Under Our Roof (10/14)
anonymous
April 6 2010, 04:37:29 UTC
Alfred
Arthur never thought that I was, but I was always aware of the danger. Whenever I went to school, or went out with my friends, it was in the back of my mind that I had a horrible secret hiding inside of me. Sometimes, when I was dressing for football practice, I would notice someone’s eyes catching on an oddly placed bruise and I would feel a rush of panic.
Sometimes, it would occur to me in the middle of sex with Arthur that Matt could walk in on us at any point. Sometimes, the morning after, I would realize that the door had been unlocked or slightly open and I would feel briefly sick with horror.
At breakfast, I looked into my brother’s eyes and I wondered.
That’s why I like to be in the house alone with him. No lying. No hiding. When Matt goes to college, I’ll finally get to be alone with just him. Just him and me.
I love him. I really do. Even if it’s wrong, even if he’s my father. I really, really love him, in every way possible. He’s not taking advantage of me. I seduced him. I made the first move, because I wanted him. I wanted it.
Matt was getting closer to his friends and farther from his family. Sometimes I hardly talked to him once in a day. I missed my brother, I missed the funny little conversations that we had, where I only realized halfway through that Matt was making fun of me with his quiet little interjections, and then I had to jokingly hit him over the head, while he laughed wildly.
But, I got to spend more time with Arthur.
It wasn’t always sex, anymore. It was a lot less, and somehow I didn’t mind. We sat at the kitchen table, talking and laughing. I ate a cheeseburger, while he had French fries. He said that if I kept eating that many cheeseburgers, I wouldn’t be on the football team anymore. I pulled a face at him.
We watched TV-soccer-and curled up on the sofa. I rested my head on his chest, and he stroked my hair and kissed my forehead.
I like this. These slow and comfortable days of openness and freedom. Arthur hardly seems guilty about what we do. It’s like we’re normal.
“You know,” Arthur breathed into my hair. “Matthew has been back home for about five hours each night for the last week or so.”
“Yeah,” I said. “He’s too cool for us now. I think he might have a crush.”
Arthur laughed. “Oh?”
“Yeah. Maybe that girl from his drama class. The one with the big knockers.” I laughed again. “Don’t get jealous, now.”
“Wouldn’t think of it.” He still gently whacked the back of my head.
“Hey!” I yawned. “Or, well, I’m not gonna make assumptions. Maybe that loud kid with the gelled hair. Or that guy who always drives him everywhere. It’s kinda cute.” I turned slightly to look at him. “And we get to spend more time together.”
“That is good,” he agreed.
I kissed him. My neck hurt twisting at that awkward angle, so I shifted onto my stomach on top of him. His hands twisted in my hair. The soccer game was still playing in the background.
Arthur never thought that I was, but I was always aware of the danger. Whenever I went to school, or went out with my friends, it was in the back of my mind that I had a horrible secret hiding inside of me. Sometimes, when I was dressing for football practice, I would notice someone’s eyes catching on an oddly placed bruise and I would feel a rush of panic.
Sometimes, it would occur to me in the middle of sex with Arthur that Matt could walk in on us at any point. Sometimes, the morning after, I would realize that the door had been unlocked or slightly open and I would feel briefly sick with horror.
At breakfast, I looked into my brother’s eyes and I wondered.
That’s why I like to be in the house alone with him. No lying. No hiding. When Matt goes to college, I’ll finally get to be alone with just him. Just him and me.
I love him. I really do. Even if it’s wrong, even if he’s my father. I really, really love him, in every way possible. He’s not taking advantage of me. I seduced him. I made the first move, because I wanted him. I wanted it.
Matt was getting closer to his friends and farther from his family. Sometimes I hardly talked to him once in a day. I missed my brother, I missed the funny little conversations that we had, where I only realized halfway through that Matt was making fun of me with his quiet little interjections, and then I had to jokingly hit him over the head, while he laughed wildly.
But, I got to spend more time with Arthur.
It wasn’t always sex, anymore. It was a lot less, and somehow I didn’t mind. We sat at the kitchen table, talking and laughing. I ate a cheeseburger, while he had French fries. He said that if I kept eating that many cheeseburgers, I wouldn’t be on the football team anymore. I pulled a face at him.
We watched TV-soccer-and curled up on the sofa. I rested my head on his chest, and he stroked my hair and kissed my forehead.
I like this. These slow and comfortable days of openness and freedom. Arthur hardly seems guilty about what we do. It’s like we’re normal.
“You know,” Arthur breathed into my hair. “Matthew has been back home for about five hours each night for the last week or so.”
“Yeah,” I said. “He’s too cool for us now. I think he might have a crush.”
Arthur laughed. “Oh?”
“Yeah. Maybe that girl from his drama class. The one with the big knockers.” I laughed again. “Don’t get jealous, now.”
“Wouldn’t think of it.” He still gently whacked the back of my head.
“Hey!” I yawned. “Or, well, I’m not gonna make assumptions. Maybe that loud kid with the gelled hair. Or that guy who always drives him everywhere. It’s kinda cute.” I turned slightly to look at him. “And we get to spend more time together.”
“That is good,” he agreed.
I kissed him. My neck hurt twisting at that awkward angle, so I shifted onto my stomach on top of him. His hands twisted in my hair. The soccer game was still playing in the background.
I love days like this.
Reply
Leave a comment