2 months now but alas, university gets in the way), it would be my first time participating in the immense fandom as well!
I would very much love to keep in touch, if it's possible. :)
My only problem is I feel this installment did not complement what has gone on so far in the fanfic - in the sense that in the previous parts I felt you really went beyond Hetalia's simple interpretation of the characters and gave them the depth one expects from having such a rough history. You included many literary references in the previous chapters, and set up a lot of scenes with wonderful imagery. Consider the time when England was outside and the nightinggale was singing and then stops after Alfred's confession and the writing itself along with the events evoke so many emotions.
And then contrast it to Alfred and Arthur stereotypically meeting in a janitorial closet. And the meeting a little too reminiscent of the world meeting in modern day. I think the aftermath of WW2 would not have people acting this comical, despite wanting to forget about war. I think they would care a little less about how England's food would taste bad. I'm not sure how many stereotypes these other countries they would know back in the 1940's as opposed to the modern day. After being so sensitive with history and really integrating it in the fanfic with previous chapters, after the level of depth in emotions, with Arthur wondering how Ludwig feels, and Alfred's heartbreak, and France's anger after WW1, I was confused as to why this part divorced completely away from what you had done with the story so far.
Don't get me wrong. I still love this fanfic. This comical take on a United Nations meeting was brilliant. It just doesn't flow with the rest of the story, in my opinion. Even your writing of the previous chapters echoed segments throughout the story by copying the format of the beginning paragraph, and repeating certain phrases for it to flow wonderfully. Now, it feels like a different (brilliant) writer picked it up and only continued the concept of Arthur feeling like it's impossible to be loved.
If you take the comic root with the rest of the story, I will keep reading it. You're too good an author for me to not pay attention to. I hope you do keep writing for the fandom too - there's not too many good fanfics out there, anymore. But I hope you don't sacrifice the level of depth and seriousness you introduced in the first chapters for comedy. I don't think they necessarily can't work together - but maybe balancing the seriousness/comedy/history/literary references a bit better could work.
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I also felt it was a serious shift in tone from previous chapters, which I was initially uncomfortable with. I want to try and fulfill the OP's bonuses, but at the same time I also realize it needs to flow with the previous chapters. (I don't think bonuses should be fulfilled just for the sake of fulfilling bonuses.) This was why I decided to have the world meeting bookended by more serious moments -- to give the reader a breather in between all the drama (while still using the comedy as a means to further develop Arthur and Alfred's relationship) but hopefully leave them with a sense that the story is still about Arthur's insecurities and his (budding) romance with Alfred.
I struggled with the other countries at the meeting (none of whom I have ever written before, and after writing so much of Arthur, and to a certain extent Alfred, I went through a kind of mental roadblock. This roadblock intimidated me like crazy and is part of the reason why this chapter took so long for me to write!). Do I keep them cracky like they are in the show/manga? Or should I write them all with a serious temperament? In the end I tried to do a little of both, but whether I succeeded or not is entirely up to the readers! The nations are all changed by the war, of course, but they're still themselves, they're still going to make fun of each other and show out during a meeting. I was going for a kind of "hidden depths" vibe in this chapter, which is why I picked Denmark and Poland to be the nations to counter Arthur when he scolded them for not taking the meeting seriously, and America to give a shot of hope at the end when they're all feeling less than optimistic about the UN's future.
And, I also have trouble when I shift the focus of the story off of Arthur and onto other characters. I feel like I'm at my best when I write only him. The way I've written Arthur, he's serious-minded and has several internal struggles; for the most of the story the focus has been on him, so changing the focus to other characters (or even including other characters) seems a little jarring while I'm writing, but I have to remind myself that not everyone has been through what he's been through and they have different temperaments as a result. I've been trying hard to make it as seamless as possible, though, but I still struggle.
There are several instances where I look back at what I've written and think, "I shouldn't have done that! I should have done this instead!" but I would never give you guys a chapter that I wasn't (mostly) satisfied with. I'm my own worst critic and looked over this chapter several times before posting it. In the end, I decided it did what it needed to do, which was: introduce Francis as a major player, have Arthur see past Alfred's irreverent exterior and realize that Alfred's feelings for him are quite possibly genuine, and set up the upcoming conversation (and flashback! Oh how I love a flashback...) between Arthur and Francis. And because I felt it did what it needed to do, I felt more confident about it and decided it was time to stop hemming and hawing and just post the darn thing already. : )
The way the rest of the story is planned out, there won't be any more comedy. The next chapters will be more serious in tone and will definitely be a return to my usual style, with more history and more literary references. I hope to see you there, anon! And thank you again! <3
Reply
So, I think rather than being disappointed I was more confused when I read this part because it was so different. I'm glad we're shifting back to Arthur's perspective and more serious topics just because it'll bridge what happened so far... but I definitely would love it if you took a stab at humour/crack in another fanfic. Well, I'd probably stalk anything you read. /Planning to de-anon, after? *teary, hopeful eyes*
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And, aw, thank you! I am planning to de-anon after...I would love to stay in touch with everyone when this story is finished! I was a little intimidated at first about participating in a new fandom (especially one that's as large and established as Hetalia's) but everyone's been so nice and encouraging. : ) I feel like a kid at school: "Please sign my yearbook! Please don't forget about me over summer break!" Haha <3
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I would very much love to keep in touch, if it's possible. :)
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