Aegri Somnia
anonymous
November 19 2010, 20:33:20 UTC
Anon needed a break from NaNoWriMo. Enjoy<3 I hope it's to your likings, OP.
---
It's one thing to wake up in your own bed naked.
Eduard had done plenty of that before, and the pajamas he had put on for the night were always close by. He always had the feeling that maybe he'd kicked and writhed them off during the night, refusing to explore any other explanation even if they were folded neatly on his nightstand or even put back into the drawers rather than crumpled somewhere around the bed.
He'd rather believe he's crazy and never put them on in the first place, just a lapse in memory.
The first few dozen times, anyways, because now he's learning that it's a very different thing to wake up naked in someone else's bed, with someone else beside you, someone else holding your naked body to their naked body and for just a moment, Eduard thinks he's going to get sick.
He writhes and worms out of their hold, he doesn't even know their face or thinks he's ever seen them before. It's just some regular person, some citizen, some citizen of somewhere because he can tell it's not one of his own. He slipped away from the hotel like he was just part of a bad dream.
He can't remember last night. Eduard figures as he hurries to get dressed-night clothing, a silken pajama button-down top and silken trousers-that it must have been vodka, must have been something. He can't remember getting in bed with someone, can't remember taking his clothes off, wrapping his lips around the neck of a bottle, anything of that nature.
And so he gets dressed, there's not even anything resembling shoes he can wear, but his feet glide over the cheap hotel carpeting and he grimaces at how freshly-kissed his skin feels all over.
It was the alcohol, definitely the alcohol, he's decided that much in his mind even though there wasn't any alcohol.
In the daytime, he always feels so tired. He has to force down so much coffee it'd probably stop a human's heart just to keep his eyes open, but he is Estonia, a cold nation full of coffee drinkers and so he handles it with minimal side effects. Sometimes, things skitter across the floor, black and round and he doesn't know if he's crazy or it's the caffeine, or maybe his office has a portal to an alternate dimension hidden somewhere. His body is always sore and it aches, his sheets always crumpled and indentations in his bed each morning.
It doesn't happen again for a few more days, but next time he wakes up to having Ukraine in his arms and his heart sinks, Russia will kill him, and he doesn't know why except for the fact that he's naked with his big sister.
The next night he actually tries to drink some vodka before bed, Ukraine had been smiling and flirtatious toward him all day at the conference and he doesn't know why. The very idea of it would make his stomach retch.
Aegri Somnia (2/?)
anonymous
November 19 2010, 20:34:24 UTC
When he dreams, he thinks it's the most lucid dream he ever had because he could swear he can feel himself grind against Denmark's body, pushing together the front of their pants and mumbling things that would have made Ukraine blush. He continues his lust-filled assault on Denmark, until the other nation gets over his shock and is soon stripping him naked and fucking him hard.
He wakes up in the morning, hand sized marks on his hips and it isn't the first time he's winced at having his trousers line up to scratch marks on his body.
The next day when he sees Denmark, it's just a wink and a smile and he can remember more, resting his head on the man's shoulder, placing his hands on his body until they're low, lower, below the belt, and he's sloppily kissing the Dane on the lips. He doesn't mention anything, because it seems so far off as if it could just have been a dream now.
Estonia is just so unbelievably tired, all of the time, and he's afraid of what he might be doing while he's supposedly 'asleep' at this point. Something is wrong, but who do you go to when something is wrong and your case is unique?
He's afraid of mentioning it to Toris or Raivis. Beside, he wouldn't be able to explain anything, the pivotal point of his story being that he keeps remembering having sex with others, and he's starting to think it's getting out of control.
It's only when he wakes up in the middle of one of these 'adventures' that he's angry, feeling it's gone too far. He wakes up and he can pinch himself and feel the pain, and his breath is heaving, his lungs hot, shirt unbutton just as Sweden's is, his hand down the other man's unbuttoned pants touching and stroking something he's entirely uncomfortable with.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he mumbles, sliding his hand right out and stumbling off his lap, still mumbling more apologies as he hurries away and out of the other nation's house.
He can't even offer an explanation to the confused nation that he probably came onto first, there's not an apology sufficient enough to give to him as to why he's going to have to take care of his hard-on alone when he'd been faced with what seemed like such a willing partner.
Estonia goes home, and he rubs his hands raw, with soap and rubbing alcohol and even a scouring brush just to try and get the ghost memory of those feelings away.
By the time his hands are red and nearly bleeding, he can look into the mirror and feel apprehension. He still knows what he has to do, and he picks up the telephone, flipping through a phone book.
He tries to heavily medicate himself with alcohol before bed, for the entire week before he has a chance to meet the therapist. Each morning, he finds new marks anyways, the alcohol just slipping him into a deeper sleep where he can't wake up from it like the fateful time with the Nordic. He doesn't sleep the entire night before his doctor appointment, he knows, because he drinks two pots of coffee.
At eight in the morning sharp, he appears at the doctor's office.
They exchange formalities, Eduard sits on his citizen's couch-the entire office was grey and dingy, but he tried to not mind-and he fumbles and sighs. When asked what he does, he says he's the overseer for security measures of all transactions for a large multinational bank, since while it isn't true, he thinks it expresses the stress of his actual job where he needs to be nearly omnipresent to have a good presence.
He says he has two brothers he rarely sees, and they're nothing like eachother. That he sometimes has to travel nearly world-wide for his job. That he hasn't ever had a steady relationship where they had no animosity for eachother at any point in time.
The doctor thinks he's disconnected from people, that he's a glutton for punishment, that he never relaxes since vodka doesn't count for relaxation. The citizen thinks all that he's supposed to in someone as if they were a human, as he's been taught and trained to.
Just one more thing, Eduard asks. He hasn't been sleeping well at all, he can't sleep, he can't survive a night without weird dreams even when he does. Could he get a prescription for that?
Re: Aegri Somnia (3/3)
anonymous
November 19 2010, 20:35:25 UTC
The doctor scribbles on a prescription pad and hands it to him, a sleeping pill that the Estonian can only pray will work with the assumed unique chemistry of his body. When he's finished with his appointment, he makes sure he has another lined up, and he fills the prescription and goes home and takes two pills with a glass of water.
They work for the first four nights, he sleeps like a log.
It's the fifth night where there's a problem. During the night, he dreams his worse nightmare, that he's having sex with the Turkish man who always likes to send him those sexually harassing e-mails, especially when they're right across from eachother during meetings. He thinks maybe it's just hormones now, since when he's tired and asleep he can never get sex off his mind.
It's when he wakes up and he's beside Sadiq in bed that he has a meltdown, waking the darker-skinned man up just to yell at him and ask him why he's in his bed and why he's even in Tallinn. Estonia yells so much that when he looks at Sadiq's face, he can't even tell if he's been speaking in English or Estonian with how confused the other looks since he feels his words are pretty clear.
Sadiq gets up from bed, places his mask back on, and Eduard shuts up to glare at him.
He's psychologically traumatized, even more so when the Turk tries to say that he's over because Eduard invited him.
Even in his sleep he can't stop making deals for sex, and the Estonian slumps over in bed, feeling disgusted and betrayed and the second he hears his door close behind the Turk, he cries.
It takes him a long time before he calms down to the point that he's not sobbing anymore. When he does, he calls the psychologist, telling him that something has happened and he asks for an appointment the next day. The man obliges, and Eduard is thankful enough he takes six of the sleeping pills even though he's almost out just to make sure he'll stay asleep through the night.
When he sees him again, he admits, he wasn't entirely truthful when he saw the man before. The entire reason he'd been so concerned in the first place... He shakes and mumbles, just since discussing anything sexual is so awkward.
“I think... something happens to me when I sleep.”
“Something... Like what kind of something?”
If he just keeps it at that, Eduard knows, the other will have learned nothing. “Like.. L-like that I... I... Sleep, um, with... With other people...”
“As in having sex with them?”
Eduard flinches and looks of shame, and the doctor doesn't have to ask twice. He asks why Eduard thinks so, and Eduard explains the strange happenings that have been going on to him. The doctor nods and thinks, asking small questions here and there, like the last time he believes he has.
He explains that he woke up next to someone he hardly knew and yelled at them until they left, and the doctor nods, still writing more things down.
“You said before that you haven't really had a relationship, right?”
“...Yeah.” Eduard's eyes flicker down to the floor.
“Do you not have any desire for one, or is there someone you like?”
Immediately his mind turns to the Nordic but not-quite boy, the bright violet eyed Finn with the handsome smile he's known all of his life. “There is someone. But... I'm not sure if they'd.. Like me like that, we're friends, but...”
“Have you ever asked them out before?”
Eduard shakes his head.
“How long have you liked them?”
Just how is he expected to translate hundreds of years to something a human wouldn't scoff at? “...A... very long time. We grew up together.”
Re: Aegri Somnia (4/4)
anonymous
November 19 2010, 20:36:13 UTC
“Well...” The doctor pauses, as if he's trying to figure out how to carefully put his words. “Sexsomnia is a very real thing... You're luckier than most.” Eduard stares at him for this, since he doesn't understand. “Most people never find out about the sexual encounters they have. We can do a test to confirm this and I'll switch your medication, but...”
“But?”
“I think this might have surfaced because of your lifestyle. You don't have an anchor to anything. It's...” He smiles, sadly, and Eduard feels terrible thinking one of his own citizens are pitying him. “I think that it's loneliness. You need someone to speak to. You should ask your friend out. You never know what will happen, but that's okay.”
Loneliness.
It made sense. You can be comprised of one million three hundred forty thousand and twenty one people, and you can still be alone. Eduard ran his hand through his hair, nodding in agreement with the doctor while taking his new prescription from his hands.
“Thank you.”
---
His one year anniversary with Tino, he celebrated much more than them being together. Estonia would never let Finland know, or any nation for that matter, what happened and about the more turbulent time in his life. Their one year anniversary though, and Eduard celebrated the end of the real life nightmares.
--------- 3/3? wtf, sorry for that fuck up there. Anon will never label things properly on the kink meme. ||OTL
Oh my dear lord ! Anon ! You're so lucky you're probably miles away from me right now because you know what I'd do with you if I got my hands on you ?! I'd kiss you and hug you silly right now that's what I would do !
This was ... this was amazing ! Wonderful story that warmed me up inside, especially the ending :) But ... but those descriptions ... and and those pairings ... Man I love the nations you paired Estonia with. Denmark and Turkey especially and the scene with Sweden was so adorably awkward and cute and ... Thank you! Thank you ! THANK YOU ! :) :) :) <3
Thank you! I'm glad that you liked it, OP, because writeranon here wasn't sure it was quite up to your description there. D: Writeranon here likes all of the pairings that she included, a lot. Eesti doesn't get enough love. ;A; If I'd thought it over more though, I probably would have paired him up with Denmark at the end. xD;
Denmark/Estonia in the end would have been so hot. But no ... I'm glad you included Finland too. It made the end so much cuter somehow. And I'm glad you included Ukraine too. I had almost forgotten that I requested the main character to be her or Estonia :P And the reason I loved Denmark/Estonia and Turkey/Estonia and Sweden/Estonia the most was because they are so rare. Especially Turkey/Estonia ... haven't seen it around ... at all ... and yeah ... Estonia needs more love.
Re: Aegri Somnia (4/4)
anonymous
November 20 2010, 00:16:50 UTC
man anon i loved this so much.
Everyone, and every single encounter, and I just love the way the whole story flows. and the ending was pretty amazing <3 it's a little sad yet so happy and sweet
Re: Aegri Somnia (4/4)
anonymous
November 20 2010, 00:46:48 UTC
i'm glad i decided to read this :3 (after all, the only pairing I had problems with was SweEsto, and after reading it i realised it was rather small problem compared to the awesomeness of the fill itself).
this was really, really good, anon. the shortness didn't detract from the sheer greatness of it. the flow was perfect, how estonia moved through all the revelations, from finding himself sleeping with a human to himself and the other nations (turkey/estonia. fuck, new pairing now), and his attempts to just banish the problem with alcohol, then pills, his not wanting to share this 'embarrassing' problem with a doctor and in the end, the 'easy' solution related to his loneliness, and his actual strength in following the tip...
it was awesome, anon. really. :3 thank you for sharing. this was definitely splendid.
---
It's one thing to wake up in your own bed naked.
Eduard had done plenty of that before, and the pajamas he had put on for the night were always close by. He always had the feeling that maybe he'd kicked and writhed them off during the night, refusing to explore any other explanation even if they were folded neatly on his nightstand or even put back into the drawers rather than crumpled somewhere around the bed.
He'd rather believe he's crazy and never put them on in the first place, just a lapse in memory.
The first few dozen times, anyways, because now he's learning that it's a very different thing to wake up naked in someone else's bed, with someone else beside you, someone else holding your naked body to their naked body and for just a moment, Eduard thinks he's going to get sick.
He writhes and worms out of their hold, he doesn't even know their face or thinks he's ever seen them before. It's just some regular person, some citizen, some citizen of somewhere because he can tell it's not one of his own. He slipped away from the hotel like he was just part of a bad dream.
He can't remember last night. Eduard figures as he hurries to get dressed-night clothing, a silken pajama button-down top and silken trousers-that it must have been vodka, must have been something. He can't remember getting in bed with someone, can't remember taking his clothes off, wrapping his lips around the neck of a bottle, anything of that nature.
And so he gets dressed, there's not even anything resembling shoes he can wear, but his feet glide over the cheap hotel carpeting and he grimaces at how freshly-kissed his skin feels all over.
It was the alcohol, definitely the alcohol, he's decided that much in his mind even though there wasn't any alcohol.
In the daytime, he always feels so tired. He has to force down so much coffee it'd probably stop a human's heart just to keep his eyes open, but he is Estonia, a cold nation full of coffee drinkers and so he handles it with minimal side effects. Sometimes, things skitter across the floor, black and round and he doesn't know if he's crazy or it's the caffeine, or maybe his office has a portal to an alternate dimension hidden somewhere. His body is always sore and it aches, his sheets always crumpled and indentations in his bed each morning.
It doesn't happen again for a few more days, but next time he wakes up to having Ukraine in his arms and his heart sinks, Russia will kill him, and he doesn't know why except for the fact that he's naked with his big sister.
The next night he actually tries to drink some vodka before bed, Ukraine had been smiling and flirtatious toward him all day at the conference and he doesn't know why. The very idea of it would make his stomach retch.
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When he dreams, he thinks it's the most lucid dream he ever had because he could swear he can feel himself grind against Denmark's body, pushing together the front of their pants and mumbling things that would have made Ukraine blush. He continues his lust-filled assault on Denmark, until the other nation gets over his shock and is soon stripping him naked and fucking him hard.
He wakes up in the morning, hand sized marks on his hips and it isn't the first time he's winced at having his trousers line up to scratch marks on his body.
The next day when he sees Denmark, it's just a wink and a smile and he can remember more, resting his head on the man's shoulder, placing his hands on his body until they're low, lower, below the belt, and he's sloppily kissing the Dane on the lips. He doesn't mention anything, because it seems so far off as if it could just have been a dream now.
Estonia is just so unbelievably tired, all of the time, and he's afraid of what he might be doing while he's supposedly 'asleep' at this point. Something is wrong, but who do you go to when something is wrong and your case is unique?
He's afraid of mentioning it to Toris or Raivis. Beside, he wouldn't be able to explain anything, the pivotal point of his story being that he keeps remembering having sex with others, and he's starting to think it's getting out of control.
It's only when he wakes up in the middle of one of these 'adventures' that he's angry, feeling it's gone too far. He wakes up and he can pinch himself and feel the pain, and his breath is heaving, his lungs hot, shirt unbutton just as Sweden's is, his hand down the other man's unbuttoned pants touching and stroking something he's entirely uncomfortable with.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he mumbles, sliding his hand right out and stumbling off his lap, still mumbling more apologies as he hurries away and out of the other nation's house.
He can't even offer an explanation to the confused nation that he probably came onto first, there's not an apology sufficient enough to give to him as to why he's going to have to take care of his hard-on alone when he'd been faced with what seemed like such a willing partner.
Estonia goes home, and he rubs his hands raw, with soap and rubbing alcohol and even a scouring brush just to try and get the ghost memory of those feelings away.
By the time his hands are red and nearly bleeding, he can look into the mirror and feel apprehension. He still knows what he has to do, and he picks up the telephone, flipping through a phone book.
He tries to heavily medicate himself with alcohol before bed, for the entire week before he has a chance to meet the therapist. Each morning, he finds new marks anyways, the alcohol just slipping him into a deeper sleep where he can't wake up from it like the fateful time with the Nordic. He doesn't sleep the entire night before his doctor appointment, he knows, because he drinks two pots of coffee.
At eight in the morning sharp, he appears at the doctor's office.
They exchange formalities, Eduard sits on his citizen's couch-the entire office was grey and dingy, but he tried to not mind-and he fumbles and sighs. When asked what he does, he says he's the overseer for security measures of all transactions for a large multinational bank, since while it isn't true, he thinks it expresses the stress of his actual job where he needs to be nearly omnipresent to have a good presence.
He says he has two brothers he rarely sees, and they're nothing like eachother. That he sometimes has to travel nearly world-wide for his job. That he hasn't ever had a steady relationship where they had no animosity for eachother at any point in time.
The doctor thinks he's disconnected from people, that he's a glutton for punishment, that he never relaxes since vodka doesn't count for relaxation. The citizen thinks all that he's supposed to in someone as if they were a human, as he's been taught and trained to.
Just one more thing, Eduard asks. He hasn't been sleeping well at all, he can't sleep, he can't survive a night without weird dreams even when he does. Could he get a prescription for that?
Reply
The doctor scribbles on a prescription pad and hands it to him, a sleeping pill that the Estonian can only pray will work with the assumed unique chemistry of his body. When he's finished with his appointment, he makes sure he has another lined up, and he fills the prescription and goes home and takes two pills with a glass of water.
They work for the first four nights, he sleeps like a log.
It's the fifth night where there's a problem. During the night, he dreams his worse nightmare, that he's having sex with the Turkish man who always likes to send him those sexually harassing e-mails, especially when they're right across from eachother during meetings. He thinks maybe it's just hormones now, since when he's tired and asleep he can never get sex off his mind.
It's when he wakes up and he's beside Sadiq in bed that he has a meltdown, waking the darker-skinned man up just to yell at him and ask him why he's in his bed and why he's even in Tallinn. Estonia yells so much that when he looks at Sadiq's face, he can't even tell if he's been speaking in English or Estonian with how confused the other looks since he feels his words are pretty clear.
Sadiq gets up from bed, places his mask back on, and Eduard shuts up to glare at him.
He's psychologically traumatized, even more so when the Turk tries to say that he's over because Eduard invited him.
Even in his sleep he can't stop making deals for sex, and the Estonian slumps over in bed, feeling disgusted and betrayed and the second he hears his door close behind the Turk, he cries.
It takes him a long time before he calms down to the point that he's not sobbing anymore. When he does, he calls the psychologist, telling him that something has happened and he asks for an appointment the next day. The man obliges, and Eduard is thankful enough he takes six of the sleeping pills even though he's almost out just to make sure he'll stay asleep through the night.
When he sees him again, he admits, he wasn't entirely truthful when he saw the man before. The entire reason he'd been so concerned in the first place... He shakes and mumbles, just since discussing anything sexual is so awkward.
“I think... something happens to me when I sleep.”
“Something... Like what kind of something?”
If he just keeps it at that, Eduard knows, the other will have learned nothing. “Like.. L-like that I... I... Sleep, um, with... With other people...”
“As in having sex with them?”
Eduard flinches and looks of shame, and the doctor doesn't have to ask twice. He asks why Eduard thinks so, and Eduard explains the strange happenings that have been going on to him. The doctor nods and thinks, asking small questions here and there, like the last time he believes he has.
He explains that he woke up next to someone he hardly knew and yelled at them until they left, and the doctor nods, still writing more things down.
“You said before that you haven't really had a relationship, right?”
“...Yeah.” Eduard's eyes flicker down to the floor.
“Do you not have any desire for one, or is there someone you like?”
Immediately his mind turns to the Nordic but not-quite boy, the bright violet eyed Finn with the handsome smile he's known all of his life. “There is someone. But... I'm not sure if they'd.. Like me like that, we're friends, but...”
“Have you ever asked them out before?”
Eduard shakes his head.
“How long have you liked them?”
Just how is he expected to translate hundreds of years to something a human wouldn't scoff at? “...A... very long time. We grew up together.”
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“Well...” The doctor pauses, as if he's trying to figure out how to carefully put his words. “Sexsomnia is a very real thing... You're luckier than most.” Eduard stares at him for this, since he doesn't understand. “Most people never find out about the sexual encounters they have. We can do a test to confirm this and I'll switch your medication, but...”
“But?”
“I think this might have surfaced because of your lifestyle. You don't have an anchor to anything. It's...” He smiles, sadly, and Eduard feels terrible thinking one of his own citizens are pitying him. “I think that it's loneliness. You need someone to speak to. You should ask your friend out. You never know what will happen, but that's okay.”
Loneliness.
It made sense. You can be comprised of one million three hundred forty thousand and twenty one people, and you can still be alone. Eduard ran his hand through his hair, nodding in agreement with the doctor while taking his new prescription from his hands.
“Thank you.”
---
His one year anniversary with Tino, he celebrated much more than them being together. Estonia would never let Finland know, or any nation for that matter, what happened and about the more turbulent time in his life. Their one year anniversary though, and Eduard celebrated the end of the real life nightmares.
---------
3/3? wtf, sorry for that fuck up there. Anon will never label things properly on the kink meme. ||OTL
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This was ... this was amazing ! Wonderful story that warmed me up inside, especially the ending :) But ... but those descriptions ... and and those pairings ... Man I love the nations you paired Estonia with. Denmark and Turkey especially and the scene with Sweden was so adorably awkward and cute and ... Thank you! Thank you ! THANK YOU ! :) :) :) <3
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Writeranon here likes all of the pairings that she included, a lot. Eesti doesn't get enough love. ;A; If I'd thought it over more though, I probably would have paired him up with Denmark at the end. xD;
It was my pleasure!<3
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Everyone, and every single encounter, and I just love the way the whole story flows. and the ending was pretty amazing <3 it's a little sad yet so happy and sweet
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this was really, really good, anon. the shortness didn't detract from the sheer greatness of it. the flow was perfect, how estonia moved through all the revelations, from finding himself sleeping with a human to himself and the other nations (turkey/estonia. fuck, new pairing now), and his attempts to just banish the problem with alcohol, then pills, his not wanting to share this 'embarrassing' problem with a doctor and in the end, the 'easy' solution related to his loneliness, and his actual strength in following the tip...
it was awesome, anon. really. :3 thank you for sharing. this was definitely splendid.
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Can I just say that I love you anon, and I love this? Especially that TurkeyxEstonia, it's so rare. D:
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