Part 8: In The Shadows [2/3]
anonymous
May 31 2010, 23:12:40 UTC
Normally, Eduard would have to look for Tino, following the stench of alcohol and trying his best not to give in. It had been at least a week, (he couldn't remember very well, because his time was split between work, sleep, and stopping himself and attempting to stop Tino drinking) and Tino always seemed to end up in a different place. Sometimes he would be lounged over the sofa in the living room, bottles of something cheap clustered around him on the floor, either snoring loudly, or yelling at some sport on the television. He'd found the international channels, polluting the house with a loud, harsh, thick American accent, or occasionally other languages when he was too inebriated to realise that he couldn't understand. Other days, the more sober ones, Tino was found hunched over the toilet, and looked at Eduard with terror in his eyes, scared of an unseen enemy. Those nights were the worst, with no sleep to the Finnish ramblings of his friend as fear overtook the alcohol in his blood. Fear of what, Eduard would never know.
Eduard hated himself as he had to prepare himself to walk into his own house, and ignore the smell. So, as was so often these days, he took a deep breath before opening the door, shielding his heart and mind for whatever he would find.
But today, he was not snoring, or ill, or even fearful. Tino stared at him, from a little way down the hall. A quick glance told him that for once, there was nothing around the Finn, and those eyes were surprisingly sober, piercing and cold. When they focused on him, they lit up, and Eduard's heart sank, knowing that it was not his arrival that excited Tino, but the bags he held. The next question was so predictable as well.
"You went to the store! Did you buy me any alcohol! Great stuff, great stuff, but I ran out! Can you believe it? But did you get any?" Eduard shook his head, fully aware that Tino would be disappointed, or even angry. It pained him to see something so inhuman as the focus of living for one he held so close.
However, instead of leaving him alone to mope, or yelling at him, Tino crawled over to Eduard, and at this distance, it was evident that he was still drunk, like always. Those pitiful violet eyes were bright as they looked up at him, and he shut the door before Tino's state was broadcast to the neighbours. The northern nation grasped his leg, falling short at the first few attempts, but finally getting a solid grip, he enveloped his leg, curling his body around his foot, and stopping Eduard from going anywhere.
"Ehehe, you're stuck now!" Eduard squatted down, uncomfortable with having to look down so much, and died a little inside to sense the alcohol remaining on Tino's breath, and on his lips. He drew his gaze away from them and focused on his eyes, a morose smile on his own lips.
"Why, yes I am."
"What's wrong? Why do you look so sad - smile-" Tino relinquished his hold on Eduard's leg and stuck his fingers at the corners of his mouth and pulled, stretching Eduard's face into a misplaced smile on depressed eyes. "Where's Berwald? He said he'd never leave me, don't leave me, he said 'Don' leave m', just like that, but he left he left where has he gone Eduard don't leave don't leave I need you someone anyone-" Tino's hands gripped his arms and begun shaking him frantically, eyes widening in panic. Eduard grabbed his shoulders until he calmed down a little, then began to stroke Tino's hair, greasy from neglect, in an awkward attempt to ease him.
"I haven't left, I'm here, aren't I? Berwald asked me to take you, because he needed a break-" He was cut off as Tino interrupted him.
"What? He hates me, doesn't he? What did I do? Eduard, tell me, what did I do?!" Eduard removed his hand, mostly to stop himself hurting Tino in his sudden anger. Had he been like this in the depths of his alcoholism?
Part 8: In The Shadows [3/3]
anonymous
May 31 2010, 23:34:26 UTC
"Tino, you discovered something called alcohol, and decided to dump your friends and family for it, drowning in it so much so that Berwald; tall, stoic, extremely strong Berwald almost broke at the sight of you, unable to tell up from down. So he asked me to take you here. And in truth, it's breaking my he-" He broke off, his voice cracking as his throat clogged with emotion: envy, sadness, but mostly love. Centuries of hidden feelings broke through the layers of barriers, tears forming unbidden to his eyes, and Tino watched perplexed as he quickly stood up and took advantage of the loose grip, running up the stairs to his room.
When there, he shut the door, and slid down it, trying to compose himself, and push everything back under the surface. Despite his best attempts to adopt the calm state he usually held, he found it impossible and gave up, curling himself against the door. He hid his face in his hands and watched them blur as he began to cry, unable to think of anything.
The mobile phone hummed from receiving a new message, and the laptop's quiet chime went unchecked: Eduard decided that the world would have to wait.
What felt like hours later, Eduard stared numbly at the darkening shadows in the room, as dusk came and went and night set in, a streetlight casting a shallow, wavering light in the room. He watched car lights dance across the walls, and heard the soft patter of rainfall. With reluctance, he slowly rose, knowing that life went on around him. He checked his phone: two messages, one from his boss, the other from Raivis. He opened it, to be met by a short message: Don't give up! : ). Eduard smiled slightly: if things got bad enough, he could call Raivis. He felt warmer for the comfort of back-up, and decided to sort out a meal for him and Tino; after all, even if he felt like hiding, he couldn't mope forever.
Taking a few deep breaths, he finally heard the knocking at the door, and the frail call of 'Eesti?' which he realised had been going on for some time.
Opening the door, he was met with the sight of Tino, slightly disheveled but with damp hair, and he found that the stench of alcohol had finally dissipated. However, in his hand was a glass of clear liquid: Eduard watched Tino with the question in his eyes. If the other wasn't drunk, he'd know what that meant. Tino responded.
"It's water. Honest." So he took the glass, and sniffed it hesitantly.
"You're not drunk." He took a deep gulp of blissfully non-alcoholic water, soothing his throat while he waited for Tino to answer.
"Well, there's no alcohol in the house. Not," He threw his hands up as Eduard gave him a disgracing look. "Not that I would drink it," he interjected quickly. "I... I'm sorry? It seemed like... like it was a good escape. From everything. And then, I just... kind of... craved it. I didn't realise what it was doing to Berwald and you! I'll try and stop... Are we still... friends?" Eduard nodded, amused by the childish phrase. Tino hugged him tightly, repeatedly murmuring that he was sorry, and the Baltic nation decided that while he was more sober than the past week, the effect of the alcohol would take a few days to dissipate fully.
Of course it wasn't perfect; how could it be? Life was difficult after an addiction, especially one so deep as theirs, but Eduard felt that maybe Tino, and himself, would get better at coping, and perhaps one day, even forget they'd even been addicted.
I hope you enjoyed it! Sorry for it being so short, and probably not angsty/pairing-y enough. I feel like Eduard would be a sleepy drunk, but Finland could be unpredictable. I believe alcoholism rates were pretty high in Latvia around that time as well...? And the reason Lithuania doesn't know is that in my headcanon, the Baltics don't have too much to do with each other. At least, Estonia and Lithuania especially aren't close. If any of these things are wrong,(having never been drunk or had a breakdown, I wouldn't know...) sorry - I hope someone else fills this with something actually decent and accurate.
Eduard hated himself as he had to prepare himself to walk into his own house, and ignore the smell. So, as was so often these days, he took a deep breath before opening the door, shielding his heart and mind for whatever he would find.
But today, he was not snoring, or ill, or even fearful. Tino stared at him, from a little way down the hall. A quick glance told him that for once, there was nothing around the Finn, and those eyes were surprisingly sober, piercing and cold. When they focused on him, they lit up, and Eduard's heart sank, knowing that it was not his arrival that excited Tino, but the bags he held. The next question was so predictable as well.
"You went to the store! Did you buy me any alcohol! Great stuff, great stuff, but I ran out! Can you believe it? But did you get any?" Eduard shook his head, fully aware that Tino would be disappointed, or even angry. It pained him to see something so inhuman as the focus of living for one he held so close.
However, instead of leaving him alone to mope, or yelling at him, Tino crawled over to Eduard, and at this distance, it was evident that he was still drunk, like always. Those pitiful violet eyes were bright as they looked up at him, and he shut the door before Tino's state was broadcast to the neighbours. The northern nation grasped his leg, falling short at the first few attempts, but finally getting a solid grip, he enveloped his leg, curling his body around his foot, and stopping Eduard from going anywhere.
"Ehehe, you're stuck now!" Eduard squatted down, uncomfortable with having to look down so much, and died a little inside to sense the alcohol remaining on Tino's breath, and on his lips. He drew his gaze away from them and focused on his eyes, a morose smile on his own lips.
"Why, yes I am."
"What's wrong? Why do you look so sad - smile-" Tino relinquished his hold on Eduard's leg and stuck his fingers at the corners of his mouth and pulled, stretching Eduard's face into a misplaced smile on depressed eyes. "Where's Berwald? He said he'd never leave me, don't leave me, he said 'Don' leave m', just like that, but he left he left where has he gone Eduard don't leave don't leave I need you someone anyone-" Tino's hands gripped his arms and begun shaking him frantically, eyes widening in panic. Eduard grabbed his shoulders until he calmed down a little, then began to stroke Tino's hair, greasy from neglect, in an awkward attempt to ease him.
"I haven't left, I'm here, aren't I? Berwald asked me to take you, because he needed a break-" He was cut off as Tino interrupted him.
"What? He hates me, doesn't he? What did I do? Eduard, tell me, what did I do?!" Eduard removed his hand, mostly to stop himself hurting Tino in his sudden anger. Had he been like this in the depths of his alcoholism?
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When there, he shut the door, and slid down it, trying to compose himself, and push everything back under the surface. Despite his best attempts to adopt the calm state he usually held, he found it impossible and gave up, curling himself against the door. He hid his face in his hands and watched them blur as he began to cry, unable to think of anything.
The mobile phone hummed from receiving a new message, and the laptop's quiet chime went unchecked: Eduard decided that the world would have to wait.
What felt like hours later, Eduard stared numbly at the darkening shadows in the room, as dusk came and went and night set in, a streetlight casting a shallow, wavering light in the room. He watched car lights dance across the walls, and heard the soft patter of rainfall.
With reluctance, he slowly rose, knowing that life went on around him. He checked his phone: two messages, one from his boss, the other from Raivis. He opened it, to be met by a short message: Don't give up! : ). Eduard smiled slightly: if things got bad enough, he could call Raivis. He felt warmer for the comfort of back-up, and decided to sort out a meal for him and Tino; after all, even if he felt like hiding, he couldn't mope forever.
Taking a few deep breaths, he finally heard the knocking at the door, and the frail call of 'Eesti?' which he realised had been going on for some time.
Opening the door, he was met with the sight of Tino, slightly disheveled but with damp hair, and he found that the stench of alcohol had finally dissipated. However, in his hand was a glass of clear liquid: Eduard watched Tino with the question in his eyes. If the other wasn't drunk, he'd know what that meant. Tino responded.
"It's water. Honest." So he took the glass, and sniffed it hesitantly.
"You're not drunk." He took a deep gulp of blissfully non-alcoholic water, soothing his throat while he waited for Tino to answer.
"Well, there's no alcohol in the house. Not," He threw his hands up as Eduard gave him a disgracing look. "Not that I would drink it," he interjected quickly. "I... I'm sorry? It seemed like... like it was a good escape. From everything. And then, I just... kind of... craved it. I didn't realise what it was doing to Berwald and you! I'll try and stop... Are we still... friends?" Eduard nodded, amused by the childish phrase. Tino hugged him tightly, repeatedly murmuring that he was sorry, and the Baltic nation decided that while he was more sober than the past week, the effect of the alcohol would take a few days to dissipate fully.
Of course it wasn't perfect; how could it be? Life was difficult after an addiction, especially one so deep as theirs, but Eduard felt that maybe Tino, and himself, would get better at coping, and perhaps one day, even forget they'd even been addicted.
I hope you enjoyed it! Sorry for it being so short, and probably not angsty/pairing-y enough.
I feel like Eduard would be a sleepy drunk, but Finland could be unpredictable. I believe alcoholism rates were pretty high in Latvia around that time as well...? And the reason Lithuania doesn't know is that in my headcanon, the Baltics don't have too much to do with each other. At least, Estonia and Lithuania especially aren't close.
If any of these things are wrong,(having never been drunk or had a breakdown, I wouldn't know...) sorry - I hope someone else fills this with something actually decent and accurate.
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