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“Someday, I must thank Alfred for doing this,” France wheezed. “I have not laughed so hard in decades... He even said that you felt the same way about me - “ he guffawed again, “Perhaps I gave him too little credit... He is certainly creative.”
Canada slouched so that his furious blushing was hidden by his polar bear companion. “H-he didn’t make that part up,” he peeped.
Kumajiro rolled his eyes and abandoned the chair, padding off to raid the pantry. He didn’t feel like sticking around for what was bound to happen next.
France abruptly stopped laughing and stared at Canada, now very visible and embarrassed with his polar bear shield gone. He moved to kneel in front of him and asked, “You mean you do have feelings for me?”
Canada stopped trying to disappear into the cushions and nodded anxiously, staring at the arm of the chair so he wouldn’t have to see France’s reaction immediately. Honestly, what if he laughed or yelled at him for being a reverse-pedophile like his ruffian brother? Canada knew that they were two of the worst possible outcomes and therefore assumed that one or the other would happen.
He felt smooth fingers with manicured nails close around his small, fidgeting hands, and a tender kiss pressed to the corner of his mouth. The boy’s head turned sharply to meet France’s charming smile.
“It seems everyone around here has been keeping their affections to themselves, non?” he said. “But no matter what eyebrows has told you, I am not a self-centered sex fiend and I will not insist that we make love this very instant. We will go at whatever pace you like, Matthieu.”
“Really?” Canada perked up. “Well, in that case, I -”
“And we will do things however it is most comfortable for you -”
“That’s great, but - “
“- because it is your pleasure that is most important to me, and I am more than happy to do things differently if it will make it good for you -”
“Francis -”
“- because I really do love you very dearly, Matthieu, and not in the same way I love anyone else, mind you, because that’s totally different and I would never show up at your doorstep in the middle of the night for a booty call, though on that note I should tell you that you will always be welcome at my home for such purposes -”
“I don’t even know what that means but -”
“ - but to return to the present, I think I will leave eyebrows a note telling him how big of an idiot he is for ignoring us, and then we can go home and I can get that massage oil you liked so much and you can just relax and maybe we can cuddle a bit, since I’m sure you’ll need plenty of time to get comfortable before you want to move forward, and as I said, I am completely fine with that so do not feel pressured to do anything you do not want to because the last thing I want is for you to feel unhappy in any way, shape or fo-”
Canada grabbed the front of France’s expensive coat and dragged him into an astonishingly dominating kiss. Before the experienced nation could overcome his shock and kiss the boy back, Canada released him, still looking flushed but in a very different way.
“Francis.”
“O-oui, mon petit castor?”
“We are going to go home right now, and we are going to have sex until the sun comes up, and it is going to be a million times better than what Alfred and Arthur just did, and you can stop acting like I’m a fragile flower because my brother is only barely stronger than me and that means I am perfectly fine with it being rough - and that I could easily top you if I wanted to.”
France stared.
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France could only nod weakly, adding in a strained voice, “But we must leave immediately or else I am afraid my new pants will be ruined beyond repair, and that is saying quite a lot since unlike eyebrows, I have a very healthy love life and I am not repressed at all, and -”
“Francis, if you don’t shut up and get in the carriage, I won’t let you find out if I secretly know how to give a better blowjob than my brother could ever hope to.”
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On his way to the bathroom to get something to clean America and himself off with, England opened the hall drapes just in time to see France and Canada making a mad dash for their carriage, with the latter’s polar bear rushing to catch up.
A fairy flitted over to sit on the windowsill and watch the blood drain from England's face.
All he had to do was give her a look that held one horrifying question, and she replied, “Yes. They were there the whole time, and they did hear everything.”
England fainted.
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You keep up that “deny, deny, deny” attitude, England. It only makes you look even more gentlemanly. *cough*
If only America had used a similar tactic later on, we totally could have avoided the Revolutionary War.
Moronanon would like to note that, technically, Canada shouldn’t be living with France at this point. Maybe he’s just spending the week at his mom’s France’s house?
mon petit castor = my little beaver (Moronanon saw this term of endearment used in other fics and felt utterly compelled to use it. Credit and internetz go to whichever anon started it.)
Oh yeah, and Canada totally topped when they got home.
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America being deceitful was a total shock and it was written so beautifully. Everyone was in character and I did enjoy the bit at the end with France and Canada.
Those conversations were just priceless. Keep on writing anon. This is totally amazing.
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I tried writing a few other fills but none of them turned out half as good as this. I shall go look for more, though, now that my smut-writing cherry has been popped. o3o
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And so, over 250 years of UST later...
England and America were lying, sweaty, panting on the rumpled bed with evidence of their activities still fresh.
"Get off, you're crushing me," England grumbled half-heartedly. The stupid git hadn't even bothered to pull out yet.
Strangely enough, America didn't retort straight away, which instantly put England on guard. Jabs about his weight usually got to him. Looking up, he saw an extremely unsettling smirk on the other's face. Warily he asked, "What is it?"
America gave England a quick peck on the nose, smug smile still in place, before answering, "I believe your exact words were," America put on a phony British accent and frowned in an eerily similar manner to England, “Are you fucking daft?! There is no way in hell would I ever let you top me! You little sod, I can’t believe you would even dare to ask!”
England frowned as he wracked his memory. Suddenly, things clicked into place.
Oh.
Staring at America in disbelief, he gave him a long look before kicking him off the bed.
And that is the story of how America was banished to the couch for a month.
lolol idk xDDD
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Also: YES. XD If I wrote a sequel to this, that's pretty much how shit would have gone down. Poor England, being forced to eat his own words like that. XD
Either that or America would finally tell England that the Cake was a Lie and England's brain would go kablooie because he can't handle the truth. And France and Canada would be snickering in the background as America valiantly tries to resuscitate him. (How he tries to do this would be left to the reader's imagination, of course. Ohoho~ )
reCaptcha: suffers Brooklyn (Apparently England would kick the shit out of Brooklyn in retaliation? XD)
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Here's hoping that you'll post more sexy fills. *raise glass* I'll be rereading this steamy piece of sex.
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reCaptcha: Kiddied lands (AAAHAHAHAHAA, poor England)
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My brain exploded. Is being rebooted.
Two words: Fucking. Awesome.
reCaptcha says: was virgin XD Why yes, Alfred was.
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