Re: Of Heroes and Wizards [4b/??]
anonymous
April 15 2011, 01:08:57 UTC
Arthur could hear Alfred snickering at the last sentence. The wizard thumped the younger blond on the forehead.
“I’m not exactly an evil wizard; I’m just trying to keep myself alive and in solitude in this world. While I may be a wizard, it doesn’t mean I’m not human. I have feelings, actually, HAD, feelings, and felt a need to express them every once in a while. If people couldn’t defend themselves against me, so be it. If they died, then they died. That couldn’t be helped; they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Arthur stopped his magic again and eliminated the glowing aura on Alfred’s mouth. The hero raised a finger. “So, basically, you’re saying you’re lonely and have self-esteem issues, and instead of committing suicide like some kids in our kingdom do, you go out killing people because they’re probably like the rest of the people that bullied you, right?”
The wizard’s eyebrows furrowed as a blush ran across his face. “That is not what I’m saying, git! I just told you why I did it and you had to go and piece this bloody-” Alfred quieted the older blond with the finger he was just holding up earlier. “It’s fine, Artie!”
“It’s Arthur, twat.”
“…there’s more of a meaning behind what some people say! So just because you told me this story doesn’t mean what you said was a lie!”
Arthur let out a frustrated noise and shoved the younger nation in the spring.
Re: Of Heroes and Wizards [4b/??]
anonymous
April 15 2011, 03:25:18 UTC
Ah, I love the updates for this ^_^
Just a note. You shouldn't have multiple people speaking in one paragraph. When someone new speaks, give them their own paragraph. It gets confusing with things like this:
Arthur stopped his magic for a moment and glared at Alfred. “That’s really none of your business.” The wizard then went back to concentrating on Alfred’s arm. Alfred, not in the least bit satisfied with the answer, persisted. “Was it out of boredom? What about bloodlust? Are you angry with someone? Do you want friends? What about-“
It's easier to read as:
Arthur stopped his magic for a moment and glared at Alfred. “That’s really none of your business.” The wizard then went back to concentrating on Alfred’s arm.
Alfred, not in the least bit satisfied with the answer, persisted. “Was it out of boredom? What about bloodlust? Are you angry with someone? Do you want friends? What about-“
The same usually goes with actions. New action, new paragraph. Just a note <3
“I’m not exactly an evil wizard; I’m just trying to keep myself alive and in solitude in this world. While I may be a wizard, it doesn’t mean I’m not human. I have feelings, actually, HAD, feelings, and felt a need to express them every once in a while. If people couldn’t defend themselves against me, so be it. If they died, then they died. That couldn’t be helped; they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Arthur stopped his magic again and eliminated the glowing aura on Alfred’s mouth. The hero raised a finger. “So, basically, you’re saying you’re lonely and have self-esteem issues, and instead of committing suicide like some kids in our kingdom do, you go out killing people because they’re probably like the rest of the people that bullied you, right?”
The wizard’s eyebrows furrowed as a blush ran across his face. “That is not what I’m saying, git! I just told you why I did it and you had to go and piece this bloody-” Alfred quieted the older blond with the finger he was just holding up earlier. “It’s fine, Artie!”
“It’s Arthur, twat.”
“…there’s more of a meaning behind what some people say! So just because you told me this story doesn’t mean what you said was a lie!”
Arthur let out a frustrated noise and shoved the younger nation in the spring.
Reply
Just a note. You shouldn't have multiple people speaking in one paragraph. When someone new speaks, give them their own paragraph. It gets confusing with things like this:
Arthur stopped his magic for a moment and glared at Alfred. “That’s really none of your business.” The wizard then went back to concentrating on Alfred’s arm. Alfred, not in the least bit satisfied with the answer, persisted. “Was it out of boredom? What about bloodlust? Are you angry with someone? Do you want friends? What about-“
It's easier to read as:
Arthur stopped his magic for a moment and glared at Alfred. “That’s really none of your business.” The wizard then went back to concentrating on Alfred’s arm.
Alfred, not in the least bit satisfied with the answer, persisted. “Was it out of boredom? What about bloodlust? Are you angry with someone? Do you want friends? What about-“
The same usually goes with actions. New action, new paragraph. Just a note <3
Reply
Leave a comment