Catch You, Catch Me (2a/5?)
anonymous
January 22 2011, 03:03:14 UTC
Romano had never been so pathetic as to fantasize about what El Apasionado Caballero might be like in bed, but even if he had, he doubted that his imagination could be as mind-blowing as this. The young detective panted, biting his lip to restrain a moan as his body begged for release.
El Apasionado Caballero’s lips pressed against his cheek tenderly, trailing a string of kisses unhurriedly down his neck. Romano could feel the thief’s bare chest resting against his equally bare back, well defined abs flexing against his skin.
El Apasionado Caballero’s usual highly flattering black dress slacks had been traded for ultra-low riding jeans which exposed his fine treasure trail and the angular curves of his hip bones. Those jeans had yet to be shed, but there was no doubt in Romano’s mind that it would happen in time. Even Romano’s bottom-half was still clothed, and yet he was more turned on than he could remember ever having been in his entire life. It wasn’t fair that El Apasionado Caballero could do this to him, seemingly with so little effort, but at the moment Romano could hardly bring himself to care.
El Apasionado Caballero was whispering sweet words in his ear in Spanish, punctuating his romantic monologue with kisses. His hand slipped into Romano’s hair, locating his curl as quickly and effortlessly as if he had known ahead of time exactly where it was and what it did. It was only through sheer force of will that Romano managed not to come when El Apasionado Caballero gave it a slow, sensuous pull. This was not an easy feat, considering the fact that the thief’s other hand was between his legs, stroking his aching arousal in a leisurely manner that almost had Romano believing that he wasn’t as hot and bothered as he was. But the thief couldn’t fool him, not when he kept rocking his hips against Romano’s bottom. There was no mistaking the fact that El Apasionado Caballero was fully erect as well.
“E-enough messing around,” Romano grunted. “I can’t… chigi… I’ve had enough damn t-teasing… chigigi…”
“Are you at your limit, my little tomato?” El Apasionado Caballero whispered.
Romano didn’t bother to answer verbally, finding the question rather humiliating; instead he fumbled with his zipper, hands shaking violently as he teetered on the verge of an orgasm. El Apasionado Caballero took his hands in his steadier ones, stopping him.
“Calm down, my love,” he breathed. “There’s no need to rush.”
Romano was about to snap at him that there was a need to rush because he was about five seconds from making a mess of his pants when El Apasionado Caballero unzipped his pants for him, cupping his manhood in his palm over his boxers. The detective whined, shuddering as El Apasionado Caballero’s fingertips traced up the underside of his cock.
Even now, as the thief attempted to slowly drive him crazy, Romano was acutely aware of El Apasionado Caballero’s harsh breathing against his neck, the erection that had been freed from the confines of his boxers rutting against him from behind, the warm and spicy scent of the other man’s cologne. Somehow it was these details that made the experience so much more intimate and pleasurable to him. The fingers massaging the head of his arousal didn’t hurt either.
“Mmm…Romano…” El Apasionado Caballero panted. “I... l-love you…”
Catch You, Catch Me (2b/5?)
anonymous
January 22 2011, 03:05:44 UTC
Romano awoke as he came, his hips bucking uncontrollably. The detective gasped and bolted upright in bed. The alarm clock was going off. He smacked the clock instinctively, shutting off the alarm, and looked confusedly around the room, disoriented by the abrupt shift from dream to reality. His body was covered in sweat and he was breathing hard.
Romano blushed scarlet as he looked down at his sticky sheets, humiliated by the fact that they had been made that way by an erotic dream about that fucking thief, of all people. He didn’t even like the bastard. In fact, he hated him with every particle of his being. Was he so lonely and desperate that thoughts of any random person would do?
He realized that he had fallen asleep clutching the tomato-shaped bauble with the delicate silver chains still attached to either side which he had ripped off of El Apasionado Caballero’s cloak the last time they had met, two weeks ago. Romano drew back his arm to throw the cursed thing across the room, but for some weird reason, he couldn’t do it, and that made him feel sick. One would think he was pining like some pathetic moron with the way he was acting. Already in a bad mood, Romano dropped the trinket on his bedside table and wiped the sweat from his forehead.
The detective got out of bed and stripped off his sheets for washing before heading toward the shower. He had seen El Apasionado Caballero use what appeared to be magic on every job Romano had ever followed him to; perhaps the thief had put some sort of pervert spell on him. That had to be it, or else Romano never would have seen him in such a dream.
Feeling a little less ashamed of himself now that he had found an explanation that shifted the blame away from him, Romano stepped into the bathroom and reached for his toothbrush. That was when he caught sight of his face in the mirror. Romano rubbed his eyes and shook his head, wondering if his mind was playing tricks on him. But no, when he opened his eyes again, it was still there: bold black writing scrawled across his cheek.
It had been smeared slightly, presumably when he had let his cheek rest against his pillow before the message had finished drying, but it was still legible. I will steal the Faith Diamond from the Chiarina City Museum of Natural History on October 8th at 9 PM. Love, El Apasionado Caballero. The detective’s cheeks reddened. What the hell was the thief playing at, signing his calling card with “love”? What a sicko!
But Romano hardly cared at the moment; he was too excited by the promise of another chance. October 8th was tomorrow! That didn’t give him much time to prepare. Romano began to brush his teeth at a furious pace, eager to head over to the museum so that he could get things set up.
******
If Romano had been confident in his last plan to capture El Apasionado Caballero, it was nothing compared to his level of confidence right now. Romano had been waiting eagerly for this item to arrive for about a month, and now it was finally here. It was a trick display platform and pedestal which he had custom ordered from a specialty place on the internet.
The idea was that if anyone lifted the glass display case, bars would spring out from the perimeter of the platform, forming a cage to trap the perpetrator. Romano had already tested it out himself and it worked like a dream. El Apasionado Caballero wouldn’t know what hit him.
Romano was in place by the time nine o’clock rolled around, hiding as usual in a place which would allow him full view of the Faith Diamond. His heart began to pound excitedly as the appointed time drew closer. In mere minutes, he would be staring down that pathetic excuse of a cat burglar from the other side of steel bars, laughing his ass off because they would both finally know which of them was superior. And El Apasionado Caballero would probably cry like a big dumb baby, but Romano wouldn’t care because he had won.
Catch You, Catch Me (2c/5?)
anonymous
January 22 2011, 03:10:52 UTC
But then something occurred to him. The calling card for today’s caper had been written on his face, which meant that El Apasionado Caballero had had to break into his house during the night, come right over to him and spend at least fifteen seconds staring at him close up. Knowing what a pervert the guy was, he’d probably stuck around longer than that, just watching him. Granted, Romano didn’t know exactly what time El Apasionado Caballero had written the message, but he did know that it had been after three in the morning because he had gotten up to use the bathroom at that time and he was sure there had been no writing then. What if the thief had come in while he was having that embarrassing dream? What if he had seen Romano tossing, turning, panting and moaning his name? What if his presence, his touch, had been what triggered that damnable fantasy (which Romano still maintained was due to some weird magic that had been cast on him rather than being any sort of reflection of real desires that he might have)?
Romano was so mortified by the thought that he skipped going red and went white as a sheet instead. El Apasionado Caballero was going to show up at any minute and Romano was going to have to face him. Whether the thief had witnessed him having the dream or not, Romano knew he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it. It had already been hanging over his head all day and he hadn’t even come face-to-face with El Apasionado Caballero yet. How could he look him in the eye now?
Romano was nowhere near being mentally prepared to deal with El Apasionado Caballero when he heard the flamenco music begin. The detective panicked, looking around wildly for somewhere to hide when he remembered that he was already hiding. This was no good; now he had no choice but to face him.
Romano was so distressed that he didn’t even have the presence of mind to appreciate the flamenco intro (not that he enjoyed it or anything; he’d just heard some of the other officers talking about how cool it was. Honestly, there was just no accounting for taste). He couldn’t even see the thief. Where on earth was that music coming from anyway?
“The lack of response to my music is really starting to get me down,” El Apasionado Caballero pouted, his voice muffled. “I thought it was cool…”
A ceiling panel suddenly vanished and El Apasionado Caballero poked his head out to look around. “Helloooo? Any cute little tomato detectives in here?”
Romano said nothing, but watched intently as the thief did a flip down from the ceiling, landing gracefully on his feet. His heart did a strange little flutter, but it had nothing to do with that lame monkey trick. It was just excitement from his impending victory, and discomfort as memories of his humiliating dream flashed through his head. El Apasionado Caballero waited, his arms spread expectantly. When there was no reaction, he let them fall to his sides, looking disappointed.
“You police officers are a tough crowd, huh?” he said. “Is there anything that impresses you guys? But I guess as long as my little tomato saw it, it’s ok.”
Well, Romano had seen it, but he wasn’t impressed; not in the slightest.
“You’re really not gonna come out unless I go for the diamond, huh, Romano?”
El Apasionado Caballero sighed and turned toward the display that housed the Faith Diamond. Romano could see the thief’s eyebrows half disappearing behind his mask as he frowned.
“That’s weird… Did that display look like that yesterday when I came to scope out the scene?” El Apasionado Caballero wondered aloud.
He contemplated it for a moment longer, then shrugged and pranced over to it, completely unsuspecting. Romano leaned forward and held his breath. He was so close. So close. His heart was pounding so hard that it almost felt like it would explode when El Apasionado Caballero jimmied the lock and lifted the glass case slowly. Romano jumped up and cheered as the bars shot up out of the platform and clanged shut around the thief.
“Whoa, hey! What’s this?!” El Apasionado Caballero gasped.
“What’s it look like, dumb ass?!” Romano cackled, springing out of his hiding spot. “It’s a trap and you fell for it! God, you are so…”
Catch You, Catch Me (2d/5?)
anonymous
January 22 2011, 03:15:12 UTC
Romano trailed off suddenly as he got close enough to look him in the eye. He remembered the soft words that El Apasionado Caballero had whispered in his ear in his dream, the warm kisses, the caress of his confident fingers and he went scarlet.
“Eh? What’s wrong, Romano?” El Apasionado Caballero asked, looking genuinely concerned. “Your face is looking pretty red… Do you have a fever?”
El Apasionado Caballero reached through the bars and touched Romano’s cheek softly, checking his temperature. Romano’s eyes slipped closed and he shuddered.
“D-don’t touch me!” he snapped, slapping El Apasionado Caballero’s hand away. “You… You’re in a cage and… I’ve won and you suck and now I… I never have to…”
Romano trailed off again as reality set in. This was it. If he captured El Apasionado Caballero, the thief would go to jail and the chase would be over permanently. No more planning traps, no more calling cards, no more long legged, overdressed, smooth-talking, taut-assed thief. It was over; he had really won. Suddenly Romano felt ill.
Meanwhile, El Apasionado Caballero was watching his face closely. His heart panged with a sort of sad, sweet joy when he saw the trepidation on Romano’s face as he realized that their time together was over. It was hard to tell with Romano sometimes because he was so grumpy, but now he had proof that Romano didn’t think as little of him as he said he did. El Apasionado Caballero knew that he couldn’t let things end this way.
He paced the cage, examining it carefully for any weaknesses. The bars weren’t very close together; perhaps there was hope for escape. El Apasionado Caballero turned, plucked the Faith Diamond from its display the pressed himself into the space between the bars. It was going to be a tight fit, but maybe… El Apasionado Caballero let all the breath out of his lungs to help make himself skinnier and began to squirm.
Romano was in a horrified trance over his realization and didn’t even notice what El Apasionado Caballero was doing. Sure he would be a hero after capturing this infamous thief, but it would be a hollow victory. Chasing El Apasionado Caballero had been the most thrilling thing he had done in his entire career. Would another thief that posed just as much of a challenge step up to take El Apasionado Caballero’s place once he was gone? Somehow the thought of this didn’t console Romano like he thought it would.
“There, there, little tomato, don’t be sad,” El Apasionado Caballero breathed, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into his embrace. “I can’t stand to see you so upset… I know! How about a cheer-up charm! Fusosososo… Fusosososo…”
Romano jumped, his eyes growing wide. “What…? How did you…? Why aren’t you…?”
“Oh, I squeezed out between the bars!” El Apasionado Caballero replied cheerfully. “It was kind of tough, but I made it!”
Catch You, Catch Me (2e/5?)
anonymous
January 22 2011, 03:20:00 UTC
The detective gaped, so full of conflicting emotions that he didn’t know what else to do besides stare, his mouth hanging open like an idiot. El Apasionado Caballero laughed, reached out and threaded gloved fingers into Romano’s bangs, ruffling his hair affectionately. Unfortunately for him, his hand grazed a certain curl and Romano’s face went scarlet again. The detective head-butted him hard in the stomach, sending him flying. El Apasionado Caballero cried out in pain, rubbing his bruised ribs.
“F-fucking pervert!” Romano screamed. “Hey, you shitty officers! The damn trap failed so get in here and help me catch him!”
“Oops, time to go!” the thief commented.
El Apasionado Caballero was already making for the exit, Romano hot on his trail as the other officers flooded into the room. It seemed that the thief wasn’t going to try for another smoke bomb exit and Romano was grateful for that. El Apasionado Caballero darted into the woods behind the museum, weaving wildly back and forth between the trees in hopes of losing the officers who were following him.
Some of the less fit officers were dropping away as they ran out of energy, but Romano wasn’t about to let him go. He purposely didn’t let on when he could help it, but he could run quite fast when it suited him. El Apasionado Caballero glanced back over his shoulder to see who was still behind him and grinned happily when he saw that only Romano was still on his tail.
That moment of distraction almost cost El Apasionado Caballero his life. He skidded to a halt just in time to avoid running right off a cliff. In his shock over almost having died, the Faith Diamond slipped from his fingers. Romano’s mouth fell open in a silent scream as he watched the diamond tumble over the edge of the cliff, moving as if it was falling in slow motion.
“Dumb ass!” he roared, launching himself forward and making a desperate snatch for it.
He overbalanced, missing the diamond and tumbled over the edge.
“ROMANO!!” El Apasionado Caballero screamed, dropping to his knees and peering over the brink. The detective was clutching a protruding tree branch for dear life.
“D-don’t just stand there, you b-b-bastard!” Romano sniffled, his eyes filling with terrified tears, his bottom lip trembling. “S-save me!”
El Apasionado Caballero was just extending Romano his hand when a little twinkle in the leaves of the tree branch that was keeping Romano from plunging to his death caught his eye. The diamond was caught in the foliage. El Apasionado Caballero shook his head minutely. The moment Romano released the branch, the diamond would be flung into oblivion, but he wasn’t about to risk Romano slipping just for a shiny rock.
El Apasionado Caballero pulled Romano up and into his arms, hugging him like his life depended on it. Romano was so petrified that he just trembled in El Apasionado Caballero’s arms, tears of relief spilling down his cheeks.
“Don’t ever do anything like that again!” El Apasionado Caballero scolded, shaking Romano. “You could have died!”
“Wh-what do you care?” Romano mumbled, blushing as he wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “I’m trying to put you in jail, moron. You should want me out of the way… Anyway, the diamond-”
“Is worthless to me compared to you! There are thousands, maybe millions of diamonds in this world but there’s only one sweet little Romano tomato!”
Catch You, Catch Me (2f/5?)
anonymous
January 22 2011, 03:24:31 UTC
Romano’s face burned, his teary amber eyes wide with surprise and confusion. No one had ever told him he was more valuable than a diamond before. Not that he was happy to hear it from this stupid thief! He’d rather hear it from almost anyone else, but the one time someone finally told him that he mattered to them and it was someone he hated. Romano let his forehead fall onto El Apasionado Caballero’s shoulder in disappointment, his lips curling upward at the corners slight in a frustrated grimace.
“I love you, Romano,” El Apasionado Caballero whispered, “I can’t bear the thought of anything happening to you. Promise you’ll never do something reckless like that ever again.”
Romano blushed, but only because he was so shocked and disgusted to be hearing those words from another man. “S-stupid… I don’t wanna hear that from you. And don’t throw those words around so lightly... If I…” he paused, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat, “if I actually gave a shit about you I’d be pissed beyond belief if you were j… just making shit up.”
“I mean it,” El Apasionado Caballero assured him. “With all my heart.”
Romano’s stomach felt strange again. His chest felt weird, too. Maybe stupid jerk El Apasionado Caballero had put another spell on him.
“A-anyway, shut up and get your perverted hands off me or I’ll head-butt you again,” he mumbled. Romano didn’t pull away himself, but only because he was so drained after almost dying.
El Apasionado Caballero released him hurriedly; his ribs still hurt from the last head-butt. Romano hurriedly turned his back on him so that he wouldn’t see the color in his cheeks and get the wrong idea.
“I guess you’re gonna arrest me now, huh?” El Apasionado Caballero sighed. “I don’t really feel like running anymore.”
He held out his wrists, waiting for Romano to slap the handcuffs on him. Romano didn’t turn around, but he mumbled something that El Apasionado Caballero couldn’t hear.
“Eh?”
“I said… I don’t wanna look at your stupid face anymore. G-get out of here.”
“You mean it, Romano?”
“I… I owe you for pulling me up just now… If it’d been any other thief I’d been chasing they probably would’ve let me fall…”
“Oh, Romano, thank you! That’s so sweet! I knew you wouldn’t really put me in jail!”
“Sh-shut up or I’ll head-butt you again, you bastard! I just don’t wanna be in the debt of any shitty thief!”
“Ok, ok, I’m going!”
El Apasionado Caballero smiled softly at him before turning around and starting to walk away. Then he paused and looked back at him over his shoulder.
“Better luck next time, my little tomato,” he said.
Romano whirled around furiously. “Don’t you dare say that fucking line to me! I’m letting you go, asswipe!”
“But I have to say it!” El Apasionado Caballero insisted. “It’s my suave exit line! Every gentleman thief needs a suave exit line! Maybe you don’t understand because you’re a detective, but…”
El Apasionado Caballero’s words were sharply cut off by a head-butt to the back.
Re: Catch You, Catch Me (2f/5?)
anonymous
January 22 2011, 04:06:59 UTC
Ohmygosh, when you first expressed interest in writing this (with the roles switched), I got so freaking excited, I started stalking this request. It took a while for me to actually comment, but this fill is freaking AMAZING!
I can't wait until you post more! Romano as a fail!detective is brilliant. You write his character very well, with his shifting the blame of something toward somebody else, and his confidence in his repetitive schemes, and his easily distracted, somewhat emotional nature. . . I love how you portray his feelings regarding 'El Apasionado Caballero.' He's attracted to him (lovelovelove Romano's dream and the events after, where he thinks about the possibility that Spain had seen it) but trying and failing to hide it. And that one scene, where he's basically about to die and he asks for Spain to help him was just so in-character and so beautiful. . .
You characterize El Apasionado Caballero (haha, I totally just copy-paste the name whenever it comes up XD) so well, too. He's silly in that completely oblivious-Spain way, but he's also competent. The relationship he has with Romano is interesting, and I'm really liking how you're fleshing it out. Particularly in this scene, where he saves Romano instead of the diamond.
The humor in this is awesome, too. The bars on the cage are skinny enough for Spain to squeeze through. Romano's fail!team of police who never show up until he calls them. The fact that Romano's using a cage in the first place. I freaking love this! Normally, humor either slides right past me or tries too hard, but this! This is the perfect balance of cute, fluff, romance, action (I love the way you write these scenes by the way), and everything.
Sorry if this is too incoherent and ramble-y; I'm just so excited about this fill! ^^
Re: Catch You, Catch Me (2f/5?)
anonymous
January 22 2011, 04:16:14 UTC
This is seriously just so awesome. Hilarious and adorable and I love how you've got Romano so dumbly oblivious and Spain not even trying to hide his desire to impress him and, oh man, it is just wonderful.
Catch You, Catch Me (3a/6?)
anonymous
January 22 2011, 20:07:22 UTC
The day after Romano let El Apasionado Caballero was a Saturday, and there were no words to describe how grateful he was for that. Saturday meant that he didn’t have to go in to work, which meant that he could put of having to listen to his boss scold him again for failing to capture El Apasionado Caballero again.
Romano’s boss, a man by the name of England, was strict and quick-tempered. For some reason, when he found himself face-to-face with England, he became a nervous, quivering mess who could only squeak out timid replies to his boss’s snarled questions and accusations. Actually, Romano knew exactly why England had this effect on him; the man was terrifying. The less he had to do with him, Romano thought, the better, but he had been finding himself in England’s office more and more lately.
But that could be put off until Monday. Until then, Romano had two full days to do as he pleased, provided that El Apasionado Caballero didn’t screw that up by sending a calling card for Saturday or Sunday. Today, Romano decided that he’d spend some time with his little brother. He had called him up and hinted in the most obvious way that he could without completely tossing his pride out the window that he wouldn’t hate the idea of his brother coming over with some pastries and cappuccino from his shop for them to share at Romano’s place.
The detective’s younger brother, Italy, owned a quaint little café a block away from the police station. Thanks to his location and outstanding cooking abilities (which he had inherited from Romano), he did a roaring trade with police officers, who liked going there on their breaks. Unfortunately for Romano, this also meant that Italy, who had always been naïve and a bit weak in the head, was frequently exposed to the lowlifes that Romano had the misfortune to call co-workers. In particular, it had allowed Italy to meet a certain potato bastard.
The two of them seemed to be trying to keep it on the down-low, but Romano knew for a fact that they were dating. He had gone to his brother’s café one day for lunch, walked around the counter to help himself like he always did, found the two of them making out in the back room and promptly lost his appetite. Romano knew instantly that they were terrible for each other and had devoted a great deal of time and energy to getting them to realize this, but both of them were so hopelessly thick-headed that he might as well have been talking to rocks.
Romano’s doorbell rang and he got up to let his brother inside. As expected, Italy greeted him with a big dopey smile, a bag of pastries in one hand and a cardboard drink-holder with some envelopes nestled between the cups in the other.
“Good morning, Brother! Thanks for inviting me over!” he chirped.
“Yeah, yeah, just come in already,” Romano grunted, waving him inside and taking the drink-holder from him. “What’re these?” He indicated the envelopes.
“Oh, the mailman was dropping off the mail when I pulled up so I thought I’d bring it in for you.”
Romano led the way into the kitchen and set down the drinks so that he could look over the mail. He gave each bill a derisive snort and tossed it carelessly over his shoulder. When he was finished, Romano was left with only one envelope. This particular one was addressed in handwritten scrawl. Frowning, Romano tore it open. There were three items inside: two tickets to some sort of stunt and magic performance and a very brief letter.
I know you usually throw these away, but it would really mean a lot to me if you would come see my show. I’m saving your usual fourth row and center seats for you in case you change your mind! Love, Spain
Catch You, Catch Me (3b/6?)
anonymous
January 22 2011, 20:09:40 UTC
Romano’s face flushed slightly and he rolled his eyes. “Jeez, this clueless bastard just doesn’t know how to take a hint.”
“What is it, Brother?” Italy asked, taking a seat at the table and plucking his drink from the tray. “Is it Spain again?”
“Yeah,” Romano huffed. “When will that dumb ass get it through his thick skull that just because I saved him once a long time ago, doesn’t mean I want anything to do with him?”
“He comes to my café sometimes,” Italy remarked. “He’s a really nice guy. He always asks about you… You never did tell me what Spain did to make you so mad, but I think it was all just a misunderstanding. Maybe you should give him second chance?”
Romano stuck his nose in the air stubbornly. It had been a while since he had seen Spain face-to-face, but time had not dimmed his memory of the man. He remembered his cheerful demeanor, his passable looks, the way he had flirted with Romano so openly. Unlike most men that Romano met, Spain didn’t completely disgust him from the get-go (that didn’t mean he liked him, though!) and deep in his heart, Romano knew that it was partially for this reason that he was so insistent on never seeing or speaking to him again.
For a majority of Romano’s life, he had played second fiddle to his younger brother. Even his parents and grandfather had preferred Italy. Romano had had only two lovers over the course of his lifetime, and both of them had ended up leaving him because they found themselves more attracted to the younger Vargas brother.
Though Romano had done his best to put all that behind him and act as if he didn’t care, the truth was that the scars ran deep. In his darkest moments, when he was lying in bed and there was no one to put up a front for, Romano told himself that even if he found someone to whom he wanted to give his whole body and heart, that person would toss him aside for his brother and the hurt would be so deep that he would never recover. And though he would never, ever admit this to anyone, the thought terrified him so much that he pushed away anyone he thought had any sort of potential to interest him romantically.
“Are you going to see his show?” Italy asked, taking a sip of his cappuccino.
“Hell no. Didn’t I just say I’m not interested in that bastard?”
“What a waste! I heard it’s a really good show, too. It’s gotten really good reviews in all the newspapers.”
“Like I care,” Romano said dispassionately around a mouthful of blueberry tart. “Anyway, if I show up, he’ll get the wrong idea.”
“Well… if you’re not going to use them, would you mind giving the tickets to me?”
“What’re you gonna do with them?”
“Um… I thought I might take Germany to see it. It would be a fun idea for a date, don’t you think?”
Romano’s face went red with rage at the very idea. “No fucking way am I giving them to you! You know how I feel about that potato dick!”
“I think you and Germany just got off on the wrong foot!” Italy said hurriedly. “If you could just start over…”
“Don’t give me that shit; I know what he’s like! I work with that asshole! Listen to me, Veniciano, ‘cause I’m telling you this for your own good: the guy’s a loser! He’s trying to take advantage of you!”
Italy looked hurt. “Germany would never take advantage of me. He’s one of the sweetest, gentlest people I know and we’re in love. You don’t hurt someone you’re in love with.”
“There’s no such thing as love, idiot! It’s a fucking fairy tale! If that twisted jerk feels anything for you, it’s only lust! How many times do I have to say this to you before you get it?!”
Italy opened his mouth to argue, but he could see the pain smoldering in his brother’s eyes and he fell silent. Nothing he said could change Romano’s mind, not when he had been hurt so many times. He would just have to keep praying that his brother’s special someone would show up soon and prove to him that he was mistaken. Romano shoved the letter and tickets back in the envelope and crumpled it into a ball before throwing the lot into the trash.
Catch You, Catch Me (3c/6?)
anonymous
January 22 2011, 20:11:33 UTC
It was a clear spring day about a year and a half ago when Romano first met Spain. The whole thing had been sheer coincidence. Romano decided to walk to work that day rather than drive like he normally did. He had managed to get out the door unusually early which meant that he had time to be a bit more leisurely in his pace.
The detective was stopped at a corner, waiting for the light to change when he first laid eyes on Spain. Spain hadn’t seen him yet; he was too busy texting someone. Romano saw the following events as if in slow motion. A child riding his bike on the sidewalk swerved to miss a dog crossing his path, and bumped Spain, causing him to drop his phone in the street. Spain, like the moron he was, unthinkingly stepped out into on-coming traffic to retrieve it, completely overlooking the city bus that was speeding toward him.
Acting on sheer instinct, Romano darted across the street and shoved Spain out of the way just in the nick of time. Unfortunately Romano had been less lucky; the bus clipped his leg and broke it badly. The Italian had always had a rather low tolerance for pain, so he had blacked out and didn’t awake until hours later, by which time he had been taken to the hospital.
The first thing he noticed as he began to regain consciousness was the sound of someone’s shoes against the carpet, pacing restlessly. Romano moaned; there was a sickly throbbing in his leg, though it didn’t hurt. He brought a hand to his head and found that a large piece of gauze had been taped to his face. Romano didn’t have time to process much more than this, because whoever was pacing in his room had noticed that he was awake.
“Oh! You’re awake! I’m so glad!”
Romano squinted at him. His head was throbbing, too. “Who the fuck’re you?”
“I’m Spain Fernandez-Carriedo, the guy you saved from the bus,” the man chirped, looking way too energetic. “And you’re Detective Romano Vargas, my hero!”
“I know who I am, dumb ass,” Romano grumbled, too miserable to muster up the bite he would usually put in his voice. “What the hell are you doing in my room?”
“I was waiting for you to wake up so I could say thank you for saving me,” Spain explained. “I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am! I’m just sorry you had to go and get so banged up because of it.”
“There’s always a punishment for doing something nice for someone,” Romano mumbled. “This time, there were two punishments: a broken leg and an annoying bastard in my room who won’t shut the hell up… God, I feel like I’m gonna puke.”
“The doctor said you have a minor concussion and that you might feel sick when you woke up,” Spain said, lowering his voice so as to lessen the aggravation to Romano’s poor spinning head. “Would you like some water?”
“F-fine…”
Spain hurried to pour Romano a glass of water from the pitcher that had been placed on Romano’s bedside table. Now that Spain had come closer, Romano could focus on him a bit better. Wavy dark hair, sun-kissed tan skin, lively green eyes, a body that erred on the lean and muscular side… Romano’s cheeks pinked slightly. The guy may be annoying as hell, but he certainly wasn’t the ugliest human being Romano had ever seen. Maybe it was just the concussion and worsening sick feeling in his stomach talking, though.
Spain offered Romano the glass of water just as the detective leaned over the edge of the bed and threw up on his shoes.
Catch You, Catch Me (3d/6?)
anonymous
January 22 2011, 20:14:12 UTC
Romano had been pretty sure that he would never see Spain again after his utterly humiliating performance, but Spain surprised him by showing up again the next day to visit him and pace in the waiting room while he had surgery to realign his bones after his multiple fractures. He came again the day after that and the day after that. In fact, Spain showed up to visit him for at least an hour every day the entire time Romano was recuperating.
And he brought gifts; sometimes flowers, or chocolate, or alcohol, or even full five course home-cooked meals. It was three months before Romano was completely healed and there was not a single day during that time that Spain failed to visit him and tell him how grateful he was for what Romano had done for him.
The detective didn’t know how to react to Spain. He cursed him out and told him that he was annoying and to go away several times per visit, but everything he said just slid off of Spain like water off a duck’s back. Aside from his family, no one had ever willingly put up with him for so long.
Factor in Spain’s tolerable looks, cheerful, easy-going personality, and the fact that he told Romano every day how glad he was to have met him, and Romano found his heart filled with the beginnings of worryingly tender feelings toward the man. Not love, of course (Romano wasn’t a moron or a masochist), but a disturbing lack of hatred and resentment, especially considering the fact that his leg had been broken saving this idiot.
But as Romano had learned the hard way over and over throughout his life, people could only pretend to be decent for a short amount of time before they exposed their rotten cores. He and Spain had been sitting on the couch that fateful day, watching TV, and Romano had nodded off against Spain’s shoulder. Spain, still not understanding even after the millions of times that Romano had warned him that he didn’t like being touched, thought that he could take advantage of Romano’s sleepiness to hold his hand. Well, he was lucky this time that Romano really was too tired to yell at him, but that didn’t mean he liked it.
That was when Italy showed up, a bag containing grilled sandwiches and pasta salad from his café in hand, intending to share them with his brother for dinner. Though Italy had visited Romano frequently during the time that he was recuperating, his and Spain’s visits had never coincided before. When Spain laid eyes on Italy, he stood up, leaving Romano to be startled awake by the sudden loss of support.
“Hey, are you Romano’s younger brother?” Spain asked, sounding way too interested for Romano’s liking. Warning signs were flaring up in his mind like fireworks in response to the tone of Spain’s voice. That was when Spain dropped the bomb on him. “You’re adorable! Why haven’t I met you before?”
That, to Romano’s paranoid ears, sounded like “Why have I been wasting my time with Romano when I could have had you this whole time?” And Romano flipped out. He jumped to his feet, sprinted around the couch and punched Spain in the jaw with all his might.
“Get the fuck out of my house! Both of you!” he shouted.
“Eh? Wh-what’s wrong, Brother?”
“R…Romano… why…?”
“Out! Get out right now or I’ll call the fucking cops on your asses!” Bewildered and hurt, Spain and Italy left Romano’s house, neither one of them understanding why they had just been thrown out. Once he had hurt the door slam shut, Romano hurried over to lock it, his chest heaving like he had just run a marathon. Then he slid his back down the door, dropping into a sitting position.
He didn’t care. I don’t give a shit, he told himself. Spain was a clueless idiot who never listened when he told him not to touch him or to go away, who forced his barely edible food down Romano’s throat, and wouldn’t shut up about how cute Romano was or about how much he liked him… He was only saying that stuff because I saved him. Everyone likes Veneciano better anyway. Why should stupid Spain be any different? I don’t give a shit about him. And Romano buried his face in his arms and sobbed. ******
Catch You, Catch Me (3e/6?)
anonymous
January 22 2011, 20:15:53 UTC
After that incident, Spain continued to call and knock on his door everyday but Romano ignored him. All the apology letters and gifts that Spain left on his doorstep were burned with deep satisfaction (except if he left something that looked really yummy and Romano hadn’t been to the grocery store in a while. Then he would eat it, but only with the greatest of reluctance). He had called the cops on Spain twice when he had shown up at his window at night to attempt to serenade him.
Yet Spain, ever the clueless dumb ass, still didn’t get it. He harassed Romano this way every single day until about eight months ago. After that, Spain just stopped visiting, stopped ringing the door bell, stopped leaving gifts. Romano had been grateful beyond belief. He had been starting to think that he would be stuck with Spain for the rest of his life. But Spain hadn’t given up altogether. He still sent tickets to his shows every time he had one.
Spain was a stage performer, and a very popular one at that. Apparently his stunts and magic tricks were second to none. Romano wouldn’t know; he’d never seen one of his shows and he didn’t plan to do so any time in the foreseeable future. Sometimes, in his weaker moments, Romano considered giving in and going to Spain’s stupid show, but then he forced himself to remember the utter betrayal of that day when Spain had met Italy and he would tear the tickets up with renewed hatred. If that asshole ever showed his face in front of Romano again, he was going to beat the crap out of him, no questions asked.
Re: Catch You, Catch Me (3e/6?)
anonymous
January 23 2011, 01:00:09 UTC
Awww. The scene between Romano and El Apasionado Cabarello made me squeal and smile like an idiot the entire time, but somehow, I really got sad after reading about Romano's love life. It's a shame, really. Poor thing.
I really hope they can get together without Spain being sent to jail or Romano being fired.
Re: Catch You, Catch Me (3e/6?)
anonymous
January 23 2011, 02:06:04 UTC
*new reader here*
I'm really glad you gave a background to Spain's love towards Romano. Love how you describe his insecurities in this one. Still waiting for why Spain decided to steal diamonds, though! :D
Catch You, Catch Me (4a/6?)
anonymous
January 24 2011, 21:04:00 UTC
After his outburst at Italy, Romano’s mind and heart slipped into turmoil. Their disagreement had not been the cause of his confusion and uncertainty, but it hadn’t really sunken in completely until after Italy, dejected, had left Romano’s house. Until last night’s run-in with El Apasionado Caballero, it had been Romano’s unshaken conviction that love did not exist. But then that stupid, annoying thief had gone and planted a seed of doubt in his mind.
El Apasionado Caballero could have easily let Romano die last night, and the detective couldn’t understand for the life of him why he hadn’t done so. If Romano captured him and put him in jail, El Apasionado Caballero’s life would be seriously messed up. He wouldn’t get a life-time sentence, especially since he had never attempted to injure anyone or even carried a weapon of any kind, but because of the serial nature of his crimes and the value of the items he stole, he would spend at least several years in prison for it. Even after he was released from jail, the repercussions would follow him for life. Why would El Apasionado Caballero not take the chance to get rid of the person who intended to see that he got what he had coming to him?
On top of that, he hadn’t seemed the least bit upset over losing the diamond he had put himself on the line in order to steal. He had even called it worthless in comparison to Romano. Romano couldn’t imagine what would drive a criminal, of all people, to act this way. When he had asked El Apasionado Caballero why he had done it, his answer had been “I love you, Romano. I can’t bear the thought of anything happening to you.” (The fact that he remembered El Apasionado Caballero’s exact words in that instance had nothing to do with him liking what he had heard and everything to do with his finely honed skill as a detective.)
Romano supposed he could have understood if the thief had said he’d done it because he didn’t want a person’s death on his conscience. He would also have understood if El Apasionado Caballero thought so little of him as a detective (because if he was honest with himself, his track record on this particular case was not that impressive) that he wished to keep Romano in his place as head of his case so that no one who posed a real threat would take up the position instead. But the answer he had received had thrown him into deep uncertainty about what he had thought he’d known for sure.
The detective had long ago learned not to be swayed by pretty words, but when accompanied by such an undeniably selfless act, he was almost kind of tempted to wonder whether there might have been some truth to what El Apasionado Caballero had said. Actually, his real purpose in asking Italy to come over today was to discuss with him what had happened in hopes of getting his thoughts on the matter. Italy may have been an airhead, but he was a lot more confident when it came to matters of the heart. Romano’s heart was uninvolved in this particular matter, of course, but that was beside the point.
Romano knew that he wouldn’t have been able to discuss things of this nature as openly as he wished he could, even if Italy was his brother, but he might have been able to express his problem somehow. If only dumb ass Spain and that damn potato bastard hadn’t interfered, he might be feeling a little less crappy right now. Not only that, but maybe he did kind of feel bad about hurting Italy’s feelings like that.
The detective sighed and flopped down onto his bed, irritable and shaken. Why did that bastard of a thief have to keep screwing with his head? Why couldn’t he just go away and leave Romano to his refreshingly simple, albeit depressing worldview? Romano wriggled back under the covers and curled in on himself, even though it was only eleven in the morning. Perhaps he would take an early siesta today.
El Apasionado Caballero’s lips pressed against his cheek tenderly, trailing a string of kisses unhurriedly down his neck. Romano could feel the thief’s bare chest resting against his equally bare back, well defined abs flexing against his skin.
El Apasionado Caballero’s usual highly flattering black dress slacks had been traded for ultra-low riding jeans which exposed his fine treasure trail and the angular curves of his hip bones. Those jeans had yet to be shed, but there was no doubt in Romano’s mind that it would happen in time. Even Romano’s bottom-half was still clothed, and yet he was more turned on than he could remember ever having been in his entire life. It wasn’t fair that El Apasionado Caballero could do this to him, seemingly with so little effort, but at the moment Romano could hardly bring himself to care.
El Apasionado Caballero was whispering sweet words in his ear in Spanish, punctuating his romantic monologue with kisses. His hand slipped into Romano’s hair, locating his curl as quickly and effortlessly as if he had known ahead of time exactly where it was and what it did. It was only through sheer force of will that Romano managed not to come when El Apasionado Caballero gave it a slow, sensuous pull. This was not an easy feat, considering the fact that the thief’s other hand was between his legs, stroking his aching arousal in a leisurely manner that almost had Romano believing that he wasn’t as hot and bothered as he was. But the thief couldn’t fool him, not when he kept rocking his hips against Romano’s bottom. There was no mistaking the fact that El Apasionado Caballero was fully erect as well.
“E-enough messing around,” Romano grunted. “I can’t… chigi… I’ve had enough damn t-teasing… chigigi…”
“Are you at your limit, my little tomato?” El Apasionado Caballero whispered.
Romano didn’t bother to answer verbally, finding the question rather humiliating; instead he fumbled with his zipper, hands shaking violently as he teetered on the verge of an orgasm. El Apasionado Caballero took his hands in his steadier ones, stopping him.
“Calm down, my love,” he breathed. “There’s no need to rush.”
Romano was about to snap at him that there was a need to rush because he was about five seconds from making a mess of his pants when El Apasionado Caballero unzipped his pants for him, cupping his manhood in his palm over his boxers. The detective whined, shuddering as El Apasionado Caballero’s fingertips traced up the underside of his cock.
Even now, as the thief attempted to slowly drive him crazy, Romano was acutely aware of El Apasionado Caballero’s harsh breathing against his neck, the erection that had been freed from the confines of his boxers rutting against him from behind, the warm and spicy scent of the other man’s cologne. Somehow it was these details that made the experience so much more intimate and pleasurable to him. The fingers massaging the head of his arousal didn’t hurt either.
“Mmm…Romano…” El Apasionado Caballero panted. “I... l-love you…”
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Romano blushed scarlet as he looked down at his sticky sheets, humiliated by the fact that they had been made that way by an erotic dream about that fucking thief, of all people. He didn’t even like the bastard. In fact, he hated him with every particle of his being. Was he so lonely and desperate that thoughts of any random person would do?
He realized that he had fallen asleep clutching the tomato-shaped bauble with the delicate silver chains still attached to either side which he had ripped off of El Apasionado Caballero’s cloak the last time they had met, two weeks ago. Romano drew back his arm to throw the cursed thing across the room, but for some weird reason, he couldn’t do it, and that made him feel sick. One would think he was pining like some pathetic moron with the way he was acting. Already in a bad mood, Romano dropped the trinket on his bedside table and wiped the sweat from his forehead.
The detective got out of bed and stripped off his sheets for washing before heading toward the shower. He had seen El Apasionado Caballero use what appeared to be magic on every job Romano had ever followed him to; perhaps the thief had put some sort of pervert spell on him. That had to be it, or else Romano never would have seen him in such a dream.
Feeling a little less ashamed of himself now that he had found an explanation that shifted the blame away from him, Romano stepped into the bathroom and reached for his toothbrush. That was when he caught sight of his face in the mirror. Romano rubbed his eyes and shook his head, wondering if his mind was playing tricks on him. But no, when he opened his eyes again, it was still there: bold black writing scrawled across his cheek.
It had been smeared slightly, presumably when he had let his cheek rest against his pillow before the message had finished drying, but it was still legible. I will steal the Faith Diamond from the Chiarina City Museum of Natural History on October 8th at 9 PM. Love, El Apasionado Caballero. The detective’s cheeks reddened. What the hell was the thief playing at, signing his calling card with “love”? What a sicko!
But Romano hardly cared at the moment; he was too excited by the promise of another chance. October 8th was tomorrow! That didn’t give him much time to prepare. Romano began to brush his teeth at a furious pace, eager to head over to the museum so that he could get things set up.
******
If Romano had been confident in his last plan to capture El Apasionado Caballero, it was nothing compared to his level of confidence right now. Romano had been waiting eagerly for this item to arrive for about a month, and now it was finally here. It was a trick display platform and pedestal which he had custom ordered from a specialty place on the internet.
The idea was that if anyone lifted the glass display case, bars would spring out from the perimeter of the platform, forming a cage to trap the perpetrator. Romano had already tested it out himself and it worked like a dream. El Apasionado Caballero wouldn’t know what hit him.
Romano was in place by the time nine o’clock rolled around, hiding as usual in a place which would allow him full view of the Faith Diamond. His heart began to pound excitedly as the appointed time drew closer. In mere minutes, he would be staring down that pathetic excuse of a cat burglar from the other side of steel bars, laughing his ass off because they would both finally know which of them was superior. And El Apasionado Caballero would probably cry like a big dumb baby, but Romano wouldn’t care because he had won.
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What if the thief had come in while he was having that embarrassing dream? What if he had seen Romano tossing, turning, panting and moaning his name? What if his presence, his touch, had been what triggered that damnable fantasy (which Romano still maintained was due to some weird magic that had been cast on him rather than being any sort of reflection of real desires that he might have)?
Romano was so mortified by the thought that he skipped going red and went white as a sheet instead. El Apasionado Caballero was going to show up at any minute and Romano was going to have to face him. Whether the thief had witnessed him having the dream or not, Romano knew he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it. It had already been hanging over his head all day and he hadn’t even come face-to-face with El Apasionado Caballero yet. How could he look him in the eye now?
Romano was nowhere near being mentally prepared to deal with El Apasionado Caballero when he heard the flamenco music begin. The detective panicked, looking around wildly for somewhere to hide when he remembered that he was already hiding. This was no good; now he had no choice but to face him.
Romano was so distressed that he didn’t even have the presence of mind to appreciate the flamenco intro (not that he enjoyed it or anything; he’d just heard some of the other officers talking about how cool it was. Honestly, there was just no accounting for taste). He couldn’t even see the thief. Where on earth was that music coming from anyway?
“The lack of response to my music is really starting to get me down,” El Apasionado Caballero pouted, his voice muffled. “I thought it was cool…”
A ceiling panel suddenly vanished and El Apasionado Caballero poked his head out to look around. “Helloooo? Any cute little tomato detectives in here?”
Romano said nothing, but watched intently as the thief did a flip down from the ceiling, landing gracefully on his feet. His heart did a strange little flutter, but it had nothing to do with that lame monkey trick. It was just excitement from his impending victory, and discomfort as memories of his humiliating dream flashed through his head. El Apasionado Caballero waited, his arms spread expectantly. When there was no reaction, he let them fall to his sides, looking disappointed.
“You police officers are a tough crowd, huh?” he said. “Is there anything that impresses you guys? But I guess as long as my little tomato saw it, it’s ok.”
Well, Romano had seen it, but he wasn’t impressed; not in the slightest.
“You’re really not gonna come out unless I go for the diamond, huh, Romano?”
El Apasionado Caballero sighed and turned toward the display that housed the Faith Diamond. Romano could see the thief’s eyebrows half disappearing behind his mask as he frowned.
“That’s weird… Did that display look like that yesterday when I came to scope out the scene?” El Apasionado Caballero wondered aloud.
He contemplated it for a moment longer, then shrugged and pranced over to it, completely unsuspecting. Romano leaned forward and held his breath. He was so close. So close. His heart was pounding so hard that it almost felt like it would explode when El Apasionado Caballero jimmied the lock and lifted the glass case slowly. Romano jumped up and cheered as the bars shot up out of the platform and clanged shut around the thief.
“Whoa, hey! What’s this?!” El Apasionado Caballero gasped.
“What’s it look like, dumb ass?!” Romano cackled, springing out of his hiding spot. “It’s a trap and you fell for it! God, you are so…”
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“Eh? What’s wrong, Romano?” El Apasionado Caballero asked, looking genuinely concerned. “Your face is looking pretty red… Do you have a fever?”
El Apasionado Caballero reached through the bars and touched Romano’s cheek softly, checking his temperature. Romano’s eyes slipped closed and he shuddered.
“D-don’t touch me!” he snapped, slapping El Apasionado Caballero’s hand away. “You… You’re in a cage and… I’ve won and you suck and now I… I never have to…”
Romano trailed off again as reality set in. This was it. If he captured El Apasionado Caballero, the thief would go to jail and the chase would be over permanently. No more planning traps, no more calling cards, no more long legged, overdressed, smooth-talking, taut-assed thief. It was over; he had really won. Suddenly Romano felt ill.
Meanwhile, El Apasionado Caballero was watching his face closely. His heart panged with a sort of sad, sweet joy when he saw the trepidation on Romano’s face as he realized that their time together was over. It was hard to tell with Romano sometimes because he was so grumpy, but now he had proof that Romano didn’t think as little of him as he said he did. El Apasionado Caballero knew that he couldn’t let things end this way.
He paced the cage, examining it carefully for any weaknesses. The bars weren’t very close together; perhaps there was hope for escape. El Apasionado Caballero turned, plucked the Faith Diamond from its display the pressed himself into the space between the bars. It was going to be a tight fit, but maybe… El Apasionado Caballero let all the breath out of his lungs to help make himself skinnier and began to squirm.
Romano was in a horrified trance over his realization and didn’t even notice what El Apasionado Caballero was doing. Sure he would be a hero after capturing this infamous thief, but it would be a hollow victory. Chasing El Apasionado Caballero had been the most thrilling thing he had done in his entire career. Would another thief that posed just as much of a challenge step up to take El Apasionado Caballero’s place once he was gone? Somehow the thought of this didn’t console Romano like he thought it would.
“There, there, little tomato, don’t be sad,” El Apasionado Caballero breathed, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into his embrace. “I can’t stand to see you so upset… I know! How about a cheer-up charm! Fusosososo… Fusosososo…”
Romano jumped, his eyes growing wide. “What…? How did you…? Why aren’t you…?”
“Oh, I squeezed out between the bars!” El Apasionado Caballero replied cheerfully. “It was kind of tough, but I made it!”
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“F-fucking pervert!” Romano screamed. “Hey, you shitty officers! The damn trap failed so get in here and help me catch him!”
“Oops, time to go!” the thief commented.
El Apasionado Caballero was already making for the exit, Romano hot on his trail as the other officers flooded into the room. It seemed that the thief wasn’t going to try for another smoke bomb exit and Romano was grateful for that. El Apasionado Caballero darted into the woods behind the museum, weaving wildly back and forth between the trees in hopes of losing the officers who were following him.
Some of the less fit officers were dropping away as they ran out of energy, but Romano wasn’t about to let him go. He purposely didn’t let on when he could help it, but he could run quite fast when it suited him. El Apasionado Caballero glanced back over his shoulder to see who was still behind him and grinned happily when he saw that only Romano was still on his tail.
That moment of distraction almost cost El Apasionado Caballero his life. He skidded to a halt just in time to avoid running right off a cliff. In his shock over almost having died, the Faith Diamond slipped from his fingers. Romano’s mouth fell open in a silent scream as he watched the diamond tumble over the edge of the cliff, moving as if it was falling in slow motion.
“Dumb ass!” he roared, launching himself forward and making a desperate snatch for it.
He overbalanced, missing the diamond and tumbled over the edge.
“ROMANO!!” El Apasionado Caballero screamed, dropping to his knees and peering over the brink. The detective was clutching a protruding tree branch for dear life.
“D-don’t just stand there, you b-b-bastard!” Romano sniffled, his eyes filling with terrified tears, his bottom lip trembling. “S-save me!”
El Apasionado Caballero was just extending Romano his hand when a little twinkle in the leaves of the tree branch that was keeping Romano from plunging to his death caught his eye. The diamond was caught in the foliage. El Apasionado Caballero shook his head minutely. The moment Romano released the branch, the diamond would be flung into oblivion, but he wasn’t about to risk Romano slipping just for a shiny rock.
El Apasionado Caballero pulled Romano up and into his arms, hugging him like his life depended on it. Romano was so petrified that he just trembled in El Apasionado Caballero’s arms, tears of relief spilling down his cheeks.
“Don’t ever do anything like that again!” El Apasionado Caballero scolded, shaking Romano. “You could have died!”
“Wh-what do you care?” Romano mumbled, blushing as he wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “I’m trying to put you in jail, moron. You should want me out of the way… Anyway, the diamond-”
“Is worthless to me compared to you! There are thousands, maybe millions of diamonds in this world but there’s only one sweet little Romano tomato!”
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“I love you, Romano,” El Apasionado Caballero whispered, “I can’t bear the thought of anything happening to you. Promise you’ll never do something reckless like that ever again.”
Romano blushed, but only because he was so shocked and disgusted to be hearing those words from another man. “S-stupid… I don’t wanna hear that from you. And don’t throw those words around so lightly... If I…” he paused, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat, “if I actually gave a shit about you I’d be pissed beyond belief if you were j… just making shit up.”
“I mean it,” El Apasionado Caballero assured him. “With all my heart.”
Romano’s stomach felt strange again. His chest felt weird, too. Maybe stupid jerk El Apasionado Caballero had put another spell on him.
“A-anyway, shut up and get your perverted hands off me or I’ll head-butt you again,” he mumbled. Romano didn’t pull away himself, but only because he was so drained after almost dying.
El Apasionado Caballero released him hurriedly; his ribs still hurt from the last head-butt. Romano hurriedly turned his back on him so that he wouldn’t see the color in his cheeks and get the wrong idea.
“I guess you’re gonna arrest me now, huh?” El Apasionado Caballero sighed. “I don’t really feel like running anymore.”
He held out his wrists, waiting for Romano to slap the handcuffs on him. Romano didn’t turn around, but he mumbled something that El Apasionado Caballero couldn’t hear.
“Eh?”
“I said… I don’t wanna look at your stupid face anymore. G-get out of here.”
“You mean it, Romano?”
“I… I owe you for pulling me up just now… If it’d been any other thief I’d been chasing they probably would’ve let me fall…”
“Oh, Romano, thank you! That’s so sweet! I knew you wouldn’t really put me in jail!”
“Sh-shut up or I’ll head-butt you again, you bastard! I just don’t wanna be in the debt of any shitty thief!”
“Ok, ok, I’m going!”
El Apasionado Caballero smiled softly at him before turning around and starting to walk away. Then he paused and looked back at him over his shoulder.
“Better luck next time, my little tomato,” he said.
Romano whirled around furiously. “Don’t you dare say that fucking line to me! I’m letting you go, asswipe!”
“But I have to say it!” El Apasionado Caballero insisted. “It’s my suave exit line! Every gentleman thief needs a suave exit line! Maybe you don’t understand because you’re a detective, but…”
El Apasionado Caballero’s words were sharply cut off by a head-butt to the back.
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I can't wait until you post more! Romano as a fail!detective is brilliant. You write his character very well, with his shifting the blame of something toward somebody else, and his confidence in his repetitive schemes, and his easily distracted, somewhat emotional nature. . . I love how you portray his feelings regarding 'El Apasionado Caballero.' He's attracted to him (lovelovelove Romano's dream and the events after, where he thinks about the possibility that Spain had seen it) but trying and failing to hide it. And that one scene, where he's basically about to die and he asks for Spain to help him was just so in-character and so beautiful. . .
You characterize El Apasionado Caballero (haha, I totally just copy-paste the name whenever it comes up XD) so well, too. He's silly in that completely oblivious-Spain way, but he's also competent. The relationship he has with Romano is interesting, and I'm really liking how you're fleshing it out. Particularly in this scene, where he saves Romano instead of the diamond.
The humor in this is awesome, too. The bars on the cage are skinny enough for Spain to squeeze through. Romano's fail!team of police who never show up until he calls them. The fact that Romano's using a cage in the first place. I freaking love this! Normally, humor either slides right past me or tries too hard, but this! This is the perfect balance of cute, fluff, romance, action (I love the way you write these scenes by the way), and everything.
Sorry if this is too incoherent and ramble-y; I'm just so excited about this fill! ^^
Update this soon! It's amazing!
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Romano’s boss, a man by the name of England, was strict and quick-tempered. For some reason, when he found himself face-to-face with England, he became a nervous, quivering mess who could only squeak out timid replies to his boss’s snarled questions and accusations. Actually, Romano knew exactly why England had this effect on him; the man was terrifying. The less he had to do with him, Romano thought, the better, but he had been finding himself in England’s office more and more lately.
But that could be put off until Monday. Until then, Romano had two full days to do as he pleased, provided that El Apasionado Caballero didn’t screw that up by sending a calling card for Saturday or Sunday. Today, Romano decided that he’d spend some time with his little brother. He had called him up and hinted in the most obvious way that he could without completely tossing his pride out the window that he wouldn’t hate the idea of his brother coming over with some pastries and cappuccino from his shop for them to share at Romano’s place.
The detective’s younger brother, Italy, owned a quaint little café a block away from the police station. Thanks to his location and outstanding cooking abilities (which he had inherited from Romano), he did a roaring trade with police officers, who liked going there on their breaks. Unfortunately for Romano, this also meant that Italy, who had always been naïve and a bit weak in the head, was frequently exposed to the lowlifes that Romano had the misfortune to call co-workers. In particular, it had allowed Italy to meet a certain potato bastard.
The two of them seemed to be trying to keep it on the down-low, but Romano knew for a fact that they were dating. He had gone to his brother’s café one day for lunch, walked around the counter to help himself like he always did, found the two of them making out in the back room and promptly lost his appetite. Romano knew instantly that they were terrible for each other and had devoted a great deal of time and energy to getting them to realize this, but both of them were so hopelessly thick-headed that he might as well have been talking to rocks.
Romano’s doorbell rang and he got up to let his brother inside. As expected, Italy greeted him with a big dopey smile, a bag of pastries in one hand and a cardboard drink-holder with some envelopes nestled between the cups in the other.
“Good morning, Brother! Thanks for inviting me over!” he chirped.
“Yeah, yeah, just come in already,” Romano grunted, waving him inside and taking the drink-holder from him. “What’re these?”
He indicated the envelopes.
“Oh, the mailman was dropping off the mail when I pulled up so I thought I’d bring it in for you.”
Romano led the way into the kitchen and set down the drinks so that he could look over the mail. He gave each bill a derisive snort and tossed it carelessly over his shoulder. When he was finished, Romano was left with only one envelope. This particular one was addressed in handwritten scrawl. Frowning, Romano tore it open. There were three items inside: two tickets to some sort of stunt and magic performance and a very brief letter.
I know you usually throw these away, but it would really mean a lot to me if you would come see my show. I’m saving your usual fourth row and center seats for you in case you change your mind!
Love,
Spain
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“What is it, Brother?” Italy asked, taking a seat at the table and plucking his drink from the tray. “Is it Spain again?”
“Yeah,” Romano huffed. “When will that dumb ass get it through his thick skull that just because I saved him once a long time ago, doesn’t mean I want anything to do with him?”
“He comes to my café sometimes,” Italy remarked. “He’s a really nice guy. He always asks about you… You never did tell me what Spain did to make you so mad, but I think it was all just a misunderstanding. Maybe you should give him second chance?”
Romano stuck his nose in the air stubbornly. It had been a while since he had seen Spain face-to-face, but time had not dimmed his memory of the man. He remembered his cheerful demeanor, his passable looks, the way he had flirted with Romano so openly. Unlike most men that Romano met, Spain didn’t completely disgust him from the get-go (that didn’t mean he liked him, though!) and deep in his heart, Romano knew that it was partially for this reason that he was so insistent on never seeing or speaking to him again.
For a majority of Romano’s life, he had played second fiddle to his younger brother. Even his parents and grandfather had preferred Italy. Romano had had only two lovers over the course of his lifetime, and both of them had ended up leaving him because they found themselves more attracted to the younger Vargas brother.
Though Romano had done his best to put all that behind him and act as if he didn’t care, the truth was that the scars ran deep. In his darkest moments, when he was lying in bed and there was no one to put up a front for, Romano told himself that even if he found someone to whom he wanted to give his whole body and heart, that person would toss him aside for his brother and the hurt would be so deep that he would never recover. And though he would never, ever admit this to anyone, the thought terrified him so much that he pushed away anyone he thought had any sort of potential to interest him romantically.
“Are you going to see his show?” Italy asked, taking a sip of his cappuccino.
“Hell no. Didn’t I just say I’m not interested in that bastard?”
“What a waste! I heard it’s a really good show, too. It’s gotten really good reviews in all the newspapers.”
“Like I care,” Romano said dispassionately around a mouthful of blueberry tart. “Anyway, if I show up, he’ll get the wrong idea.”
“Well… if you’re not going to use them, would you mind giving the tickets to me?”
“What’re you gonna do with them?”
“Um… I thought I might take Germany to see it. It would be a fun idea for a date, don’t you think?”
Romano’s face went red with rage at the very idea. “No fucking way am I giving them to you! You know how I feel about that potato dick!”
“I think you and Germany just got off on the wrong foot!” Italy said hurriedly. “If you could just start over…”
“Don’t give me that shit; I know what he’s like! I work with that asshole! Listen to me, Veniciano, ‘cause I’m telling you this for your own good: the guy’s a loser! He’s trying to take advantage of you!”
Italy looked hurt. “Germany would never take advantage of me. He’s one of the sweetest, gentlest people I know and we’re in love. You don’t hurt someone you’re in love with.”
“There’s no such thing as love, idiot! It’s a fucking fairy tale! If that twisted jerk feels anything for you, it’s only lust! How many times do I have to say this to you before you get it?!”
Italy opened his mouth to argue, but he could see the pain smoldering in his brother’s eyes and he fell silent. Nothing he said could change Romano’s mind, not when he had been hurt so many times. He would just have to keep praying that his brother’s special someone would show up soon and prove to him that he was mistaken. Romano shoved the letter and tickets back in the envelope and crumpled it into a ball before throwing the lot into the trash.
******
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The detective was stopped at a corner, waiting for the light to change when he first laid eyes on Spain. Spain hadn’t seen him yet; he was too busy texting someone. Romano saw the following events as if in slow motion. A child riding his bike on the sidewalk swerved to miss a dog crossing his path, and bumped Spain, causing him to drop his phone in the street. Spain, like the moron he was, unthinkingly stepped out into on-coming traffic to retrieve it, completely overlooking the city bus that was speeding toward him.
Acting on sheer instinct, Romano darted across the street and shoved Spain out of the way just in the nick of time. Unfortunately Romano had been less lucky; the bus clipped his leg and broke it badly. The Italian had always had a rather low tolerance for pain, so he had blacked out and didn’t awake until hours later, by which time he had been taken to the hospital.
The first thing he noticed as he began to regain consciousness was the sound of someone’s shoes against the carpet, pacing restlessly. Romano moaned; there was a sickly throbbing in his leg, though it didn’t hurt. He brought a hand to his head and found that a large piece of gauze had been taped to his face. Romano didn’t have time to process much more than this, because whoever was pacing in his room had noticed that he was awake.
“Oh! You’re awake! I’m so glad!”
Romano squinted at him. His head was throbbing, too. “Who the fuck’re you?”
“I’m Spain Fernandez-Carriedo, the guy you saved from the bus,” the man chirped, looking way too energetic. “And you’re Detective Romano Vargas, my hero!”
“I know who I am, dumb ass,” Romano grumbled, too miserable to muster up the bite he would usually put in his voice. “What the hell are you doing in my room?”
“I was waiting for you to wake up so I could say thank you for saving me,” Spain explained. “I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am! I’m just sorry you had to go and get so banged up because of it.”
“There’s always a punishment for doing something nice for someone,” Romano mumbled. “This time, there were two punishments: a broken leg and an annoying bastard in my room who won’t shut the hell up… God, I feel like I’m gonna puke.”
“The doctor said you have a minor concussion and that you might feel sick when you woke up,” Spain said, lowering his voice so as to lessen the aggravation to Romano’s poor spinning head. “Would you like some water?”
“F-fine…”
Spain hurried to pour Romano a glass of water from the pitcher that had been placed on Romano’s bedside table. Now that Spain had come closer, Romano could focus on him a bit better. Wavy dark hair, sun-kissed tan skin, lively green eyes, a body that erred on the lean and muscular side… Romano’s cheeks pinked slightly. The guy may be annoying as hell, but he certainly wasn’t the ugliest human being Romano had ever seen. Maybe it was just the concussion and worsening sick feeling in his stomach talking, though.
Spain offered Romano the glass of water just as the detective leaned over the edge of the bed and threw up on his shoes.
******
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And he brought gifts; sometimes flowers, or chocolate, or alcohol, or even full five course home-cooked meals. It was three months before Romano was completely healed and there was not a single day during that time that Spain failed to visit him and tell him how grateful he was for what Romano had done for him.
The detective didn’t know how to react to Spain. He cursed him out and told him that he was annoying and to go away several times per visit, but everything he said just slid off of Spain like water off a duck’s back. Aside from his family, no one had ever willingly put up with him for so long.
Factor in Spain’s tolerable looks, cheerful, easy-going personality, and the fact that he told Romano every day how glad he was to have met him, and Romano found his heart filled with the beginnings of worryingly tender feelings toward the man. Not love, of course (Romano wasn’t a moron or a masochist), but a disturbing lack of hatred and resentment, especially considering the fact that his leg had been broken saving this idiot.
But as Romano had learned the hard way over and over throughout his life, people could only pretend to be decent for a short amount of time before they exposed their rotten cores. He and Spain had been sitting on the couch that fateful day, watching TV, and Romano had nodded off against Spain’s shoulder. Spain, still not understanding even after the millions of times that Romano had warned him that he didn’t like being touched, thought that he could take advantage of Romano’s sleepiness to hold his hand. Well, he was lucky this time that Romano really was too tired to yell at him, but that didn’t mean he liked it.
That was when Italy showed up, a bag containing grilled sandwiches and pasta salad from his café in hand, intending to share them with his brother for dinner. Though Italy had visited Romano frequently during the time that he was recuperating, his and Spain’s visits had never coincided before. When Spain laid eyes on Italy, he stood up, leaving Romano to be startled awake by the sudden loss of support.
“Hey, are you Romano’s younger brother?” Spain asked, sounding way too interested for Romano’s liking. Warning signs were flaring up in his mind like fireworks in response to the tone of Spain’s voice. That was when Spain dropped the bomb on him. “You’re adorable! Why haven’t I met you before?”
That, to Romano’s paranoid ears, sounded like “Why have I been wasting my time with Romano when I could have had you this whole time?” And Romano flipped out. He jumped to his feet, sprinted around the couch and punched Spain in the jaw with all his might.
“Get the fuck out of my house! Both of you!” he shouted.
“Eh? Wh-what’s wrong, Brother?”
“R…Romano… why…?”
“Out! Get out right now or I’ll call the fucking cops on your asses!”
Bewildered and hurt, Spain and Italy left Romano’s house, neither one of them understanding why they had just been thrown out. Once he had hurt the door slam shut, Romano hurried over to lock it, his chest heaving like he had just run a marathon. Then he slid his back down the door, dropping into a sitting position.
He didn’t care. I don’t give a shit, he told himself. Spain was a clueless idiot who never listened when he told him not to touch him or to go away, who forced his barely edible food down Romano’s throat, and wouldn’t shut up about how cute Romano was or about how much he liked him… He was only saying that stuff because I saved him. Everyone likes Veneciano better anyway. Why should stupid Spain be any different? I don’t give a shit about him. And Romano buried his face in his arms and sobbed.
******
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Yet Spain, ever the clueless dumb ass, still didn’t get it. He harassed Romano this way every single day until about eight months ago. After that, Spain just stopped visiting, stopped ringing the door bell, stopped leaving gifts. Romano had been grateful beyond belief. He had been starting to think that he would be stuck with Spain for the rest of his life. But Spain hadn’t given up altogether. He still sent tickets to his shows every time he had one.
Spain was a stage performer, and a very popular one at that. Apparently his stunts and magic tricks were second to none. Romano wouldn’t know; he’d never seen one of his shows and he didn’t plan to do so any time in the foreseeable future. Sometimes, in his weaker moments, Romano considered giving in and going to Spain’s stupid show, but then he forced himself to remember the utter betrayal of that day when Spain had met Italy and he would tear the tickets up with renewed hatred. If that asshole ever showed his face in front of Romano again, he was going to beat the crap out of him, no questions asked.
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I really hope they can get together without Spain being sent to jail or Romano being fired.
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I'm really glad you gave a background to Spain's love towards Romano. Love how you describe his insecurities in this one. Still waiting for why Spain decided to steal diamonds, though! :D
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El Apasionado Caballero could have easily let Romano die last night, and the detective couldn’t understand for the life of him why he hadn’t done so. If Romano captured him and put him in jail, El Apasionado Caballero’s life would be seriously messed up. He wouldn’t get a life-time sentence, especially since he had never attempted to injure anyone or even carried a weapon of any kind, but because of the serial nature of his crimes and the value of the items he stole, he would spend at least several years in prison for it. Even after he was released from jail, the repercussions would follow him for life. Why would El Apasionado Caballero not take the chance to get rid of the person who intended to see that he got what he had coming to him?
On top of that, he hadn’t seemed the least bit upset over losing the diamond he had put himself on the line in order to steal. He had even called it worthless in comparison to Romano. Romano couldn’t imagine what would drive a criminal, of all people, to act this way. When he had asked El Apasionado Caballero why he had done it, his answer had been “I love you, Romano. I can’t bear the thought of anything happening to you.” (The fact that he remembered El Apasionado Caballero’s exact words in that instance had nothing to do with him liking what he had heard and everything to do with his finely honed skill as a detective.)
Romano supposed he could have understood if the thief had said he’d done it because he didn’t want a person’s death on his conscience. He would also have understood if El Apasionado Caballero thought so little of him as a detective (because if he was honest with himself, his track record on this particular case was not that impressive) that he wished to keep Romano in his place as head of his case so that no one who posed a real threat would take up the position instead. But the answer he had received had thrown him into deep uncertainty about what he had thought he’d known for sure.
The detective had long ago learned not to be swayed by pretty words, but when accompanied by such an undeniably selfless act, he was almost kind of tempted to wonder whether there might have been some truth to what El Apasionado Caballero had said. Actually, his real purpose in asking Italy to come over today was to discuss with him what had happened in hopes of getting his thoughts on the matter. Italy may have been an airhead, but he was a lot more confident when it came to matters of the heart. Romano’s heart was uninvolved in this particular matter, of course, but that was beside the point.
Romano knew that he wouldn’t have been able to discuss things of this nature as openly as he wished he could, even if Italy was his brother, but he might have been able to express his problem somehow. If only dumb ass Spain and that damn potato bastard hadn’t interfered, he might be feeling a little less crappy right now. Not only that, but maybe he did kind of feel bad about hurting Italy’s feelings like that.
The detective sighed and flopped down onto his bed, irritable and shaken. Why did that bastard of a thief have to keep screwing with his head? Why couldn’t he just go away and leave Romano to his refreshingly simple, albeit depressing worldview? Romano wriggled back under the covers and curled in on himself, even though it was only eleven in the morning. Perhaps he would take an early siesta today.
******
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