first letter...
May, 2006
Dear Noah,
How can i learn to forget you? Of all the feelings you've made me feel, it seems so impossible. Everytime i make an attempt, i always fail. 'Cause your memory haunts me and even if i try to run away from it, i can't because i don't want to lose it.
And what do i do whenever you cross my mind in the wee hours of night before sleep? Instead of drifting off to something else, i let myself drown in the mere moments of our few encounters. Absorbing everything. Unwilling to forget.
And what remedy do i give myself after reopening ancient wounds of infatuation; after hearing hearsays of your involvements; after watching you rendezvous with someone else? None. Becaure my stubborn heart can't even try to help cure the pain by learning to forget.
Yes, my stupid ego helps me keep the cool by making me feel numb, by telling myself and everyone else that i'm not jealous, that i don't care a bit. But i do. The lot i do. And by now, i realiye and reluctantly admit that actually, i'm just desperately keeping myself blind.
But, even if my pride makes things quite bearable, it isn't enough. It's merely a miniscule dot in the vast pool of the situation. And i hate myself for just sitting here confused, deliberately but helplessly telling my naive and foolish self to find something to ease the hurt i constantly endure, and making a fool of myself in writing this letter in hope for your attention; still searching the crowd for your face; flinching at the slightest mention of your name.
Allie
Yahoo! Mail Now Faster and Cleaner. Experience it at http://ph.mail.yahoo.com today!
Dear Noah,
How can i learn to forget you? Of all the feelings you've made me feel, it seems so impossible. Everytime i make an attempt, i always fail. 'Cause your memory haunts me and even if i try to run away from it, i can't because i don't want to lose it.
And what do i do whenever you cross my mind in the wee hours of night before sleep? Instead of drifting off to something else, i let myself drown in the mere moments of our few encounters. Absorbing everything. Unwilling to forget.
And what remedy do i give myself after reopening ancient wounds of infatuation; after hearing hearsays of your involvements; after watching you rendezvous with someone else? None. Becaure my stubborn heart can't even try to help cure the pain by learning to forget.
Yes, my stupid ego helps me keep the cool by making me feel numb, by telling myself and everyone else that i'm not jealous, that i don't care a bit. But i do. The lot i do. And by now, i realiye and reluctantly admit that actually, i'm just desperately keeping myself blind.
But, even if my pride makes things quite bearable, it isn't enough. It's merely a miniscule dot in the vast pool of the situation. And i hate myself for just sitting here confused, deliberately but helplessly telling my naive and foolish self to find something to ease the hurt i constantly endure, and making a fool of myself in writing this letter in hope for your attention; still searching the crowd for your face; flinching at the slightest mention of your name.
Allie
Yahoo! Mail Now Faster and Cleaner. Experience it at http://ph.mail.yahoo.com today!