Re: Nations arguing over weapons (3/??)
anonymous
December 31 2009, 18:40:56 UTC
Alfred pauses.
ALFRED Did you hear something?
Everybody shakes their head.
DENMARK No.
ALFRED Okay then.
Everybody resumes fighting, with Yao trying to convince everybody that his crossbow will work. Denmark and Sadiq look at each other.
SADIQ If there's a fight like this going on, and we have our weapons out, and nobody will try and stop us from joining in, why are we just standing here and doing nothing?
DENMARK Good question. Unfortunately, it's not applicable anymore.
Denmark jumps into the middle of the fight, swinging his axe around and narrowly missing other people's heads and other body parts. Sadiq stares for a short moment, shrugs, and jumps in as well. MATTHEW stares at everybody with his mouth wide open. Bullets embed themselves in the wall around him, and he squeaks and ducks to avoid being chopped in half by Sadiq's scimitar.
MATTHEW Stop! Guys, stop!
He holds KUMAJIROU tighter.
MATTHEW (CONT'D) Stop fighting! You guys can't fight here. We need to go back to the meeting!
Everybody ignores Matthew.
MATTHEW (CONT'D) Lili is waiting.
Vash immediately stops, and looks to Matthew with a dead-serious look in his eye.
MATTHEW (CONT'D) Raivis and Peter are sitting on either side of her. Latvia's stuttering when he's talking and Peter's smiling.
VASH That's it! Those two had better not do anything to her!
Vash immediately turns around and marches back into the meeting room, letting the door slam shut with a loud bang. Everybody stares at Matthew.
ARTHUR But Raivis always stutters and Peter always smiles
MATTHEW (shrugging) It worked, didn't it?
SADIQ Yeah, for him. Not for us!
The brawl immediately continues, except for Denmark who crosses his arms and pouts.
DENMARK Hey! Lili isn't even her real name! Why am I still 'Denmark'?
A troll's fist comes out of nowhere and punches Denmark in the gut, driving him up the wall. NORWAY enters the corridor, arms crossed.
NORWAY Because you're an idiot.
ALFRED (whispering to Francis) Did you see that? How'd he fly up there?
FRANCIS Je ne sais pas.
Alfred stares, and then shrugs.
ALFRED Who cares? Norway! What's your weapon? Whatever it is, I bet mine's better!
Norway stares at Alfred like he is insane. His expression does not change.
NORWAY Magic.
Alfred cracks up, and slings an arm around Arthur's neck. He pulls the other nation down with him as he laughs and rolls around.
ALFRED That's hilarious! Norway's as cuckoo as you are, old man!
Arthur gets angry, Norway extends his right hand, and a unicorn and a troll appear. The unicorn just narrowly misses stabbing Alfred in the stomach with its horn while the troll tries to pick up Alfred but fails because Alfred is rolling around too much. Norway looks annoyed. Denmark picks himself up, and gives a grin and two thumbs up to Norway.
DENMARK Hey, Norge, looks like your trolls didn't work this time.
ALFRED Him too! Denmark's crazy too!
DENMARK Oi, American! You think I'm crazy? I'll show you what I did to Britannia back in the old days!
NORWAY When you were drunk and stripping on your longboat?
DENMARK You were with me too! You and Berwald! The both of you! I raised the two of you to be the best vikings ever and this is how you repay me?
NORWAY You have done nothing except be a bad influence on my brother.
DENMARK Oh yeah, Icey. Have you got him to call you his brother yet?
NORWAY At least it's going better than you trying to get Berwald to admitting that he's your brother.
Norway and Denmark bicker, and eventually fade away into the next corridor. Everybody stares after them, and blink. Ivan is stroking his gun, still having it pointed at Alfred. Matthew sees this.
MATTHEW Natalya is headed down this corridor. She just left the meeting room, because you weren't there. She won't look in there again.
Ivan pales, drops his gun, and dives into the meeting room.
Re: Nations arguing over weapons (3/??)
anonymous
December 31 2009, 18:53:31 UTC
NATALYA (V.O.) Brother... brother... let's get married, brother, marriedmarriedmarriedmarried...
Everybody stares in the direction where the voice came from. Around the corner, there is the glint of a knife. Alfred screams. NATALYA appears.
NATALYA What have you done to my brother? Where is he? If you did anything to him, I will take this knife and I will chop your toes and fingers off and shove them down your throat and force you to swallow and-
EVERYONE He'sinthemeetingroom!
NATALYA He'd better be in there.
Natalya rips the doorknob out, and her evil aura appears. Everybody takes a step back, as she chants 'marriedmarriedmarried...' and goes into the room. Everybody can hear Ivan screaming. Other random nations bolt out the door and scatter. Alfred stares at Matthew.
ALFRED Mattie, you're evil.
KUMAJIROU Who?
MATTHEW I'm Canada. Matthew.
Matthew turns to America.
MATTHEW It got rid of him, didn't it?
ALFRED Point.
Matthew looks at Sadiq.
MATTHEW Herakles and Gupta will be looking for you. Herakles has a new breed of cat with extra sharp claws, he's gotten a new and very spiky cross, and Gupta's trained his jackal to sic you.
Sadiq pales as well, and saunters away, whistling nervously.
MATTHEW (calling after Sadiq) If you go to the meeting room, Gupta will still be trying to sell pots and Herakles will be sleeping!
Sadiq does a one-eighty and spins right into the direction of the meeting room. He bursts out soon after, a demented cat and a jackal chasing after him.
SADIQ You said he would be sleeping~!
Everybody peers into the room. Herakles is snoring. Gupta is nowhere to be seen.
MATTHEW Feliciano wants the recipe for your scones. He says they're delicious.
Arthur coughs.
ARTHUR He- he does?
ALFRED What are you talking about? His scones are disg-
Matthew slaps a hand over Alfred's mouth.
MATTHEW He's somewhere near the outside right now. If you hurry, maybe you can show him how to cook them properly.
ARTHUR Er... of course! I- I'll go! Right now! Yes!
Arthur rushes off, looking happy that somebody likes (or not) his cooking.
Matthew looks at Francis, and then to Alfred. He glances back and forth between them. Yao is still trying to convince Kiku that his crossbow will work, while Kiku is only listening out of politeness. His ninja outfit is still on.
MATTHEW Yong Soo has Shinatty-chan.
YAO Shinatty-chan?! Kiku, we have to get Shinatty-chan back, aru! Where is he?
MATTHEW The top floor. He shouldn't be coming down for a while.
Yao grabs Kiku's hand and rushes off. The remaining three watch them go.
FRANCIS Hm.
MATTHEW Herakles says he uncovered some pictures from the Olympics. The original ones.
FRANCIS If you'll excuse me, mes chéris, I have some business to discuss with Herakles.
Francis bursts into the meeting room with a loud bang of the door. Herakles is still asleep. Alfred points at Matthew.
ALFRED You won't get rid of me that easy, Mattie! I'm a hero!
MATTHEW Ludwig has agreed to give you Hamburg. You know, the place that's made out of burgers.
ALFRED Really really really really? Really?
MATTHEW Ludwig's with Feliciano. You might catch him if you're quick.
Alfred is gone before Matthew starts the second sentence. He sighs in relief and is about to stagger back into the meeting room, when the door bursts open yet again. MALAYSIA and INDONESIA stumble out, already in the middle of an argument.
MALAYSIA The kris is mine!
INDONESIA No, it's mine!
MALAYSIA Mine!
INDONESIA The kris is mine, you Malaysian bastard!
MALAYSIA MINE!
INDONESIA MINE!
Another person steps out, and it's AUSTRALIA. His koala is gnawing on his ear.
AUSTRALIA You both are idiots. Everyone knows my Metal Storm is best! One million bullets a minute!
INDONESIA AND MALAYSIA It's just a bunch of metal!
Indonesia and Malaysia glare at each other.
INDONESIA Batik is still mine!
MALAYSIA Like hell it is!
AUSTRALIA Are you talking about clothes or weapons, ya sissies?!
MALAYSIA Who are you calling a sissy?
AUSTRALIA You! My Metal Storm beats your kitchen knives any day.
INDONESIA I'd like to see you try.
Indonesia and Malaysia draw a kris each, and Australia reaches into his pocket and takes out the gun. It has teeth marks and slobber all over it. His koala munches on some hair.
Re: Nations arguing over weapons (5/??)
anonymous
December 31 2009, 19:01:39 UTC
Please, ignore title fail above. It's supposed to be 4/??.
--
Vietnam sees the three of them, and rolls her eyes. She takes out a spear.
VIETNAM You three are such imbeciles. My spear is obviously better than your weapons.
AUSTRALIA Wanna try and prove that, sheila?
Matthew facepalms.
MATTHEW Here we go again.
There are Feliciano's wails of pure despair in the background, and the scent of smoke and burning scones drifts up to the third floor. Natalya drags Ivan out of the room. The scream of 'ANIKIIIIIIIII!' is heard through the whole building. There is the slightly less loud, 'Shinatty-chan was invented in Korea, you know?' Matthew facepalms again.
MATTHEW (CONT'D) Um... do you want pancakes?
--
And that's it for the first episode. Next time, we'll get to see Hungary, Austria, Prussia, Hanatamago, Finland, and a lot of others.
Re: Nations arguing over weapons (5/??)
anonymous
January 2 2010, 21:21:46 UTC
This is the most brilliant fill I have ever seen. I repeat: THE MOST BRILLIANT FILL I HAVE EVER SEEN. All other comic fills ARE NOT WORTHY before your epic prowess.
Also, play format and manipulative!Canada are love. As are multiple parts. Will be F5-ing until finger falls out from attrition.
ALFRED
Did you hear something?
Everybody shakes their head.
DENMARK
No.
ALFRED
Okay then.
Everybody resumes fighting, with Yao trying to convince everybody that his crossbow will work. Denmark and Sadiq look at each other.
SADIQ
If there's a fight like this going on, and we have our weapons out, and nobody will try and stop us from joining in, why are we just standing here and doing nothing?
DENMARK
Good question. Unfortunately, it's not applicable anymore.
Denmark jumps into the middle of the fight, swinging his axe around and narrowly missing other people's heads and other body parts.
Sadiq stares for a short moment, shrugs, and jumps in as well.
MATTHEW stares at everybody with his mouth wide open. Bullets embed themselves in the wall around him, and he squeaks and ducks to avoid being chopped in half by Sadiq's scimitar.
MATTHEW
Stop! Guys, stop!
He holds KUMAJIROU tighter.
MATTHEW (CONT'D)
Stop fighting! You guys can't fight here. We need to go back to the meeting!
Everybody ignores Matthew.
MATTHEW (CONT'D)
Lili is waiting.
Vash immediately stops, and looks to Matthew with a dead-serious look in his eye.
MATTHEW (CONT'D)
Raivis and Peter are sitting on either side of her. Latvia's stuttering when he's talking and Peter's smiling.
VASH
That's it! Those two had better not do anything to her!
Vash immediately turns around and marches back into the meeting room, letting the door slam shut with a loud bang.
Everybody stares at Matthew.
ARTHUR
But Raivis always stutters and Peter always smiles
MATTHEW
(shrugging)
It worked, didn't it?
SADIQ
Yeah, for him. Not for us!
The brawl immediately continues, except for Denmark who crosses his arms and pouts.
DENMARK
Hey! Lili isn't even her real name! Why am I still 'Denmark'?
A troll's fist comes out of nowhere and punches Denmark in the gut, driving him up the wall. NORWAY enters the corridor, arms crossed.
NORWAY
Because you're an idiot.
ALFRED
(whispering to Francis)
Did you see that? How'd he fly up there?
FRANCIS
Je ne sais pas.
Alfred stares, and then shrugs.
ALFRED
Who cares? Norway! What's your weapon? Whatever it is, I bet mine's better!
Norway stares at Alfred like he is insane. His expression does not change.
NORWAY
Magic.
Alfred cracks up, and slings an arm around Arthur's neck. He pulls the other nation down with him as he laughs and rolls around.
ALFRED
That's hilarious! Norway's as cuckoo as you are, old man!
Arthur gets angry, Norway extends his right hand, and a unicorn and a troll appear.
The unicorn just narrowly misses stabbing Alfred in the stomach with its horn while the troll tries to pick up Alfred but fails because Alfred is rolling around too much.
Norway looks annoyed.
Denmark picks himself up, and gives a grin and two thumbs up to Norway.
DENMARK
Hey, Norge, looks like your trolls didn't work this time.
ALFRED
Him too! Denmark's crazy too!
DENMARK
Oi, American! You think I'm crazy? I'll show you what I did to Britannia back in the old days!
NORWAY
When you were drunk and stripping on your longboat?
DENMARK
You were with me too! You and Berwald! The both of you! I raised the two of you to be the best vikings ever and this is how you repay me?
NORWAY
You have done nothing except be a bad influence on my brother.
DENMARK
Oh yeah, Icey. Have you got him to call you his brother yet?
NORWAY
At least it's going better than you trying to get Berwald to admitting that he's your brother.
Norway and Denmark bicker, and eventually fade away into the next corridor. Everybody stares after them, and blink.
Ivan is stroking his gun, still having it pointed at Alfred. Matthew sees this.
MATTHEW
Natalya is headed down this corridor. She just left the meeting room, because you weren't there. She won't look in there again.
Ivan pales, drops his gun, and dives into the meeting room.
Reply
Brother... brother... let's get married, brother, marriedmarriedmarriedmarried...
Everybody stares in the direction where the voice came from. Around the corner, there is the glint of a knife.
Alfred screams.
NATALYA appears.
NATALYA
What have you done to my brother? Where is he? If you did anything to him, I will take this knife and I will chop your toes and fingers off and shove them down your throat and force you to swallow and-
EVERYONE
He'sinthemeetingroom!
NATALYA
He'd better be in there.
Natalya rips the doorknob out, and her evil aura appears. Everybody takes a step back, as she chants 'marriedmarriedmarried...' and goes into the room.
Everybody can hear Ivan screaming. Other random nations bolt out the door and scatter.
Alfred stares at Matthew.
ALFRED
Mattie, you're evil.
KUMAJIROU
Who?
MATTHEW
I'm Canada. Matthew.
Matthew turns to America.
MATTHEW
It got rid of him, didn't it?
ALFRED
Point.
Matthew looks at Sadiq.
MATTHEW
Herakles and Gupta will be looking for you. Herakles has a new breed of cat with extra sharp claws, he's gotten a new and very spiky cross, and Gupta's trained his jackal to sic you.
Sadiq pales as well, and saunters away, whistling nervously.
MATTHEW
(calling after Sadiq)
If you go to the meeting room, Gupta will still be trying to sell pots and Herakles will be sleeping!
Sadiq does a one-eighty and spins right into the direction of the meeting room.
He bursts out soon after, a demented cat and a jackal chasing after him.
SADIQ
You said he would be sleeping~!
Everybody peers into the room. Herakles is snoring. Gupta is nowhere to be seen.
MATTHEW
Feliciano wants the recipe for your scones. He says they're delicious.
Arthur coughs.
ARTHUR
He- he does?
ALFRED
What are you talking about? His scones are disg-
Matthew slaps a hand over Alfred's mouth.
MATTHEW
He's somewhere near the outside right now. If you hurry, maybe you can show him how to cook them properly.
ARTHUR
Er... of course! I- I'll go! Right now! Yes!
Arthur rushes off, looking happy that somebody likes (or not) his cooking.
Matthew looks at Francis, and then to Alfred. He glances back and forth between them.
Yao is still trying to convince Kiku that his crossbow will work, while Kiku is only listening out of politeness. His ninja outfit is still on.
MATTHEW
Yong Soo has Shinatty-chan.
YAO
Shinatty-chan?! Kiku, we have to get Shinatty-chan back, aru! Where is he?
MATTHEW
The top floor. He shouldn't be coming down for a while.
Yao grabs Kiku's hand and rushes off.
The remaining three watch them go.
FRANCIS
Hm.
MATTHEW
Herakles says he uncovered some pictures from the Olympics. The original ones.
FRANCIS
If you'll excuse me, mes chéris, I have some business to discuss with Herakles.
Francis bursts into the meeting room with a loud bang of the door. Herakles is still asleep.
Alfred points at Matthew.
ALFRED
You won't get rid of me that easy, Mattie! I'm a hero!
MATTHEW
Ludwig has agreed to give you Hamburg. You know, the place that's made out of burgers.
ALFRED
Really really really really? Really?
MATTHEW
Ludwig's with Feliciano. You might catch him if you're quick.
Alfred is gone before Matthew starts the second sentence. He sighs in relief and is about to stagger back into the meeting room, when the door bursts open yet again.
MALAYSIA and INDONESIA stumble out, already in the middle of an argument.
MALAYSIA
The kris is mine!
INDONESIA
No, it's mine!
MALAYSIA
Mine!
INDONESIA
The kris is mine, you Malaysian bastard!
MALAYSIA
MINE!
INDONESIA
MINE!
Another person steps out, and it's AUSTRALIA. His koala is gnawing on his ear.
AUSTRALIA
You both are idiots. Everyone knows my Metal Storm is best! One million bullets a minute!
INDONESIA AND MALAYSIA
It's just a bunch of metal!
Indonesia and Malaysia glare at each other.
INDONESIA
Batik is still mine!
MALAYSIA
Like hell it is!
AUSTRALIA
Are you talking about clothes or weapons, ya sissies?!
MALAYSIA
Who are you calling a sissy?
AUSTRALIA
You! My Metal Storm beats your kitchen knives any day.
INDONESIA
I'd like to see you try.
Indonesia and Malaysia draw a kris each, and Australia reaches into his pocket and takes out the gun. It has teeth marks and slobber all over it.
His koala munches on some hair.
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--
Vietnam sees the three of them, and rolls her eyes. She takes out a spear.
VIETNAM
You three are such imbeciles. My spear is obviously better than your weapons.
AUSTRALIA
Wanna try and prove that, sheila?
Matthew facepalms.
MATTHEW
Here we go again.
There are Feliciano's wails of pure despair in the background, and the scent of smoke and burning scones drifts up to the third floor.
Natalya drags Ivan out of the room.
The scream of 'ANIKIIIIIIIII!' is heard through the whole building. There is the slightly less loud, 'Shinatty-chan was invented in Korea, you know?'
Matthew facepalms again.
MATTHEW (CONT'D)
Um... do you want pancakes?
--
And that's it for the first episode. Next time, we'll get to see Hungary, Austria, Prussia, Hanatamago, Finland, and a lot of others.
Reply
Also, play format and manipulative!Canada are love. As are multiple parts. Will be F5-ing until finger falls out from attrition.
Reply
Anon's reaction: <8D
Oh lord, writernon, this is so epic and wonderful and I can't even...
MORE! PLEASE!
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