playing safe...
I was on my way to the supermarket when I passed by a music stall and I couldn't help but stare at the instruments on display -- the guitars, the violins, and yes, the keyboards! I miss them so much that I went near to look at their features, and of course, their big prices! I do this everytime I pass by a music stall, thinking that someday, I'd be able to have money enough to buy a Yamaha or a Korg or perhaps, my eldest sister would be kind enough to ask me what I'd like for a birthday present.
The last time I played a keyboard was on November, 2009 so you can imagine how much I miss it. It was my semestral break and I was asked to play with my ex-teammates in the music ministry (I stepped out of it when I went studying here in Manila.) for a small gathering of churches in the temple mount (Yes, it really is a mount where you can have a quiet time with God and pray as long as you want.). When I was playing, I realized how much I miss being a part of the music ministry but I was so busy in my academic affairs that I couldn't even remember to look for a string to replace the broken one on my guitar. The truth is that there are many opportunities for me to get involved again but I don't grab them for fear that I'd not be able to focus on my time-requiring subjects. Our dorm band's looking for instrument players and my church here in Manila's open for volunteers but I don't dare go to the open. I keep on reminding myself that even now that I have not so much things to attend to, I'm barely catching up in school. then, I'd hate myself for picking a course that eats up so much of my time so that I don't have much left for God, for my relationships, and for myself. But actually, I know perfectly well that it all boils down to time management yet I don't wanna try because I keep playing safe. Behind the brave facade, I'm really a coward. I keep telling myself that I miss getting into music. God gives me opportunities. I decline without giving a chance. Because I hate risks. I hate failures.
I hate being hurt.
The last time I played a keyboard was on November, 2009 so you can imagine how much I miss it. It was my semestral break and I was asked to play with my ex-teammates in the music ministry (I stepped out of it when I went studying here in Manila.) for a small gathering of churches in the temple mount (Yes, it really is a mount where you can have a quiet time with God and pray as long as you want.). When I was playing, I realized how much I miss being a part of the music ministry but I was so busy in my academic affairs that I couldn't even remember to look for a string to replace the broken one on my guitar. The truth is that there are many opportunities for me to get involved again but I don't grab them for fear that I'd not be able to focus on my time-requiring subjects. Our dorm band's looking for instrument players and my church here in Manila's open for volunteers but I don't dare go to the open. I keep on reminding myself that even now that I have not so much things to attend to, I'm barely catching up in school. then, I'd hate myself for picking a course that eats up so much of my time so that I don't have much left for God, for my relationships, and for myself. But actually, I know perfectly well that it all boils down to time management yet I don't wanna try because I keep playing safe. Behind the brave facade, I'm really a coward. I keep telling myself that I miss getting into music. God gives me opportunities. I decline without giving a chance. Because I hate risks. I hate failures.
I hate being hurt.