Motivation

[hesselives]

summary: a reason. (sequel to Retribution)

a/n: feel very free to tell me, "you watch too many movies, hesse" or "three drabbles don't make an actual story, hesse. stop spamming everyone."

Comments

[ze_zebra]

✩ it's golden, ok??? Your fic-in-parts is captivating. You made me miss winter. WINTER.

Noir deserves you. It's real good.

[hesselives]

you mean it doesn't sound too much like a bad mafia movie?? (because i'm re-reading it now, and that is pretty much how it comes off, lolol. but whatever gets me typing, i suppose.)

oh god, winter. i came up with that first paragraph after revisiting my unpleasant wintry memories of Michigan. aweijfa;lskdg-- i can't believe i made you miss WINTER. (what sorcery is this? xD)

and you have to know, my heart bursts every time you post or comment, because then i can breathe a sigh of relief and be all, ze hasn't left us! i know you hate PDA, darling, but-- *clings* you're too good to me, bb, always. thank you!!

[ze_zebra]

Pssshhhhh. Are you reading what I'm reading??? CLEARLY NOT. [I could actually list the things that would make me all >.< please, spare me the pain but that would be very gauche, coming from a mere lurker. If it makes you feel better though I will. Maybe.]

NO. It had elements of noir: atmospheric, gritty. (There's something else I wanted to say but I've had wine :) Hesse your writing is SUPER ELEGANT. I wish I had payed more attention to my lit classes so I could give it proper praise (w/ all the important words about structures and whatnot) and idk maybe you'd be able to see this the way I do (and how corny is that?)

(you make me blush)

[hesselives]

it would! and not gauche at all, i promise. :D i'm always, always up for concrit.

oh man, i wish i had some wine right now. ♥ and thank you for saying such nice things, bb! i tend to see the cogs before i see the machine, so each sentence seems like a disconnected cog to me. it doesn't quite link up to the next, so there's a bit of a broken flow as i struggle to see the whole story. (i don't know if that makes any sense, but that's essentially what happens with everything i write. haha.) one crit i got some time ago was that i favor style over substance, which is absolutely true. but it's much harder to deviate from that path than i first thought. my writing tends to lean towards Emotions First, Logic Later. (which is strange, because i am all about Logic First, Emotions Later whenever i make decisions and handle relationships irl.)

(okay, i'm going to stop blathering now! /O\)

[ze_zebra]

i've been sitting trying to sort things out but I can't :( I don't really get how to separate style and substance, in your case at least. Maybe it's because I love the "negative space" in your work, the weight of things left unsaid, the way the surroundings can reflect your characters' headspace. So, um, no? Idk if the story-line evolved around explosions! helicopters! nuclear bunkers! then yep, subtlety would be out of place.

(these clogs do not feel disconnected to me. I mean is your thinking process completely linear? Not the best comparison but still...)

Ps. funny, I think I've been all about emotions first, logic later in my relationships. Up until I realized that all these angles I was trying to suppress, well that wasn't doing me any favors and that I could not spend a lifetime compensating for what I believed to be prominent flaws. Does this make any sense whatsoever??

[hesselives]

your analysis humbles me, bb. *grin* ♥ as much as i do enjoy explosions and helicopters and nuclear bunkers, subtlety will always be the preferred route.

(most of time, but not always. haha. it might be a side-effect of my stylistic choices, too, because i tend to keep my sentences terse.)

i think i understand, in part. :) do you mean that you initially believed the Logic First part of you would've hurt your relationships in some way? sometimes, i struggle with Logic First with regards to my relationship with my mother, because she knows exactly which buttons to press. and then it becomes very difficult for me to keep my emotions in check. i find that Logic First usually serves me well in keeping away from drama among my friends, lol. but at other times (e.g. love life)....it doesn't. i don't know! maybe i'm just a big scaredy-cat. heh.

[ze_zebra]

Simply put, I expected my romantic relationships to compensate for all of the things that bothered me in my life. I just wanted the other person to love me so I could love myself. I thought that by suppressing certain parts of my *lovely* personality I'd get there; that idk, I'd be able to become someone else (someone who's not about Logic First). GAH. The results were if not disastrous, pretty hilarious.

(My mother and I do not really talk.)