American Coffee and European Sausage (1/4)
anonymous
March 11 2010, 06:24:30 UTC
((This is the closest thing I've ever gotten to a fanfiction. This is also my first kink meme fill. It was supposed to be a mini fill, but I guess it got longer..Apologies because this is OC centric. Don't think of it as a real fill. I love capitol-tans, and, geez, I love nutjob!right-wing!Alfred.
Disclaimer: Views not mine, etc. Contains implied gay.))
Silence. Beautiful silence.
“What is it about warm coffee on quiet Saturday morning?” The District of Colombia crooned to himself. Days off were rare for him, especially considering he was the babysitter for uh, capitol of such a busybody nation (and his fifty whiny states).
"Aaaah~". He took a sip of his perfectly warmed espresso. “I wonder if I should offer some to-!!!”
The young man heaved a heavy sigh and reluctantly put down his coffee mug. It was going to be one of those days. D.C. ran a hand through his curly chestnut hair as he tried to recall the relaxation exercises his therapist had recommended.
“Good morning, America,” the capitol hissed through his teeth with more malice than intended. “Please remember to put the door back on before you leave.”
America did not seem to hear his capital. Instead the blonde man stomped through the other’s hallway looking absolutely outraged, beet red from head to toes. D.C. felt the headache coming on already.
“What did I do now?” He absently mumbled. D.C regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.
America slammed his hands down on the coffee table.
“WHAT DID YOU DO!?!” The enraged nation shouted. Blue eyes bulged from their sockets like the heads of hanged man twitching and writhing in their pulsing, blood red capillary nooses. Huge pellets of sweat clung to his forehead. Spit shot from his mouth like machine gun fire.
“THIS COUNTRY WAS BUILT ON HONESTY ’AN INTEGRITY ’AN GOD ’AN THE SANCTITIY OF MARRIAGE ’AN YOU DEMOCRATS AND GOVERNTMENT SOCIALIST ORWELLIAN HITLER SUPPORTING BIGWIGS ’AN YOUR GUN LAWS ARE PLUNGING ME INTO ANARCHY ’AN WERE GONNA LOSE THE WAR ’AN ALL OUR OIL ‘AN MEXICO S GONNA TAKE US OVER WITH ALL HIS PEOPLE AND DO STUFF WITH MY VITAL REGIONS CUZ MEXICO DID THIS ‘AN NO ONE WANTS TO BE LIKE MEXICO ’AN WE’RE GONNA END UP PACIFIST COMMIE SISSIES GIVIN’ EVERYBODY MIND AIDS ‘AN GLOBAL WARMING IS GONNA TURN OUT TO BE REAL AND WHO’S GONNA FUCKING SAVE US THEN ‘AN THIS IS ALL GONNA HAPPEN ALL BECAUSE YOU GAVE MARRIAGGE RIGHTS TO...to...to h-h-ho-hom-ho...”
America leaned in while the smaller man took the opportunity to wipe the nation’s saliva from his face. America’s eyes darted both ways, before whispering to his capitol the word he did not dare speak aloud (as if it were some sort of curse), “queers...”
American Coffee and European Sausage (2/4)
anonymous
March 11 2010, 06:28:25 UTC
D.C.’s eyes went wide and his jaw hung open wider than the Canadian-American border. “That...” That was what he was upset about? America was in a war, in a recession, had a boss attempting to make him a damn commie trying to reform his “completely and perfectly awesome” healthcare system and lost the Olympics to that waxing-addicted, womanizing, soccer-obsessed, party-freak Brazil, and he was deciding to freak out about gay people getting married? Things, D.C. thought, were so much less complicated when he was part of Virginia.
“It’s Un-American!” The indignant nation continued his rant. “That’s it. Plain and simple. Ya never see two hotdogs in one bun!”
“First of all, Alfred,” D.C. began through gritted teeth, “I’m not technically part of the United States of America. Second of all, I’ve seen you shove at least three hot dogs on one bun and SWALLOW THEM WHOLE.”
America opened his mouth to protest. Really, he could not argue with that. He liked hot dogs-hot dogs and big, warm, juicy, meaty [Polish, German, Italian, and especially English] sausage. Vut of course the personification of the United States of America would have to enjoy sausage. It was truly a man’s meat. Being the awesome, incredible hero he was, America could not see himself eating any other kind.
“Heroes need hero food!” America crossed his arms and nodded. ” This isn’t about England’s sausage. This is about you letting two dudes get married! I mean, come on! Gross!”
“You don’t yell at the states when they do it...” D.C. muttered to himself. “Wait, I didn’t say a thing about England.”
America rubbed the back of his neck. He was still flushed, though now from embarrassment instead of rage. “It’s still wrong and gross and all that stuff. It’s just not American. It’s not! I’m the hero. No objections.”
“Mhmmm,” D.C. simply nodded as he had learned to do over the decades (wisely refusing to say a word about a certain president with a stovepipe). Between, Alfred, his bosses, and the wonderful reps those lovable states kept sending him...it was all he could do. D.C. took a well deserved sip of his neglected coffee and suppressed a gag as the lukewarm liquid slid down his throat.
America continued to ramble, albeit at a much calmer pace. D.C. supposed it would be business as usual again today. He took another deep sigh. As was the life of a nation’s capitol. Still, D.C. could not help but feel he had forgotten something...something important...Like the patter of footsteps easing down the hallway.
Footsteps...
Footsteps?
Shit...
“Oi, don’t s’pose you’d know where my knickers are? Oh...”
American Coffee and European Sausage (3/4)
anonymous
March 11 2010, 06:31:52 UTC
Oh...
“Hey there, London!” America waved. There, in the opposing doorway, stood the personification of London, England’s well-toned, copper haired capitol whose eyebrows could almost match his country’s in ferocity. The Londoner was naked, save for his world famous pocket watch, and quite a few very interesting bruises and bite marks trailing from his neck to his thighs. London was quite grateful that this fact, surprisingly enough, seemed to go over the taller American’s head. “What are you doing here so early?”
“It’s nearly eleven...”
London kept a calm expression, eyes searching frantically for any conceivable excuse less scandalous than truth. “...The bath’s flooded? Back in Europe...”
...
Worked for America.
“AMERICA!” D.C. sprung from his seat, nearly losing the robe that hid his own naked body. “HEY! Uh, hey, how about some McDonald’s? All three of us. They’re putting out a new promotional milkshake today.”
Same-sex marriage, European sausage meat, and England’s very naked capitol were all but forgotten in an instant. A grin split America’s face from ear to ear. D.C. had the nation at “McDonald’s”.
“FUCK YES! Can I get a Happy Meal? They’ve got Captain Freaking America action figures in every kid’s meal!”
D.C. should have pointed out that America was physically nineteen years old and should look ridiculous ordering a Happy Meal or that he had been around for more than two hundred years and either way he was still too old for a children’s meal. But he didn’t. Instead he promised America a brownie melt if the man finished his Apple Dippers this time.
“London?”
“Absobloodylutely. You won’t be mentionin’ this to England will you, mate?”
“Great,” D.C. once again heaved a great sigh. ” Lemme grab my keys. And London, hurry up and put a pair of pants, uh, trousers. I desperately need a cup of coffee.”
Re: American Coffee and European Sausage (4/4) AUTHOR'S NOTES
anonymous
March 11 2010, 06:37:08 UTC
((Anon apologizes to OP. I just felt the need to write this. Sorry about the end. Sorry for the crack. The longer I searched for proper London slang-and found the most deliciously dirty phrases-the more I wanted to write America/D.C,/London smut. I just couldn’t do that. I hope you get a real fill soon. Also apologizing for lack of England lust. Not the biggest USUK fan, but I tried...
As I mentioned, first fic. This wasn't something I had planned on spending oodles of time on. Apologies for OOC Alfred and OC POV. Again sorry for not enough England...or London. And that accent believe me I tried!
I had fun filling this though, and a stupid fill is better than none at all, right?))
Re: American Coffee and European Sausage (4/4) AUTHOR'S NOTES
anonymous
March 11 2010, 06:59:47 UTC
psst DC'sland came from MD not VA.
NoVA anon has had history of the area for like ever... they never stop! (and unlike most people in NoVA I went throught the school system from age 3-18)
Re: American Coffee and European Sausage (3/4)
anonymous
March 12 2010, 02:07:07 UTC
I'm nearly crying with laughter. This is hilarious. D.C. would totes be the babysitter for America. xD Never thought I would see the day I could say I ship D.C./London. :D
Captcha: been miami Huh... Captcha mentioning Florida... seems I'm not the only one supporting that America/D.C./London fill. :3
Disclaimer: Views not mine, etc. Contains implied gay.))
Silence. Beautiful silence.
“What is it about warm coffee on quiet Saturday morning?” The District of Colombia crooned to himself. Days off were rare for him, especially considering he was the babysitter for uh, capitol of such a busybody nation (and his fifty whiny states).
"Aaaah~". He took a sip of his perfectly warmed espresso. “I wonder if I should offer some to-!!!”
CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck no.
“DAMMIT WASHINGTON!”
The young man heaved a heavy sigh and reluctantly put down his coffee mug. It was going to be one of those days. D.C. ran a hand through his curly chestnut hair as he tried to recall the relaxation exercises his therapist had recommended.
“Good morning, America,” the capitol hissed through his teeth with more malice than intended. “Please remember to put the door back on before you leave.”
America did not seem to hear his capital. Instead the blonde man stomped through the other’s hallway looking absolutely outraged, beet red from head to toes. D.C. felt the headache coming on already.
“What did I do now?” He absently mumbled. D.C regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.
America slammed his hands down on the coffee table.
“WHAT DID YOU DO!?!” The enraged nation shouted. Blue eyes bulged from their sockets like the heads of hanged man twitching and writhing in their pulsing, blood red capillary nooses. Huge pellets of sweat clung to his forehead. Spit shot from his mouth like machine gun fire.
“THIS COUNTRY WAS BUILT ON HONESTY ’AN INTEGRITY ’AN GOD ’AN THE SANCTITIY OF MARRIAGE ’AN YOU DEMOCRATS AND GOVERNTMENT SOCIALIST ORWELLIAN HITLER SUPPORTING BIGWIGS ’AN YOUR GUN LAWS ARE PLUNGING ME INTO ANARCHY ’AN WERE GONNA LOSE THE WAR ’AN ALL OUR OIL ‘AN MEXICO S GONNA TAKE US OVER WITH ALL HIS PEOPLE AND DO STUFF WITH MY VITAL REGIONS CUZ MEXICO DID THIS ‘AN NO ONE WANTS TO BE LIKE MEXICO ’AN WE’RE GONNA END UP PACIFIST COMMIE SISSIES GIVIN’ EVERYBODY MIND AIDS ‘AN GLOBAL WARMING IS GONNA TURN OUT TO BE REAL AND WHO’S GONNA FUCKING SAVE US THEN ‘AN THIS IS ALL GONNA HAPPEN ALL BECAUSE YOU GAVE MARRIAGGE RIGHTS TO...to...to h-h-ho-hom-ho...”
America leaned in while the smaller man took the opportunity to wipe the nation’s saliva from his face. America’s eyes darted both ways, before whispering to his capitol the word he did not dare speak aloud (as if it were some sort of curse), “queers...”
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“It’s Un-American!” The indignant nation continued his rant. “That’s it. Plain and simple. Ya never see two hotdogs in one bun!”
“First of all, Alfred,” D.C. began through gritted teeth, “I’m not technically part of the United States of America. Second of all, I’ve seen you shove at least three hot dogs on one bun and SWALLOW THEM WHOLE.”
America opened his mouth to protest. Really, he could not argue with that. He liked hot dogs-hot dogs and big, warm, juicy, meaty [Polish, German, Italian, and especially English] sausage. Vut of course the personification of the United States of America would have to enjoy sausage. It was truly a man’s meat. Being the awesome, incredible hero he was, America could not see himself eating any other kind.
“Heroes need hero food!” America crossed his arms and nodded. ” This isn’t about England’s sausage. This is about you letting two dudes get married! I mean, come on! Gross!”
“You don’t yell at the states when they do it...” D.C. muttered to himself. “Wait, I didn’t say a thing about England.”
America rubbed the back of his neck. He was still flushed, though now from embarrassment instead of rage. “It’s still wrong and gross and all that stuff. It’s just not American. It’s not! I’m the hero. No objections.”
“Mhmmm,” D.C. simply nodded as he had learned to do over the decades (wisely refusing to say a word about a certain president with a stovepipe). Between, Alfred, his bosses, and the wonderful reps those lovable states kept sending him...it was all he could do. D.C. took a well deserved sip of his neglected coffee and suppressed a gag as the lukewarm liquid slid down his throat.
America continued to ramble, albeit at a much calmer pace. D.C. supposed it would be business as usual again today. He took another deep sigh. As was the life of a nation’s capitol. Still, D.C. could not help but feel he had forgotten something...something important...Like the patter of footsteps easing down the hallway.
Footsteps...
Footsteps?
Shit...
“Oi, don’t s’pose you’d know where my knickers are? Oh...”
Reply
“Hey there, London!” America waved. There, in the opposing doorway, stood the personification of London, England’s well-toned, copper haired capitol whose eyebrows could almost match his country’s in ferocity. The Londoner was naked, save for his world famous pocket watch, and quite a few very interesting bruises and bite marks trailing from his neck to his thighs. London was quite grateful that this fact, surprisingly enough, seemed to go over the taller American’s head. “What are you doing here so early?”
“It’s nearly eleven...”
London kept a calm expression, eyes searching frantically for any conceivable excuse less scandalous than truth.
“...The bath’s flooded? Back in Europe...”
...
Worked for America.
“AMERICA!” D.C. sprung from his seat, nearly losing the robe that hid his own naked body. “HEY! Uh, hey, how about some McDonald’s? All three of us. They’re putting out a new promotional milkshake today.”
Same-sex marriage, European sausage meat, and England’s very naked capitol were all but forgotten in an instant. A grin split America’s face from ear to ear. D.C. had the nation at “McDonald’s”.
“FUCK YES! Can I get a Happy Meal? They’ve got Captain Freaking America action figures in every kid’s meal!”
D.C. should have pointed out that America was physically nineteen years old and should look ridiculous ordering a Happy Meal or that he had been around for more than two hundred years and either way he was still too old for a children’s meal. But he didn’t. Instead he promised America a brownie melt if the man finished his Apple Dippers this time.
“London?”
“Absobloodylutely. You won’t be mentionin’ this to England will you, mate?”
“Great,” D.C. once again heaved a great sigh. ” Lemme grab my keys. And London, hurry up and put a pair of pants, uh, trousers. I desperately need a cup of coffee.”
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As I mentioned, first fic. This wasn't something I had planned on spending oodles of time on. Apologies for OOC Alfred and OC POV. Again sorry for not enough England...or London. And that accent believe me I tried!
I had fun filling this though, and a stupid fill is better than none at all, right?))
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NoVA anon has had history of the area for like ever... they never stop! (and unlike most people in NoVA I went throught the school system from age 3-18)
other than that you made me lol. :]
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"Ya never see two hotdogs in one bun!"
Oh, America. Never change~
(...well, er, I guess in the literal sense I would like to see certain changes passed in our generation. But the crude food metaphors need to stay!)
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I'm sorry. it's my fault. I giggle when a banana isn't quite as curved as the others!
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And please share with us London's dirty phrases! <3
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D.C. would totes be the babysitter for America. xD
Never thought I would see the day I could say I ship D.C./London. :D
Captcha: been miami
Huh... Captcha mentioning Florida... seems I'm not the only one supporting that America/D.C./London fill. :3
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I know. I know. Oh this fandom...
And I'm glad you enjoyed it!
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slkdgoaslkglkasflkma beautiful.
Today is the day of the massive 400 gay couple marriage in DC~ <3
iluauthornon.
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Actually, the whole thing had me lol'ing.
*cheesy thumbs up* WRITE MOAARRRR!!!
captcha: awkward delusive. ATTACK OF THE SENTINENT CAPTCHA!
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