For It Was I Who Chose To Start [1a/?]
anonymous
September 18 2011, 08:25:12 UTC
"I'm gonna fuck our gym teacher."
Kiku Honda almost dropped the tater-tot he was holding at the declaration from his best friend, quickly looking around to see if anyone heard said declaration. If it was heard, it was swiftly dismissed, because no one was staring any more than usual.
"You mean -- I am trying to think of a word that 'fuck' means that is not intercourse and can be used in that last sentence." Kiku said, busying himself with the cafeteria lunch and checking to see where Alfred was looking. Sure enough, it was at their new gym teacher, the giant Russian guy. He'd only started last week and rumors were already circulating that he used to me a member of the KGB, or of the Gestapo ("Gestapo wasn't Russian." Kiku had tried to correct, but it did no good) or any number of other crazy rumors that popped up in a suburban neighborhood where the teenage population was too old to find the wonder in abandoned lots filled with Scotch Broom and ladybugs, but too young to have any mobility to see the rest of the world to make the comforts of home comforting instead of smothering.
"I mean," Alfred was ignoring his lunch, watching Mr. Braginski talking with the lunch lady (arguing about something, impossible to hear at this range with general lunch room cacophony, but he looked annoyed and so did she) "I mean I used to think I was just kinda gay, a little bit homosexual, but I seriously want him to pin me to a locker and fuck me into a six on the Kinsey oh my god look at his arms he could lift a truck."
Kiku was pretty sure he'd only seen the expression Alfred made while eyeing said arms in certain internet memes involving Team Fortress 2 characters. ... To Alfred's credit he was right, Mr. Braginsky was wearing a t-shirt that was just ill-fitting enough on the tight side to show that he could probably lift a truck but Kiku wasn't sure how impressive that was - he spotted Alfred in weightlifting and knew the absurd numbers the other boy could reach. Maybe that was part of the appeal, though. Alfred's taste in other guys only ever extended to other jocks, he never looked twice at the effeminate boys in the glee or drama clubs. Even then most of the trysts were 'perfectly heterosexual' mutual masturbation and the occasional drunken necking.
Kiku never partook (he stayed home and played video games rather than being Alfred's "Plus One" to those parties), but as Alfred's best friend he always got an earful in vivid detail later whether he wanted it or not. Usually over video games. He maintained that the only reason Alfred had a higher score on Mario Kart was because he waited until the exact right moment to get to the part of the story that went 'And then he shoved his hands down my pants and it was awesome!', which always took Kiku by surprise and made him screw up, letting Alfred take the lead.
"Regardless of his truck-lifting abilities, please tell me that in spite of your earlier comment this is going to remain one of your creepily detailed masturbation fantasies and never cross from Fantasia into our world." Kiku asked, even though he already knew the answer that was coming.
"I'm afraid not, my friend." Alfred said, confirming the Japanese boy's worst fears. "I'm gonna ride that luck dragon into reality as if it was the climax of some highly inaccurate movie adaptation. Do you think he likes guys with glasses?"
"I think you're sixteen and that's statutory rape."
"There is nothing rapey about this, I want an assfuckingly gay experience with a hot older man."
"You are sixteen and by law unable to give proper consent to any kind of sexual activity with someone over three years your senior which he most certainly is. Either he'd be skeeved out by the idea of fucking a minor or he wouldn't be which makes him a sex offender waiting to happen and someone you don't want to sleep with."
"... What if age of consent is different in Russia I mean then he'd be raised to think it's okay-"
"I don't think you listen to the words coming out of your mouth sometimes."
Kiku Honda almost dropped the tater-tot he was holding at the declaration from his best friend, quickly looking around to see if anyone heard said declaration. If it was heard, it was swiftly dismissed, because no one was staring any more than usual.
"You mean -- I am trying to think of a word that 'fuck' means that is not intercourse and can be used in that last sentence." Kiku said, busying himself with the cafeteria lunch and checking to see where Alfred was looking. Sure enough, it was at their new gym teacher, the giant Russian guy. He'd only started last week and rumors were already circulating that he used to me a member of the KGB, or of the Gestapo ("Gestapo wasn't Russian." Kiku had tried to correct, but it did no good) or any number of other crazy rumors that popped up in a suburban neighborhood where the teenage population was too old to find the wonder in abandoned lots filled with Scotch Broom and ladybugs, but too young to have any mobility to see the rest of the world to make the comforts of home comforting instead of smothering.
"I mean," Alfred was ignoring his lunch, watching Mr. Braginski talking with the lunch lady (arguing about something, impossible to hear at this range with general lunch room cacophony, but he looked annoyed and so did she) "I mean I used to think I was just kinda gay, a little bit homosexual, but I seriously want him to pin me to a locker and fuck me into a six on the Kinsey oh my god look at his arms he could lift a truck."
Kiku was pretty sure he'd only seen the expression Alfred made while eyeing said arms in certain internet memes involving Team Fortress 2 characters. ... To Alfred's credit he was right, Mr. Braginsky was wearing a t-shirt that was just ill-fitting enough on the tight side to show that he could probably lift a truck but Kiku wasn't sure how impressive that was - he spotted Alfred in weightlifting and knew the absurd numbers the other boy could reach. Maybe that was part of the appeal, though. Alfred's taste in other guys only ever extended to other jocks, he never looked twice at the effeminate boys in the glee or drama clubs. Even then most of the trysts were 'perfectly heterosexual' mutual masturbation and the occasional drunken necking.
Kiku never partook (he stayed home and played video games rather than being Alfred's "Plus One" to those parties), but as Alfred's best friend he always got an earful in vivid detail later whether he wanted it or not. Usually over video games. He maintained that the only reason Alfred had a higher score on Mario Kart was because he waited until the exact right moment to get to the part of the story that went 'And then he shoved his hands down my pants and it was awesome!', which always took Kiku by surprise and made him screw up, letting Alfred take the lead.
"Regardless of his truck-lifting abilities, please tell me that in spite of your earlier comment this is going to remain one of your creepily detailed masturbation fantasies and never cross from Fantasia into our world." Kiku asked, even though he already knew the answer that was coming.
"I'm afraid not, my friend." Alfred said, confirming the Japanese boy's worst fears. "I'm gonna ride that luck dragon into reality as if it was the climax of some highly inaccurate movie adaptation. Do you think he likes guys with glasses?"
"I think you're sixteen and that's statutory rape."
"There is nothing rapey about this, I want an assfuckingly gay experience with a hot older man."
"You are sixteen and by law unable to give proper consent to any kind of sexual activity with someone over three years your senior which he most certainly is. Either he'd be skeeved out by the idea of fucking a minor or he wouldn't be which makes him a sex offender waiting to happen and someone you don't want to sleep with."
"... What if age of consent is different in Russia I mean then he'd be raised to think it's okay-"
"I don't think you listen to the words coming out of your mouth sometimes."
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