Traveler Detained After Ejaculating During TSA "Enhanced" Pat-Down
anonymous
December 18 2010, 02:29:57 UTC
Traveler Detained After Ejaculating During TSA "Enhanced" Pat-Down
Friday, Dec. 17, 2010
WASHINGTON, D.C. - A traveler routed from Washington Dulles Airport to London’s Heathrow Airport ejaculated on a TSA officer this morning while undergoing an “enhanced” pat-down. The traveler, who would only be referred to as “Al”, set off a magnetometer due to metallic implants and had to go through additional screening. Because no body scanners were available at the time, he received the pat-down. Al apparently became sexually aroused and ejaculated during the open-handed body search and when the TSO checked the inside of his waistband, the officer’s gloved fingers returned covered in ejaculate. Witnesses say the officer screamed “sicko” and ran immediately to the restroom, disregarding policy to check his gloves for traces of nitrates and other explosives.
After being detained for over two hours and missing his flight, the runaway TSO was found and reprimanded for his improper conduct and was ordered to re-administer the pat-down. The TSO refused, accused both Al and his manager of sexual assault, and quit his job on the spot.
As of the writing of this article, three other TSOs present at the security checkpoint at the time of the incident have submitted their two weeks notices of resignation.
“[The TSA] wasn’t very professional about [the incident],” said Al, New Yorker and open homosexual, to reporters, “I mean, if they were going to hold me for this long, the least they could have done is track down my checked bags for me. Sitting around for that long with [ejaculate] in your pants isn’t comfortable.” Al claimed that both he and his partner are used to additional screening because both have metal in their bodies and often set off magnetometers, but that an incident like this had never happened to him before. Al claims the incident must have occurred partly due to new TSA policy and partly because of his self-described “huge police-state fetish”.
“When you’ve been together as long as me and Iggy [Al’s partner] have, the sex can get stale so you start to explore your kinks. And, well, this just happens to be one of mine. It’s not really my fault I [ejaculated]. It’s not really in your control what turns you on, you know?”
Al’s partner “Iggy,” who had been traveling with Al at the time, was able to go through the security checkpoint without incident despite setting off the magnetometer. Both he and the TSO officer who administered Al’s pat-down declined to comment.
“I’m not going to go after the whole TSA or anything, but I think I at least deserve an apology from that officer who patted me down. The way he screamed when he had my [ejaculate] on his glove […] was hurtful. I’m not a ‘sicko.’ People with kinks like me don’t go around with signs that say ‘sick pervert’ on their foreheads. We’re normal people who just get turned on by different things, and as long as fulfill them with another consenting adult, that’s okay […] It’s unfortunate that I was the one who [ejaculated], but really it could have been anyone, at any time.”
Allegedly it was this final statement, and that Al said he would not be discouraged from flying after the incident because his job requires it, that pushed the other TSOs to quit their positions at Dulles.
Commentators and bloggers have voiced their own opinions on the incident, using it for everything from proof that the new security policy must be changed to arguments for legislation allowing employers to discriminate based on sexual orientation to parodical claims that “kinky homosexuals are the new terrorists”(deadseriousnews.com).
When the Transportation Security Administrator John Pistole was asked to comment, he said, “We aren’t changing the policies. I don’t think any of us feel that the discomfort and delay caused by this event is something that we like, but most people understand that we’ve got to keep airplanes safe.”
Re: Traveler Detained After Ejaculating During TSA "Enhanced" Pat-Down
anonymous
December 18 2010, 21:30:36 UTC
XD OH MY Al just calmly explaining his police fetish to anyone who will listen... I can just see Arthur in the corner, banging his head against a wall. This is LOVELY and I praise you on the cool, article-based style. XD NIIICE
Woah this is a cool angle to take it from! I loved it as much as the first one. I guess this IS how we would find out about it huh? XD I'm sure Iggy is incredible pleased with this (witholding sex for a few months sounds about right...) and it was all hilarious BUT held onto that 'serious' tone that newspapers have.
Friday, Dec. 17, 2010
WASHINGTON, D.C. - A traveler routed from Washington Dulles Airport to London’s Heathrow Airport ejaculated on a TSA officer this morning while undergoing an “enhanced” pat-down. The traveler, who would only be referred to as “Al”, set off a magnetometer due to metallic implants and had to go through additional screening. Because no body scanners were available at the time, he received the pat-down. Al apparently became sexually aroused and ejaculated during the open-handed body search and when the TSO checked the inside of his waistband, the officer’s gloved fingers returned covered in ejaculate. Witnesses say the officer screamed “sicko” and ran immediately to the restroom, disregarding policy to check his gloves for traces of nitrates and other explosives.
After being detained for over two hours and missing his flight, the runaway TSO was found and reprimanded for his improper conduct and was ordered to re-administer the pat-down. The TSO refused, accused both Al and his manager of sexual assault, and quit his job on the spot.
As of the writing of this article, three other TSOs present at the security checkpoint at the time of the incident have submitted their two weeks notices of resignation.
“[The TSA] wasn’t very professional about [the incident],” said Al, New Yorker and open homosexual, to reporters, “I mean, if they were going to hold me for this long, the least they could have done is track down my checked bags for me. Sitting around for that long with [ejaculate] in your pants isn’t comfortable.” Al claimed that both he and his partner are used to additional screening because both have metal in their bodies and often set off magnetometers, but that an incident like this had never happened to him before. Al claims the incident must have occurred partly due to new TSA policy and partly because of his self-described “huge police-state fetish”.
“When you’ve been together as long as me and Iggy [Al’s partner] have, the sex can get stale so you start to explore your kinks. And, well, this just happens to be one of mine. It’s not really my fault I [ejaculated]. It’s not really in your control what turns you on, you know?”
Al’s partner “Iggy,” who had been traveling with Al at the time, was able to go through the security checkpoint without incident despite setting off the magnetometer. Both he and the TSO officer who administered Al’s pat-down declined to comment.
“I’m not going to go after the whole TSA or anything, but I think I at least deserve an apology from that officer who patted me down. The way he screamed when he had my [ejaculate] on his glove […] was hurtful. I’m not a ‘sicko.’ People with kinks like me don’t go around with signs that say ‘sick pervert’ on their foreheads. We’re normal people who just get turned on by different things, and as long as fulfill them with another consenting adult, that’s okay […] It’s unfortunate that I was the one who [ejaculated], but really it could have been anyone, at any time.”
Allegedly it was this final statement, and that Al said he would not be discouraged from flying after the incident because his job requires it, that pushed the other TSOs to quit their positions at Dulles.
Commentators and bloggers have voiced their own opinions on the incident, using it for everything from proof that the new security policy must be changed to arguments for legislation allowing employers to discriminate based on sexual orientation to parodical claims that “kinky homosexuals are the new terrorists”(deadseriousnews.com).
When the Transportation Security Administrator John Pistole was asked to comment, he said, “We aren’t changing the policies. I don’t think any of us feel that the discomfort and delay caused by this event is something that we like, but most people understand that we’ve got to keep airplanes safe.”
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