Cold Seduction (5/?)
anonymous
May 14 2010, 04:41:34 UTC
America couldn’t help but feel nervous on the way to pick up Belarus. Who wouldn’t? The place was unofficially enemy territory. Still, he didn’t want to look jittery when he showed up at her doorstep, or in this case, the doorstep of the whole Soviet Union. When he drove up to the front gate, there were two guards standing there and staring at him suspiciously. He wasn’t surprised at all that there were guards, but their icy stares were really close to throwing off his attempts to act cool. He nervously smiled and waved at them, but they just glanced at each other, chuckled and murmured something foreign. He couldn’t translate, but he could tell they were mocking him. Finally, one of them walked up to his car window and tapped on the glass.
“Do you have an appointment?” The guard asked in a strict but calm voice after America rolled down his car window.
“Oh, yeah. I do, actually. Um, I’m here for Belarus.” America answered with a grin. The guard looked stunned for a moment, and the other guard seemed to turn around and laugh.
“One moment, please.”
While waiting in the car, America took a deep breath and leaned back in the driver’s seat, tapping on the steering wheel. He was actually a little surprised he’d gotten this far. Sure he had a lot of confidence in his pick-up skills, but he’d never be able to shake off a minor inferiority complex when it came to seducing. He wasn’t France, or Spain, or Italy, but he still had enough game, right? He checked his reflection in the rear view mirror for bats in the cave or spinach in the teeth, and also gave himself a little pep talk to ease his nerves.
“You can do this,” He boldly stated, pointing to his own image in the mirror, “You’ve got game. You’ve got so much game, it’s not even funny. She’ll totally dig you. What does Russia have that you don’t? Nothing. I’ve got a cute smile, shiny blue eyes, charming good looks. I’m the man, baby.”
He finally turned away from the mirror, to see Belarus giving him a weird look from outside of the car. He jerked back to reality and got out of the car to open the door for her.
“Oh! H-Hey Belarus! Go ahead and hop right in.” He cheekily smiled and lightly shoved her inside of the car. Her face looked stubborn as usual, but America was determined to make her crack a smile (and go to bed with him). The air surrounding them seemed more than just a little tense, so he tried to lighten the mood with a little chit chat.
“So…I’m really glad you decided to hang out with me. You’re hair looks really nice today.”
“Hurm. You’re just saying that. It always looks like this.” She rejected his compliment and just stared out the window.
“Well I mean it. I bet you got a bunch of guys telling you how cute you are.”
“Well, you’d be wrong. Most of the time, they just hide or runaway from me.” She shot back, crossing her arms. America gulped and tugged on his collar a bit. This was starting to get a little awkward, and awkwardness was not hot.
“Anyways…I heard this funny joke the other day. You want to hear it?”
“Fine, tell me.”
“Two peanuts were walking down the street, and one was assaulted.” He chuckled at the silly play on words. She shot him a strange glare and humorlessly responded,
“What’s so funny about that?”
“You see, one of the peanuts was salty, a salted peanut.”
“Then what was the point of the other peanut?”
“One of the peanuts was assaulted, as in beat up by the other peanut, but it could also just mean one was salty. It’s a pun. You get it now?”
“I do not see what is so funny about beating up peanuts. In the Soviet Union, we do not beat up peanuts, we eat them. When they’re available, that is.”
America bit his lip, and wanted to smack himself for even trying to explain the joke; no one is supposed to do that! So he tried to think of something else from the top of his head.
“Um, oh, I got another one! So three men arrive in heaven on the same day…”
Re: Cold Seduction (5/?)
anonymous
May 14 2010, 05:14:59 UTC
Don't worry America, I thought the assaulted peanut joke was DYNAMITE! But then again I thought Belarus' not joke about the rogue peanut was funny too, so I might not be one to judge.
“Do you have an appointment?” The guard asked in a strict but calm voice after America rolled down his car window.
“Oh, yeah. I do, actually. Um, I’m here for Belarus.” America answered with a grin. The guard looked stunned for a moment, and the other guard seemed to turn around and laugh.
“One moment, please.”
While waiting in the car, America took a deep breath and leaned back in the driver’s seat, tapping on the steering wheel. He was actually a little surprised he’d gotten this far. Sure he had a lot of confidence in his pick-up skills, but he’d never be able to shake off a minor inferiority complex when it came to seducing. He wasn’t France, or Spain, or Italy, but he still had enough game, right?
He checked his reflection in the rear view mirror for bats in the cave or spinach in the teeth, and also gave himself a little pep talk to ease his nerves.
“You can do this,” He boldly stated, pointing to his own image in the mirror, “You’ve got game. You’ve got so much game, it’s not even funny. She’ll totally dig you. What does Russia have that you don’t? Nothing. I’ve got a cute smile, shiny blue eyes, charming good looks. I’m the man, baby.”
He finally turned away from the mirror, to see Belarus giving him a weird look from outside of the car. He jerked back to reality and got out of the car to open the door for her.
“Oh! H-Hey Belarus! Go ahead and hop right in.” He cheekily smiled and lightly shoved her inside of the car. Her face looked stubborn as usual, but America was determined to make her crack a smile (and go to bed with him). The air surrounding them seemed more than just a little tense, so he tried to lighten the mood with a little chit chat.
“So…I’m really glad you decided to hang out with me. You’re hair looks really nice today.”
“Hurm. You’re just saying that. It always looks like this.” She rejected his compliment and just stared out the window.
“Well I mean it. I bet you got a bunch of guys telling you how cute you are.”
“Well, you’d be wrong. Most of the time, they just hide or runaway from me.” She shot back, crossing her arms. America gulped and tugged on his collar a bit. This was starting to get a little awkward, and awkwardness was not hot.
“Anyways…I heard this funny joke the other day. You want to hear it?”
“Fine, tell me.”
“Two peanuts were walking down the street, and one was assaulted.” He chuckled at the silly play on words. She shot him a strange glare and humorlessly responded,
“What’s so funny about that?”
“You see, one of the peanuts was salty, a salted peanut.”
“Then what was the point of the other peanut?”
“One of the peanuts was assaulted, as in beat up by the other peanut, but it could also just mean one was salty. It’s a pun. You get it now?”
“I do not see what is so funny about beating up peanuts. In the Soviet Union, we do not beat up peanuts, we eat them. When they’re available, that is.”
America bit his lip, and wanted to smack himself for even trying to explain the joke; no one is supposed to do that! So he tried to think of something else from the top of his head.
“Um, oh, I got another one! So three men arrive in heaven on the same day…”
“Were they killed by that rogue peanut?”
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I love socially awkward Belarus! (euphemism)
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America is adorable, trying to be cool. God, when he gets caught giving himself a pep talkXD
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Ah, Natalia. Such a pro. Such a pro.
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