Nostalgia is not for the win.

[herprettynoises]

As much as I try not to think about the past it still has a way of coming back up. I miss everyone, and I miss the way things used to be. 'Distant' would be the perfect word to describe most of my relationships with people. I don't feel as connected. I don't feel like I'm "in" with what is going on with everyone and it makes me sad. I want my friends back. What wouldn't I give to spend every day with Tyler again, being completely ridiculous in McDonald's parking lot or tweaking out at Rite Aid. What wouldn't I give to hang out with Jessie and know what was going on, or have something to talk about. What wouldn't I give to see Ruben again and sit in my car for hours talking about each and every thing. What wouldn't I give to be close to Gill, like everyone else seems to be except myself. I feel like I'm pounding on the this door begging to be let in and know whats going on and be close to someone yet there is never an answer. There are so many people I could go on about but I'll stop here.

I just really want things to be the way they used to be. Before I felt so self-conscious and sad.
I feel like I've lost everyone, I feel so much change. Change is inevitable, I know this. It's part of growing up.
I guess that some mornings I wake up and despise growing up.