...Push Over...
Well, I thought about it. And I am really unhappy with my life. Yeah, I walk around like everything is all hunky dory, but in reality I am not happy. I spend 90% of my time catering to what other people want rather than catering to or even thinking about myself. I drop things that I have to do so that I can do things for other people so that they can be happy. In the end, Im unhappy and have nothing left for myself. Alot of people tell me I'm a push-over and I let people walk over me, but you know I never really get upset or really think about it until someone criticizes me for being too nice. I barely even notice. And when someone like Roscoe bluntly confront me about it, I can't do anything but feel bad about myself even though it felt good that I was making someone else happy. My dad constantly reminds me that people know that I can't say no and they take advantage of my kindness though its not my obligation to do things for them, but its just something about people disliking me. I really hate this about myself. I try to be happy, but it seems that what other people want always gets in the way of what I want and need for me. I will never be able to be myself if I continue to do what other people want and forget about me. I really want to be happy, but then again I don't want people to hate me because they think I'm being mean. My life is so messed up and I just want to be happy. Is that so much to ask? I hate the way I am. I just want to be a normal person. Why can't I be selfish for once in my life?