VM: Only Hope, Chapter 6 (Logan/Veronica)
TITLE: Only Hope, Chapter Six
AUTHOR: herowlness/Lizzy
RATING: PG13 thus far; will be R later
CHARACTER/PAIRING: Logan/Veronica (eventually); also Wallace (this chapter)
SPOILERS: Diverges from canon near the end of 1x15, but has some spoilers through 1x21
WORD COUNT (chapter): 3,534
WORD COUNT (in total): 18,920
DISCLAIMER: Not mine.
SUMMARY: When one thinks that they've lost their way, hope will be there to lead them home.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Many thanks to sarah_p for her mad beta skills. Any errors within are mine.
THANKS ALSO TO: afrocurl, bfragrant, and verycleanindeed
CHAPTER SIX
Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.
-Anonymous
The fast-paced swing beat has Logan and Veronica stepping swiftly forward and back, moving with surprising synchronicity from side to side. They haven't danced together in years, but their nonverbal communication is still top-notch. She allows him to twirl her into spins, able to see what he’s planning on a face she can still read so well.
When the song comes to an end, Logan twirls her again and again and again until she's dizzy and completely off-balance. When he finally stops, she only keeps from stumbling by using his strong arms to brace herself. As the soft strains of a more soothing beat fill the air, Veronica naturally relaxes further into Logan's embrace.
"Another dance?" he asks, and she nods without thinking twice. She does need to catch her breath, after all, and she finally has her opportunity to find out more about Logan's family.
"Esperanza's adorable." She knows she's stating the obvious, but she loves the proud, paternal smile that spreads across his face.
"Yeah, she's my little angel."
"She certainly doesn't get her good looks from you," she teases, and he smirks in response.
It's a lie, and they both know it. She's not about to tell him that, if anything, he's better looking now than he was in high school. He's still got the same charismatic grin and engaging brown eyes, and he's finally lost that cloud of danger and self-destruction that had seemed to follow him everywhere.
"Does she take after her mother?" she probes.
"We have some of Cara's baby pictures at home. They look so alike it's unbelievable."
"I have to admit, I was a bit surprised when I first met Esperanza." Logan can't hold in his snort of disbelief at what he probably considers to be the understatement of the century, so she raises a querulous eyebrow in response. "What?"
"A little surprised? Veronica, if your jaw had dropped any more, you would have been indistinguishable with the prehistoric pygmies."
"You're such a jackass sometimes," she admonishes, but her words lack venom. She pauses before asking how he met Cara.
"Be honest, Veronica. What you're really wondering is how I ended up hearing the pitter-patter of little feet, right?" At her nod, a knowing grin spreads across his face. "To be honest, when Cara first told me she was pregnant, I was freaking out. Once it sunk in, I tried to do the right thing and propose, but she turned me down."
"Ooooh," Veronica responds, a teasing glint in her eyes. "So there actually is a woman who's resistant to the dangerous Echolls charm?"
"Hardly the point, Veronica." Logan responds, his normally expressive eyes lacking their usual fire. "About two months before she was due, she was in a car accident. Middle of winter, icy roads … It was, uh … It was pretty bad. I got called down to the hospital, and they did an emergency C-section to try to save Esperanza."
Veronica inwardly winces, feeling terrible about the insensitive jab she'd aimed at Logan moments earlier. Here he is, opening up to her, telling her about his life like she'd asked, and she can't stop letting out the typical snarky comments, which are hardly appropriate in this sort of situation,
She'll do or say anything to maintain her much-cherished emotional distance - especially around Logan.
"I'm sorry," she whispers. "So, so sorry."
"Don't worry about it, Veronica." She's not just apologizing out of sympathy, and from the look in his eyes, he knows it. The words lie unspoken between them, and his unequivocal shrug tells her that he understands why she tried to fall back on their usual banter.
"It was early - Cara wasn’t even thiry weeks along when she got in the accident, so Esperanza spent her first three and a half weeks in the neonatal ICU. Those were the longest days of my life. Cara was gone, and I was so damn afraid. But I had hope - that she'd be okay, that I'd be a good father. Cara was second-generation Mexican-American, so I named her Esperanza. We'd never talked about what we'd call her, but that just felt right, you know?"
"It's perfect, Logan, and I'm sure Cara would agree."
"Thanks." His smile isn't as confident as usual, but if anything, it looks more genuine, more real. This sentimental side of Logan is one Veronica certainly isn't accustomed to seeing, and it almost makes her a bit uncomfortable.
This is Logan Echolls after all. The king of sarcasm and wit. And instead of acting like the Logan she remembers and the Logan she spent time with earlier that morning, he's steadily meeting her eyes with an expression that is completely unnerving.
***
Veronica lowers her eyes after a few moments, and Logan knows that she's uncomfortable with the direction their conversation has taken. He knows as well as she does that he's changed. To her, though, the changes are a more sudden shock when compared with the gradual evolution he experienced.
Definitely time to talk about something else, something that will make Veronica relax again.
She's looking to the side now, probably wondering what her boyfriend's up to. Last Logan checked, he was talking with Mr. Mars. Probably making nice with the father of his girlfriend.
He honestly doesn’t know what to make of Nick. Something about the guy bothers him, but he apparently makes Veronica happy - and that's what matters. After everything she went through in high school, it's about time that things go her way.
"Mrs. Navarro really has a way with kids, doesn't she?" Veronica asks, pulling him from his introspective evaluation.
"Why else do you think I enticed her out of retirement?" Logan responds with a grin, shoving the deeper thoughts from his mind. Time to make their conversation more light-hearted; time to put Veronica more at ease. "There's no one else I'd trust with my little girl, and I always thought of her like my own mother."
"Which, what, would make Weevil like your brother?" she teases, mischief dancing in her eyes.
"Well, actually … " he begins softly before trailing off. When he sees Veronica's resultant jaw drop, he feels a surge of victory.
"No," she responds in disbelief. "Not - Weevil? And Trina?"
Logan bites his lip, hoping that she's too surprised by the conclusion she's drawn to look too closely at his own expression. Once he's sure he's got his own internal amusement under control, he nods and is rewarded with seeing Veronica's eyes widen in absolute shock.
He can't hold it in any longer. It’s simply an impossible feat. He thought he'd be able to hold out a little longer, but with Veronica mimicking a blonde-haired bug looking for its next meal, he simply can’t.
He laughs and laughs and laughs, unable to stop even after Veronica replaces her look of shock with one of annoyance. "I'm sorry," he gets out, breathless now. "I just - your face," he tries to explain.
Veronica rolls her eyes as Logan takes a few deep breaths and tries to calm himself down. "Ass," she says while swatting his arm lightly.
"I'm sorry," he apologizes, more contrite now that he's managed to get ahold of himself. "I just, I never even thought about that, and the fact that you'd even ask - it was too good of an opportunity to pass up."
"Fine. Take advantage of the girl who's been out of town for most of the last seven years. Still picking on the underdog, Echolls?"
"Anyone who considers you to be the underdog clearly doesn't know you that well, Mars."
From the look she aims at him, he knows that Veronica isn't used to having people challenge her anymore. He can't understand that - he almost enjoys seeing sparks fly in Veronica's eyes more than having her tremble under his touch.
Key word being almost. He might love getting her all riled up, but he’s still a man.
"No, Trina's still sleeping her way through Hollywood, following in my dad's footsteps. Weevil actually owns an auto repair shop."
She raises an eyebrow. "Is that so?"
"You remember Carmen, right?" At her nod, he continues, "They're married now - really happy with two little boys. Anyhow, Carmen's grandfather started up this garage in Santa Ana after he came to the US. When he was ready to retire, he offered it to Weevil. He goes by Eli now, though. Makes him sound more professional or something, he says. Doesn't stop Felix from yelling for 'Weevil' at the garage, but he tries."
"Felix is working for Weevil now?" Veronica's smile widens, and Logan's glad for it. "He always did like following Weevil around, didn't he?"
"Old habits die hard," he agrees.
The song draws to a close, and he releases his dancing partner. While it was good to catch up, if they spend too much time together, she's going to start asking questions he'd prefer to avoid.
"Thank you for the dance, milady." He bows cordially and tips an imaginary hat in her direction.
She shakes her head, eyes filled with mirth. "It was my pleasure, good sir."
He takes her arm to escort her back to her boyfriend, and she goes willingly. They're about twenty feet away when she turns her head towards him. "One more question, Logan."
His breath catches in his chest as he wonders how he's going to answer the question she's certain to ask.
She pauses, with the question he's dreading most certainly perched on the tip of her tongue. "Why weren't you at the rehearsal last night? Just think of all the fun we could have had!"
And then he’s able to breathe once more.
"Don't you mean all the trouble we would have caused?" he teases, thankful that he's dodged the bullet - for the moment, at least.
She rolls her eyes. "Answer the damn question already, would you?"
"Esperanza's preschool had a talent show last night. She's been practicing her ballet routine with her friends for weeks, and she was so excited. I wouldn't have missed it for the world." His gaze searches the crowd for his young daughter, who looks to be showing off some of the aforementioned ballet moves to Wallace. "Besides, all I had to do today was walk down the aisle with you - and , believe it or not, but I've been walking for almost twenty-four years now."
"I'll have to see if I can persuade Esperanza to do her ballet routine for me sometime while I'm in town."
"You'll be around for a few more days then?" To say Logan is surprised is certainly an understatement. From what he heard from Duncan, she'd been back to Neptune only a handful of times since after graduation, none of them for any more than a long weekend. He'd figured that she would be on a plane back early the next morning.
"I have some vacation time coming to me, so I thought that as long as I was flying out here for Duncan's wedding, I'd spend some time with my family."
A pleased smile spreads across his face. "You’ll have to come out to our place sometime - dinner, followed by her performance?"
"Sounds like a plan," she affirms. "It's been great talking with you, Logan."
He nods in agreement, moving to scoop Esperanza into his arms. It'd been good to spend some time with Veronica. He hadn't realized he'd missed her so much until seeing her that morning.
Even now, he sometimes questions his decision to cut off communication with her. It was a difficult one, to say the least. He'd second-guessed himself repeatedly then, having started a good half-dozen responses to each of her inquiries that all went unsent.
It was for the best - for him and, honestly, for her as well. Not that she'd see it that way, of course. No, she'd be beyond pissed when he told her, but at least he'd escaped the hangman's noose for the time being.
She wanted to know. She deserved to know. And he'd tell her. He would. Just, not here. Not now. Duncan's wedding reception shouldn't be marred by the all-out bitching that he'd get, that he'd deserve.
When she comes to dinner, whenever that will be, if he can get her alone, he'll tell her then.
She deserves to know. She does.
Just … not yet.
***
As much as she'd wanted to ask Logan The Question, she couldn’t. She'd been ready, but when she was poised to ask it, she saw the fear and resignation in his eyes and just hadn't been able to follow through with it. His look all but confirmed her suspicion that the answer wasn't one that she would be happy to hear, and she figured that bombshell could wait for another day.
She has a few more weeks in Neptune - plenty of time in which to get the answers she wants, that she needs. Lilly's death may have taught her that knowing the ‘why’ may not change anything, but she hopes hearing his reasons will help her deal with her continued confusion over his puzzling decision.
It's not like she really expected that anything would happen between her and Logan, not with them going to two different colleges in two different time zones. But she had missed his friendship. She had missed him.
When she goes to his place for dinner, she'll get her answers or there will be hell to pay.
Still, it was nice to talk to Logan, to get a better picture of who he's become and what his life is like.
"Looking good out there, Mars."
She turns to see Wallace behind her. "And I noticed that you were getting a front-row seat to Esperanza's dancing feet."
"Girl's got skills." He places an arm over her shoulder, and motions to all that surrounds them. "Now, just think - if you moved back to California, all this could be yours."
"Just add it to the Pro/Con list you've been working on," she responds, elbowing him in the side.
"C'mon, Veronica. At least pretend that it'll be hard for you to leave us all behind when you fly back to New York."
"It will be," she responds honestly. "But my job is there. My life is there. It's not here, not anymore."
"You could find a job here, and so could Nick. Believe it or not, we do have universities here in California, and people do occasionally take pictures around these parts."
She knows he's right, but she likes her life in New York. She misses her family and friends, true enough, but she doesn't belong here. She considers telling him about Casey and his job offer but decides against it, knowing that it'll only make him even more persistent.
Her life is just that - hers. Any decisions about it are hers to make.
Changing the subject, Veronica fills him in on some of what Logan told her. He gets the abbreviated version, of course, allowing her to breeze through the story without thinking too much about what Logan has been through, about how he had been thrown into the fire, about the way his eyes had darkened with grief as he got further into his narrative.
Above all, she avoids focusing on how he had been able to not only survive but thrive throughout it all - and without any help from her.
"So you didn't know about Esperanza?" Veronica asks, fairly confident that Wallace was as much in the dark as she was but wanting to be certain that she wouldn't have to kick his ass later.
He shakes his head. "Today's the first time I saw him since we went to college. I didn't have a clue."
"Figured as much. I had no idea Duncan was so good at keeping secrets."
Before Wallace can respond, Duncan takes the deejay's microphone to thank everyone for celebrating his and Angela’s special day with them. They're heading to the airport for their honeymoon, but first, Angela needs to throw the bouquet.
Veronica had half-hoped that she'd be able to escape taking part in this cheesy tradition, but Wallace insistently escorts her onto the dance floor as her family cheers him on. She doesn't want the damn bouquet, and she doesn't want to get married. Why should she be out here anyway? It would be better to leave these sorts of things to those who actually enjoy them, right?
Before she registers what's happening, she feels something hit her in the chest and instinctively reaches to grab it before it falls to the ground. Dully, she looks down and sees the bouquet in her hands. She wants to pass it off to someone else, to someone who actually wants it, but it's Duncan's wedding, and he looks so damn happy that his sister just caught the bouquet. She can't ruin this for him; he means too much to her.
So instead she smiles and waves the bouquet of white roses high above her head. This isn't her finest moment, but she doesn't believe that bullshit about how she'll be the next to marry. It's not like it's any hardship to carry around a bunch of roses anyhow.
While the bachelors gather behind Duncan for the tossing of the garter, Veronica moves to the periphery of the crowd. Feeling a slight tugging at her dress, she looks down, not surprised to see Esperanza's cherubic face smiling up at her.
"Can I see the be-kay?"
Veronica is puzzled for a moment before realizing what the little girl wants. "Why don't you hold it?" she suggests, happily handing over the flowers and pulling the little girl into her arms. While she may not want kids of her own right now, or, well, ever, Esperanza is adorable enough for Veronica to enjoy spending time with her.
She thinks she'd make a good Aunt Veronica. That way, Wallace or Duncan can have all the grandchildren that her parents are so anxious for, and she can just spoil them with presents and hand them back to their parents whenever they start fussing. Seems like a win-win situation to her.
She hears raucous cheering - out of the ordinary for the upscale crowd attending Duncan's wedding. She moves closer to the action, half-expecting to see her friends wrestling over the garter.
Instead, she sees Logan holding the garter aloft with Duncan, Wallace, and Casey congratulating him on his catch. She smells a rat. A big one, who apparently took care to aim his throw in a particular direction. The question is, why?
Veronica can't understand why Duncan would want to go out of his way to make sure that she and Logan danced together. It's not like they didn't already dance earlier in the evening, and it's not like anything is going to happen between them, romantically, now.
She's happy with her life in New York with Nick. And Logan is happily settled here in California. No matter how adorable Esperanza is, Veronica is not ready or willing to get involved with anyone who has children. Besides, it just wouldn't work between her and Logan anymore, no matter what the circumstances.
As the music starts up for the traditional dance, Veronica wonders if she'll be able to defer to Esperanza, letting her dance with her father. If the look in Duncan's eyes is any indication, that's a long shot. Resigned, she allows Logan to lead her around the dance floor in a simple waltz.
It's not that Logan's a bad dancer or that she doesn't enjoy dancing with him. Not at all. It's just … She's tired of the demands, of the pressure that she always feels thrust upon her here. That's a big reason why she has no interest in moving back to California, or Neptune in particular. She doesn't feel comfortable here, and she hasn’t really felt like she's belonged since Lilly died. The revelations regarding her fucked-up family situation really didn't make things any easier.
Her dream isn't traditional - not for Neptune at least. She doesn't want to stay at home and play Suzie Homemaker while her rich, successful husband goes off to work each day. She doesn't want the cozy home with the two-point-five kids and the white picket fence.
She wants to live her own life and have professional accomplishments of her own to be proud of.
God, she misses New York already. There, she's just one out of a few million, and her status as Jake Kane's daughter is hardly notable when there are actual celebrities all around. She's able to be herself, Veronica Mars, and that's just the way she likes it.
As their dance draws to a close, she flashes Logan a weak smile. It's not his fault they were manipulated into this situation, and at least he was kind enough to dance with the heavy silence hanging between them, leaving her to focus on her thoughts.
"I'll get your bouquet from Esperanza before we leave," he promises as they leave the dance floor to say their goodbyes to the newlyweds.
"She'll enjoy it more than I will, Logan. Don't worry about it."
Chapter Seven
Well, I don't have anything else written as of yet [no time!], so I can't make promises on when more will be posted. Hopefully soon, but - again - no promises. I'll make a flocked post here, though, when I start making progress again. :)
Otherwise, I'd love to hear what you thought - what you loved, what surprised you, and what you're still dying to know! Of course, any predictions that you have are always welcome - not that I'll be giving anything away quite yet though. ;) [but, hey, at least one of your questions got answered, right? :D] And, of course, any problems or constructive criticism that you have are more than welcome as well.
Thanks so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it! :D
AUTHOR: herowlness/Lizzy
RATING: PG13 thus far; will be R later
CHARACTER/PAIRING: Logan/Veronica (eventually); also Wallace (this chapter)
SPOILERS: Diverges from canon near the end of 1x15, but has some spoilers through 1x21
WORD COUNT (chapter): 3,534
WORD COUNT (in total): 18,920
DISCLAIMER: Not mine.
SUMMARY: When one thinks that they've lost their way, hope will be there to lead them home.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Many thanks to sarah_p for her mad beta skills. Any errors within are mine.
THANKS ALSO TO: afrocurl, bfragrant, and verycleanindeed
CHAPTER SIX
Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.
-Anonymous
The fast-paced swing beat has Logan and Veronica stepping swiftly forward and back, moving with surprising synchronicity from side to side. They haven't danced together in years, but their nonverbal communication is still top-notch. She allows him to twirl her into spins, able to see what he’s planning on a face she can still read so well.
When the song comes to an end, Logan twirls her again and again and again until she's dizzy and completely off-balance. When he finally stops, she only keeps from stumbling by using his strong arms to brace herself. As the soft strains of a more soothing beat fill the air, Veronica naturally relaxes further into Logan's embrace.
"Another dance?" he asks, and she nods without thinking twice. She does need to catch her breath, after all, and she finally has her opportunity to find out more about Logan's family.
"Esperanza's adorable." She knows she's stating the obvious, but she loves the proud, paternal smile that spreads across his face.
"Yeah, she's my little angel."
"She certainly doesn't get her good looks from you," she teases, and he smirks in response.
It's a lie, and they both know it. She's not about to tell him that, if anything, he's better looking now than he was in high school. He's still got the same charismatic grin and engaging brown eyes, and he's finally lost that cloud of danger and self-destruction that had seemed to follow him everywhere.
"Does she take after her mother?" she probes.
"We have some of Cara's baby pictures at home. They look so alike it's unbelievable."
"I have to admit, I was a bit surprised when I first met Esperanza." Logan can't hold in his snort of disbelief at what he probably considers to be the understatement of the century, so she raises a querulous eyebrow in response. "What?"
"A little surprised? Veronica, if your jaw had dropped any more, you would have been indistinguishable with the prehistoric pygmies."
"You're such a jackass sometimes," she admonishes, but her words lack venom. She pauses before asking how he met Cara.
"Be honest, Veronica. What you're really wondering is how I ended up hearing the pitter-patter of little feet, right?" At her nod, a knowing grin spreads across his face. "To be honest, when Cara first told me she was pregnant, I was freaking out. Once it sunk in, I tried to do the right thing and propose, but she turned me down."
"Ooooh," Veronica responds, a teasing glint in her eyes. "So there actually is a woman who's resistant to the dangerous Echolls charm?"
"Hardly the point, Veronica." Logan responds, his normally expressive eyes lacking their usual fire. "About two months before she was due, she was in a car accident. Middle of winter, icy roads … It was, uh … It was pretty bad. I got called down to the hospital, and they did an emergency C-section to try to save Esperanza."
Veronica inwardly winces, feeling terrible about the insensitive jab she'd aimed at Logan moments earlier. Here he is, opening up to her, telling her about his life like she'd asked, and she can't stop letting out the typical snarky comments, which are hardly appropriate in this sort of situation,
She'll do or say anything to maintain her much-cherished emotional distance - especially around Logan.
"I'm sorry," she whispers. "So, so sorry."
"Don't worry about it, Veronica." She's not just apologizing out of sympathy, and from the look in his eyes, he knows it. The words lie unspoken between them, and his unequivocal shrug tells her that he understands why she tried to fall back on their usual banter.
"It was early - Cara wasn’t even thiry weeks along when she got in the accident, so Esperanza spent her first three and a half weeks in the neonatal ICU. Those were the longest days of my life. Cara was gone, and I was so damn afraid. But I had hope - that she'd be okay, that I'd be a good father. Cara was second-generation Mexican-American, so I named her Esperanza. We'd never talked about what we'd call her, but that just felt right, you know?"
"It's perfect, Logan, and I'm sure Cara would agree."
"Thanks." His smile isn't as confident as usual, but if anything, it looks more genuine, more real. This sentimental side of Logan is one Veronica certainly isn't accustomed to seeing, and it almost makes her a bit uncomfortable.
This is Logan Echolls after all. The king of sarcasm and wit. And instead of acting like the Logan she remembers and the Logan she spent time with earlier that morning, he's steadily meeting her eyes with an expression that is completely unnerving.
***
Veronica lowers her eyes after a few moments, and Logan knows that she's uncomfortable with the direction their conversation has taken. He knows as well as she does that he's changed. To her, though, the changes are a more sudden shock when compared with the gradual evolution he experienced.
Definitely time to talk about something else, something that will make Veronica relax again.
She's looking to the side now, probably wondering what her boyfriend's up to. Last Logan checked, he was talking with Mr. Mars. Probably making nice with the father of his girlfriend.
He honestly doesn’t know what to make of Nick. Something about the guy bothers him, but he apparently makes Veronica happy - and that's what matters. After everything she went through in high school, it's about time that things go her way.
"Mrs. Navarro really has a way with kids, doesn't she?" Veronica asks, pulling him from his introspective evaluation.
"Why else do you think I enticed her out of retirement?" Logan responds with a grin, shoving the deeper thoughts from his mind. Time to make their conversation more light-hearted; time to put Veronica more at ease. "There's no one else I'd trust with my little girl, and I always thought of her like my own mother."
"Which, what, would make Weevil like your brother?" she teases, mischief dancing in her eyes.
"Well, actually … " he begins softly before trailing off. When he sees Veronica's resultant jaw drop, he feels a surge of victory.
"No," she responds in disbelief. "Not - Weevil? And Trina?"
Logan bites his lip, hoping that she's too surprised by the conclusion she's drawn to look too closely at his own expression. Once he's sure he's got his own internal amusement under control, he nods and is rewarded with seeing Veronica's eyes widen in absolute shock.
He can't hold it in any longer. It’s simply an impossible feat. He thought he'd be able to hold out a little longer, but with Veronica mimicking a blonde-haired bug looking for its next meal, he simply can’t.
He laughs and laughs and laughs, unable to stop even after Veronica replaces her look of shock with one of annoyance. "I'm sorry," he gets out, breathless now. "I just - your face," he tries to explain.
Veronica rolls her eyes as Logan takes a few deep breaths and tries to calm himself down. "Ass," she says while swatting his arm lightly.
"I'm sorry," he apologizes, more contrite now that he's managed to get ahold of himself. "I just, I never even thought about that, and the fact that you'd even ask - it was too good of an opportunity to pass up."
"Fine. Take advantage of the girl who's been out of town for most of the last seven years. Still picking on the underdog, Echolls?"
"Anyone who considers you to be the underdog clearly doesn't know you that well, Mars."
From the look she aims at him, he knows that Veronica isn't used to having people challenge her anymore. He can't understand that - he almost enjoys seeing sparks fly in Veronica's eyes more than having her tremble under his touch.
Key word being almost. He might love getting her all riled up, but he’s still a man.
"No, Trina's still sleeping her way through Hollywood, following in my dad's footsteps. Weevil actually owns an auto repair shop."
She raises an eyebrow. "Is that so?"
"You remember Carmen, right?" At her nod, he continues, "They're married now - really happy with two little boys. Anyhow, Carmen's grandfather started up this garage in Santa Ana after he came to the US. When he was ready to retire, he offered it to Weevil. He goes by Eli now, though. Makes him sound more professional or something, he says. Doesn't stop Felix from yelling for 'Weevil' at the garage, but he tries."
"Felix is working for Weevil now?" Veronica's smile widens, and Logan's glad for it. "He always did like following Weevil around, didn't he?"
"Old habits die hard," he agrees.
The song draws to a close, and he releases his dancing partner. While it was good to catch up, if they spend too much time together, she's going to start asking questions he'd prefer to avoid.
"Thank you for the dance, milady." He bows cordially and tips an imaginary hat in her direction.
She shakes her head, eyes filled with mirth. "It was my pleasure, good sir."
He takes her arm to escort her back to her boyfriend, and she goes willingly. They're about twenty feet away when she turns her head towards him. "One more question, Logan."
His breath catches in his chest as he wonders how he's going to answer the question she's certain to ask.
She pauses, with the question he's dreading most certainly perched on the tip of her tongue. "Why weren't you at the rehearsal last night? Just think of all the fun we could have had!"
And then he’s able to breathe once more.
"Don't you mean all the trouble we would have caused?" he teases, thankful that he's dodged the bullet - for the moment, at least.
She rolls her eyes. "Answer the damn question already, would you?"
"Esperanza's preschool had a talent show last night. She's been practicing her ballet routine with her friends for weeks, and she was so excited. I wouldn't have missed it for the world." His gaze searches the crowd for his young daughter, who looks to be showing off some of the aforementioned ballet moves to Wallace. "Besides, all I had to do today was walk down the aisle with you - and , believe it or not, but I've been walking for almost twenty-four years now."
"I'll have to see if I can persuade Esperanza to do her ballet routine for me sometime while I'm in town."
"You'll be around for a few more days then?" To say Logan is surprised is certainly an understatement. From what he heard from Duncan, she'd been back to Neptune only a handful of times since after graduation, none of them for any more than a long weekend. He'd figured that she would be on a plane back early the next morning.
"I have some vacation time coming to me, so I thought that as long as I was flying out here for Duncan's wedding, I'd spend some time with my family."
A pleased smile spreads across his face. "You’ll have to come out to our place sometime - dinner, followed by her performance?"
"Sounds like a plan," she affirms. "It's been great talking with you, Logan."
He nods in agreement, moving to scoop Esperanza into his arms. It'd been good to spend some time with Veronica. He hadn't realized he'd missed her so much until seeing her that morning.
Even now, he sometimes questions his decision to cut off communication with her. It was a difficult one, to say the least. He'd second-guessed himself repeatedly then, having started a good half-dozen responses to each of her inquiries that all went unsent.
It was for the best - for him and, honestly, for her as well. Not that she'd see it that way, of course. No, she'd be beyond pissed when he told her, but at least he'd escaped the hangman's noose for the time being.
She wanted to know. She deserved to know. And he'd tell her. He would. Just, not here. Not now. Duncan's wedding reception shouldn't be marred by the all-out bitching that he'd get, that he'd deserve.
When she comes to dinner, whenever that will be, if he can get her alone, he'll tell her then.
She deserves to know. She does.
Just … not yet.
***
As much as she'd wanted to ask Logan The Question, she couldn’t. She'd been ready, but when she was poised to ask it, she saw the fear and resignation in his eyes and just hadn't been able to follow through with it. His look all but confirmed her suspicion that the answer wasn't one that she would be happy to hear, and she figured that bombshell could wait for another day.
She has a few more weeks in Neptune - plenty of time in which to get the answers she wants, that she needs. Lilly's death may have taught her that knowing the ‘why’ may not change anything, but she hopes hearing his reasons will help her deal with her continued confusion over his puzzling decision.
It's not like she really expected that anything would happen between her and Logan, not with them going to two different colleges in two different time zones. But she had missed his friendship. She had missed him.
When she goes to his place for dinner, she'll get her answers or there will be hell to pay.
Still, it was nice to talk to Logan, to get a better picture of who he's become and what his life is like.
"Looking good out there, Mars."
She turns to see Wallace behind her. "And I noticed that you were getting a front-row seat to Esperanza's dancing feet."
"Girl's got skills." He places an arm over her shoulder, and motions to all that surrounds them. "Now, just think - if you moved back to California, all this could be yours."
"Just add it to the Pro/Con list you've been working on," she responds, elbowing him in the side.
"C'mon, Veronica. At least pretend that it'll be hard for you to leave us all behind when you fly back to New York."
"It will be," she responds honestly. "But my job is there. My life is there. It's not here, not anymore."
"You could find a job here, and so could Nick. Believe it or not, we do have universities here in California, and people do occasionally take pictures around these parts."
She knows he's right, but she likes her life in New York. She misses her family and friends, true enough, but she doesn't belong here. She considers telling him about Casey and his job offer but decides against it, knowing that it'll only make him even more persistent.
Her life is just that - hers. Any decisions about it are hers to make.
Changing the subject, Veronica fills him in on some of what Logan told her. He gets the abbreviated version, of course, allowing her to breeze through the story without thinking too much about what Logan has been through, about how he had been thrown into the fire, about the way his eyes had darkened with grief as he got further into his narrative.
Above all, she avoids focusing on how he had been able to not only survive but thrive throughout it all - and without any help from her.
"So you didn't know about Esperanza?" Veronica asks, fairly confident that Wallace was as much in the dark as she was but wanting to be certain that she wouldn't have to kick his ass later.
He shakes his head. "Today's the first time I saw him since we went to college. I didn't have a clue."
"Figured as much. I had no idea Duncan was so good at keeping secrets."
Before Wallace can respond, Duncan takes the deejay's microphone to thank everyone for celebrating his and Angela’s special day with them. They're heading to the airport for their honeymoon, but first, Angela needs to throw the bouquet.
Veronica had half-hoped that she'd be able to escape taking part in this cheesy tradition, but Wallace insistently escorts her onto the dance floor as her family cheers him on. She doesn't want the damn bouquet, and she doesn't want to get married. Why should she be out here anyway? It would be better to leave these sorts of things to those who actually enjoy them, right?
Before she registers what's happening, she feels something hit her in the chest and instinctively reaches to grab it before it falls to the ground. Dully, she looks down and sees the bouquet in her hands. She wants to pass it off to someone else, to someone who actually wants it, but it's Duncan's wedding, and he looks so damn happy that his sister just caught the bouquet. She can't ruin this for him; he means too much to her.
So instead she smiles and waves the bouquet of white roses high above her head. This isn't her finest moment, but she doesn't believe that bullshit about how she'll be the next to marry. It's not like it's any hardship to carry around a bunch of roses anyhow.
While the bachelors gather behind Duncan for the tossing of the garter, Veronica moves to the periphery of the crowd. Feeling a slight tugging at her dress, she looks down, not surprised to see Esperanza's cherubic face smiling up at her.
"Can I see the be-kay?"
Veronica is puzzled for a moment before realizing what the little girl wants. "Why don't you hold it?" she suggests, happily handing over the flowers and pulling the little girl into her arms. While she may not want kids of her own right now, or, well, ever, Esperanza is adorable enough for Veronica to enjoy spending time with her.
She thinks she'd make a good Aunt Veronica. That way, Wallace or Duncan can have all the grandchildren that her parents are so anxious for, and she can just spoil them with presents and hand them back to their parents whenever they start fussing. Seems like a win-win situation to her.
She hears raucous cheering - out of the ordinary for the upscale crowd attending Duncan's wedding. She moves closer to the action, half-expecting to see her friends wrestling over the garter.
Instead, she sees Logan holding the garter aloft with Duncan, Wallace, and Casey congratulating him on his catch. She smells a rat. A big one, who apparently took care to aim his throw in a particular direction. The question is, why?
Veronica can't understand why Duncan would want to go out of his way to make sure that she and Logan danced together. It's not like they didn't already dance earlier in the evening, and it's not like anything is going to happen between them, romantically, now.
She's happy with her life in New York with Nick. And Logan is happily settled here in California. No matter how adorable Esperanza is, Veronica is not ready or willing to get involved with anyone who has children. Besides, it just wouldn't work between her and Logan anymore, no matter what the circumstances.
As the music starts up for the traditional dance, Veronica wonders if she'll be able to defer to Esperanza, letting her dance with her father. If the look in Duncan's eyes is any indication, that's a long shot. Resigned, she allows Logan to lead her around the dance floor in a simple waltz.
It's not that Logan's a bad dancer or that she doesn't enjoy dancing with him. Not at all. It's just … She's tired of the demands, of the pressure that she always feels thrust upon her here. That's a big reason why she has no interest in moving back to California, or Neptune in particular. She doesn't feel comfortable here, and she hasn’t really felt like she's belonged since Lilly died. The revelations regarding her fucked-up family situation really didn't make things any easier.
Her dream isn't traditional - not for Neptune at least. She doesn't want to stay at home and play Suzie Homemaker while her rich, successful husband goes off to work each day. She doesn't want the cozy home with the two-point-five kids and the white picket fence.
She wants to live her own life and have professional accomplishments of her own to be proud of.
God, she misses New York already. There, she's just one out of a few million, and her status as Jake Kane's daughter is hardly notable when there are actual celebrities all around. She's able to be herself, Veronica Mars, and that's just the way she likes it.
As their dance draws to a close, she flashes Logan a weak smile. It's not his fault they were manipulated into this situation, and at least he was kind enough to dance with the heavy silence hanging between them, leaving her to focus on her thoughts.
"I'll get your bouquet from Esperanza before we leave," he promises as they leave the dance floor to say their goodbyes to the newlyweds.
"She'll enjoy it more than I will, Logan. Don't worry about it."
Chapter Seven
Well, I don't have anything else written as of yet [no time!], so I can't make promises on when more will be posted. Hopefully soon, but - again - no promises. I'll make a flocked post here, though, when I start making progress again. :)
Otherwise, I'd love to hear what you thought - what you loved, what surprised you, and what you're still dying to know! Of course, any predictions that you have are always welcome - not that I'll be giving anything away quite yet though. ;) [but, hey, at least one of your questions got answered, right? :D] And, of course, any problems or constructive criticism that you have are more than welcome as well.
Thanks so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it! :D