FOR REAL.
(I HAVE NO SHAME. ALSO THIS ISN'T MY FAULT. NICE GOING, liketheroad.)
*left as a comment on liketheroad's journal about the way a hooker&john story can be written about Toews and Kaner.
Holy shit, now I'm trying to rationalize in my head all of the ways Kaner would need to have a pimp to help him set up, since his sex appeal isn't at the highest level for a hooker.
Sharpy laughs forever and slaps him on the ass when Kaner tries to hip thrust in an uber sexual manner, and then Kaner glowers at him dejectedly and sulks away. Kaner is new and trying to make his way in a shady world. He's gotta make a living, okay.
Meanwhile, Tazer is in his car, brooding and ashamed about the fact that he is about to pick up a hooker, since, hello -- he's Jonathan Toews. (But, like, he might sort of be into guys, and this is probably the safest way to find out if that's true or not.) Anway, he's drumming his fingers nervously on the wheel, all tensed up in his seat and actually glaring at anyone that tries to approach his car. Which sort of defeats the purpose of him being there and having his window down, but whatever. A guy with pouty lips and a wobbling walk starts to bravely make his way slowly toward the car and Tazer is about to send him away with an indignant shooing motion of the hand (with the bonus of a raised eyebrow of disbelief), when he catches a short, funny looking guy imitating an overtly sexual hip thrust all up in a hot dude's space, and Tazer laughs. Everything about the guy is ridiculous.
Tazer's face scrunches up in a half-smile as the guy gets slapped on the ass and turned away from Hot Guy (so out of his league, Tazer won't even pretend to entertain the fantasy for more than a second), and honks his horn to get Short Guy's attention when it looks like he's leaving his corner. Unfortunately, right as SG figures out that Tazer is motioning him forward (he freezes in his steps, looking wide-eyed, and actually points to himself), a few other hookers push-pull-run up to his open window and start posing seductively and shit. Tazer has no time for that so he shouts, "My god, can you guys back off? I asked for the midget!" It works, more or less. Sure, they throw him glares and flip him the bird, but SG has already fought his way through them and slams the door of Tazer's ninety thousand dollar car when he literally hops inside.
Tazer shakes his head in disapproval, and takes a measuring look at SG. SG looks at him with a hugely excited smile on his face, that is bordering on manic.
Tazer says, "Dude, please. Cut it out with the creepy smile. It's not hot."
SG blinks at him quizzically, smile wavering as Tazer continues to openly judge his entire get-up hardcore, and, at last, rolls his eyes and slumps against the window. He mutters, "Oh, fine, whatever, man." Tazer thinks he hears him also mutter something like mumble mumble weird motherfucker mumble, but that might just be him. The immediate bored disinterest of SG's demeanor soothes Tazer's soul, in a way, so he says, "Fine, you'll do," and ignores the (mocking) snort SG lets out.
It pains Tazer an unholy amount when he pulls away from the curb, but he needs to do something about the fact that he might be semi-gay, since it has been messing with his head for months and negatively interfering with his super important duties as captain.
He's doing it for the team, as always, and the knowledge of that simple fact helps him steadfastly move ahead with his experiment.*
Like, why is Jonathan Toews such an unrepentant asshole? Why does he make so much sense in my head? What does that ultimately say about me? Lord help me.
(HI HI HI EVERYBODY.)
*left as a comment on liketheroad's journal about the way a hooker&john story can be written about Toews and Kaner.
Holy shit, now I'm trying to rationalize in my head all of the ways Kaner would need to have a pimp to help him set up, since his sex appeal isn't at the highest level for a hooker.
Sharpy laughs forever and slaps him on the ass when Kaner tries to hip thrust in an uber sexual manner, and then Kaner glowers at him dejectedly and sulks away. Kaner is new and trying to make his way in a shady world. He's gotta make a living, okay.
Meanwhile, Tazer is in his car, brooding and ashamed about the fact that he is about to pick up a hooker, since, hello -- he's Jonathan Toews. (But, like, he might sort of be into guys, and this is probably the safest way to find out if that's true or not.) Anway, he's drumming his fingers nervously on the wheel, all tensed up in his seat and actually glaring at anyone that tries to approach his car. Which sort of defeats the purpose of him being there and having his window down, but whatever. A guy with pouty lips and a wobbling walk starts to bravely make his way slowly toward the car and Tazer is about to send him away with an indignant shooing motion of the hand (with the bonus of a raised eyebrow of disbelief), when he catches a short, funny looking guy imitating an overtly sexual hip thrust all up in a hot dude's space, and Tazer laughs. Everything about the guy is ridiculous.
Tazer's face scrunches up in a half-smile as the guy gets slapped on the ass and turned away from Hot Guy (so out of his league, Tazer won't even pretend to entertain the fantasy for more than a second), and honks his horn to get Short Guy's attention when it looks like he's leaving his corner. Unfortunately, right as SG figures out that Tazer is motioning him forward (he freezes in his steps, looking wide-eyed, and actually points to himself), a few other hookers push-pull-run up to his open window and start posing seductively and shit. Tazer has no time for that so he shouts, "My god, can you guys back off? I asked for the midget!" It works, more or less. Sure, they throw him glares and flip him the bird, but SG has already fought his way through them and slams the door of Tazer's ninety thousand dollar car when he literally hops inside.
Tazer shakes his head in disapproval, and takes a measuring look at SG. SG looks at him with a hugely excited smile on his face, that is bordering on manic.
Tazer says, "Dude, please. Cut it out with the creepy smile. It's not hot."
SG blinks at him quizzically, smile wavering as Tazer continues to openly judge his entire get-up hardcore, and, at last, rolls his eyes and slumps against the window. He mutters, "Oh, fine, whatever, man." Tazer thinks he hears him also mutter something like mumble mumble weird motherfucker mumble, but that might just be him. The immediate bored disinterest of SG's demeanor soothes Tazer's soul, in a way, so he says, "Fine, you'll do," and ignores the (mocking) snort SG lets out.
It pains Tazer an unholy amount when he pulls away from the curb, but he needs to do something about the fact that he might be semi-gay, since it has been messing with his head for months and negatively interfering with his super important duties as captain.
He's doing it for the team, as always, and the knowledge of that simple fact helps him steadfastly move ahead with his experiment.*
Like, why is Jonathan Toews such an unrepentant asshole? Why does he make so much sense in my head? What does that ultimately say about me? Lord help me.
(HI HI HI EVERYBODY.)