And it's all nice and cute, working for the UN... not. [7/11]
anonymous
February 4 2010, 15:27:39 UTC
“Mr. Alfred?” Lucas’ eyes widened in surprise. He had not expected to see the USA representative this early in the morning -usually Mr. Jones arrived later, around midday, munching on his burgers, yelling and bouncing around, making the life of all workers in the four buildings a living hell. “What are you doing here at this…”
“Ah… I’m not Alfred… I’m Matthew, his brother” indeed, even though this guy had the same voice as Alfred, and the same face, his hair had a different style, and there was a strange curl (… many foreign diplomats had this thing with strange curls, or was it just his impression? Things were stranger and stranger the more the day progressed…) that his brother didn’t have.
Wait, but wasn’t Mr. Matthew the diplomat from Canada?
He’d always wondered if the two just had different fathers, since the surnames were different… “Ah, I’m sorry, Mr. Williams!” properly chastised, Lucas sighed. “I didn’t mean to mix you with your brother…”
Matthew flushed, waving one of his hands, and shook his head “no, no! It’s not a problem, it happens every day!” even if he was trying to yell, and his demeanour was that of a loud person, his voice still didn’t raise a bit.
It was disconcerting -Lucas frowned, thinking that it was a good thing if he didn’t stand too close with all the diplomats. It looked like there was none that was… normal anywhere in the world. Not even the USA’s own was normal, after all…
‘Why… and how… did they get those positions? Do I really want to get a raise?’
“Anyway, did you need something?” he steered himself back in the conversation, knowing that it would be impolite if he lost himself again whilst conversing with the Canadian.
“Well, I was passing by and I heard you were searching for… Mr. Väinämöinen” Matthew fidgeted, and the bear he had been holding (the same bear Lucas had fought hard to ignore) let out a soft mumble that sounded like…
Lucas kept his eyes on the Canadian’s face.
No. The bear had not spoken.
Absolutely no word had been uttered by an animal, and the word had not been ‘who?’, no matter how much the bear looked like a toy.
It was breathing. It was moving. And it was not talking.
“Y-yes” his voice wavered and he tried to collect himself.
Therapy. Yes, that started to sound nice.
“Well then, I’ve seen him” Matthew smiled, glad to be of help. “He was going with D… Mr. Mathias to the twentieth floor for a cup of coffee”.
“Why not to the kitchen?” he asked, frowning. And who the hell was Mr. Mathias again? “There’s also a café on the first floor…”
“The coffee dispenser on the twentieth floor has been magi- has had something done to it. The coffee there is delicious” he nodded, the air of someone who had tasted the coffee enough times to know what he was saying, and Lucas felt his shoulders slump in defeat. He’d come to that floor without a reason, and now he had to go back…
“Thank you, Matthew” he stated, grateful for the man’s kindness. “Might I ask who Mr. Mathias is?”
“Oh, oh, yes” the Canadian shrugged “that is the Danish employee. He’s… loud, you might have seen him already somewhere…” his face brightened up “Mathias is the one who brought over an Ax last month and almost chopped down the tables at the reception in building B!”
Lucas felt the sudden need to slam his head against the wall, but refrained.
Oh, yes, indeed -he knew the Danish then. Damn it, that was an employee then?! He’d thought he was just some crazy person…
“I’ll be taking the stairs then. Thank you, Mr. Matthew. It was a pleasure seeing you”.
As he walked away, he refused to believe the bear had uttered that question again. He also refused to listen as the Canadian, with a pathetic sigh, answered him. “It’s Canada, Kumajirou…”
…………………………
“Ah… hnn… d-damn you, Antonio-ooh…”
“Come on, Lovi, you know you like it…”
“Hey, watch the amazing me win!”
“Y-you uneduca-aah-ated idiot… why d-did you involve me…”
“Oh, stop you two, me and mon cher Arthur will definitely… come first place… non?”
And it's all nice and cute, working for the UN... not. [8/11]
anonymous
February 4 2010, 15:28:36 UTC
Rooted to the spot, he could only stare, eyes as wide as saucer plates, at the sight in front of him.
They were all -they were all foreign diplomats. All the six… seven of them. Lucas’ barely working brain recognised who some of them were, and was left even more scarred than before, especially considering what they were doing.
There was the infamous French representative (the one who had clearly some problems in decency, since he was often seen gliding through the buildings with no clothes on bare a small red rose on his privates) on top of Mr. Arthur, who was on all fours on the floor, and he was -they were having… they were…
“Come on, Angleterre… you know you’re enjoying this…” he punctuated his speech with loud, rhythmic slaps, hands dripping lower, where Lucas thankfully couldn’t see- “You’re a pervert, after all…”
A long, drawled moan was his only reply, as the British’s cheeks flushed crimson.
There was the Austrian delegate he’d met before, spread on a wide cloth, together with the albino guy, who was pounding him in the ass at a fast pace, one leg hoisted up to his shoulders, the other kept spread apart, unashamedly.
“No way I’m letting you win, France!” the albino yelled, the smirk on his face eligible for illegality in at least three states. “I am not going to lose!”
“Ha ha ha~ you two are so funny…” the third one was the nice man Lucas had spoken with every now and then (the Spanish diplomat, a lovely, bright person… Lucas quite liked his cheerful attitude, always ready to laugh and joke around…), and he, too, was in the middle of some wild, gay sex together with…
‘Wait, is that Mr. Feliciano?!’ shocked out of his mind, Lucas felt a pang of regret, not liking the idea of cheating at all… then blinked. No, this was the older Vargas brother… Mr. Lovino?
“S-stupid… s-Spanish… basta-aaah….” The Italian was in a much similar position to that of the previous couple, a few meters away, on the receiving end of some quite intense sex.
Lucas felt a part of his brain die just then -were all the damn delegates gay in the end?
But the worst was not them.
No, the worst was the person sitting on an armchair in a corner of the room, camera in one hand and a pile of discarded phones on her lap, blood slowly trickling down her chin, cheeks flushed, eyes wide.
“Come on, you three! You’ve been pretty much equal since the start -let me see something good, or I’ll have to ask Germany next time!”
“Shut up, woman!” the albino yelled, grunting in satisfaction when his thrusting caused the Austrian to moan loudly -much to his own chagrin. “As if the brother of the great me would allow you to film him!”
There was a strange glint in the woman’s eyes as she turned towards him “y-you, be quiet! I’ll have you know I allowed you to join in simply because I couldn’t do all the work when I have to record your bet! Besides, Ludwig doesn’t mind as long as I give him a copy…”
“Hah! Next time, I’ll be pounding you and him on the bed, just watch!” the albino laughed loudly, and the woman flushed, turning around.
Lucas’ hand grasped the corner of the door, far too shocked and crestfallen.
That woman had been the Hungarian representative, the cute Miss Elizaveta, for whom he’d harboured quite a crush. Whenever he saw her nice, gentle face in the corridors, or spotted her in the room, his heart had started beating faster.
He’d admired her manners, her sweet tone, and the fact that she could attack if provoked, showing she had an attitude to be feared. She’d faced her own boss once, and in front of many other people, and she’d been so hot back then…
And now…
And now, not just his crush had been… well, crushed (pardon the pun, but his brain was less than receptive at the moment), since it looked like she was part of a threesome that left nothing much to imagination…
But she was also a pervert, as clearly demonstrated by the camera, the blood and the phones… and well, her own words.
And it's all nice and cute, working for the UN... not. [9/11]
anonymous
February 4 2010, 15:29:40 UTC
Head spinning, Lucas backed away from the room, shutting the door close with an inaudible click, and pressed both of his palms on his eyes.
This was just…
It was…
“Ahhhh! Fra-aaah…”
“Move your ass you two, France looks like he’s going to win!”
Lucas ran away. Again.
…………………………
The whole ‘everybody is gay’ situation, after damaging Lucas’ mind enough to make him wonder whether it was ok to be hetero in there, was also the reason why he was searching for a closet.
Not to make a stupid saying come true, of course, but just because he felt attacked from every side. He needed a safe spot to stop and think for a bit, calm down, and plan his future therapy sessions.
He knew he was not in denial when he thought he’d not been aroused by the sight of the three couples separately going at it for the pleasure of one young woman.
Not at all.
To be fair, he had to deny any suggestion he might have gotten by that woman in regards of that cute couple from the kitchen, either.
Not to mention he was wondering if that Korean guy had indeed landed property on Mr. Yao… “Let me offer you a vodka, Товарищ”.
A familiar voice caught in Lucas’ fuzzy mind and he looked up, peering from behind the corner. He really didn’t want to happen anywhere around any other diplomat that could possibly be…
“Ah! Mr. Alfred!” Lucas felt his heart relax and he breathed out in relief.
If there was someone whom he could be assured of, that was Alfred, their own representative! Yes, he was crazy and ate burgers and used the walls as his drawing boards, and yelled around how much of a hero he was, but… really, Lucas couldn’t but feel rather fond of him, despite everything.
The person together with Mr. Alfred was… Lucas paled. That was the feared Russian diplomat, Ivan Braginski!
Alfred mumbled something, pushing a bit on the other’s chest for him to move, then walked numbly towards the coffee dispenser.
Lucas had to remember that unless he drank down at least a couple of coffees, their representative would be unable to talk during most days, as he had heard he used to party a lot at night. Which should have been reproachable, but really, this was Alfred. Lucas and most Americans working for the UN, not to mention the higher ups, clearly had a predilection for him. “Hnnnn no” he grumbled. “Coffee”.
The Russian chuckled, and the sound sent a shiver of fear down Lucas’ back.
He didn’t really know why, but that guy reminded him of that woman, the one with the knife… he was scary, definitely…
And there it was again; the Russian leaned forwards, wide arms wrapping around the American, who was blearily waiting for his first coffee, and nuzzled at his neck -nuzzled!- still smiling creepily.
“Then wouldn’t you want to be one with me, hmm?”
Alfred pushed him away easily, despite being sleepy, much to Lucas’ happiness, and then grunted in his direction, bringing the freshly made coffee to his lips. “T’ld you nev’r ta ask me in the m’rnings…”
Under Lucas’ unwilling stare (because this was his own representative, damn it!), Alfred didn’t push away the Russian, and instead leaned back into him, sipping at the coffee. It took less than a few seconds for the caffeine to kick in, and by then, he bounced upright, smiling.
“Nothing beats a good coffee, hahaa! The hero is back working at full potential!”
Mr. Ivan didn’t seem much displeased, in fact, and simply grabbed him roughly by the arm, so that he would return to his embrace.
“It’s not fair of you to ask me when I’m not at my best!” Alfred chuckled, shaking his head. “I don’t’ want to become one with you, and you should stop asking”.
“I could have you become one with me like last night, da?” that grin was still there, and the more he spoke, the more Lucas felt there was something missing…
Alfred’s eyes widened, and his cheeks turned red. “That’s another thing entirely -just watch, Ivan! I’ll be the one leading next time!” he pointed at himself with a thumb, smirking in determination.
And it's all nice and cute, working for the UN... not. [10/11]
anonymous
February 4 2010, 15:30:55 UTC
If possible, Lucas had the definite impression that the Russian’s face had turned darker, almost menacing. “You can always try, but in the end, I will be on top…” his smirk widened, so much it looked like it would split his face in half, and he started uttering “Kolkolkolkolkol” whilst towering on the American, who was apparently blind to the strange, threatening attitude of the Russian and instead just patted him on the chest.
“We could definitely try now” he suggested, perking up.
“There!” blissfully lost in thought, and only vaguely aware that the Russian and the American were actually talking about having gay sex, too (probably his brain had been numbed enough not to be shocked anymore), Lucas slapped his fist in his other hand, brightening up. “The young woman with a knife! Miss Natalia!”
What he’d wanted to say was that he’d recognised the voice on the other end of the door that the crazy woman had tried to slam down -and it was, astonishingly, the Russian diplomat who had been scared by her… and that brought the notion that he’d heard stories about a fanatical sister of Mr. Braginski, and everything clicked together.
Of course, he didn’t say all of this loudly, but realising this still surprised him quite a lot -the man looked unable to feel real fear, and yet there he’d been…
There again, the woman had looked far too scary.
“сестра?!” Mr. Ivan blanched -and he was already quite pale on his own, at that. “W-where!” Alfred looked around, only seeing Lucas standing there, and grabbed at Ivan’s wrist, trying to calm him down…
Only that Ivan backed away from him, quickly making his way down the corridor, as if chased by a devil. “I’ll see you later, Alfred, da?”
Left standing in the middle of the hall with a half-finished second cup of coffee in his hands, the American delegate looked quite lost and disappointed, and suddenly Lucas also felt bad, despite trying to think the opposite (he didn’t really want to see more gay sex… no more…)
Hurrying down the wall, he was stumped. There was still no Tino V… whatever around, and he really didn’t trust himself to go search for him around anymore…
He gave up.
To hell with the promotion and the raise, he really feared turning every single corner, let alone seek someone he couldn’t find!
Dejectedly, Lucas turned around the corner, determined in returning to his office, in the other building, and tell his boss that he wanted -demanded- therapy, and…
He bumped into someone.
“Ah?” a young, cute face peered up at him, and Lucas stumbled backwards, muttering half-hearted excuses.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going… I think I need a mirror for the corners now…”
The other chuckled, nodding “I know… I just happened on… well, I just happened to see something I would have rather have done without, myself” he shrugged, clearly used to it anyway.
Lucas grimaced.
“What? The Italian and German diplomats going at it in the kitchen? The bet on whom completes a round of sex in front of Miss Elizaveta? Mr. Yao being molested by the Korean representative? Mr. Helge seeing things? Mr. Matthew’s bear that talks?! The American diplomat almost having sex with Mr. Braginski?”
He slammed his head against the wall, overwhelmed.
The young man patted him on the back, sweatdropping. “Ah, yes… it takes a while to… get used to that… you must be rather new, hmm?”
Lucas let out a groan. Three months. He had yet to see anything, if that was just getting warmed up…
“Well, I’m a… representative myself, and I have yet to get used to some things my… colleagues do all day, and I’m here… I’ve been… well, it has been a while. So don’t worry…” another gentle pat on his back. “Maybe you could just go to your office and rest…”
And it's all nice and cute, working for the UN... not. [11/11]
anonymous
February 4 2010, 15:32:50 UTC
“I can’t!” he whined, knowing he shouldn’t be pouring his problems on this poor (and damn, so young!) lad, but… “I’ve been sent around to search for Mr. Tino V…. Va… V… I cannot even pronounce his name, damn it -and he’s nowhere to be found, and he should have been signing documents in my boss’ office for whatever thing he’s needed for, and it’s been hours I am walking everywhere, watching people have sex and starting to find it arousing, and yet he’s still nowhere to be found! This is not how a proper diplomat should work! And here no one seems to be working seriously, either!”
“Ah…” cheeks turning crimson, the young man scratched the back of his head, chuckling weakly. “Er… I’m Tino Väinämöinen, if it’s me you were searching for…” fidgeting, he looked to the side. “I’m sorry I missed my appointment, but Peter -you see, this kid I am acting as a parent for… used my documents as paper planes, and ran up and down the building with them, so I had to move around to retrieve them…”
Shuffling with the pile of documents he was holding, which were a bit ruined and wrinkled, Tino smiled brightly at Lucas.
“But I’m here, now! Let’s go, ok?”
“…”
Lucas’ shoulders sagged in both relief and shame for his uncouth yelling.
“My therapy won’t be cheap…” he muttered, shaking his head.
“Did you just say something?”
“N-no. Mr. Tino, please, follow me…”
At least he was going to never leave his office ever again. He was sure of that.
Yet, he still wanted to know one last thing. “Say, why do you have a dog following you around?”
“Ah, that’s my little dog! You could translate his name in FlowerEgg!”
“…” there again, it was better if he had not known.
Omake
“Well done, Lucas” his boss smiled at him, rubbing at his moustaches with a proud look. “You managed to find him in no time at all!”
“W-what? But I wasted four hours running around…” he sighed, looking to the side, where Mr. Tino was happily signing papers away. “On this account, I’d like to request a leave for ther-”
“Well, it’s still a record here!” the man chuckled, interrupting him. “I can still remember that poor soul, Robert… his boss -I’m talking about the head of the Department for infrastructures- sent him to search for Mr. Vargas junior once… the poor lad, was never the same when he came back…”
Shaking his head sadly, his boss looked at him again, nodding in pride. “You’ve done fine, Lucas, I think it is time for the promotion you heard about -I know you didn’t work here for long, but when it’s someone as young as you, there’s no reason not to let you progress further!”
Laughing, he extracted a few documents and scrolled over them, nodding to himself under the utterly flabbergasted expression of the poor secretary.
“I guess you could move to the direction under Mr. Alfred’s direct control… you look like you’ve survived well during your trip, so aren’t you happy? You’ll be able to interact with many foreign diplomats!”
Lucas’ head slammed down on the table.
“Therapy…”
“Did you say something?”
He looked up, saw his boss’ expression, and slammed his head down again. “No… nothing…”
Well, at least he could stalk the cute German-Italian couple now.
Mathias: fanon name for Denmark Helge: my name for Norway. Helge is actually a famous drummer from Norway that appears to be very famous around the world (and that I’ve also met twice), thus why I chose this name.
A bit of dictionary for you~
брат (Russian- brat) - brother Давай поженимся (Russian - Da-vAy pa-zshE-nim-sya) Let’s get married сестра (Russian - sestra) - Sister Ti amo tanto (Italian) - I love you a lot Ich liebe dich (German) I love you Hyung (Korean) - Brother (older) mon ami (French) - my friend Angleterre (French) - England Товарищ (Russian - Tovarish) comrade
This...this...OP can't really put into word how very NOT FAIL you and this are, authoranon. This is exactly what OP wanted. Exactly. With a few gorgeous extras.
Lucas is so amusing and cute! you really can't help but feel for the guy...I believe, if we were to work alongside this madhouse of a cast, we wouldn't be squeeing like we do in fan modeXD. Meeting Berwald first set the mood perfectly for further fear and brainbleaching. He's one of the ones that just can't pretend, eh?XD About three slips in one sentence. And listening to Caramelldansen. Marry me, authoranon ♥
Unconsciously bullyish Sealand was loveXD. Lucas' wonderment at his eyebrows had me laughing because, yeah, huge. And doesn't even seem to bother with pretending to be a normal boy. Poor Latvia, he's the ultimate victim, isn't he?XD
Ok, I believe Liet and Poland's part was my third fvourite of the entire thingxXD. Poland always makes things fabulous with every appearance, and he not only seems to ignore pretend, but also seems to be specifically out to terrorize anyone in the vicinityXD. I was amused that these two are also competitive regarding sex, it seems to be a trend between the nationsXD
Hahaha, Belarus, you crack me upXD. Always. I really liked your Belarus, specially that moodwhiplash when Lucas assured her very insistently that he was not interested in whatever she was, and please don't kill him, and she turns all sweet for a moment (and then reverts to psychosisXD)
Poor Prussia being an incognita LOL I loved that they appeared later. In fact, the three way competition for sex (for finishing first? isn't that kinda what they should be trying to avoid? to, you know, prolongue the pleasure? LOL) was my favourite part of the entire thing. Because it was a huge surprise, the Bad Touch Trio are...god, there are no wordsXD. Also, it's amusing to see they're all semesXD. It's funny how damned cheerful Spain is while pounding inside someoneXD, and Prussia's mad cackling was awesome; but it was Hungary's presence that really threw me, I was not expecting that. God, girl, you're awesome and I envy you so much. Reaching that point, the established threesome hints were just another aweosme bonus (and my favourite line of the entire fic was I’ll have you know I allowed you to join in simply because I couldn’t do all the work when I have to record your bet! ; lol, Hungary tops Austria tooXD. Also, “Move your ass you two, France looks like he’s going to win!”, hahaha, cheering them onXD) And...and FrUK! My absolute FAVOURITE pairing! I'll imagine they won the competition ;) I also noticed that they mentioned country names a lot of times here, which is very appropiate and an attention to detail I wasn't expecting. But of course our dear Lucas' heart is too broken to notice such a thingXD
Lucas' fanboying over GerIta never failed to amuse me. Yeah, they're so cute! they'd be so cute to see IRL, too. I can't fault him. I love that he squees at Feli's cuteness and 'innocence', but his narration subtly conveys that Ludwig is the blushing, stammering of the two, and Feli is a horny vixen, if a cheerful oneXD And the rolling hearts, LOL
Norway sounded very autistic lol. Poor Lucas, a floating haircurl and a guy talking with the airXD.
OP (continuation)
anonymous
February 4 2010, 20:07:39 UTC
Awww, Korea was very...um, agressively cuteXD. The Korean drama reference was win! China being polite and making conversation with everyone and trying to speak with all N workers somehow seems very appropiate ^^
And poor Canada! Not even when exposed to regular humans does he get a break. Confused with America and ignored/forgotten again xD. But he was so polite and helpful, and such a sweetheart &hearts. He's one of the ones that try to pretend normality the most, but he should leave Kuma back homeXD; I lol'd at how hard Lucas was trying to pretend that nothing weird was going on with the talking polar bearXD (isn't that how we usually deal with things like these?) Also, Denmark. Can we say psychotic? He should meet BelarusXD
And, oh God, America's section was my second favourite thing of this fic, because, PERFECT. The need for coffeee to be coherent, the mumbling-turned-hyper voice, the fondness the American citizens can't help feeling for him regardless, the "feared Russian diplomat" XD, and of course America/Russia. Can you read my mind, authoranon? You tackled two of my three favourite ships in your fic! And God, Russia going "becomeonewithme,da?" even after being togetherXDXDXD. And the embrace, so damn cute!! That little reference to America's strength brought *very* good shivers to OP, kinky bastard that she isXD. Their dynamic was so spot on, writeranon...America's ignorance of Russia's threatening behaviour, Russia's lewd suggestions, discussing who tops (of course these two would discuss thatXD), Russia being with America but still a creepy bastard (thnk you, authoranon), and his panic attack at the mention of Belarus xD (OP thinks Lucas' reaction was very believable, as she's done this jumping around mental topics a few times tooXD). But man, Lucas, cockblocking your own country, that's just not coolXD
Finally, his breakdown in front of TinoXD. I could see him banging his head against the wall and angsting about the craziness and the gay and his own unsuspected gay, and his representant being gay with a Russian...and Tino just standing there sweatdroppingXD. He's the one that deserves it least, Lucas! Poor guy was away being responsible (well, after leaving his paper in Sealand's reachXD), not like the rest.
and it’s been hours I am walking everywhere, watching people have sex and starting to find it arousing, and yet he’s still nowhere to be found! This is not how a proper diplomat should work! And here no one seems to be working seriously, either!”
BEST RANT EVER XDXDXDXD
“Ah, that’s my little dog! You could translate his name in FlowerEgg!”
“…” there again, it was better if he had not known.
I lol'd. Lucas, you should know better by nowXD
And you know what amused me the most? The fact that sending a guy to look for a nation seems to be the way to break the guy in and see if he cracks or would be suited for the next levelXD. I expect Lucas will be seeing a lot of young gay representants specially a lot of Russia...
This was a real treat, authoranon. Thank you. Also, thanks for the little foreign language bits that were, as far as I can judge, fairly ok. I squeed when Russia called America "tovarish"
author!anon LOVES you OP
anonymous
February 4 2010, 20:30:55 UTC
god, that was the best comment i've ever received.
you just caught everything i had wanted to add (the gerita dynamics, the ruame dynamics, the slips with the bad friends trio, canada, everything), and GHH thanks for liking so much! i was terribly afraid of not doing it well :D
on the account of the trio, the real bet was whoever could have their uke come first would win. of course you can't demand proper slow sex when you're in a bet, right? :D i'd think france won, but with prussia you never know, he could easily cheat (like yelling something similar to "your cooking sucks!" and/or "i put sugar on your tomatoes" to distract, ahem, his opponents). we might never know XDD
and just so you know, lucas didn't see it, but there was japan hiding somewhere in the kitchen to watch what happened in there when he ran away :D.
all in all, i love you :D i'm terribly happy and i'll go bounce away now X3
Re: And it's all nice and cute, working for the UN... not. [11/11]
anonymous
February 4 2010, 23:32:52 UTC
This was fabulous...seriously way too much yummy goodness for me to get into individual gushing but gods...hot and funny and fun all wrapped up into one nice package!
Re: And it's all nice and cute, working for the UN... not. [11/11]
anonymous
February 5 2010, 02:29:04 UTC
*applauds* That was by far, one of the best fics I've read so far! Outstanding AuthorAnon! You should totally write a sequel, where Lucas finds out the truth about the 'representatives' and has anothe crazy time trying to absorb it
I love this, it's just so WIN. *hands over the internet* You deserve it AuthorAnon!
Re: And it's all nice and cute, working for the UN... not. [11/11]
anonymous
February 5 2010, 06:44:43 UTC
HOLY SHIT. I smiled so much while reading this that my cheeks hurt! You are abso-fucking-lutely amazing! Also, I have to say I would KILL for that job! Though, I would probably spend most of my time helping Hungary with her filming...by the way, that was a beautiful scene! THIS WAS IN NO WAY FAIL!!
Re: And it's all nice and cute, working for the UN... not. [11/11]
anonymous
February 5 2010, 10:11:04 UTC
yup -page 158, "part 9 - various pairings" entry with 'random guy' in the description under the link to the original request. (that's the thread you were asking right)
“Ah… I’m not Alfred… I’m Matthew, his brother” indeed, even though this guy had the same voice as Alfred, and the same face, his hair had a different style, and there was a strange curl (… many foreign diplomats had this thing with strange curls, or was it just his impression? Things were stranger and stranger the more the day progressed…) that his brother didn’t have.
Wait, but wasn’t Mr. Matthew the diplomat from Canada?
He’d always wondered if the two just had different fathers, since the surnames were different…
“Ah, I’m sorry, Mr. Williams!” properly chastised, Lucas sighed. “I didn’t mean to mix you with your brother…”
Matthew flushed, waving one of his hands, and shook his head “no, no! It’s not a problem, it happens every day!” even if he was trying to yell, and his demeanour was that of a loud person, his voice still didn’t raise a bit.
It was disconcerting -Lucas frowned, thinking that it was a good thing if he didn’t stand too close with all the diplomats. It looked like there was none that was… normal anywhere in the world. Not even the USA’s own was normal, after all…
‘Why… and how… did they get those positions? Do I really want to get a raise?’
“Anyway, did you need something?” he steered himself back in the conversation, knowing that it would be impolite if he lost himself again whilst conversing with the Canadian.
“Well, I was passing by and I heard you were searching for… Mr. Väinämöinen” Matthew fidgeted, and the bear he had been holding (the same bear Lucas had fought hard to ignore) let out a soft mumble that sounded like…
Lucas kept his eyes on the Canadian’s face.
No. The bear had not spoken.
Absolutely no word had been uttered by an animal, and the word had not been ‘who?’, no matter how much the bear looked like a toy.
It was breathing. It was moving. And it was not talking.
“Y-yes” his voice wavered and he tried to collect himself.
Therapy. Yes, that started to sound nice.
“Well then, I’ve seen him” Matthew smiled, glad to be of help. “He was going with D… Mr. Mathias to the twentieth floor for a cup of coffee”.
“Why not to the kitchen?” he asked, frowning. And who the hell was Mr. Mathias again? “There’s also a café on the first floor…”
“The coffee dispenser on the twentieth floor has been magi- has had something done to it. The coffee there is delicious” he nodded, the air of someone who had tasted the coffee enough times to know what he was saying, and Lucas felt his shoulders slump in defeat. He’d come to that floor without a reason, and now he had to go back…
“Thank you, Matthew” he stated, grateful for the man’s kindness. “Might I ask who Mr. Mathias is?”
“Oh, oh, yes” the Canadian shrugged “that is the Danish employee. He’s… loud, you might have seen him already somewhere…” his face brightened up “Mathias is the one who brought over an Ax last month and almost chopped down the tables at the reception in building B!”
Lucas felt the sudden need to slam his head against the wall, but refrained.
Oh, yes, indeed -he knew the Danish then. Damn it, that was an employee then?! He’d thought he was just some crazy person…
“I’ll be taking the stairs then. Thank you, Mr. Matthew. It was a pleasure seeing you”.
As he walked away, he refused to believe the bear had uttered that question again. He also refused to listen as the Canadian, with a pathetic sigh, answered him. “It’s Canada, Kumajirou…”
…………………………
“Ah… hnn… d-damn you, Antonio-ooh…”
“Come on, Lovi, you know you like it…”
“Hey, watch the amazing me win!”
“Y-you uneduca-aah-ated idiot… why d-did you involve me…”
“Oh, stop you two, me and mon cher Arthur will definitely… come first place… non?”
“S-shut up you French frog!”
Lucas couldn’t move.
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They were all -they were all foreign diplomats. All the six… seven of them. Lucas’ barely working brain recognised who some of them were, and was left even more scarred than before, especially considering what they were doing.
There was the infamous French representative (the one who had clearly some problems in decency, since he was often seen gliding through the buildings with no clothes on bare a small red rose on his privates) on top of Mr. Arthur, who was on all fours on the floor, and he was -they were having… they were…
“Come on, Angleterre… you know you’re enjoying this…” he punctuated his speech with loud, rhythmic slaps, hands dripping lower, where Lucas thankfully couldn’t see- “You’re a pervert, after all…”
A long, drawled moan was his only reply, as the British’s cheeks flushed crimson.
There was the Austrian delegate he’d met before, spread on a wide cloth, together with the albino guy, who was pounding him in the ass at a fast pace, one leg hoisted up to his shoulders, the other kept spread apart, unashamedly.
“No way I’m letting you win, France!” the albino yelled, the smirk on his face eligible for illegality in at least three states. “I am not going to lose!”
“Ha ha ha~ you two are so funny…” the third one was the nice man Lucas had spoken with every now and then (the Spanish diplomat, a lovely, bright person… Lucas quite liked his cheerful attitude, always ready to laugh and joke around…), and he, too, was in the middle of some wild, gay sex together with…
‘Wait, is that Mr. Feliciano?!’ shocked out of his mind, Lucas felt a pang of regret, not liking the idea of cheating at all… then blinked. No, this was the older Vargas brother… Mr. Lovino?
“S-stupid… s-Spanish… basta-aaah….” The Italian was in a much similar position to that of the previous couple, a few meters away, on the receiving end of some quite intense sex.
Lucas felt a part of his brain die just then -were all the damn delegates gay in the end?
But the worst was not them.
No, the worst was the person sitting on an armchair in a corner of the room, camera in one hand and a pile of discarded phones on her lap, blood slowly trickling down her chin, cheeks flushed, eyes wide.
“Come on, you three! You’ve been pretty much equal since the start -let me see something good, or I’ll have to ask Germany next time!”
“Shut up, woman!” the albino yelled, grunting in satisfaction when his thrusting caused the Austrian to moan loudly -much to his own chagrin. “As if the brother of the great me would allow you to film him!”
There was a strange glint in the woman’s eyes as she turned towards him “y-you, be quiet! I’ll have you know I allowed you to join in simply because I couldn’t do all the work when I have to record your bet! Besides, Ludwig doesn’t mind as long as I give him a copy…”
“Hah! Next time, I’ll be pounding you and him on the bed, just watch!” the albino laughed loudly, and the woman flushed, turning around.
Lucas’ hand grasped the corner of the door, far too shocked and crestfallen.
That woman had been the Hungarian representative, the cute Miss Elizaveta, for whom he’d harboured quite a crush. Whenever he saw her nice, gentle face in the corridors, or spotted her in the room, his heart had started beating faster.
He’d admired her manners, her sweet tone, and the fact that she could attack if provoked, showing she had an attitude to be feared. She’d faced her own boss once, and in front of many other people, and she’d been so hot back then…
And now…
And now, not just his crush had been… well, crushed (pardon the pun, but his brain was less than receptive at the moment), since it looked like she was part of a threesome that left nothing much to imagination…
But she was also a pervert, as clearly demonstrated by the camera, the blood and the phones… and well, her own words.
They were all competing… with sex?!
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This was just…
It was…
“Ahhhh! Fra-aaah…”
“Move your ass you two, France looks like he’s going to win!”
Lucas ran away. Again.
…………………………
The whole ‘everybody is gay’ situation, after damaging Lucas’ mind enough to make him wonder whether it was ok to be hetero in there, was also the reason why he was searching for a closet.
Not to make a stupid saying come true, of course, but just because he felt attacked from every side. He needed a safe spot to stop and think for a bit, calm down, and plan his future therapy sessions.
He knew he was not in denial when he thought he’d not been aroused by the sight of the three couples separately going at it for the pleasure of one young woman.
Not at all.
To be fair, he had to deny any suggestion he might have gotten by that woman in regards of that cute couple from the kitchen, either.
Not to mention he was wondering if that Korean guy had indeed landed property on Mr. Yao…
“Let me offer you a vodka, Товарищ”.
A familiar voice caught in Lucas’ fuzzy mind and he looked up, peering from behind the corner. He really didn’t want to happen anywhere around any other diplomat that could possibly be…
“Ah! Mr. Alfred!” Lucas felt his heart relax and he breathed out in relief.
If there was someone whom he could be assured of, that was Alfred, their own representative! Yes, he was crazy and ate burgers and used the walls as his drawing boards, and yelled around how much of a hero he was, but… really, Lucas couldn’t but feel rather fond of him, despite everything.
The person together with Mr. Alfred was… Lucas paled. That was the feared Russian diplomat, Ivan Braginski!
Alfred mumbled something, pushing a bit on the other’s chest for him to move, then walked numbly towards the coffee dispenser.
Lucas had to remember that unless he drank down at least a couple of coffees, their representative would be unable to talk during most days, as he had heard he used to party a lot at night. Which should have been reproachable, but really, this was Alfred. Lucas and most Americans working for the UN, not to mention the higher ups, clearly had a predilection for him. “Hnnnn no” he grumbled. “Coffee”.
The Russian chuckled, and the sound sent a shiver of fear down Lucas’ back.
He didn’t really know why, but that guy reminded him of that woman, the one with the knife… he was scary, definitely…
And there it was again; the Russian leaned forwards, wide arms wrapping around the American, who was blearily waiting for his first coffee, and nuzzled at his neck -nuzzled!- still smiling creepily.
“Then wouldn’t you want to be one with me, hmm?”
Alfred pushed him away easily, despite being sleepy, much to Lucas’ happiness, and then grunted in his direction, bringing the freshly made coffee to his lips. “T’ld you nev’r ta ask me in the m’rnings…”
Under Lucas’ unwilling stare (because this was his own representative, damn it!), Alfred didn’t push away the Russian, and instead leaned back into him, sipping at the coffee. It took less than a few seconds for the caffeine to kick in, and by then, he bounced upright, smiling.
“Nothing beats a good coffee, hahaa! The hero is back working at full potential!”
Mr. Ivan didn’t seem much displeased, in fact, and simply grabbed him roughly by the arm, so that he would return to his embrace.
“It’s not fair of you to ask me when I’m not at my best!” Alfred chuckled, shaking his head. “I don’t’ want to become one with you, and you should stop asking”.
“I could have you become one with me like last night, da?” that grin was still there, and the more he spoke, the more Lucas felt there was something missing…
Alfred’s eyes widened, and his cheeks turned red. “That’s another thing entirely -just watch, Ivan! I’ll be the one leading next time!” he pointed at himself with a thumb, smirking in determination.
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“We could definitely try now” he suggested, perking up.
“There!” blissfully lost in thought, and only vaguely aware that the Russian and the American were actually talking about having gay sex, too (probably his brain had been numbed enough not to be shocked anymore), Lucas slapped his fist in his other hand, brightening up. “The young woman with a knife! Miss Natalia!”
What he’d wanted to say was that he’d recognised the voice on the other end of the door that the crazy woman had tried to slam down -and it was, astonishingly, the Russian diplomat who had been scared by her… and that brought the notion that he’d heard stories about a fanatical sister of Mr. Braginski, and everything clicked together.
Of course, he didn’t say all of this loudly, but realising this still surprised him quite a lot -the man looked unable to feel real fear, and yet there he’d been…
There again, the woman had looked far too scary.
“сестра?!” Mr. Ivan blanched -and he was already quite pale on his own, at that. “W-where!”
Alfred looked around, only seeing Lucas standing there, and grabbed at Ivan’s wrist, trying to calm him down…
Only that Ivan backed away from him, quickly making his way down the corridor, as if chased by a devil. “I’ll see you later, Alfred, da?”
Left standing in the middle of the hall with a half-finished second cup of coffee in his hands, the American delegate looked quite lost and disappointed, and suddenly Lucas also felt bad, despite trying to think the opposite (he didn’t really want to see more gay sex… no more…)
Hurrying down the wall, he was stumped. There was still no Tino V… whatever around, and he really didn’t trust himself to go search for him around anymore…
He gave up.
To hell with the promotion and the raise, he really feared turning every single corner, let alone seek someone he couldn’t find!
Dejectedly, Lucas turned around the corner, determined in returning to his office, in the other building, and tell his boss that he wanted -demanded- therapy, and…
He bumped into someone.
“Ah?” a young, cute face peered up at him, and Lucas stumbled backwards, muttering half-hearted excuses.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going… I think I need a mirror for the corners now…”
The other chuckled, nodding “I know… I just happened on… well, I just happened to see something I would have rather have done without, myself” he shrugged, clearly used to it anyway.
Lucas grimaced.
“What? The Italian and German diplomats going at it in the kitchen? The bet on whom completes a round of sex in front of Miss Elizaveta? Mr. Yao being molested by the Korean representative? Mr. Helge seeing things? Mr. Matthew’s bear that talks?! The American diplomat almost having sex with Mr. Braginski?”
He slammed his head against the wall, overwhelmed.
The young man patted him on the back, sweatdropping. “Ah, yes… it takes a while to… get used to that… you must be rather new, hmm?”
Lucas let out a groan. Three months. He had yet to see anything, if that was just getting warmed up…
“Well, I’m a… representative myself, and I have yet to get used to some things my… colleagues do all day, and I’m here… I’ve been… well, it has been a while. So don’t worry…” another gentle pat on his back. “Maybe you could just go to your office and rest…”
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“Ah…” cheeks turning crimson, the young man scratched the back of his head, chuckling weakly. “Er… I’m Tino Väinämöinen, if it’s me you were searching for…” fidgeting, he looked to the side. “I’m sorry I missed my appointment, but Peter -you see, this kid I am acting as a parent for… used my documents as paper planes, and ran up and down the building with them, so I had to move around to retrieve them…”
Shuffling with the pile of documents he was holding, which were a bit ruined and wrinkled, Tino smiled brightly at Lucas.
“But I’m here, now! Let’s go, ok?”
“…”
Lucas’ shoulders sagged in both relief and shame for his uncouth yelling.
“My therapy won’t be cheap…” he muttered, shaking his head.
“Did you just say something?”
“N-no. Mr. Tino, please, follow me…”
At least he was going to never leave his office ever again. He was sure of that.
Yet, he still wanted to know one last thing. “Say, why do you have a dog following you around?”
“Ah, that’s my little dog! You could translate his name in FlowerEgg!”
“…” there again, it was better if he had not known.
Omake
“Well done, Lucas” his boss smiled at him, rubbing at his moustaches with a proud look. “You managed to find him in no time at all!”
“W-what? But I wasted four hours running around…” he sighed, looking to the side, where Mr. Tino was happily signing papers away. “On this account, I’d like to request a leave for ther-”
“Well, it’s still a record here!” the man chuckled, interrupting him. “I can still remember that poor soul, Robert… his boss -I’m talking about the head of the Department for infrastructures- sent him to search for Mr. Vargas junior once… the poor lad, was never the same when he came back…”
Shaking his head sadly, his boss looked at him again, nodding in pride. “You’ve done fine, Lucas, I think it is time for the promotion you heard about -I know you didn’t work here for long, but when it’s someone as young as you, there’s no reason not to let you progress further!”
Laughing, he extracted a few documents and scrolled over them, nodding to himself under the utterly flabbergasted expression of the poor secretary.
“I guess you could move to the direction under Mr. Alfred’s direct control… you look like you’ve survived well during your trip, so aren’t you happy? You’ll be able to interact with many foreign diplomats!”
Lucas’ head slammed down on the table.
“Therapy…”
“Did you say something?”
He looked up, saw his boss’ expression, and slammed his head down again. “No… nothing…”
Well, at least he could stalk the cute German-Italian couple now.
And lastly ‘I wonder who won that bet?’
A moment in which his brain restarted itself.
‘Oh, damn it!’
---
END
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THIS FAIL AUTHOR FORGOT TO MENTION:
This is the response to this request here: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/12046.html?thread=29817614#t29817614 (random human and his encounters in the UN building...)
Mathias: fanon name for Denmark
Helge: my name for Norway. Helge is actually a famous drummer from Norway that appears to be very famous around the world (and that I’ve also met twice), thus why I chose this name.
A bit of dictionary for you~
брат (Russian- brat) - brother
Давай поженимся (Russian - Da-vAy pa-zshE-nim-sya) Let’s get married
сестра (Russian - sestra) - Sister
Ti amo tanto (Italian) - I love you a lot
Ich liebe dich (German) I love you
Hyung (Korean) - Brother (older)
mon ami (French) - my friend
Angleterre (French) - England
Товарищ (Russian - Tovarish) comrade
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Please don't lock your door tonight. I want to stalk you.
And oh God I love Lucas. Poor guy...
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Lucas is so amusing and cute! you really can't help but feel for the guy...I believe, if we were to work alongside this madhouse of a cast, we wouldn't be squeeing like we do in fan modeXD.
Meeting Berwald first set the mood perfectly for further fear and brainbleaching. He's one of the ones that just can't pretend, eh?XD About three slips in one sentence. And listening to Caramelldansen. Marry me, authoranon ♥
Unconsciously bullyish Sealand was loveXD. Lucas' wonderment at his eyebrows had me laughing because, yeah, huge. And doesn't even seem to bother with pretending to be a normal boy.
Poor Latvia, he's the ultimate victim, isn't he?XD
Ok, I believe Liet and Poland's part was my third fvourite of the entire thingxXD. Poland always makes things fabulous with every appearance, and he not only seems to ignore pretend, but also seems to be specifically out to terrorize anyone in the vicinityXD.
I was amused that these two are also competitive regarding sex, it seems to be a trend between the nationsXD
Hahaha, Belarus, you crack me upXD. Always. I really liked your Belarus, specially that moodwhiplash when Lucas assured her very insistently that he was not interested in whatever she was, and please don't kill him, and she turns all sweet for a moment (and then reverts to psychosisXD)
Poor Prussia being an incognita LOL
I loved that they appeared later. In fact, the three way competition for sex (for finishing first? isn't that kinda what they should be trying to avoid? to, you know, prolongue the pleasure? LOL) was my favourite part of the entire thing. Because it was a huge surprise, the Bad Touch Trio are...god, there are no wordsXD. Also, it's amusing to see they're all semesXD. It's funny how damned cheerful Spain is while pounding inside someoneXD, and Prussia's mad cackling was awesome; but it was Hungary's presence that really threw me, I was not expecting that. God, girl, you're awesome and I envy you so much. Reaching that point, the established threesome hints were just another aweosme bonus (and my favourite line of the entire fic was I’ll have you know I allowed you to join in simply because I couldn’t do all the work when I have to record your bet! ; lol, Hungary tops Austria tooXD. Also, “Move your ass you two, France looks like he’s going to win!”, hahaha, cheering them onXD)
And...and FrUK! My absolute FAVOURITE pairing! I'll imagine they won the competition ;)
I also noticed that they mentioned country names a lot of times here, which is very appropiate and an attention to detail I wasn't expecting. But of course our dear Lucas' heart is too broken to notice such a thingXD
Lucas' fanboying over GerIta never failed to amuse me. Yeah, they're so cute! they'd be so cute to see IRL, too. I can't fault him. I love that he squees at Feli's cuteness and 'innocence', but his narration subtly conveys that Ludwig is the blushing, stammering of the two, and Feli is a horny vixen, if a cheerful oneXD
And the rolling hearts, LOL
Norway sounded very autistic lol. Poor Lucas, a floating haircurl and a guy talking with the airXD.
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And poor Canada! Not even when exposed to regular humans does he get a break. Confused with America and ignored/forgotten again xD. But he was so polite and helpful, and such a sweetheart &hearts. He's one of the ones that try to pretend normality the most, but he should leave Kuma back homeXD; I lol'd at how hard Lucas was trying to pretend that nothing weird was going on with the talking polar bearXD (isn't that how we usually deal with things like these?)
Also, Denmark. Can we say psychotic? He should meet BelarusXD
And, oh God, America's section was my second favourite thing of this fic, because, PERFECT. The need for coffeee to be coherent, the mumbling-turned-hyper voice, the fondness the American citizens can't help feeling for him regardless, the "feared Russian diplomat" XD, and of course America/Russia. Can you read my mind, authoranon? You tackled two of my three favourite ships in your fic! And God, Russia going "becomeonewithme,da?" even after being togetherXDXDXD. And the embrace, so damn cute!! That little reference to America's strength brought *very* good shivers to OP, kinky bastard that she isXD. Their dynamic was so spot on, writeranon...America's ignorance of Russia's threatening behaviour, Russia's lewd suggestions, discussing who tops (of course these two would discuss thatXD), Russia being with America but still a creepy bastard (thnk you, authoranon), and his panic attack at the mention of Belarus xD (OP thinks Lucas' reaction was very believable, as she's done this jumping around mental topics a few times tooXD). But man, Lucas, cockblocking your own country, that's just not coolXD
Finally, his breakdown in front of TinoXD. I could see him banging his head against the wall and angsting about the craziness and the gay and his own unsuspected gay, and his representant being gay with a Russian...and Tino just standing there sweatdroppingXD. He's the one that deserves it least, Lucas! Poor guy was away being responsible (well, after leaving his paper in Sealand's reachXD), not like the rest.
and it’s been hours I am walking everywhere, watching people have sex and starting to find it arousing, and yet he’s still nowhere to be found! This is not how a proper diplomat should work! And here no one seems to be working seriously, either!”
BEST RANT EVER XDXDXDXD
“Ah, that’s my little dog! You could translate his name in FlowerEgg!”
“…” there again, it was better if he had not known.
I lol'd. Lucas, you should know better by nowXD
And you know what amused me the most? The fact that sending a guy to look for a nation seems to be the way to break the guy in and see if he cracks or would be suited for the next levelXD. I expect Lucas will be seeing a lot of young gay representants specially a lot of Russia...
This was a real treat, authoranon. Thank you. Also, thanks for the little foreign language bits that were, as far as I can judge, fairly ok. I squeed when Russia called America "tovarish"
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you just caught everything i had wanted to add (the gerita dynamics, the ruame dynamics, the slips with the bad friends trio, canada, everything), and GHH thanks for liking so much! i was terribly afraid of not doing it well :D
on the account of the trio, the real bet was whoever could have their uke come first would win. of course you can't demand proper slow sex when you're in a bet, right? :D i'd think france won, but with prussia you never know, he could easily cheat (like yelling something similar to "your cooking sucks!" and/or "i put sugar on your tomatoes" to distract, ahem, his opponents). we might never know XDD
and just so you know, lucas didn't see it, but there was japan hiding somewhere in the kitchen to watch what happened in there when he ran away :D.
all in all, i love you :D i'm terribly happy and i'll go bounce away now X3
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I love this, it's just so WIN. *hands over the internet* You deserve it AuthorAnon!
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