Untitled 3a/?
anonymous
December 29 2010, 04:21:57 UTC
T_T I give up on this part. I’ve edited and rewritten everything so many times, but it just doesn’t read the way I want it to. I’m sorry. I hope it’s not terrible and doesn’t put anyone to sleep. OTL Also… I feel like it’s necessary to say that Netherlands is not going to rape Romano or anything >_<;; He definitely plays a part in causing Romano to develop homophobia, but there’s no bad-touching. Not in this fic, at least.
Present
When Romano woke up he was momentarily confused as to where he was. Somehow he had gotten tucked into a bed, and-Romano pushed back the blankets to see what he was wearing-changed into pajamas, as well. Then the memory of the previous night crept into his mind, and Romano realized he was in the hotel that he had reserved a room with Spain in.
Spain… was sleeping soundly in the bed beside him apparently. He had probably been the one to get Romano under the covers. And in pajamas. Which meant, Romano realized with a strange flutter in his stomach, that Spain had undressed him last night in order to change his clothes. Romano grasped his pajama shirt in hand as embarrassment flooded through him. He didn’t think Spain would go so far as to change his boxers-Romano checked anyway, and no, thank God-but still, he had seen him mostly naked, and Romano felt very uncomfortable with that. Giving him baths and changing his clothes was one thing as a child, but Romano was an adult now, and his body wasn’t something to be put on display so easily.
Veneziano tended to be of the opinion that Romano was far too protective of his body. Romano tended to be of the opinion that he didn’t protect it enough. The world around him was becoming more and more sexually deviant. It was making it very difficult to stay virtuous. Not that Spain would have taken advantage of him or anything because Spain wasn’t like that, but Romano didn’t show his body to anybody. Not to people with bad intentions and not to people with good intentions. It was wrong.
Then there was, of course, the fact that Romano hated his body. After being compared to Veneziano so often as a child, Romano had ended up using his brother as the standard he needed to measure up to. But it was a standard he could never reach. Veneziano had softer, lighter skin, and Romano had yet to find a single freckle or odd mark. His figure was small and lean, and everything was in beautiful proportion. Romano’s skin was olive-colored and marred with quite a few light scars that he had managed to attain due to his clumsiness. His hands were calloused from working in tomato fields, and his nails were chewed on and uneven. He was taller than Veneziano, so the proportions of his body could never be matched, and no matter how hard Romano tried, he couldn’t get as thin as his brother. He hated seeing his reflection in the mirror, and he didn’t like others to see his body because he knew it was ugly.
Romano sunk back into his pillows and looked at Spain just a bedside table away. It was embarrassing to think that Spain had seen his body and all of its imperfections. It shouldn’t have mattered what another man thought, but Spain’s opinion of Romano had always mattered terribly to him, even if he never said so. The thought wouldn’t leave him alone, either. What did Spain think of him? Did he think Romano looked attractive? He had often said that Veneziano was very cute. Jealousy tugged at Romano’s heart. Was he cute, too? Did Spain think Romano was ugly, or did he think he had a nice body?
Romano imagined Spain removing his clothes and admiring his body. He then grew very, very hot.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Wondering what Spain thought of Romano was supposed to be a completely innocent thought, but somehow it had turned out to feel so… so gay. Somehow, somehow, Romano’s thoughts always ended up feeling gay. Damn it! He willed the image in his head to disappear. He was not a homo. He hated homosexuality. It was wrong and unnatural and a sin. Romano had learned that at a very young age.
Untitled 3b/?
anonymous
December 29 2010, 04:22:50 UTC
It seemed to assault him everywhere he went, though. Sometimes it was a gay couple on the street, and other times it was an intimate exchange between two male nations. Seeing such things flustered Romano and made him extremely uncomfortable. But the worst was when he’d find himself thinking and feeling strange things. Then his stomach would turn with disgust and his body would chill with fear because he’d think, just for a moment, that it might mean he was gay. But he wasn’t. He couldn’t be.
Veneziano had said once that Romano was a ‘homophobe’. That was fine. He was terrified of homosexuality. It wasn’t right. It was like a disease waiting for the slightest instance of weakness so that it could infect a person and destroy him. Romano knew how the feelings snuck up on somebody. Too many times he had felt his heart race and his body burn from a touch, a suggestion, a dream. Even now he had pictured Spain examining his body, and his mind had tried to make him react with sexual arousal. It was wrong. Romano was not one of those people.
He refused to accept even the possibility that he had unnatural preferences. The thought made him sick to his stomach.
Romano had enough problems. He was clumsy, had a nasty temper, swore profusely, and didn’t appear to be skilled at anything. Meanwhile his brother was the epitome of perfection and beloved by all. Romano couldn’t be gay. That amount of imperfection in one human being was just not possible, unless Romano had been created as some cruel joke of God’s. And Romano wanted to believe that God loved him. He was a good, faithful Catholic. He read his Bible at least once a week and prayed every night. He went to church regularly and confessed his sins, and he had never once acted on a lustful thought.
It was tough to be that good. And even then, he still messed up all the time. Romano couldn’t understand how so many people led guiltless lives. He sinned and made mistakes every single day, which led to constant guilt and disappointment. Was he truly so much worse than everybody else?
Romano sighed and looked towards the alarm clock on the bedside table, the only source of light in the room besides the city lights that slipped through the cracks in their blinds. It was 3:16 in the morning.
He felt alone. The amount of loneliness in Romano’s life was as staggering as the amount of guilt. He felt alone because he didn’t think there was anyone who struggled with their flaws as much as he did.
He also felt alone because… because he didn’t have anybody who loved him.
Romano had his brother, sure, but he didn’t have any person who loved him in that way. He had heard once that every person had a soul mate, someone they were destined to love and need more than any other person in the world. But Romano didn’t have that. And if he were to be honest with himself, he wasn’t sure he could love like that and be so loved in turn. He had once tried to picture himself with various female nations he knew, but not one felt right or even the slightest bit appealing.
Yet his heart ached for someone. And though he felt wicked because of it, his body yearned for someone, too. Lust was one of the seven deadly sins, but Romano couldn’t deny that he had a desire to be touched and pleasured. Romano swallowed hard as he felt his body going hot again. He almost felt foolish for that need, though. Who would love someone like Romano? How did someone like Romano even find himself deserving of being loved and desired in that way?
Romano tried to reposition himself in bed so that he could fall back asleep. After a few minutes, he tried a different position. Then another. And another. Finally he sat up and let his head fall into his hands in defeat. He couldn’t sleep. Too many thoughts were plaguing his mind and keeping him awake.
He needed to get up and go somewhere. A walk, maybe. But he really didn’t want to go alone.
Romano looked towards Spain again and debated over whether he should wake him or not. He would feel stupid, and Spain would probably think Romano was acting childish. But Spain also wouldn’t refuse him.
Untitled 3c/?
anonymous
December 29 2010, 04:23:59 UTC
Romano slipped out of bed and padded across the carpet to Spain’s bedside. He looked so incredibly peaceful at the moment. Romano was tempted to reach out and run the back of his hand along Spain’s cheek. But there was that sick, unnatural kind of compulsion again, and Romano tried to forget he had considered it as he shook Spain awake.
It took a few tries, but then Spain’s eyes were opening half-way and his mouth parted to murmur a quiet, “What?”
It took a moment for Romano to decide what to say. “Um,” he began ineloquently. “Do you want to go for a walk?”
There was quiet in the room as Spain’s brain moved at a sluggish pace to process the question. Finally he asked, “Now?”
Romano shrugged, feeling stupid. “Yeah.”
There was an even longer silence than before, and Romano had just become convinced that Spain had fallen back asleep when Spain gave a groan and said, “Okay. Just-“ He sat up and rubbed tiredly at his eyes. “Give me a minute…” He slid out of his bed and fumbled around for a moment before locating his slippers and nearly falling over in the process of putting them on.
Romano tried to be patient, and eventually they were leaving the room and walking down the eerily quiet hallway of the fourth floor. It took him awhile, but Spain managed to become fully awake. He stretched and then looked sideways to examine Romano.
“So is everything ok?” Spain asked.
Romano continued to stare straight ahead and answered, “Yeah, everything’s fine.”
“Truly?” Spain looked at Romano with some doubt.
Romano was quiet for a long time, but then murmured, “Are you ever lonely?”
Spain’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Well, yes,” he replied. “It’s been especially lonely ever since my little henchman has grown up and moved out.” He reached out and ruffled Romano’s hair, much to Romano’s irritation. “But he’s an independent nation now, and I couldn’t be more proud.”
Romano stopped walking, forcing Spain to stop, too. “I mean… do you ever feel like you’re missing a special person in your life?”
Spain’s lips quirked into a smile. “You mean like a lover?”
“I-I suppose so,” Romano affirmed with a blush.
Spain leaned against the wall and looked thoughtfully up at the ceiling. “I guess so. But I’m waiting. I think that with time I can get the love of my life, but right now things are rather… complicated.” He brought his gaze back down to see Romano’s confused expression. Before the other could ask anything more on the subject, though, Spain asked, “And what about you? Do you feel like you’re missing that person?”
Romano flushed. “I don’t know,” he mumbled. It was an obvious ‘yes’, but Spain decided not to push the subject further. Romano had always been very uncomfortable talking about love. It was curious that he had even brought the subject up in the first place.
“You’ll find your love, Romano,” Spain said. “I’m sure of it.”
They didn’t say much more for the rest of their walk along the halls of the fourth floor. Spain mentioned some of the nations he’d seen since he had arrived and how they’d been doing. Romano complained about the obnoxious people that had been on his plane and did an impression of an old lady that made Spain laugh. By the time they returned to their room, Romano was exhausted again. They both crawled into their beds, but while Romano fell asleep within minutes, Spain was left lying awake.
Untitled 3d/?
anonymous
December 29 2010, 04:24:46 UTC
So Romano wanted a lover.
Spain’s heart twisted in his chest. He wondered if Romano had someone specific in mind. He wondered if he’d be able to control his jealousy if it wasn’t him.
He didn’t think his love for Romano was much of a secret anymore. France had found out years ago, and Prussia often said that Spain was painfully obvious about it, so Spain could only imagine that a lot of other nations had caught on, as well.
Nobody made Spain happier than Romano, and he knew that he could make Romano happy, too. He loved him. He adored him. He knew his Romano like he knew the taste of a freshly picked tomato. Spain knew him better than anyone. He knew how to handle Romano’s anger, how to comfort him when he was sad, how to get him to smile and laugh, and how to make him open up. He knew that past Romano’s tough outer defenses there was a very soft and kind-hearted young man. Someone who wanted to make others happy and who was fiercely protective of those he loved, but someone who struggled with his flaws and insecurities. Spain had seen Romano at his best and at his worst. And Spain had learned how to bring out the best in him.
He was also helplessly attracted to him. Romano had sun-kissed skin and a beautiful figure that begged to be touched and explored, eyes that were always sparked with passion, lips that were pale and surely designed to fit against Spain’s, strong hands, lovely dark chestnut hair that was constantly tousled and so soft to the touch… Spain craved him. He wanted to claim him for his own.
There was just the small complication of Romano’s homophobia.
It wasn’t a big deal. Spain could work around that. He had a theory that Romano’s homophobia was more of a front than anything. Romano was just in denial over his true sexual orientation. Granted, there wasn’t much this theory was founded on other than Spain’s own longing for Romano, but he still believed it to be true.
Spain was the country of passion, and he knew that true love could prevail against all odds. He just needed to convince Romano that they were meant to be together, regardless of the fact that they were both male. Spain would make Romano his. If he couldn’t have Romano, he wouldn’t have anyone.
Thank Yous
anonymous
December 29 2010, 04:26:05 UTC
*Under Thank Yous*
Anon1: Thank you so much!!! I adore little!Romano, so I’m glad you like him ^_^ And I’m glad you think this is cute. I’m such a sap for cute things >_<;; Netherlands… does not realize Romano is a boy. But don’t worry, he won’t hurt him or anything (physically).
Anon2: Thank you!!!!! I hope you like the rest of the fic, as well ^_^;; And I’ll love you unconditionally! *hugs*
OP: Thank you~! Romano is a bit of a brat XD But yes, I think there’s more depth to his character than that! I love writing him and all of his complicated emotions <3 Netherlands won’t do anything too horrible. The incident with him is just going to open Romano’s eyes a bit.
Also… I really love France, England, Canada, and America, so I wanted them to be the two other couples in this fic. Do you have any preferences for who is with who?
Anon4: Errr… *shifty eyes* Netherlands will play a role, but it won’t be too bad. I’m glad you liked it! Thank you!!!
Anon5: XD Spain’s trying!!! But yeah, it is so incredibly annoying to have parents say stuff like that! Thank you for commenting ^_^
*Under 2g*
Anon1: I was definitely trying to show Romano’s gradually increasing affection for Spain, so I’m glad it came off as believable ^_^ As for Spain… it’s always awesome to hear that people like his character. I haven’t analyzed it as deeply as I have Romano’s, so when people approve I’m very, very happy! I’m struggling a bit with writing Romano’s emotions now, but hopefully his homophobia will end up making sense and he’ll gradually get over it in a convincing way T_T If not, at least I’ll have tried. Thank you so much!!!!!
Anon2: XD That’s ok. That was the exact same reaction I had when I first saw him. Yay Harry Potter!!! *ships couples in that fandom* Anyways. I feel bad when I make people cry, but I also love it. It thrills me to know that I achieved my goal of provoking those kinds of emotions. So thank you so much! I hope you like the rest ^_^
Anon3: Thank you!!! I’m glad you liked it and it was emotional for you <3
*Under 2d*
Anon1: He is ^_^:;; But not in a terrible way. Thank you!!!!! <3
Re: Thank Yous
anonymous
December 29 2010, 05:27:51 UTC
I lovelovelove when I find updates for this. *dances around* I'm so glad I always stay up late. This'll help me sleep well tonight. XD Plus, I'm the person making weird mind-fanfics for this fanfic. =P You're flipping amazing! (And even though it's wrong to wish this, I keep hoping you're somewhat like me and all you do is write, so I can just read-read-read everything you come up with.)
You write Romano so well! (He's my favorite character, and seeing when people write him as more than just someone who curses and complains every time he says something makes me so freakishly happy. ^^) Reading Romano's insecurities in this one tugged at my heartstrings. I understand how he feels, and you've given a depth that makes his homophobia understandable. It's more than just he has to compare himself to his brother; Romano's noticed those parts of his personality and religion and--oh this doesn't even make sense anymore! You're just amazing!
Spain! Reading his thoughts made me smile. He's going to have a lot to overcome, but I like how his thoughts kind of matched up to Romano's. (Like regarding Romano's looks.) It's also nice to see that he knows Romano is homophobic. I would've been heartbroken if he had to realize that during his courting/wooing/whatever it's called. But, oh, you write Spain so beautifully.
Oh, and thanks for mentioning that whole Netherlands thing in your tiny little author's note before this update. I've been thinking about that (since I've been stalking this fic like crazy) and was really worried Romano was gonna get raped and then beat up for being a boy. . . XD Yeah, I still can't wait to read what you have in mind for them.
I'm so excited to see where you take this story. I see how much potential it has, and you're definitely delivering.
(I'm not a good enough stalker to figure out who you are. I'm trying to figure it out, but I dunno. I already have guesses. . . XD Just know I totally love you and worship you and can't wait for updates.)
Re: Thank Yous
anonymous
December 29 2010, 05:45:28 UTC
This part struck me really hard. "Romano couldn’t understand how so many people led guiltless lives. He sinned and made mistakes every single day, which led to constant guilt and disappointment. Was he truly so much worse than everybody else?" I might be being a little too forward but I just want to explain my deep appreciation, anon... I had thoughts like this all the time when I suffered from depression as a young and extremely religious teen. Fear of my sexuality played a big part in it. So reading this was like reading from my little-self's diary. I was deeply moved by Romano's inner-dialogue as well as Spain's patient love. Thank you very much...and I need a tissue heh.
Oh god this part just made want to cry and give Romano a big hug. I love the way you addressed all of his insecurities and that you made religion play a big part in it and just his inner dialogue in general is just so heartbreaking but exactly how it should be done. I don't even know what to say since if I started quoting the best lines I would quote everything and just say how much I absolutely adore it. Just ♥♥♥.
And oh my god Spain. His devotion and adoration of Romano is just so him. I'm also like that he's aware of Romano's homophobia too.
I'm really relieved and happy that you are not gonna have anything really bad happen to Romano as a child or I don't think I would be able to read this anymore orz. As for CAFE I don't mind you adding them in and I'm gonna let you decide who's paired up with who since it really doesn't matter to me. :)
Can't wait for the next update! You're amazing! <333
Re: Thank Yous
anonymous
January 4 2011, 00:20:47 UTC
This is without a doubt one of my fav fics on the meme, and I'm not even much of a spain/n.italy fan. But your Romano makes me want to cry a little bit for him, and me, and everyone else who doesn't feel completely adequate, religious reasons or not. And your Antonio is so perfect, I can't even handle it. Go anon go! <3
A very pleased Spamano fan
anonymous
December 29 2010, 06:40:00 UTC
This is one of the few serious Spamano fics in the website that is so wonderfully written, and yet easy to understand; drenched with a lot of emotion. There should me more like this in FF.net and the kink meme (though, I strongly believe that the kink meme desperately needs more of these kind of fics)
This is so darn beautiful, this almost broke my heart and sorta made me want to cry (but didn't, because I am kinda cold to feel emotional :P)
But this was close to it.
Sigh, I adore Lovino, you made me have more adortion for one of my favorite characters (and pairing) in Hetalia.
I wish you so much luck in finishing this. It is just fantastic.
Present
When Romano woke up he was momentarily confused as to where he was. Somehow he had gotten tucked into a bed, and-Romano pushed back the blankets to see what he was wearing-changed into pajamas, as well. Then the memory of the previous night crept into his mind, and Romano realized he was in the hotel that he had reserved a room with Spain in.
Spain… was sleeping soundly in the bed beside him apparently. He had probably been the one to get Romano under the covers. And in pajamas. Which meant, Romano realized with a strange flutter in his stomach, that Spain had undressed him last night in order to change his clothes. Romano grasped his pajama shirt in hand as embarrassment flooded through him. He didn’t think Spain would go so far as to change his boxers-Romano checked anyway, and no, thank God-but still, he had seen him mostly naked, and Romano felt very uncomfortable with that. Giving him baths and changing his clothes was one thing as a child, but Romano was an adult now, and his body wasn’t something to be put on display so easily.
Veneziano tended to be of the opinion that Romano was far too protective of his body. Romano tended to be of the opinion that he didn’t protect it enough. The world around him was becoming more and more sexually deviant. It was making it very difficult to stay virtuous. Not that Spain would have taken advantage of him or anything because Spain wasn’t like that, but Romano didn’t show his body to anybody. Not to people with bad intentions and not to people with good intentions. It was wrong.
Then there was, of course, the fact that Romano hated his body. After being compared to Veneziano so often as a child, Romano had ended up using his brother as the standard he needed to measure up to. But it was a standard he could never reach. Veneziano had softer, lighter skin, and Romano had yet to find a single freckle or odd mark. His figure was small and lean, and everything was in beautiful proportion. Romano’s skin was olive-colored and marred with quite a few light scars that he had managed to attain due to his clumsiness. His hands were calloused from working in tomato fields, and his nails were chewed on and uneven. He was taller than Veneziano, so the proportions of his body could never be matched, and no matter how hard Romano tried, he couldn’t get as thin as his brother. He hated seeing his reflection in the mirror, and he didn’t like others to see his body because he knew it was ugly.
Romano sunk back into his pillows and looked at Spain just a bedside table away. It was embarrassing to think that Spain had seen his body and all of its imperfections. It shouldn’t have mattered what another man thought, but Spain’s opinion of Romano had always mattered terribly to him, even if he never said so. The thought wouldn’t leave him alone, either. What did Spain think of him? Did he think Romano looked attractive? He had often said that Veneziano was very cute. Jealousy tugged at Romano’s heart. Was he cute, too? Did Spain think Romano was ugly, or did he think he had a nice body?
Romano imagined Spain removing his clothes and admiring his body. He then grew very, very hot.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Wondering what Spain thought of Romano was supposed to be a completely innocent thought, but somehow it had turned out to feel so… so gay. Somehow, somehow, Romano’s thoughts always ended up feeling gay. Damn it! He willed the image in his head to disappear. He was not a homo. He hated homosexuality. It was wrong and unnatural and a sin. Romano had learned that at a very young age.
Reply
Veneziano had said once that Romano was a ‘homophobe’. That was fine. He was terrified of homosexuality. It wasn’t right. It was like a disease waiting for the slightest instance of weakness so that it could infect a person and destroy him. Romano knew how the feelings snuck up on somebody. Too many times he had felt his heart race and his body burn from a touch, a suggestion, a dream. Even now he had pictured Spain examining his body, and his mind had tried to make him react with sexual arousal. It was wrong. Romano was not one of those people.
He refused to accept even the possibility that he had unnatural preferences. The thought made him sick to his stomach.
Romano had enough problems. He was clumsy, had a nasty temper, swore profusely, and didn’t appear to be skilled at anything. Meanwhile his brother was the epitome of perfection and beloved by all. Romano couldn’t be gay. That amount of imperfection in one human being was just not possible, unless Romano had been created as some cruel joke of God’s. And Romano wanted to believe that God loved him. He was a good, faithful Catholic. He read his Bible at least once a week and prayed every night. He went to church regularly and confessed his sins, and he had never once acted on a lustful thought.
It was tough to be that good. And even then, he still messed up all the time. Romano couldn’t understand how so many people led guiltless lives. He sinned and made mistakes every single day, which led to constant guilt and disappointment. Was he truly so much worse than everybody else?
Romano sighed and looked towards the alarm clock on the bedside table, the only source of light in the room besides the city lights that slipped through the cracks in their blinds. It was 3:16 in the morning.
He felt alone. The amount of loneliness in Romano’s life was as staggering as the amount of guilt. He felt alone because he didn’t think there was anyone who struggled with their flaws as much as he did.
He also felt alone because… because he didn’t have anybody who loved him.
Romano had his brother, sure, but he didn’t have any person who loved him in that way. He had heard once that every person had a soul mate, someone they were destined to love and need more than any other person in the world. But Romano didn’t have that. And if he were to be honest with himself, he wasn’t sure he could love like that and be so loved in turn. He had once tried to picture himself with various female nations he knew, but not one felt right or even the slightest bit appealing.
Yet his heart ached for someone. And though he felt wicked because of it, his body yearned for someone, too. Lust was one of the seven deadly sins, but Romano couldn’t deny that he had a desire to be touched and pleasured. Romano swallowed hard as he felt his body going hot again. He almost felt foolish for that need, though. Who would love someone like Romano? How did someone like Romano even find himself deserving of being loved and desired in that way?
Romano tried to reposition himself in bed so that he could fall back asleep. After a few minutes, he tried a different position. Then another. And another. Finally he sat up and let his head fall into his hands in defeat. He couldn’t sleep. Too many thoughts were plaguing his mind and keeping him awake.
He needed to get up and go somewhere. A walk, maybe. But he really didn’t want to go alone.
Romano looked towards Spain again and debated over whether he should wake him or not. He would feel stupid, and Spain would probably think Romano was acting childish. But Spain also wouldn’t refuse him.
Reply
It took a few tries, but then Spain’s eyes were opening half-way and his mouth parted to murmur a quiet, “What?”
It took a moment for Romano to decide what to say. “Um,” he began ineloquently. “Do you want to go for a walk?”
There was quiet in the room as Spain’s brain moved at a sluggish pace to process the question. Finally he asked, “Now?”
Romano shrugged, feeling stupid. “Yeah.”
There was an even longer silence than before, and Romano had just become convinced that Spain had fallen back asleep when Spain gave a groan and said, “Okay. Just-“ He sat up and rubbed tiredly at his eyes. “Give me a minute…” He slid out of his bed and fumbled around for a moment before locating his slippers and nearly falling over in the process of putting them on.
Romano tried to be patient, and eventually they were leaving the room and walking down the eerily quiet hallway of the fourth floor. It took him awhile, but Spain managed to become fully awake. He stretched and then looked sideways to examine Romano.
“So is everything ok?” Spain asked.
Romano continued to stare straight ahead and answered, “Yeah, everything’s fine.”
“Truly?” Spain looked at Romano with some doubt.
Romano was quiet for a long time, but then murmured, “Are you ever lonely?”
Spain’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Well, yes,” he replied. “It’s been especially lonely ever since my little henchman has grown up and moved out.” He reached out and ruffled Romano’s hair, much to Romano’s irritation. “But he’s an independent nation now, and I couldn’t be more proud.”
Romano stopped walking, forcing Spain to stop, too. “I mean… do you ever feel like you’re missing a special person in your life?”
Spain’s lips quirked into a smile. “You mean like a lover?”
“I-I suppose so,” Romano affirmed with a blush.
Spain leaned against the wall and looked thoughtfully up at the ceiling. “I guess so. But I’m waiting. I think that with time I can get the love of my life, but right now things are rather… complicated.” He brought his gaze back down to see Romano’s confused expression. Before the other could ask anything more on the subject, though, Spain asked, “And what about you? Do you feel like you’re missing that person?”
Romano flushed. “I don’t know,” he mumbled. It was an obvious ‘yes’, but Spain decided not to push the subject further. Romano had always been very uncomfortable talking about love. It was curious that he had even brought the subject up in the first place.
“You’ll find your love, Romano,” Spain said. “I’m sure of it.”
They didn’t say much more for the rest of their walk along the halls of the fourth floor. Spain mentioned some of the nations he’d seen since he had arrived and how they’d been doing. Romano complained about the obnoxious people that had been on his plane and did an impression of an old lady that made Spain laugh. By the time they returned to their room, Romano was exhausted again. They both crawled into their beds, but while Romano fell asleep within minutes, Spain was left lying awake.
Reply
Spain’s heart twisted in his chest. He wondered if Romano had someone specific in mind. He wondered if he’d be able to control his jealousy if it wasn’t him.
He didn’t think his love for Romano was much of a secret anymore. France had found out years ago, and Prussia often said that Spain was painfully obvious about it, so Spain could only imagine that a lot of other nations had caught on, as well.
Nobody made Spain happier than Romano, and he knew that he could make Romano happy, too. He loved him. He adored him. He knew his Romano like he knew the taste of a freshly picked tomato. Spain knew him better than anyone. He knew how to handle Romano’s anger, how to comfort him when he was sad, how to get him to smile and laugh, and how to make him open up. He knew that past Romano’s tough outer defenses there was a very soft and kind-hearted young man. Someone who wanted to make others happy and who was fiercely protective of those he loved, but someone who struggled with his flaws and insecurities. Spain had seen Romano at his best and at his worst. And Spain had learned how to bring out the best in him.
He was also helplessly attracted to him. Romano had sun-kissed skin and a beautiful figure that begged to be touched and explored, eyes that were always sparked with passion, lips that were pale and surely designed to fit against Spain’s, strong hands, lovely dark chestnut hair that was constantly tousled and so soft to the touch… Spain craved him. He wanted to claim him for his own.
There was just the small complication of Romano’s homophobia.
It wasn’t a big deal. Spain could work around that. He had a theory that Romano’s homophobia was more of a front than anything. Romano was just in denial over his true sexual orientation. Granted, there wasn’t much this theory was founded on other than Spain’s own longing for Romano, but he still believed it to be true.
Spain was the country of passion, and he knew that true love could prevail against all odds. He just needed to convince Romano that they were meant to be together, regardless of the fact that they were both male. Spain would make Romano his. If he couldn’t have Romano, he wouldn’t have anyone.
*~*~*
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Anon1: Thank you so much!!! I adore little!Romano, so I’m glad you like him ^_^ And I’m glad you think this is cute. I’m such a sap for cute things >_<;; Netherlands… does not realize Romano is a boy. But don’t worry, he won’t hurt him or anything (physically).
Anon2: Thank you!!!!! I hope you like the rest of the fic, as well ^_^;; And I’ll love you unconditionally! *hugs*
OP: Thank you~! Romano is a bit of a brat XD But yes, I think there’s more depth to his character than that! I love writing him and all of his complicated emotions <3 Netherlands won’t do anything too horrible. The incident with him is just going to open Romano’s eyes a bit.
Also… I really love France, England, Canada, and America, so I wanted them to be the two other couples in this fic. Do you have any preferences for who is with who?
Anon4: Errr… *shifty eyes* Netherlands will play a role, but it won’t be too bad. I’m glad you liked it! Thank you!!!
Anon5: XD Spain’s trying!!! But yeah, it is so incredibly annoying to have parents say stuff like that! Thank you for commenting ^_^
*Under 2g*
Anon1: I was definitely trying to show Romano’s gradually increasing affection for Spain, so I’m glad it came off as believable ^_^ As for Spain… it’s always awesome to hear that people like his character. I haven’t analyzed it as deeply as I have Romano’s, so when people approve I’m very, very happy! I’m struggling a bit with writing Romano’s emotions now, but hopefully his homophobia will end up making sense and he’ll gradually get over it in a convincing way T_T If not, at least I’ll have tried. Thank you so much!!!!!
Anon2: XD That’s ok. That was the exact same reaction I had when I first saw him. Yay Harry Potter!!! *ships couples in that fandom* Anyways. I feel bad when I make people cry, but I also love it. It thrills me to know that I achieved my goal of provoking those kinds of emotions. So thank you so much! I hope you like the rest ^_^
Anon3: Thank you!!! I’m glad you liked it and it was emotional for you <3
*Under 2d*
Anon1: He is ^_^:;; But not in a terrible way. Thank you!!!!! <3
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(And even though it's wrong to wish this, I keep hoping you're somewhat like me and all you do is write, so I can just read-read-read everything you come up with.)
You write Romano so well! (He's my favorite character, and seeing when people write him as more than just someone who curses and complains every time he says something makes me so freakishly happy. ^^) Reading Romano's insecurities in this one tugged at my heartstrings. I understand how he feels, and you've given a depth that makes his homophobia understandable. It's more than just he has to compare himself to his brother; Romano's noticed those parts of his personality and religion and--oh this doesn't even make sense anymore! You're just amazing!
Spain! Reading his thoughts made me smile. He's going to have a lot to overcome, but I like how his thoughts kind of matched up to Romano's. (Like regarding Romano's looks.) It's also nice to see that he knows Romano is homophobic. I would've been heartbroken if he had to realize that during his courting/wooing/whatever it's called. But, oh, you write Spain so beautifully.
Oh, and thanks for mentioning that whole Netherlands thing in your tiny little author's note before this update. I've been thinking about that (since I've been stalking this fic like crazy) and was really worried Romano was gonna get raped and then beat up for being a boy. . . XD Yeah, I still can't wait to read what you have in mind for them.
I'm so excited to see where you take this story. I see how much potential it has, and you're definitely delivering.
(I'm not a good enough stalker to figure out who you are. I'm trying to figure it out, but I dunno. I already have guesses. . . XD Just know I totally love you and worship you and can't wait for updates.)
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I might be being a little too forward but I just want to explain my deep appreciation, anon... I had thoughts like this all the time when I suffered from depression as a young and extremely religious teen. Fear of my sexuality played a big part in it. So reading this was like reading from my little-self's diary. I was deeply moved by Romano's inner-dialogue as well as Spain's patient love. Thank you very much...and I need a tissue heh.
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And oh my god Spain. His devotion and adoration of Romano is just so him. I'm also like that he's aware of Romano's homophobia too.
I'm really relieved and happy that you are not gonna have anything really bad happen to Romano as a child or I don't think I would be able to read this anymore orz. As for CAFE I don't mind you adding them in and I'm gonna let you decide who's paired up with who since it really doesn't matter to me. :)
Can't wait for the next update! You're amazing! <333
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This is so darn beautiful, this almost broke my heart and sorta made me want to cry (but didn't, because I am kinda cold to feel emotional :P)
But this was close to it.
Sigh, I adore Lovino, you made me have more adortion for one of my favorite characters (and pairing) in Hetalia.
I wish you so much luck in finishing this. It is just fantastic.
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