Re: Alfred the Kid (8/?)
anonymous
June 22 2010, 08:43:17 UTC
HAHAHHA! So, I'm totally reading this as everyone but Arthur speaking with a Texan accent. I love this story and, to be honest, the only thing to point out is that there are a few grammatical errors. Nothing that a beta can't fix. I'm in love with how you write dialogue, it slips from one word to another. You don't mix in uncommon words to sound "super smart and sophisticated" like most people do, you keep it natural. I've only come across such levels of skill in that area once before. Its not as common as it should be, so reading this is really refreshing! However, I'm a bit worried how you'll treat their relationship as it elevates from how it is now to more than just friends. 99% of fanfic writers tend to ignore the consequences of a gay relationship and in an American western setting the consequences could/would entail death. I'm hoping that you'll keep it a hidden thing, but that's just me, and I love the whole forbidden relationship deal. Either way, I'm sure it'll be fabulous. Also! I love how you've mentioned other historical accuracies, like the view men had of women. You handled that extremely well. Way to keep the characters from going stale, you really bring them to life! The little things really come together! I'll definitely be following this!
I'm in love with how you write dialogue, it slips from one word to another. You don't mix in uncommon words to sound "super smart and sophisticated" like most people do, you keep it natural. I've only come across such levels of skill in that area once before. Its not as common as it should be, so reading this is really refreshing!
However, I'm a bit worried how you'll treat their relationship as it elevates from how it is now to more than just friends. 99% of fanfic writers tend to ignore the consequences of a gay relationship and in an American western setting the consequences could/would entail death. I'm hoping that you'll keep it a hidden thing, but that's just me, and I love the whole forbidden relationship deal. Either way, I'm sure it'll be fabulous.
Also! I love how you've mentioned other historical accuracies, like the view men had of women. You handled that extremely well.
Way to keep the characters from going stale, you really bring them to life! The little things really come together! I'll definitely be following this!
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