Past-Part Fills Post 1 -- CLOSED
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Well, obviously, Japan thought. But he understood why Greece had said it anyway. It took him a moment, and he tried to get himself not to reply because he knew he’d sound disappointed if he did, but he asked anyway. “Why not?”
“Because I didn’t want you to wake up with me again and pretend that it was just a dream.”
That felt like a sucker punch to the gut. Word of what had happened between him and Greece when they first met had spread quickly, and he still got teased about it from time to time, and every time he’d unfailingly insisted that it wasn’t true. Greece didn’t bring it up, but Japan was quite sure that he’d heard from other nations that Japan was in denial - because the other nations did think he was in denial. At this point, Japan thought he was in denial too.
And even though he knew he was in denial, he had enough self-control not to allow himself to consider the ramifications of that. It was easy for him to pretend when Greece came to see him that not only had the incident never happened, but that the subsequent denial had therefore never happened either. And as a result, there was no reason to be concerned that he was somehow hurting Greece.
Now the fact that he’d been hurting Greece hit him all at once. It was all there in the tone of his voice. Japan winced, and was sure that Greece saw him wince. He opened his mouth, only fully realizing what he was going to say as he said it. “I was a virgin.”
“I guessed,” Greece replied smoothly. “You seemed like a virgin. It was… nice.” Japan could tell there were a hundred other adjectives that Greece wanted to put in that place. Positive ones, but probably ones that he considered too effusive or too embarrassing for either one of them. And as it was, he himself was blushing already. “And then I knew I’d been right, when I realized you regretted it.”
“I didn’t regret it!” Japan blurted out, and he was surprised by his insistent tone and the words themselves and the truth of them. Greece sat back a little, apparently also taken off guard. Japan’s voice was significantly quieter but still very tense when he added, “I didn’t. It wasn’t regret.” He hesitated before continuing. He was only just now putting words for what he’d felt to himself, only just now really realizing what had been going through his head. To share them with Greece when he wasn’t even sure what his next thought was going to be would possibly be a bad idea.
But then he looked at Greece, at the melancholy on his face that most people wouldn’t have been able to differentiate from the usual sleepiness. “I was afraid,” he said before he’d even made a conscious decision on whether or not to admit it. “I’d barely been out of my house. I hardly knew anyone aside from America and England, and then you came along and made me lose control. Or… you didn’t make me. You made me want to. And after I let myself, I found it… frightening.” He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, pausing to consider. And then, still unsure of what his better judgment even was, he added, “But it only frightened me because I enjoyed it so much.”
“I’ll let you have control,” Greece said quickly. “I don’t mind. That’s not what I want.”
The logical follow-up to that was left unspoken, but it made Japan flustered anyway. I just want you. “You don’t understand. I don’t want to control you. I need to control myself. I had… no discipline when I was with you.”
“But you have discipline when it’s not with me,” Greece said, sitting back and angling his body away from Japan slightly. He looked down at the fingers of his right hand played with a porcelain shard from his own broken plate.
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