Wow =/
Last night I seriously had a heart to heart with Vanessa. I had tears in my eyes. She told me she talked to him and told him to apologize to me and try to be friends with me. He told her he would talk to me, so I guess we will see later. I was like Vanessa, he honestly does need to talk to me because I dont want us to be broken up on bad terms and hate each other the rest of our lives. That and I dont want to be kickin myself in the ass if something happens to one of us and we dont ever talk to each other again and I dont want either one of us to leave this world hating on each other. Vanessa said he said give him time he dont wanna talk face to face. I'm in love with this boy and all I want is nothing in this world except me and him to work on shit. He told her that he doesn't want to be together right now but a friend is all he can offer right now. He told her to tell me to move on. And I was like Vanessa, it's so friggin hard for me to just move on because I've been in love with this boy since day one. And I've known since day one that me and him are meant to be together. That we're supposed to be together. I still feel that way. Even after all the shit that has happened to us. The fights, the break ups, the bad times. I still think we're meant to be together. And I am doing me right now and doing is me is waiting around for him. That's what my heart is telling me to do. It dont matter what he dont want me to do it's what I want to do and what my heart is telling me to do. its so hard to just talk to him without breaking into tears and its so hard to talk about this right now without crying and im seriously like holding it the fck back. He doesn't know what it's like to be so much in love with someone and have them not love you back. It hurts.
And another thing that has bothering me lately is I hate people walking in and out of my life. He knows that. I've had my real father walk in and out of my life. My stepdad walk in and out of my life like a million times. And Ricky he walked in and out of my life 4 times. But no matter how many times I take him back. No one can love him as much as I love him. No one else would put up with the bullshit that he has put me through except me. Because I'm in love with him that much. And he knows how hard it is for me to let go. Because if it was easy for me I would have moved on from him the first time we broke up. But I'm done writing for now. And hopefully when he comes on from work later we can try and talk. And I honestly hope he reads this. Because he needs to. But I'm done now. I'm gonna go get a shower. Be good kiddoz.
And another thing that has bothering me lately is I hate people walking in and out of my life. He knows that. I've had my real father walk in and out of my life. My stepdad walk in and out of my life like a million times. And Ricky he walked in and out of my life 4 times. But no matter how many times I take him back. No one can love him as much as I love him. No one else would put up with the bullshit that he has put me through except me. Because I'm in love with him that much. And he knows how hard it is for me to let go. Because if it was easy for me I would have moved on from him the first time we broke up. But I'm done writing for now. And hopefully when he comes on from work later we can try and talk. And I honestly hope he reads this. Because he needs to. But I'm done now. I'm gonna go get a shower. Be good kiddoz.