At World's End -- Part 16d
anonymous
May 1 2011, 02:44:26 UTC
He didn't get an answer he didn't need to as his words were cut off by a thick fall of fabric being placed over him. It covered him from head to foot and was heavy and soft. Then there was a crackle of magic against it and it became even heavier it felt tight around him even though it still felt and acted like fabric and he could move slightly inside. Cloak magic. Ivan had spelled his cloak to act as a barrier around Alfred. It soon became heavier and darker as what felt like another be spelled piece of fabric was laid over the top of the other. Alfred assumed, though he could not see to be sure, that it was Berwald's cloak.
The air was thick underneath the layers lying over him. And it was completely silent he couldn't hear any of the battle going around beyond the fabric. He quickly grew antsy not knowing how much time had passed or what was going on. He didn't know if Ivan was okay. Through he started gasping he'd always been slightly claustrophobic though he couldn't really think of a reason why though sometimes late at night he had visions of a small confined space and the smell of brunt wood closing in on him. Unable to take it any longer he reached a shaky had out and lifted the fabric a crack. Just enough to let a little bit of air in. He hoped it would not weaken the spells too much. He left his hand over by the fabric ready to pull it back if he needed and inched a bit closer to the hole to breath a bit easier.
The other side effect of his action was that he could now hear what was going on outside. It was just a jumble of noises really. Yells, more lightening crashing, an explosion of spells. He let out a relieved breath as he heard Ivan's voice and then Eduard's above the fray and eventually he heard Berwald's voice as well. They were alright. His relief didn't last long. There was another loud crash of lightening and a sicken crash of wood against wood followed by the panicked sound of agitated horses.
"The trees are starting to collapse...the horses...someone get to the horses and move them!"
He didn't recognize the voice but perhaps it was Ivan's heavy with strain and fear two things he had never heard it hold before. He felt fear of his own as he thought of the poor animals tied as they were they would not be able to escape quickly enough if the trees were coming down. For a brief moment he fancied he could almost feel their panic and confusion skitter against his skin. He reached out for them in a hopeless attempt to calm them and to help them despite that he was too far away to do them any good.
There was a strange twist in the ground beneath him a shudder that he could feel to his bones. He drew his knees instinctively closer to his chest and ducked his head inwardly as well. His hand quickly snapped back from where it had somehow slipped out through the crack he'd created in the cloaks on top of him. A cry of "Earthquake!" was the last thing he heard before the fabric fell back down and recreated the seal of magic over the top of him leaving him once again in darkness and silence. The ground continued to shake underneath him and all he could do now was hope and pray that they would all make it through alright.
* * * TBC
Author's Note: Another one that took forever. Sorry, sorry. Action sequences...orz. On the plus side is that the next part should be out rather quickly because it's literally almost completely written since it was supposed to originally be part of this part.
Re: At World's End -- Part 16d
anonymous
May 1 2011, 03:20:43 UTC
I'm so happy! I'm so happy! I'm so happy! An update, yay! AND action!! AND Alfred's magic!! I smiled through the whole thing ^.^ I am SO excited for next part!!
Re: At World's End -- Part 16d
anonymous
May 1 2011, 05:08:22 UTC
I totally feel your pain, authoranon, writing action sequences is so hard. But you managed, this is exciting! I'm always so glad to see an update of this, and awesome to hear the next bit may come soon.
Yeah action sequences and I have never gotten along very well and unfortunately it's made the next part a bit of a struggle as well I'll be happy to be done with them for a bit once this section is over.
Thanks for the comment, glad you're enjoying the fic!
Re: At World's End -- Part 16d
anonymous
May 1 2011, 05:20:49 UTC
My face when I saw this update = 8D
haha but seriously, I was so excited for this! It seems with each new part we find out more little details about Alfred's magic. It almost reminds me of the kind of nature/wild magic...like from those novels by Tamora Pierce, only it had a deeper connection to the environment. Uwaaahh can't wait to read more!!! ♥
Don't worry, I thought the action sequences were good!
Re: At World's End -- Part 16d
anonymous
May 1 2011, 13:24:51 UTC
You updated! Yehaw! I love love love this story. I have been reading fanfic since 1997 and let me tell you this story is one of my all time favorites. Your fairy tail writing is sublime... it reminds me very much of some of my favorite authors- Mercedes Lacky and Robin Mckinly. I get sucked into the texture and nuances of your world and don't ever want to leave it. Your characterizations are spectacular as well-I have a crush on BOTH Alfred and Ivan. The hurt comfort potential rocks it out. Please keep this story going- I look forward to it everyday! ;-)
So, I am guessing whatever magic Alfred has is very rare and Ivan knows what it is. Earth magic?
Re: At World's End -- Part 16d
anonymous
May 2 2011, 03:52:07 UTC
A!A I love you, and this fill. I've been having a pretty bad day, yet just reading over an update makes me so happy. <3 Thank you so much! I look forward to your updated, and are always so delighted to read them!
Re: At World's End -- Part 16d
anonymous
May 13 2011, 05:40:21 UTC
*cries* I'm so happy I found this updated!! *flails about madly* This is one of my favorite fills on the meme. I think you wrote the battle scene really well, and I know how hard it can be to write those. Kept my interest the whole way through! And we finally got to see what was probably Alfred's magic!! Now I'm wondering if he has some sort of elemental earth magic that was undetected up to this point.
So happy for the updates. Can't wait for more author anon!!
Re: At World's End -- Part 16d
anonymous
May 29 2011, 16:10:37 UTC
Watch it with your punctuation. You leave it out or put it in at the worst of times, especially during the high paced scenes. It makes it harder to read and understand. You really gotta watch for it. There's a reason there are punctuation rules and it's not just to make everything look pretty. They indicate a series of varying pauses and stops that tell your inner voice how to read them. Try reading your writing out loud and see if the punctuation works with the flow of the reading.
There are also extra words you add in at the beginnings and ending of sentances, like you were going to say aomething else but changed mid-sentance and forgot to edit. Reading back through and editing will help you alot. And self editing or asking someone else to edit for you is a sign you're getting better, not a sign that you can't do it by yourself.
Thanks for the tips anon I will keep it in mind in future chapters and be more careful when I do my read throughs and edits. I would like to have a beta but finding someone that I feel comfortable working with is not an easy task.
I do hope you got some enjoyment out of the story as well though since you took the time to share the things you didn't...
The air was thick underneath the layers lying over him. And it was completely silent he couldn't hear any of the battle going around beyond the fabric. He quickly grew antsy not knowing how much time had passed or what was going on. He didn't know if Ivan was okay. Through he started gasping he'd always been slightly claustrophobic though he couldn't really think of a reason why though sometimes late at night he had visions of a small confined space and the smell of brunt wood closing in on him. Unable to take it any longer he reached a shaky had out and lifted the fabric a crack. Just enough to let a little bit of air in. He hoped it would not weaken the spells too much. He left his hand over by the fabric ready to pull it back if he needed and inched a bit closer to the hole to breath a bit easier.
The other side effect of his action was that he could now hear what was going on outside. It was just a jumble of noises really. Yells, more lightening crashing, an explosion of spells. He let out a relieved breath as he heard Ivan's voice and then Eduard's above the fray and eventually he heard Berwald's voice as well. They were alright. His relief didn't last long. There was another loud crash of lightening and a sicken crash of wood against wood followed by the panicked sound of agitated horses.
"The trees are starting to collapse...the horses...someone get to the horses and move them!"
He didn't recognize the voice but perhaps it was Ivan's heavy with strain and fear two things he had never heard it hold before. He felt fear of his own as he thought of the poor animals tied as they were they would not be able to escape quickly enough if the trees were coming down. For a brief moment he fancied he could almost feel their panic and confusion skitter against his skin. He reached out for them in a hopeless attempt to calm them and to help them despite that he was too far away to do them any good.
There was a strange twist in the ground beneath him a shudder that he could feel to his bones. He drew his knees instinctively closer to his chest and ducked his head inwardly as well. His hand quickly snapped back from where it had somehow slipped out through the crack he'd created in the cloaks on top of him. A cry of "Earthquake!" was the last thing he heard before the fabric fell back down and recreated the seal of magic over the top of him leaving him once again in darkness and silence. The ground continued to shake underneath him and all he could do now was hope and pray that they would all make it through alright.
* * *
TBC
Author's Note: Another one that took forever. Sorry, sorry. Action sequences...orz. On the plus side is that the next part should be out rather quickly because it's literally almost completely written since it was supposed to originally be part of this part.
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Thanks for the comment, glad you're enjoying the fic!
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haha but seriously, I was so excited for this! It seems with each new part we find out more little details about Alfred's magic. It almost reminds me of the kind of nature/wild magic...like from those novels by Tamora Pierce, only it had a deeper connection to the environment. Uwaaahh can't wait to read more!!! ♥
Don't worry, I thought the action sequences were good!
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ahem...ya...so I'm excited, is it obvious?
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XD
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So, I am guessing whatever magic Alfred has is very rare and Ivan knows what it is. Earth magic?
Thank you for updating.
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Don't worry I have a feeling the story will be continuing for a good long time...probably too long a time for its own good actually lol.
You're welcome. Thanks for commenting!
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I love the action sequence, who the hell is the culprit!?
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So happy for the updates. Can't wait for more author anon!!
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There are also extra words you add in at the beginnings and ending of sentances, like you were going to say aomething else but changed mid-sentance and forgot to edit. Reading back through and editing will help you alot. And self editing or asking someone else to edit for you is a sign you're getting better, not a sign that you can't do it by yourself.
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I do hope you got some enjoyment out of the story as well though since you took the time to share the things you didn't...
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