Mail Order Mix Up [1b/?]
anonymous
July 8 2010, 18:45:05 UTC
He took a deep breath decided to test his skills and moved down the stairs one hand on the rail. Quietly he turned the corner and made his way to the kitchen down the short hallway. Peaking in he saw the intruder, and she was beautiful to say the least. A pretty face and golden blonde hair, well, he had noticed the hair, the face not so much but with a chest like this woman had on her he was sure as hell hoping her face could rival those tits. There were textbook Perky D’s and defiantly the very first thing he noticed. The gorgeous breasts even distracted him. Alfred suddenly forgot that he was standing in the threshold to the kitchen looking to get a thief slash stalker ex girlfriend out of his house. He was standing there now watching this woman with the perfect pair cooking and imagining what she would look like topless.
Alfred didn’t come back to his senses until he heard her gasp and say something in a language he didn’t understand. She moved away from the stove with a huge smile on her face going on still in this alien tongue and suddenly hugged him close to her. “Alfred!” she said brightly in a thick accent. It sounded Russian, he’d watched enough James Bond and spy movies to know what a Russian accent sounded like, “I am glad to be finally meeting your face.” He smile was bright.
He continued t o look at her, darting his eyes from her face to bust. He’d never met this woman before. He would remember a pair of tits like that and went she hugged him he could tell that they were a hundred percent real. He watched her still before saying, “Who are you?”
She looked a bit hurt. “You do not remember me from the website?”
The website? Alfred was silent looking at her, “What website?”
“Dating site… uh easternwomen.com…? You told me you want to marry me, yes?” she looked just as confused as he did, “So I come to America to be your wife. You said you loved me, yes?”
He was really confused now. Since when did he say he was in love with this chick? Since when did he go to dating sites that sounded like porno catalogues. He remembered using porn sites but not- “What are you talking about?”
“You are Alfred Jones yes? Uh name online is Americanstudmuffin69 right?”
Americanstudemuffin69 he just started at her.
“Your friend Gilbert picked me up from airport this morning and-“
“Gilbert?” he almost shouted out the name of his coworker.
She nodded looking suddenly happy that there was something her knew. She said some kind of exclamation in her native language and reached into her pocket pulling out an envelope folded in half and handed it over to him.
Alfred looked down at it. His name was written across the front in the crude handwriting he recognized as Gilbert Beilshmidt’s. The man was an albino who loved getting drunk and making all kinds of trouble, he worked in the same department as Alfred and most people were just kind of amazed that he had yet to be fired. Things were starting to make sense now.
Hey there, I took it on myself to fix your little problem. This is Ekatarina and isn’t be a total babe. God I saw her and was pretty freaking pissed that I am already with Eliza! Anyways she’s from Ukraine and I got her off line for you. HOT RIGHT? So just marry her and you won’t be able to complain about any gold diggin’ hos anymore right?
Alfred looked from the woman now identified as Ekatarina the Ukrainian from the internet brought to America to be his bride, and the letter. He would have to kill Gilbert on Monday. But as his eyes moved from one to the other, it was all starting to come back to him. The bar three months ago, his complaining after yet another failed relationship-Gilbert had been serious when he said he had a solution and his solution was to get some poor Ukrainian woman desperate for American citizenship or something.
Re: Mail Order Mix Up [1b/?]
anonymous
July 9 2010, 08:17:33 UTC
So! I was just bemoaning the lack of this pairing anywhere; I thought it would be interesting, but I've never even seen it on this meme or the main LJ comm. So I checked on Pixiv and saw a million lovely pics and started earlier searching to no avail. Alas. Then this crossed the Fills List and I started looking for leftover Fourth of July fireworks to shoot off in my sparkly joy. *_*
This is going to be fucking awesome, anon. Well, of course, since it has both Alfred and Gilbert. ;D But seriously, this is going to be an interesting dynamic, I bet. And poor Alfred; it's great that his life is suddenly no longer empty, but, uh, that's a lot of "interesting" to add to his life all at once. ... And he's going to have so much trouble looking her in the eyes. :'D I wonder if there's a Russian expression that means "My eyes are up here, tyvm." You think?
Re: Mail Order Mix Up [1b/?]
anonymous
July 9 2010, 08:24:09 UTC
Also, thank you for bringing both het and hilarity to my kink meme. <3 I mean, there's no much hilarity yet, but we all know the potential hilarity of future misunderstandings with Ekatarina (and with his family and friends ABOUT Ekatarina!) is epic. :D
Alfred didn’t come back to his senses until he heard her gasp and say something in a language he didn’t understand. She moved away from the stove with a huge smile on her face going on still in this alien tongue and suddenly hugged him close to her. “Alfred!” she said brightly in a thick accent. It sounded Russian, he’d watched enough James Bond and spy movies to know what a Russian accent sounded like, “I am glad to be finally meeting your face.” He smile was bright.
He continued t o look at her, darting his eyes from her face to bust. He’d never met this woman before. He would remember a pair of tits like that and went she hugged him he could tell that they were a hundred percent real. He watched her still before saying, “Who are you?”
She looked a bit hurt. “You do not remember me from the website?”
The website? Alfred was silent looking at her, “What website?”
“Dating site… uh easternwomen.com…? You told me you want to marry me, yes?” she looked just as confused as he did, “So I come to America to be your wife. You said you loved me, yes?”
He was really confused now. Since when did he say he was in love with this chick? Since when did he go to dating sites that sounded like porno catalogues. He remembered using porn sites but not- “What are you talking about?”
“You are Alfred Jones yes? Uh name online is Americanstudmuffin69 right?”
Americanstudemuffin69 he just started at her.
“Your friend Gilbert picked me up from airport this morning and-“
“Gilbert?” he almost shouted out the name of his coworker.
She nodded looking suddenly happy that there was something her knew. She said some kind of exclamation in her native language and reached into her pocket pulling out an envelope folded in half and handed it over to him.
Alfred looked down at it. His name was written across the front in the crude handwriting he recognized as Gilbert Beilshmidt’s. The man was an albino who loved getting drunk and making all kinds of trouble, he worked in the same department as Alfred and most people were just kind of amazed that he had yet to be fired. Things were starting to make sense now.
Hey there, I took it on myself to fix your little problem. This is Ekatarina and isn’t be a total babe. God I saw her and was pretty freaking pissed that I am already with Eliza! Anyways she’s from Ukraine and I got her off line for you. HOT RIGHT? So just marry her and you won’t be able to complain about any gold diggin’ hos anymore right?
Alfred looked from the woman now identified as Ekatarina the Ukrainian from the internet brought to America to be his bride, and the letter. He would have to kill Gilbert on Monday. But as his eyes moved from one to the other, it was all starting to come back to him. The bar three months ago, his complaining after yet another failed relationship-Gilbert had been serious when he said he had a solution and his solution was to get some poor Ukrainian woman desperate for American citizenship or something.
“Oh fuck!”
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Al, you're lucky Gil has a good eye. Ukraine is such a sweetheart! ♥
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This is going to be fucking awesome, anon. Well, of course, since it has both Alfred and Gilbert. ;D But seriously, this is going to be an interesting dynamic, I bet. And poor Alfred; it's great that his life is suddenly no longer empty, but, uh, that's a lot of "interesting" to add to his life all at once. ... And he's going to have so much trouble looking her in the eyes. :'D I wonder if there's a Russian expression that means "My eyes are up here, tyvm." You think?
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