Inherently Given
So, I'm not sure how I feel today. I'm not crying, so that's good. I kind of feel empty sad. Like, it's sad, but it's empty, so I don't feel the need to express the sad, if that makes any sense?
I saw my therapist last night, and I don't know if she was sticking up for Cute IS Guy or just trying to make me feel like, hey, maybe this isn't as bad as you think because YOU are not as bad as you think. Cute IS Guy had said that this girl wasn't serious, and he wasn't ruling him and me out and blah blah blah blah blah. Therapist was like, "seeing" her may mean that he's seen her once. And when I called him a liar and a coward, she told me that based on emails from him that I had shown her that she didn't think that was the case. And when I told her that as far as I was concerned, he never cared for me one bit and has, in fact, spent the last 9 months dicking me around for his own amusement, she told me that again, that didn't seem like him. WTF? I'm like, look, he didn't tell me he was seeing someone else, he has been leading me on for whatever reason, and I don't think this is because I think I'm that bad.
Oh yeah, and he wasn't at work yesterday, and he's not in today.
Now, this could be because he had scheduled these two days off.
I, however, prefer to believe that he is too scared of me to face me. And I could be right.
If I cannot inspire love, I WILL inspire fear.