Past-Part Fills Post 1 -- CLOSED
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For a moment, something different flickers in Arthur’s eyes - confusion, consideration, something a bit more whole than before - but it fades before Ivan can get a handle on it. “And who are you to speak to me?” he asks, narrowing his eyes. “Am I to forget your Iron Curtain, Ivan, your Baltics?”
Ivan jerks and stiffens. Arthur misinterprets the motion and chuckles.
“Yes, Ivan, I do not think that we are very diff -”
The red breaks in and creeps around the edges of his eyes. Ivan crosses the cell in three steps and has Arthur pinned up against the wall by his throat before he realizes what he’s doing.
Arthur claws and wheezes in breath, hands coming up to claw at Ivan’s fingers. He might as well try to break the permafrost of Ivan’s homeland, the vast, endless stretches of frozen earth.
Ivan pauses for a moment, coming back to himself, and looks into Arthur’s eyes, searching for the madness that plagued him for so long.
He thinks he sees it - but no, it’s just - there it is - no, wait -
He can’t tell -
He can’t fucking tell -
“Arthur Kirkland,” he snarls, “you had the willing trust and love of Alfred Jones. You spat on something that I would kill to have a second chance at. You have no idea what you gave up when you hurt him.”
“Y’…” Ivan loosens his grip enough for Arthur to wheeze out a few desperate laughs. “Y’ came all this way t’ tell me that?”
Ivan shakes his head and reaches into his trench coat. “No, Arthur. I did not.”
When his hand comes out of his coat, Arthur sees the pistol, and his green eyes widen in realization of what Ivan has for him. “That’s…you were supposed to leave that at s-security -”
“It’s funny what you can get away with when you bribe certain people.” Ivan clicks off the safety.
“Iv-Ivan -”
“I am here to take revenge,” he says, “so that Matthew and Alfred will not.” He raises the gun and presses it to Arthur’s forehead. Arthur is speechless with fear now, eyes wide and bulging - and he feels a bit of himself bleed back in through his anger.
“If you truly are not in your right mind,” Ivan says, “then you will thank me for this when you come to. And you will know the true price you will pay for your actions.”
He pulls the trigger.
___
“And then?”
Ivan comes back to himself, to the hotel and the cobblestones and the carpet. “As you can probably guess….”
“It was a blank, wasn’t it?” Matthew asks, and there’s no judgment or anger in that voice.
“I did not want to kill him,” Ivan says. “And hurting him would have led to quick healing. I wanted him to understand the fear Alfred went through every single time Arthur lay his dirty hands all over him, the sheer terror of knowing what’s coming but being unable to stop it, or call for help.”
Matthew stays silent.
“I was probably wrong,” he continues. “But it’s what Arthur deserved, far more than being beaten or imprisoned.”
“Ivan…thank you.”
Ivan blinks, surprised, and looks over. Matthew stares up at him, purple eyes open and earnest. He senses someone walking by them, but does not see the wave.
“I wanted to wait until after the meeting,” he continues, “because I don’t want it going on the record that I told you this, Ivan, but…thank you. For whatever you did, thank you. For Alfred. For us.”
“Matthew?”
The voice that interrupts Ivan before he can respond is shy and small. Still, Ivan’s not as surprised as Matthew is that it’s Alfred’s voice. He looks so scared and alone in the streetlight’s beam.
Ivan stands and walks back into the hotel. His time with Matthew has ended, and what has begun belongs to Matthew and Alfred alone.
He smiles a little as he makes his way back to his room. Perhaps, if this is part of the price he must pay for his past sins, it’s not so bad as he’s often thought.
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Readers are welcome to pitch in with their own thoughts and opinions. I just want to make it clear that if Arthur is mentally unstable, and if he eventually recovers from said instability, that Arthur's condition will not serve as an excuse for what he did. Arthur will agree, I think, that he still must take responsibility for his own actions. Arthur's mental condition will serve as an explanation, nothing more.
Again, though, I really would value reader input on this. I'd like to challenge myself and write this as if Arthur's actions were from mental instability - but I don't want to cause undue pain or insult those who have been hurt. At any rate, I have a few other stories I'd like to get to before that.
Thank you for reading, everyone.
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Russia here was so well-portrayed, his actions and mindset so understandable and well-layed out. I can definitely see why he'd be upset with Arthur for more than just the obvious, and the breath of fresh air at his logic, as opposed to madness, is lovely. Especially, the fact that he did it so that Matthew and Alfred wouldn't, that he did it so they wouldn't dirty themselves with seeking revenge.
As for Arthur, I trust that you'll be able to pull it off either way, Writernon, but I suppose if I really wanted to see one, I think the mental instability would be more interesting, mainly because you are most definitely right: even if he recovers, he is still at fault for his actions. As such, it would be interesting to see how he deals with what he did.
But, again, either way you choose to go in the end, you definitely have the skill to pull it off beautifully. <3
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Ivan wakes the next morning, not to the sound of his alarm clock, but to soft, gentle knocks on his door. Tentative. Scared.
He waits. When the person knocks again, soft but still timid, Ivan sighs, sits up, and puts on his scarf over his nightclothes. He readies himself for the looks of terror and opens the door.
“Ah - Ivan. Hey. I’m sorry if I woke you up.”
Ivan blinks.
Alfred is standing at his door, small smile on his face and two Styrofoam cups in his hands.
“I…it might be a bit late for this, but I think we can still catch a bit of the sunrise if we hurry.” He shifts a little, but flashes an awkward grin - not scared, not worried. Just awkward. “I thought it would be awesome if we could see it together.”
Ivan feels the edges of his mouth shake. His hands are steadier as he reaches up and takes a cup. He can’t speak, and so can’t tell Alfred that it’s too cloudy out, that they might not see anything.
When he can, he only says, “Yes, Alfred. That sounds wonderful indeed.”
___
Writernon realized her labeling fail, and so added one more part to fix it. She is duly embarrassed and apologizes for the formatting/writing failure.
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You have created something entirely different and wonderful. It's so healthy, so hopeful and so beautifully written. I love the way you write the characters and I am beyond delighted that you're still writing in this universe. Everything is so thoughtfully written, but sucks you in so very easily. The universe feels real and the character's actions (wonderfully!) make sense.
On that note, I'm personally leaning towards Arthur wanting to possess Alfred rather than mental derangement, since that's what makes more sense to me. Though I can see it working both ways, I've never really liked UK/US just because I can see it ending up like this rather too easily. Arthur has very complicated feelings towards Alfred and no really healthy way to express it.
However, your fic, your decision. I look forward to everything you write and thank you so much for updating so often!
(Also, Antonio is adorable. I love how he chooses to space out!)
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I just wrote some stuff about the "less special" motivation Arthur tells himself to justify his actions, but I don't know how you feel about the place of real-world politics in Hetalia fandom. Suffice to say, I think that was some smart storytelling.
Back to more emotional responses: Ivan. Thank you for this Ivan. You've teased out such wonderful layers and dimensions to his character; the words breathe. I don't know what else to say, except I hope you write in this 'verse for a long, long time to come.
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I'm only a student in psychology, though, so, like, I'd take my babbling with salt and all that. But there is no sort of disorder that causes that sort of behavior, just classifications to put that person under. Even if you say that the disorder wouldn't be an excuse... I'm trying to see how it wouldn't be, and not really grasping it. Because unbalanced chemicals can cause a lot of strange behavior (see: borderline!), but psychopathy is not one of them.
I really enjoy this fanfic, and I'm looking forward to what else you write in this verse. I'm sorry if I've overstepped my bounds or anything. I'd like to see where you go with everyone, including Arthur. Life is life: the world moves on. Arthur may one day be able to see what he did in a different light, and he may have to deal with that. He did something horrific. Can he forgive himself, can Alfred forgive him, can France/Canada/Russia/his sister forgive him, should anyone?- that's scary and ugly and probably would be a hard thing to write and to read. But considering how great and realistic the rest of the story was written, I think you could do it painfully well.
I'm sure whatever you write will be great. I just... yeah.
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...I will admit that I had the Nation's current economic states in mind when I thought of writing that. I remember reading in another fill that the UK will take the longest to recover from the economic crisis; I do not quite remember which one it was, though I could try to find it. It will take a lot of digging through the KM Archives, which I'm not quite up to doing at 3AM (my apologies).
My (admittedly very rough) theory was that Arthur's unstable economy was giving him an unstable mind as well, and his already-complicated relationship with Alfred just went out of control when Alfred wanted distance. Arthur would still serve full time, and it would not serve as an excuse for his actions - it would just be that over time, Arthur would come to his senses...and what comes after.
I still have not decided, anon, which way I want to go; I'd like the challenge, but I don't want to hurt anyone by being careless or stupid. Right now, that's why I'm mainly focusing on those who were left behind after Arthur's imprisonment. What's past is past. What's important now is how Alfred heals.
Thank you for your insight, anon. I hope you'll be well. Take care.
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As for the question of Arthur's mental state, I tend to agree with some of the previous anon commenters-- I'm not sure a mental illness could explain Arthur's extended abuse and mistreatment of Alfred, and it really seemed too calculated to be the behaviour of someone who's not sane. As another anon brought up, it doesn't seem too far-fetched to believe that the UK/US relationship could devolve along these lines.
Certainly Arthur's actions are the actions of a neurotic person, and a deeply troubled person, but I'm not sure that qualifies as mental instability. I kind of see him (in this universe you've created, not in Hetalia canon) as someone who's possessive and basically selfish, and can rationalize his bad behaviour, but sane enough in that he knows what he's doing. Hope that helps! These are just my thoughts, take with as many grains of salt as you like. I'm sure I'll enjoy it no matter what direction you decide to take!
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Thank you for your input, Anon! Glad you're enjoying this!
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