Untitled 2f/?
anonymous
December 21 2010, 02:45:12 UTC
He wondered if Spain would remember that he forgot to kiss Romano good-bye. Romano walked over to the window and pulled himself onto the ledge, staring outside to see if Spain had turned his horses around and was riding back to apologize. After a few minutes passed, Romano got down again and looked at the desk that wouldn’t dust itself. He wondered why Spain was going to see Austria. He wondered if Spain would visit with Veneziano, too. He wondered if Veneziano kept Austria’s house as clean as Spain wanted Romano to keep his. He wondered why Veneziano didn’t drop things and struggle to do… everything, really.
Romano pulled himself back onto the ledge of the window and looked for Spain. How long had he been gone? Was he coming back yet?
An hour passed, and then another, and then Romano’s eyelids grew heavy. He wondered if Spain was ok. Maybe along the way to Austria’s he crossed paths with thieves who decided to beat him up and steal his money and carriage. Romano leaned against the window as his eyes fell closed. That was impossible, though. Spain was too strong to get beaten up. Why wasn’t he home yet?
It was dark outside when Romano woke to the sound of horses. His heart leapt in relief, and he jumped down from the window to run and greet Spain at the door. When he finally entered, Spain’s shoulders slumped, and his face took on a look of disappointment.
Romano was expecting him to say, ‘I’m sorry I forgot to say good-bye, and I’m sorry I was so mean and yelled at you.’ Instead, Spain sighed, “The house still hasn’t been cleaned. Of course.”
He walked right past Romano without even acknowledging his presence, and then suddenly Romano realized what had happened.
This… was it. Romano had messed up too many times, and Spain had reached his breaking point. It was bound to happen, and Romano knew this, but for some reason he thought that after Spain had kept him so long, maybe…
Swallowing hard against the painful lump he suddenly had in his throat, Romano managed to get his wobbly legs to lead him to his bedroom. There he pulled out his trunk and began to gather his things and place them inside. His clothes, a stuffed animal Spain had bought him, some books, some pictures he had drawn… Romano stared at one of his drawings. It was a roughly drawn sketch of him and Spain, standing under a bright, smiling sun. He pulled it back out and grabbed a pen to write ‘To Spain, Love Romano’ under the sun. With heated cheeks, he crossed out ‘Love’ and wrote ‘From’ instead. Spain would have this then and maybe remember happy times instead of how miserable Romano made him.
Romano scrubbed at his eyes as they threatened to leak tears. He wasn’t upset to leave this place. It would have been stupid to think that he wouldn’t have to eventually. Everyone wanted to get rid of him eventually. A tiny sob escaped, and Romano hurried to close the lid of his trunk before he could think too much about it.
He should have said he was sorry. He should have kept trying to clean the things he couldn’t break and just avoid the things he could. He shouldn’t have let Spain go see Austria because then he wouldn’t have seen Veneziano and realized he really had gotten the bad brother.
“Romano!” Spain’s voice called from downstairs. “Dinner’s ready!”
Spain was sitting at the table when Romano entered the kitchen. He looked tired, so Romano wasn’t very surprised to see that dinner was nothing elaborate. He took his place and realized that this would be the last time he and Spain would eat together. Despite having eaten next to nothing over the course of the day, Romano found he had no appetite. He wished he had never let Spain get close to him.
Untitled 2g/?
anonymous
December 21 2010, 02:46:12 UTC
Romano grabbed a tomato and bit into it. It was delicious. His eyes filled with tears as chewing became a struggle and then swallowing an impossibility. He sat there, mouth full of chewed tomato, as his body began to shake and tears burnt wet trails down his cheeks. Spain finally took notice when he sniffed loudly and tried to wipe his nose with his arm.
“Romano?” he asked, sounding startled.
Romano gave a sob and ended up choking. Spain was out of his seat in an instant and holding a napkin in front of Romano’s mouth so he could spit the disgusting mess of tomato out. He finally set the rest of the tomato down and folded his arms on the table, letting his head fall into them and crying.
“Romano? Romano, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
There were lots of reasons. Romano settled on, “I-I like tomatoes!”
Spain didn’t seem to know what to say in response to that. “You… you’re crying because you like tomatoes?”
Romano continued to sob miserably into his arms. “I don’t kn-know i-if… if… if-“ He took in a shuddering breath before continuing, “-if my next c-caretaker w-w-will have theeemm.”
Spain tried to make sense of that, but couldn’t. “Your next caretaker? What are you talking about?”
Romano lifted his flushed face to meet Spain’s confused gaze. “W-when you get r-rid of me.”
The thought turned Spain’s stomach. “Romano, I’m not getting rid of you,” he said. He reached over to lift Romano out of his chair and onto his lap. “Why would you think that?”
Romano blinked, some more tears escaping and slipping down his cheeks before he took on his own look of confusion. “You…” he tried to get his thoughts in order. Somehow he already felt calmer and safer in Spain’s arms. “Everybody always gets rid of me,” he admitted softly. He grabbed two handfuls of Spain’s shirt and buried his face in his chest. He didn’t want to leave.
Spain was quiet for a long time, and then Romano felt a hand gently weave its way through his hair. “That’s not true,” he murmured.
Romano’s lip trembled. “Y-yes it is,” he whimpered. “Veneziano’s the good one, and I’m th-the bad one.”
“No you’re not,” Spain replied as he continued his gentle petting. “You… you have bad days. Everybody has bad days.”
“Every d-day’s a bad day.”
“Now how could every day be a bad day when…” Spain’s voice grew shaky. “W-when you make me so happy?” Romano felt Spain’s arms tighten around him, and then Spain was burying his head into his neck. “Please don’t cry, Romano. I love you, even if we do have fights, and no matter what you do, it will never be enough to make me get rid of you. I know that I get mad sometimes, but… but you’re everything to me. I couldn’t just leave you.”
Romano’s heart was swollen and heavy in his chest. He didn’t try to fight Spain off. He didn’t want to. He wanted to be held and loved. He cried into Spain’s chest and after gathering enough courage, asked, “P... promise?” He trembled with the fear of rejection. “Promise you won’t… won’t leave me?”
“I swear on my life, I will never leave you Romano,” Spain murmured.
And a weight Romano didn’t even know he carried around with him was lifted. All of his flaws didn’t matter, and it didn’t matter that he wasn’t as good as Veneziano. It didn’t matter that he had drawn on Spain’s wall and stomped on his books. None of that was going to make Spain get rid of him. Romano could be bad and still have a home and a person to love him.
Romano asked later what that was. Spain gave him a soft smile and called it ‘unconditional love’.
Thank Yous
anonymous
December 21 2010, 02:56:15 UTC
*Under 1a*
Anon1: ^_^ Thank you! And never fear! While I have nothing against a well-written sad ending, I could never actually write one myself. It’ll probably be bittersweet at the worst ^_^;;
OP: =>_<= You give me too much credit for something as simple as this! But thank you so much! I’m really looking forward to writing this story because of all the complex emotions involved. At the same time, it’s definitely going to be a challenge! But if you like it so far, I’m very happy ^_^
Anon3: Thank you! I’m struggling a bit with how to write Romano’s feelings, but I’m glad you think I’ve portrayed them well!
Anon4: I’m definitely going to be taking advantage of the canon dislike Romano has for Germany and France ^_~ Thank you so much!!!
Anon5: Thank you! Now that finals are over I have 3 work-free weeks to write! :D
*Under 1a*
Anon1: Thank you so much! I think every character deserves to be written homophobic and in denial at some point ^_^ And Romano’s personality is so perfect for it! I hope you like the rest of the story!
Re: Thank Yous
anonymous
December 21 2010, 18:25:37 UTC
WHY IS THIS SO CUTE
and sad, but in a good way<3
Little!Romano being all "nobody loves me!" always breaks my heart, and you write him so well!
(About Netherlands... well, he has a loli complex, okay, but Romano is a male... unless... he has seen him only with the maid clothes, right? I don't like where this is heading... I mean I like it in the sense that I know it will break my heart, but still... :C)
Oh my this is so cute and yet so depressing. I love how you wrote Romano here, most people only put him as a brat with a foul-mouth, but also gave him a childish naivety that and included his fear of abandonment. Also end about unconditional love was just wonderfully done. <333
Also the Netherlands in here...I can't help but suspect that he'll be the instigator of the outcome that I know is gonna happen at the end of this flashback and just... ;A;
Re: Thank Yous
anonymous
December 23 2010, 03:18:36 UTC
Here are my heartstrings, see how you've pulled them. I liked the backstory here, all of Romano's insecurity. I'm curious to see how it'll morph into his homophobia. I hope the Netherlands' part isn't entwined with that... I really enjoyed how you had him interacting with Romano here. A lot. <3
Anon4 back again
anonymous
December 23 2010, 05:16:42 UTC
Spain, you are a terrible parent. (Don't tell rebellious teenagery children that you expect everything to be CLEAN when you get back. they don't like it.)
...but that's okay, because I'm not reading this for parent-child happy family interaction.
Re: Untitled 2g/?: DAW.
anonymous
December 21 2010, 03:20:40 UTC
Well, glad I was wrong. |3 Neth shouldn't have to be le pedo..
And this is SO ADORABLE. ಡuಡ It's been a while since I've sen Spamano that was IN CHARACTER. So I'll write a review well-worth an awesome story like this! *cracks knuckles*
For most cases, they make Roma a mega tsun-tsun character type, all 'ti amo' and affection; but I love the way you're slowly willing his feelings into a state of affection in a way that's actually believable. :3
As for Spagna, usually fandom writers make him an idiotic lovestruck fool. But the thing is, in canon, HE'S SPANISH. And from the Spanish people I know, Spain is Spanish even for a Spanish person. In a good way. Does that make sense? Spanish people are passionate, pacifistic, and have many other Spanish qualities you've captured~! Pretty much, you've put life into him.
I love your Spamano. Completely. It brings out that canon in the series~! :D I wanna see more of how Homophobic!Roma came to be, so update whenever you can! (・ω ・)
Re: Untitled 2g/?
anonymous
December 21 2010, 03:35:07 UTC
to the dark scar on the man’s forehead the first thing I thought was "it's harry potter!" lol sorry
Oh dear I have a feeling Netherlands might have something to do with his homophobia. The whole part with Romanito thinking he was gonna leave was so cute. I actually cried >_>. Thanks for updating!
Romano pulled himself back onto the ledge of the window and looked for Spain. How long had he been gone? Was he coming back yet?
An hour passed, and then another, and then Romano’s eyelids grew heavy. He wondered if Spain was ok. Maybe along the way to Austria’s he crossed paths with thieves who decided to beat him up and steal his money and carriage. Romano leaned against the window as his eyes fell closed. That was impossible, though. Spain was too strong to get beaten up. Why wasn’t he home yet?
It was dark outside when Romano woke to the sound of horses. His heart leapt in relief, and he jumped down from the window to run and greet Spain at the door. When he finally entered, Spain’s shoulders slumped, and his face took on a look of disappointment.
Romano was expecting him to say, ‘I’m sorry I forgot to say good-bye, and I’m sorry I was so mean and yelled at you.’ Instead, Spain sighed, “The house still hasn’t been cleaned. Of course.”
He walked right past Romano without even acknowledging his presence, and then suddenly Romano realized what had happened.
This… was it. Romano had messed up too many times, and Spain had reached his breaking point. It was bound to happen, and Romano knew this, but for some reason he thought that after Spain had kept him so long, maybe…
Swallowing hard against the painful lump he suddenly had in his throat, Romano managed to get his wobbly legs to lead him to his bedroom. There he pulled out his trunk and began to gather his things and place them inside. His clothes, a stuffed animal Spain had bought him, some books, some pictures he had drawn… Romano stared at one of his drawings. It was a roughly drawn sketch of him and Spain, standing under a bright, smiling sun. He pulled it back out and grabbed a pen to write ‘To Spain, Love Romano’ under the sun. With heated cheeks, he crossed out ‘Love’ and wrote ‘From’ instead. Spain would have this then and maybe remember happy times instead of how miserable Romano made him.
Romano scrubbed at his eyes as they threatened to leak tears. He wasn’t upset to leave this place. It would have been stupid to think that he wouldn’t have to eventually. Everyone wanted to get rid of him eventually. A tiny sob escaped, and Romano hurried to close the lid of his trunk before he could think too much about it.
He should have said he was sorry. He should have kept trying to clean the things he couldn’t break and just avoid the things he could. He shouldn’t have let Spain go see Austria because then he wouldn’t have seen Veneziano and realized he really had gotten the bad brother.
“Romano!” Spain’s voice called from downstairs. “Dinner’s ready!”
Spain was sitting at the table when Romano entered the kitchen. He looked tired, so Romano wasn’t very surprised to see that dinner was nothing elaborate. He took his place and realized that this would be the last time he and Spain would eat together. Despite having eaten next to nothing over the course of the day, Romano found he had no appetite. He wished he had never let Spain get close to him.
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“Romano?” he asked, sounding startled.
Romano gave a sob and ended up choking. Spain was out of his seat in an instant and holding a napkin in front of Romano’s mouth so he could spit the disgusting mess of tomato out. He finally set the rest of the tomato down and folded his arms on the table, letting his head fall into them and crying.
“Romano? Romano, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
There were lots of reasons. Romano settled on, “I-I like tomatoes!”
Spain didn’t seem to know what to say in response to that. “You… you’re crying because you like tomatoes?”
Romano continued to sob miserably into his arms. “I don’t kn-know i-if… if… if-“ He took in a shuddering breath before continuing, “-if my next c-caretaker w-w-will have theeemm.”
Spain tried to make sense of that, but couldn’t. “Your next caretaker? What are you talking about?”
Romano lifted his flushed face to meet Spain’s confused gaze. “W-when you get r-rid of me.”
The thought turned Spain’s stomach. “Romano, I’m not getting rid of you,” he said. He reached over to lift Romano out of his chair and onto his lap. “Why would you think that?”
Romano blinked, some more tears escaping and slipping down his cheeks before he took on his own look of confusion. “You…” he tried to get his thoughts in order. Somehow he already felt calmer and safer in Spain’s arms. “Everybody always gets rid of me,” he admitted softly. He grabbed two handfuls of Spain’s shirt and buried his face in his chest. He didn’t want to leave.
Spain was quiet for a long time, and then Romano felt a hand gently weave its way through his hair. “That’s not true,” he murmured.
Romano’s lip trembled. “Y-yes it is,” he whimpered. “Veneziano’s the good one, and I’m th-the bad one.”
“No you’re not,” Spain replied as he continued his gentle petting. “You… you have bad days. Everybody has bad days.”
“Every d-day’s a bad day.”
“Now how could every day be a bad day when…” Spain’s voice grew shaky. “W-when you make me so happy?” Romano felt Spain’s arms tighten around him, and then Spain was burying his head into his neck. “Please don’t cry, Romano. I love you, even if we do have fights, and no matter what you do, it will never be enough to make me get rid of you. I know that I get mad sometimes, but… but you’re everything to me. I couldn’t just leave you.”
Romano’s heart was swollen and heavy in his chest. He didn’t try to fight Spain off. He didn’t want to. He wanted to be held and loved. He cried into Spain’s chest and after gathering enough courage, asked, “P... promise?” He trembled with the fear of rejection. “Promise you won’t… won’t leave me?”
“I swear on my life, I will never leave you Romano,” Spain murmured.
And a weight Romano didn’t even know he carried around with him was lifted. All of his flaws didn’t matter, and it didn’t matter that he wasn’t as good as Veneziano. It didn’t matter that he had drawn on Spain’s wall and stomped on his books. None of that was going to make Spain get rid of him. Romano could be bad and still have a home and a person to love him.
Romano asked later what that was. Spain gave him a soft smile and called it ‘unconditional love’.
*~*~*
Reply
Anon1: ^_^ Thank you! And never fear! While I have nothing against a well-written sad ending, I could never actually write one myself. It’ll probably be bittersweet at the worst ^_^;;
OP: =>_<= You give me too much credit for something as simple as this! But thank you so much! I’m really looking forward to writing this story because of all the complex emotions involved. At the same time, it’s definitely going to be a challenge! But if you like it so far, I’m very happy ^_^
Anon3: Thank you! I’m struggling a bit with how to write Romano’s feelings, but I’m glad you think I’ve portrayed them well!
Anon4: I’m definitely going to be taking advantage of the canon dislike Romano has for Germany and France ^_~ Thank you so much!!!
Anon5: Thank you! Now that finals are over I have 3 work-free weeks to write! :D
*Under 1a*
Anon1: Thank you so much! I think every character deserves to be written homophobic and in denial at some point ^_^ And Romano’s personality is so perfect for it! I hope you like the rest of the story!
Reply
and sad, but in a good way<3
Little!Romano being all "nobody loves me!" always breaks my heart, and you write him so well!
(About Netherlands... well, he has a loli complex, okay, but Romano is a male... unless... he has seen him only with the maid clothes, right? I don't like where this is heading... I mean I like it in the sense that I know it will break my heart, but still... :C)
Reply
this is just really beautifully done and i think it's one of my favorite fills :)
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Also the Netherlands in here...I can't help but suspect that he'll be the instigator of the outcome that I know is gonna happen at the end of this flashback and just... ;A;
I cannot wait for next part!
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...but that's okay, because I'm not reading this for parent-child happy family interaction.
Reply
Neth shouldn't have to be le pedo..
And this is SO ADORABLE. ಡuಡ
It's been a while since I've sen Spamano that was IN CHARACTER.
So I'll write a review well-worth an awesome story like this! *cracks knuckles*
For most cases, they make Roma a mega tsun-tsun character type, all 'ti amo' and affection; but I love the way you're slowly willing his feelings into a state of affection in a way that's actually believable. :3
As for Spagna, usually fandom writers make him an idiotic lovestruck fool. But the thing is, in canon, HE'S SPANISH. And from the Spanish people I know, Spain is Spanish even for a Spanish person. In a good way. Does that make sense? Spanish people are passionate, pacifistic, and have many other Spanish qualities you've captured~! Pretty much, you've put life into him.
I love your Spamano. Completely. It brings out that canon in the series~! :D
I wanna see more of how Homophobic!Roma came to be, so update whenever you can! (・ω ・)
-ABDH
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Oh dear I have a feeling Netherlands might have something to do with his homophobia. The whole part with Romanito thinking he was gonna leave was so cute. I actually cried >_>. Thanks for updating!
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I can't wait to read the next part!! ;A; <333
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