Insecure - RussiaxCanada 5/5 + Bonus
anonymous
February 17 2011, 04:28:49 UTC
Matthew blinked, surprised, and cocked his head a little. Then he smiled. Then he laughed. “I gave him a gym membership for Christmas,” he told Ivan once he had finished laughing. “He was super angry! 'What are you trying to tell me?! What are you trying to say?!'”
Ivan watched him, uncomprehending.
“I was telling him he was fat,” Matthew said, temporarily borrowing Arthur's exasperated face. “In front of the entire family, on Christmas day, in a below-the-belt type of way. It's way better than just saying it.”
“Oh!” Ivan said, intrigued. “Is it?”
“Yes,” Matthew said. “It's more satisfying.”
Ivan thought about that. Then, just before Matthew looked like he was about to leave, he fidgeted a little, catching the man's attention. He licked his lips. Fought back how stupid he felt.
“What about me?”
Matthew looked startled. Then, recovering, he smiled. “Ivan. All of my heroes are over six feet tall and around 200 lbs.”
Ivan stared at him. That was him! Was he Matthew's hero?
“I love hockey. Good hockey players are usually big guys. Japan admits, when drunk, that he went through a phase where he thought Sumo wrestlers were the sexiest things on the planet. When Alfred plays American football, he slaps those huge guys on the ass with a towel. So no. You're not fat. You just need to play a sport and put your natural size to good use.”
“I play hockey,” Ivan said, annoyed that Matthew wouldn't know that and still processing what he'd just heard.
“I know,” Matthew told him with a smile. “You're the sexiest thing on ice in that red uniform.”
Ivan didn't bother trying to control the colour of his face.
BONUS This was requested by a friend who beta'd this for me. It's the scene in which Kiku drunkenly confesses his old lust for sumo wrestlers. ;p I read the table thing in a book once, so I don't know if it's true or just a rumour. ^^;;
Also: Other anons, please please please feel free to fill this again! I didn't use the bonus pairings, and I'm not sure if Ivan was insecure enough. I know what OP means when she says inescure!Ivan is adorable, and I'm not sure if I got there. ): I hope you all enjoyed it, anyway!
Kiku was bent over the table, propped up against his elbow, a glass of beer in his hand. “Sumo wrestlers,” he slurred. “Are... I mean, no, they were, they were, I thought, at the time, it was a while ago, I thought that sumo wrestlers were... the... the... just...” he laid his head down, forehead against the table, and just sat, breathing, for a moment. “Just the sexiest things ever,” he whispered to the table, almost lovingly.
Alfred, Matthew, and Arthur stared at him. They weren't hearing this.
Suddenly, Kiku looked up, his eyes unfocused. “It made me. Want to be a woman!”
Alfred's eyes shot open in shock. Matthew nodded. Arthur took another sip of his own beer.
“So I... so I...” Kiku paused, covering his mouth with his hand so he could quietly burp. “So I could feel their tiny dicks... just... and their heavy bodies, weighing me... no... they used a table. They had a table, I told you, right? A tiny table, for a woman to lie under, and the sumo, he would, he'd... the table. He'd lie on it. He'd tuck his belly under him and he'd, the woman, you, you... you know, he'd.... I... I could draw it for you!” Kiku looked almost possessed as he started rifling around for a spare napkin, pulling a pencil out of his jacket.
“N-no, lad, that's fine!” Arthur said, quickly taking the napkin and using it to wipe his face.
Kiku looked mildly disappointed. But, with a wink, Alfred slid him another napkin and mouthed the word 'tentacle'. Kiku smiled. The evening could be salvaged after all!
I don't even know what I like so much about this, but this is just fun as hell to read. For some strange reason, I really like how there isn't an overt pairing; Matt comforting/complimenting Ivan even though they're no obviously a couple is strangely Canadian awesome; it's also nice to see someone write Canada as both a good guy AND a snarky, passive-aggressive jerk to his brother. Ah, and Ivan is still creepy-cute; it's just harder to see the creepiness from inside his head, isn't it? ... LOL @ his childish anger at not getting to tell Alfred he's fat.
... I'm so amused by that bonus. The second I read that sentence about Kiku and sumo wrestlers, I mourned the fact that you were going to leave it to my imagination. And then I saw the bonus and laughed FOREVER. Especially at the offer to draw it and the tentacles and ... yeah. (Arthur is going to end up scarred forever, isn't he? And this:
Suddenly, Kiku looked up, his eyes unfocused. “It made me. Want to be a woman!”
Alfred's eyes shot open in shock. Matthew nodded. Arthur took another sip of his own beer.
I don't know whose reaction is more amusing here. What the hell, you guys? XD Either way, I need more drunk!Kiku in my life!
Re: Insecure - RussiaxCanada 5/5 + Bonus
anonymous
February 17 2011, 11:39:00 UTC
THIS WAS FUCKING PERFECT OMGAWD :DDDD
Your Russia was spot-on adorable all right, especially when he was in the bathroom measuring his weight. Also, watch my gigantic crush for your Canada, a character I usually care little for; he's fantastic here, and also interestingly unique, for a character that gets written so much. I really liked the whole scars part, it was interesting! Oh, and methinks Alfred's got a crush on Ivan, that's the kind of teasing you get up to in those circumstances ;)
Kiku needs to get drunk more. That bonus was HILARIOUS XDXDXDXDXD
W- ...Wow. I was NOT expecting something of this level. I was beginning to kinda lose hope that someone would fill this. Thank you SO much! This is beautiful, cute, and witty. I love how you write for Russia; he was so cute, but totally in character, and I like that. I was literally sitting here going "B'awww!" during the part where Russia was weighing himself! I'll admit, I'm not one for Canada/Russia, but this was perfect. Snarky!Matthew makes me smile, he really does.
Re: Insecure - RussiaxCanada 5/5 + Bonus
anonymous
February 17 2011, 23:04:07 UTC
Oh my God Canada everyone needs one of you. :'D <333 You wrote them fabulously, anon! Insecure Russia made me want to pet him, and Canada holy shit I squee'd when he did his little thing at the scar scene. Hee~ A-also, lol so much at the bonus. Sumo wrestler/Japan = OTP?? I agree with anons above; world need more drunk!Kiku.
Re: Insecure - RussiaxCanada 5/5 + Bonus
anonymous
February 20 2011, 01:45:27 UTC
I love love love your Russia - he's still cruel and clueless, but more childlike than sadistic. Meanwhile, the US is a whiny teenager, and your Canada is such an ass while keeping his quietness. XD
And I like that you didn't end it with any solidified pairings, just mutual embarrassing and bookended blushes. It's kind of open, but with the potential for them to take it further. Further adorableness, I mean.
So yeah. Loved this!
*NS!anon glees at any inclusion of Newfoundland English in fills ♥*
Re: Insecure - RussiaxCanada 5/5 + Bonus
anonymous
March 6 2011, 19:27:30 UTC
This was brilliant, Authornon. I loved Russia passing up a sunflower cake, and the way you described him as feeling immensely disappointed. I've been there, skipping over a favourite food in favour of something healthy because people are watching and judging.
Ivan watched him, uncomprehending.
“I was telling him he was fat,” Matthew said, temporarily borrowing Arthur's exasperated face. “In front of the entire family, on Christmas day, in a below-the-belt type of way. It's way better than just saying it.”
“Oh!” Ivan said, intrigued. “Is it?”
“Yes,” Matthew said. “It's more satisfying.”
Ivan thought about that. Then, just before Matthew looked like he was about to leave, he fidgeted a little, catching the man's attention. He licked his lips. Fought back how stupid he felt.
“What about me?”
Matthew looked startled. Then, recovering, he smiled. “Ivan. All of my heroes are over six feet tall and around 200 lbs.”
Ivan stared at him. That was him! Was he Matthew's hero?
“I love hockey. Good hockey players are usually big guys. Japan admits, when drunk, that he went through a phase where he thought Sumo wrestlers were the sexiest things on the planet. When Alfred plays American football, he slaps those huge guys on the ass with a towel. So no. You're not fat. You just need to play a sport and put your natural size to good use.”
“I play hockey,” Ivan said, annoyed that Matthew wouldn't know that and still processing what he'd just heard.
“I know,” Matthew told him with a smile. “You're the sexiest thing on ice in that red uniform.”
Ivan didn't bother trying to control the colour of his face.
BONUS
This was requested by a friend who beta'd this for me. It's the scene in which Kiku drunkenly confesses his old lust for sumo wrestlers. ;p I read the table thing in a book once, so I don't know if it's true or just a rumour. ^^;;
Also: Other anons, please please please feel free to fill this again! I didn't use the bonus pairings, and I'm not sure if Ivan was insecure enough. I know what OP means when she says inescure!Ivan is adorable, and I'm not sure if I got there. ): I hope you all enjoyed it, anyway!
Kiku was bent over the table, propped up against his elbow, a glass of beer in his hand. “Sumo wrestlers,” he slurred. “Are... I mean, no, they were, they were, I thought, at the time, it was a while ago, I thought that sumo wrestlers were... the... the... just...” he laid his head down, forehead against the table, and just sat, breathing, for a moment. “Just the sexiest things ever,” he whispered to the table, almost lovingly.
Alfred, Matthew, and Arthur stared at him. They weren't hearing this.
Suddenly, Kiku looked up, his eyes unfocused. “It made me. Want to be a woman!”
Alfred's eyes shot open in shock. Matthew nodded. Arthur took another sip of his own beer.
“So I... so I...” Kiku paused, covering his mouth with his hand so he could quietly burp. “So I could feel their tiny dicks... just... and their heavy bodies, weighing me... no... they used a table. They had a table, I told you, right? A tiny table, for a woman to lie under, and the sumo, he would, he'd... the table. He'd lie on it. He'd tuck his belly under him and he'd, the woman, you, you... you know, he'd.... I... I could draw it for you!” Kiku looked almost possessed as he started rifling around for a spare napkin, pulling a pencil out of his jacket.
“N-no, lad, that's fine!” Arthur said, quickly taking the napkin and using it to wipe his face.
Kiku looked mildly disappointed. But, with a wink, Alfred slid him another napkin and mouthed the word 'tentacle'. Kiku smiled. The evening could be salvaged after all!
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... I'm so amused by that bonus. The second I read that sentence about Kiku and sumo wrestlers, I mourned the fact that you were going to leave it to my imagination. And then I saw the bonus and laughed FOREVER. Especially at the offer to draw it and the tentacles and ... yeah. (Arthur is going to end up scarred forever, isn't he? And this:
Suddenly, Kiku looked up, his eyes unfocused. “It made me. Want to be a woman!”
Alfred's eyes shot open in shock. Matthew nodded. Arthur took another sip of his own beer.
I don't know whose reaction is more amusing here. What the hell, you guys? XD Either way, I need more drunk!Kiku in my life!
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Your Russia was spot-on adorable all right, especially when he was in the bathroom measuring his weight. Also, watch my gigantic crush for your Canada, a character I usually care little for; he's fantastic here, and also interestingly unique, for a character that gets written so much. I really liked the whole scars part, it was interesting! Oh, and methinks Alfred's got a crush on Ivan, that's the kind of teasing you get up to in those circumstances ;)
Kiku needs to get drunk more. That bonus was HILARIOUS XDXDXDXDXD
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A-also, lol so much at the bonus. Sumo wrestler/Japan = OTP?? I agree with anons above; world need more drunk!Kiku.
Reply
And I like that you didn't end it with any solidified pairings, just mutual embarrassing and bookended blushes. It's kind of open, but with the potential for them to take it further. Further adorableness, I mean.
So yeah. Loved this!
*NS!anon glees at any inclusion of Newfoundland English in fills ♥*
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