Tainting the Night [19c/?]
anonymous
February 28 2011, 03:20:36 UTC
The Englishman both sighed and smiled. “Of course you can come, love. Though I doubt Braginski would do something so extreme. Also, I'd... well, I'd like it if you'd be willing to be my blood donor.” Arthur turned his face away in embarrassment.
Alfred was still as he processed what he'd just been asked. “Of course, Arthur!” he exclaimed, wrapping the elder in a hug. “You can have all the blood you want from me!”
“Be careful,” the vampire warned as he broke the embrace. “You could easily tempt me into doing something that we'd both regret.”
Alfred's grin fell slightly, but other than that he gave no sign that he'd been reminded of the danger he was in. “So...?” he prompted. “The meeting?”
“Ah. Right,” Arthur said as he stood and crossed to the phone. He picked up the receiver and glanced back at the younger, giving him a small smile. Then he dialed the number of Yao's store. “Hello, Yao?” he asked.
“Arthur?” the Chinese man on the other end of the line asked back. “Have you reached your decision?”
The Englishman nodded, then remembering that the Asian couldn't see him, replied, “Yes.”
“And?” the other vampire prompted.
There was a pause, then “I'd like to meet with Ivan Braginski.”
There was some muffled discussion on the other end before Yao replied. “How would you like to meet him tonight? My shop,” the Chinese man offered.
Arthur turned to his companion. “How's tonight?” he asked the younger man.
Alfred smiled broadly. “That's awesome!” he replied.
“We'll be there shortly,” the Briton said into the phone.
“Very well,” Yao replied before abruptly hanging up.
The Englishman stared at the phone as if it could offer him an explanation for the Asian's unusual brusqueness. “Well,” Arthur began, hanging up the phone before crossing to his boyfriend. “We'd best be on our way.”
The American stood up, and the pair made their way to the door, ready to meet the man who could change Arthur's life.
----- Sorry that it took me so long to get this up. (It's been almost a month now, hasn't it?) I spent two weeks doing nothing but sewing costumes. But my muse has decided to return to this story in full force, so hopefully that will mean updates will be back on the regular schedule!
Just a suggestion
anonymous
February 28 2011, 04:17:13 UTC
One thing you might want to watch out for and limit is the epithets. It does get a bit distracting when you keep using "The Englishman", "The American", "The Briton", "The younger man", "The elder" etc in almost every other sentence. There's no problem with just using the characters' name even if it may seem like it's repetitive.
I really am enjoying this story and have been following since day one. However, all the epithets usage just lead me to make this common post after I was through with 19A.
Alfred was still as he processed what he'd just been asked. “Of course, Arthur!” he exclaimed, wrapping the elder in a hug. “You can have all the blood you want from me!”
“Be careful,” the vampire warned as he broke the embrace. “You could easily tempt me into doing something that we'd both regret.”
Alfred's grin fell slightly, but other than that he gave no sign that he'd been reminded of the danger he was in. “So...?” he prompted. “The meeting?”
“Ah. Right,” Arthur said as he stood and crossed to the phone. He picked up the receiver and glanced back at the younger, giving him a small smile. Then he dialed the number of Yao's store. “Hello, Yao?” he asked.
“Arthur?” the Chinese man on the other end of the line asked back. “Have you reached your decision?”
The Englishman nodded, then remembering that the Asian couldn't see him, replied, “Yes.”
“And?” the other vampire prompted.
There was a pause, then “I'd like to meet with Ivan Braginski.”
There was some muffled discussion on the other end before Yao replied. “How would you like to meet him tonight? My shop,” the Chinese man offered.
Arthur turned to his companion. “How's tonight?” he asked the younger man.
Alfred smiled broadly. “That's awesome!” he replied.
“We'll be there shortly,” the Briton said into the phone.
“Very well,” Yao replied before abruptly hanging up.
The Englishman stared at the phone as if it could offer him an explanation for the Asian's unusual brusqueness. “Well,” Arthur began, hanging up the phone before crossing to his boyfriend. “We'd best be on our way.”
The American stood up, and the pair made their way to the door, ready to meet the man who could change Arthur's life.
-----
Sorry that it took me so long to get this up. (It's been almost a month now, hasn't it?) I spent two weeks doing nothing but sewing costumes. But my muse has decided to return to this story in full force, so hopefully that will mean updates will be back on the regular schedule!
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I really am enjoying this story and have been following since day one. However, all the epithets usage just lead me to make this common post after I was through with 19A.
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