Take me to That Special Place - Chapter 03
Author: jade_de_lune & heroinlamb
Pairing: Akame, implied RyoPi
Genre: Drama, Romance, a bit angsty?
Rating: PG-13
Beta: meikimari
Disclaimer: Don't own, just watch
Summary: In 2006 only months after KAT-TUNs debut, the famous idol Kamenashi Kazuya leaves on a short notice for the united states. The agency states he went there to study later, but rumours are spread that there might be more to it than it seems. The newest gossip has it, that he might have returned to Japan. His bandmates, including Akanishi Jin, to whom he always had a special relationship, may or may not be welcoming him back
A/N: thaankies to our awesome beta meikimari :D <3 and thankiies to lovely cutedorkylove for making us such a pretty banner <33
And please bear with our limited knowledge concerning Kame's disease. It actually is limited to the knowledge you get while watching grey's anatomy and other series like that
Chapter 3
Kame woke up next to Miyano the next morning. He remembered exactly what happened the day before and a guilty feeling washed over him. He was hurt, desperate and lonely and Miyano was just there, warm, perfect and willing to free him from his loneliness. Still he shouldn't have used his manager so easily. Right in that moment he felt Miyano stir in his sleep.
“Morning,” his manager greeted him. “Good morning, Miyano-san,” Kame said formally.
“I think we can drop the 'san' now,” Miyano chuckled lightly, ”Call me Seiichi.”
Actually Kame felt more than uncomfortable right now. “I’d rather stick to the ‘san’ though,” he mumbled.
“You’re still not over him, huh?” Miyano asked but didn’t give him the chance to answer. “I know you used me last night, Kazuya, and I have to say I quite enjoyed it. But that won’t happen again. Normally I don’t like being used. I’d much rather use others myself.”
After that speech, Kame had no doubt about that being true. Even though Miyano mimed the worried manager, there was something daunting about him.
“I’m sorry,” he tried, since he didn’t really know how to react.
“It’s okay, Kazuya, I still like you. You can always come back to me when you’re ready.” ‘Kazuya’ again.
“I think it’s better if I go now,” he decided. “It’s all up to you.”
With that Kame grabbed his clothes, got dressed and left the apartment as fast as possible. It was a mistake to trust him that soon but he was desperate.
When he woke up the next morning, that girl was still lying on the bed. With one glance on the clock that was standing on the nightstand at his side, he remembered that he was supposed to be at the office today. Without much hesitation he took a shower quickly and threw his clothes on. When he came out of the bathroom, the girl was awake too. “You’re already up.”
“Un,” was all he answered while searching for his mobile. The girl didn’t really catch what was going on, so she just danced towards him to greet him with a hug. “And what are we going to do today?”
“Ah, I’m sorry,” he answered plainly. “This was a one time only thing for me.” If he learned one thing out of the history of one-night-stands he had been through, it was best to tell the truth and make it quick. The girl froze and mumbled: “I see.” He smiled at her while saying goodbye and leaving the Inn.
On his way to the Jimusho, he passed some convenience store and went in to get something to drink. While waiting in the line his eyes were locked on a tabloid. The cover was a big picture of himself sitting at a bar, apparently pretty drunk and next to him some blond girl. You gotta be kidding me. Isn’t there some other celeb who has juicier scandals than I do? And what party escapade? But then again, when have these headlines been anything other than ridiculous? He couldn’t help but to sigh, when he finally was able to pay and leave the store.
As usual, he was the last to enter the office and the others were already getting impatient. At least by now he didn’t have to freeze anymore while seeing Kamenashi. So with an apology on his lips he just sat down and listened to the manager. “Well,” Miyano said, “I’m sure you’ll all be delighted to hear that I have some good news for you. For the next weeks, we will be having a lot of promotion to do for the single, including an appearance on Music Station.”
“That... is really great, we,” Yamapi began to say, but Miyano laughed it off: “Yes, I know. That’s standard and that’s not the news I was talking about. After your promotion you will go on tour.” “Already?”, the leader asked, blinking. “That’s right. With three of the top selling Johnny’s idols, we don’t have much fear that it won’t sell out quickly.”
“Awesome!”, Jin answered before his best friend knew what to say. While grinning at Yamapi, for a second he caught a glimpse of Kame who didn’t seem to be there at all. I don’t care. Look away. he commanded himself, trying to focus on the plans for the tour.
When they finished, everyone got up pretty quickly and Miyano asked Jin to stay for a minute. “Listen, Akanishi-san. I need to talk to you about something.”
“Sure.” Jin sounded as if he didn’t mind but inside he was pretty worried. When Miyano threw a tabloid on the desk, Jin stiffened. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to give you the things you don’t do while being an idol talk.” He was actually smiling so Jin was able to ease off a little. “So? If the old man ordered you to threaten me, there’s no need to. She was a one-night-stand.”
“No, I wasn’t ordered to do anything - yet. But Akanishi-san, please consider your image while being in this new formation. Everything you do will get back to Yamashita-san and Kamenashi-san.” Poking my consciousness huh? Well, it’s working. “I get it. I didn’t mean to endanger anyone.”
“I know that. Don’t worry. I just wanted to let you know before I have to explain myself to upstairs.”
“Thanks, Miyano-san,” Jin mumbled. Wow, that’s a first. Since when do they actually care?
After his short talk with Akanishi, Miyano hurried to catch Kamenashi. The younger one acted weird during the meeting today and he know it wasn’t only Akanishi’s fault. He finally caught him outside the building. “Kamenashi!” he called out to him. Fortunately the younger one waited for him after that.
“Is there anything you forgot to tell me?” Kame asked in work mode.
“Actually, yes, there is. I wanted to apologize for acting so weird this morning. I guess you just hurt my pride a bit and it’s true, I don’t like being used but.. That’s not the point. What I wanted to say,” he paused for a moment. “Friends?”
Kame didn’t really know what he should think about Miyano now. Suddenly he was the nice manager again? But he obviously had a problem with apologizing.“Can I trust you?”
“At least I hope you would. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Friends,” Kamenashi decided finally.
The following two months were busy and that was an understatement. Jin hasn’t worked like that in two years since his job as a soloist which was in many ways different from what it is within ToJiKa. With perfectionists at both sides he didn’t even get to party much. At least Pi promised me a huge party once we’re done touring. You better keep it! Aside from being unable to do as he pleased like usual Yamapi was getting the best out of him. Because it’s fun. We’re working like hell. We’re not getting paid any more than we used to but it’s so much fun thanks to you, Pi. Two months and he kept ignoring the second part of the formation for the major part of time. Only when there was absolutely no way out, like during rehearsals when they had to talk about the work they did together. Jin was, even if he never said so, quite worried about how that would play out on stage. But after the first concert in Saitama it was pretty clear that the fangirls didn’t notice much. It wasn’t like back in the days with KAT-TUN when every little dispute was noticed right away. In ToJiKa the fan community was still divided into fans of Yamashita, Akanishi and Kamenashi. Only with time they melted into one.
The tour was said to be a success a month before it even started but that’s what you expect from three top selling idols. Talk about pressure. With those high expectations everyone in the group was nervous at times. Even though they had seen most of the stages before, they were still worried if they could fill the hall like they should. But with the first live, most of those worries were blown away by the fact that the tickets were sold out on they day they started to sell.
“Oi, Jin. Open the door.” Huh? Wha- A glance at the clock on the wall told him that he fell asleep in front of the TV. At 9pm, that’s it, I’m getting old. “Jin, what’s taking you so long? Don’t tell me you’re in there with a girl? You promised you wouldn’t.”
“Yeah, yeah gimme a minute sheesh.” With that he opened the door and didn’t even look at Yamapi before turning back and disappearing into the bath room. “Don’t tell me I woke you up?”, his guest couldn’t help but chuckle. “Not partying disagrees with you huh? Well I’m here to save you. Get ready, we’re going out!”
“Eh? What’s with that change of heart?”
“Can’t I just pity you?”
“Yeah right, lemme guess, Ryo’s here to watch the concert?”
“No! Well... yes but hey it’s for your own good.”
“I agree, let’s get going then.,” Jin grinned like a child before Christmas.
While leaving his room and entering the corridor where both Yamapi’s and Kame’s rooms were, Jin didn’t miss the look of his leader when they passed their fellow group member’s room. “I can’t.” To that his best friend sighed. “I know.” He knew that Yamapi wasn’t completely okay with treating Kamenashi like this. On the contrary, watching him for two months must have made him feel guilty. But Jin couldn’t help how he felt, so while feeling sorry for him and some part of his heart was also feeling sorry for Kame, he still couldn’t do anything about it. In silence they passed the bodyguards and went down the elevator.
It was already past midnight while the three of them were having fun at the VIP section of a club. Yamapi and Jin spent most of the time flailing about their first live when Ryo was just as excited listening to it, not as excited as he seemed to be holding Yamapi’s hand and playing with his fingers for the better part of the night. “Okay, so you’re playing goodie-goodie idols for now?” Ryo commented seeing the lack of alcohol on the table with a grin. “Say that to your boyfriend.” Jin wasn’t really annoyed but he really could use a drink after all the work. “He’s stricter than a teacher working in a catholic girls only school,” he added while shooting Yamapi the that’s-what-you-get-for-making-me-do-this look. “Is that so?” Ryo answered with an ambiguous smile on his lips. He hadn’t seen that side of his boyfriend - yet. “Well then you can at least give me a hand with ordering some non-alcoholic drinks, will you?”
“Sure,” Yamapi said, unimpressed by whatever they said to him.
At the bar while waiting for the bartender to put his attention on them, Ryo took the chance to fill his boyfriend in on the plan he had been thinking about all day. “Listen, I get it, you want him to stay focused but like this we will never get him to talk about you-know-who.”
“Jin’s not here. You can call him by name, Baka,” Yamapi grinned. “But I see your point. What do you have in mind?”
“How about a drinking game? But not here. Too many unwanted eyes.”
“Hm yeah, sounds good to me. His place?”
“Sure.”
It didn’t take very long to convince Jin to go somewhere more private. The fangirls were everywhere and he wasn’t really in the mood for idol talk. So back in his hotel room, he sighed in relief and threw himself onto the bed. Yamapi instantly grabbed the remote control before anyone else could. “How could you let that happen Ryo? We will have to watch Pi stuff now.” He hid his face in his hands out of desperation. “I didn’t see it coming!” And with one look, Jin knew that was true because he had been busy searching his closet for something to drink. “Shots anyone?”
“You’re never going to just give in, are you? Fine!”
“Yay!” Jin smiled widely. But with a look at the TV he had to stop: “Oi, see! We’re watching Shounen Club now.”
“Hey-” Yamapi started but got interrupted by Ryo: “I just had the greatest idea! How about a drinking game?”
“Eh?”, the leader of ToJiKa played along. “Well, let’s take Nakamaru. When ever he says Sou we drink. It’s as easy as that, and I bet he would be laughing his ass off knowing we’re playing drinking games on him.”
“Yeah, I don’t know about that but I like it. Count me in,” Jin answered quickly. His best friend sighed and agreed with an annoyed look on his face. Just when Ryo was finished, Nakamaru had said Sou twice already. So it didn’t take long for them to get drunk.
“Now Jin, how’s it going?” Ryo had just remembered why he was playing this game and started to do what he planned on doing. Yamapi had to grin at the fact that he was already slurring his words a little. “Eh? What do you mean?” Jin answered without taking his sleepy eyes of the TV. But his friends didn’t miss that he was looking quite sad. “Um, I’m not supposed to say his name so let’s call him you-know-who or turtle. Ring a bell?” It stings and apparently not even alcohol changes that. For gods sake I miss you. “It’s fine. I’m fine. I don’t care. I like girls better anyway,” he mumbled while drinking another shot to one of Nakamaru’s Sou. “That was a very impressive speech,” Ryo retorted while raising an eyebrow. “Sheesh.” Even while drunk, Yamapi still had to think why it was that he was still spending time with them? “That isn’t helping, Ryo.” And just when his boyfriend wanted to say something, he silenced him with his own lips. What was intended to be a short kiss, ended in a very long french one. Jin watched them a while, ‘till he couldn’t stand it anymore. He went out of the door, when Yamapi yelled, “Jin, wait! Don’t-”
“Let him. It can only make things better when he finally decides to see him,” Ryo held him back, talking as if he was sure of what he just said, but his boyfriend looked after Jin suspiciously. “I wonder.”
Kame was still awake when someone knocked on his door even though it was way past midnight. Who’s planning on disturbing me at such an hour... hopefully no stupid camera team which thinks this is funny backstage footage. He sighed and went to open the door.
There was no real time for him to react because the moment he opened the door Jin was already in his face, kissing him hungrily. While the kiss grew messier and messier, Jin started to mumble ‘I’m sorry’ again and again in a low voice. The older one was drunk, Kame could taste the liquor in his mouth but this was way too good to stop. Only when they landed on his bed his common sense kicked in. “Jin, stop,” he said not so convincingly when Jin started to caress his neck. “Jin, I was sick.”
Only then his attacker stopped and shot Kame a questioning look and after Jin desisted from him he sat up. “I want you to hear the whole story. Are you ready to listen?” Jin only nodded in response and it was still probably the alcohol nodding at him. He wouldn’t listen to him if he were sober. That’s a thing Kame was sure of at least.
“It all started the summer before I left. I don’t know if you remember it but I suddenly started to have migraine attacks and got ordered to have a check-up.”
“But you said you were fine,” Jin interrupted him. “I know and I’m sorry but I just couldn’t tell you the truth.”
“But why? Do you think I would have left you just because you were sick? I wanted to be there for you, Kazu, always.” Kame was amazed at how sober Jin could sound even in this state.
“Please, let me continue my story. You don’t know everything yet.” He couldn’t look at Jin anymore, not when the latter wore a sad expression like he did right now.
“I went from one specialist to another but they all said it's too dangerous to take the tumor out.” Something changed in Jin's expression after that sentence. It was like he finally got what happened and he looked like he wanted to say something but held himself back. After all it was still Kame's turn to talk.
“Actually what they told me was that I don’t have much longer, until … Until somehow a doctor in Seattle got to know about my case and invited me over. He wanted to try it and he was probably the only one who actually thought I could make it.” And he did make it after all, even though it was hard, way harder than being an idol.
Now Jin knew most of the story, but Kame still didn't say a word about them and that was when Jin couldn't keep his mouth shut any longer.
“But still, Kazu, why did you leave me? Being all alone through this must have been hell.”
“It would have been worse if you were by my side,” he whispered and hated himself because of how he said it. He hurt Jin again, this time with his words. He could see that clearly as he glanced at the older boy who looked like he wanted to stand up and get the hell out of his hotel room.
“Because,” Kame said in a loud voice to stop Jin from leaving, “I didn't want to see you suffer as well. I knew it would have been hard for you and I know it's selfish but I didn't want to see you like this. I wanted to keep you in my memory as my cheerful and dorky boyfriend. I left with the assumption of not coming back. I simply didn't want you to see me die.”
“You could have contacted me. It was two and a half years after all.” Right now Kame couldn't read Jin's expression anymore. It's my own fault you aren't like an open book to me anymore. You changed while I was gone. “It wasn't easy like that Jin, I couldn't just contact you.”
“No, it wasn't easy. It was never easy with us.”
Kame didn't quite know what he should say after that small outburst from Jin. “I'm sorry,” he apologized again and continued his story. “I recovered quickly from the surgery but after that I still had to go through chemotherapy.” He wasn't so sure if Jin actually listened to him anymore because he interrupted him again. “You said you didn't plan on coming back. Then why did you? Is it even safe for you to work? Isn't it like.. It can come back anytime, right?”
“It could, that's why I'm still having check-ups on a regular basis.” That was the question he could answer easily. “I came back because of you. Because I missed you like hell and I wanted to use the second chance god gave me. Staying in Seattle even though I was free to go where I pleased as long as I didn't miss one of my check-ups would have been equivalent to being dead.”
There simply was nothing for him in Seattle. But then again, there was nothing for him in Japan as well, since Jin didn't want him in his life anymore, except for his family of course. After a short moment of silence Jin put his arm around Kame and pulled his body closer to him so that they were now lying in the bed.
“I don't want to think about it anymore,” Jin murmured, ”Just let me stay like this for a moment.”
The younger boy nodded and closed his eyes. He enjoyed lying in Jin's arms once again. The scent, the arms it all was so familiar and reminded him of their happy past. The next moment he fell asleep.
When Jin awoke the next morning, he didn’t know right away what happened or where he was. His throat was sore, his head was aching and somehow, his legs were ice cold. They haven’t felt like that in months, years even. It’s like someone stole away the blanket completely. And the last time he could remember something like that happening, was the last night he spent with Kamenashi. Out of a habit he wanted to grab a bottle of water he usually has on his nightstand. When he hit a phone instead, Jin opened his eyes quickly and regretted that the following moment. The sun was burning through the window. To cover his eyes he turned around and seeing his former boyfriend sleeping, he instantly remembered everything that happened and also found the explanation for his cold feet. He gave in to the urge to stroke a strand of hair out of his face. I can’t believe I almost lost you, for good. But seriously Kazu, what the fuck? What was that about wanting to protect me? If you would have died on me, I don’t know what I would have done. But all of that was too much to handle for him. He didn’t know what to do and all he felt was the urge to run away. So he stepped to his groupmate’s side of the bed and whispered in his ear: “I’m sorry Kazu, but I can’t do this right now.” He kissed his forehead softly before leaving the room.
In the hallway he bumped into Ryo who was grinning like an idiot. “So?” he asked as Jin just passed him and didn’t even look straightly into his eyes, the other man couldn’t help but drop whatever he wanted to do and went after him. “Jin? What’s wrong? Hey, hold on!” But no matter how hard he tried it wasn’t until they had left the building that he slowed down. “Oi! I’m talking to you!”
“What?” Jin hissed without looking at him. Instead he opened his car and didn’t even object as the other man was sitting himself on the front passenger seat. “What happened? And why are you driving like a mad kid? Don’t tell me-” He was half laughing and half anxious he might be right. “You’re not running away are you?” As there was no response Ryo sighed. “Gosh Jin, how old are you? Twelve? Seriously what does running away solve anyway?”
“I know. Shut up. I’m not running away, not really anyway I just - it’s too much okay? Up until yesterday everything was clear. I was hurt and kinda lost but I knew what I felt. I hated him for what he did to me and now, god.”
“Okay, look I have no idea what you’re talking about but if you don’t hate him anymore that’s good isn’t it?”
“He was sick, Ryo. He left me because he didn’t want me there with him.” To that, silence followed. “Sick? Like how?”
“Like deadly. And I didn’t know a thing. Think about it, he might have died in the states and I would be here not knowing a thing. He didn’t want me to suffer. To hell with that! How much did I suffer because of this?” Ryo didn’t dare to interrupt the words now that they kept on coming. “I fought over two years to regain my balance somehow but that didn’t change the pain. You have no idea how much it hurt. And I hated him for that and for the fact that I loved him - that I love him too much to let go. And now he comes back, turning my life upside down again and when I should be understanding, because for fucks sake he could have died there and had to get through all of that alone, all I can think about is that he should have trusted me.” Once he was finished, it took his friend a while to respond and when it finally came it was merely a whisper. “You are such an idiot, really Bakanishi. You just set a new record.”
“What?”
“You really think this is about trust? It’s not. But if you want to put it like this so badly then at least see the truth, Jin. It wasn’t you he didn’t trust, he couldn’t trust himself. That’s a huge difference. The only thing he did was protecting you.”
“Yes, and that’s the last thing I wanted. I wanted-”
“It’s not about what you wanted. He was the one that was thinking he was about to die. He had to face that and if you ask me, whatever he needs to do to accomplish that he has every right to.”
“I could have been there for him,” Jin answered stubbornly. “To ease your guilt? That’s pretty selfish. He had to care for himself. How should he make sure you feel okay on top of it all? So what this is really about is love. He loves you so much that when he had to face death he had the strength to keep away from you. Pretty impressive, didn’t think he could pull something like that off.” He turned his head towards the window when Jin took a sudden turn. “What the fuck?”
“I’m such an idiot,” Jin murmured to himself. “Yeah, been there, done that. At least you’re getting it now.”
“Thanks.”
“Yeah, whatever. Just get me back to Pi before he gets pissed at me.”
Pairing: Akame, implied RyoPi
Genre: Drama, Romance, a bit angsty?
Rating: PG-13
Beta: meikimari
Disclaimer: Don't own, just watch
Summary: In 2006 only months after KAT-TUNs debut, the famous idol Kamenashi Kazuya leaves on a short notice for the united states. The agency states he went there to study later, but rumours are spread that there might be more to it than it seems. The newest gossip has it, that he might have returned to Japan. His bandmates, including Akanishi Jin, to whom he always had a special relationship, may or may not be welcoming him back
A/N: thaankies to our awesome beta meikimari :D <3 and thankiies to lovely cutedorkylove for making us such a pretty banner <33
And please bear with our limited knowledge concerning Kame's disease. It actually is limited to the knowledge you get while watching grey's anatomy and other series like that
Chapter 3
Kame woke up next to Miyano the next morning. He remembered exactly what happened the day before and a guilty feeling washed over him. He was hurt, desperate and lonely and Miyano was just there, warm, perfect and willing to free him from his loneliness. Still he shouldn't have used his manager so easily. Right in that moment he felt Miyano stir in his sleep.
“Morning,” his manager greeted him. “Good morning, Miyano-san,” Kame said formally.
“I think we can drop the 'san' now,” Miyano chuckled lightly, ”Call me Seiichi.”
Actually Kame felt more than uncomfortable right now. “I’d rather stick to the ‘san’ though,” he mumbled.
“You’re still not over him, huh?” Miyano asked but didn’t give him the chance to answer. “I know you used me last night, Kazuya, and I have to say I quite enjoyed it. But that won’t happen again. Normally I don’t like being used. I’d much rather use others myself.”
After that speech, Kame had no doubt about that being true. Even though Miyano mimed the worried manager, there was something daunting about him.
“I’m sorry,” he tried, since he didn’t really know how to react.
“It’s okay, Kazuya, I still like you. You can always come back to me when you’re ready.” ‘Kazuya’ again.
“I think it’s better if I go now,” he decided. “It’s all up to you.”
With that Kame grabbed his clothes, got dressed and left the apartment as fast as possible. It was a mistake to trust him that soon but he was desperate.
When he woke up the next morning, that girl was still lying on the bed. With one glance on the clock that was standing on the nightstand at his side, he remembered that he was supposed to be at the office today. Without much hesitation he took a shower quickly and threw his clothes on. When he came out of the bathroom, the girl was awake too. “You’re already up.”
“Un,” was all he answered while searching for his mobile. The girl didn’t really catch what was going on, so she just danced towards him to greet him with a hug. “And what are we going to do today?”
“Ah, I’m sorry,” he answered plainly. “This was a one time only thing for me.” If he learned one thing out of the history of one-night-stands he had been through, it was best to tell the truth and make it quick. The girl froze and mumbled: “I see.” He smiled at her while saying goodbye and leaving the Inn.
On his way to the Jimusho, he passed some convenience store and went in to get something to drink. While waiting in the line his eyes were locked on a tabloid. The cover was a big picture of himself sitting at a bar, apparently pretty drunk and next to him some blond girl. You gotta be kidding me. Isn’t there some other celeb who has juicier scandals than I do? And what party escapade? But then again, when have these headlines been anything other than ridiculous? He couldn’t help but to sigh, when he finally was able to pay and leave the store.
As usual, he was the last to enter the office and the others were already getting impatient. At least by now he didn’t have to freeze anymore while seeing Kamenashi. So with an apology on his lips he just sat down and listened to the manager. “Well,” Miyano said, “I’m sure you’ll all be delighted to hear that I have some good news for you. For the next weeks, we will be having a lot of promotion to do for the single, including an appearance on Music Station.”
“That... is really great, we,” Yamapi began to say, but Miyano laughed it off: “Yes, I know. That’s standard and that’s not the news I was talking about. After your promotion you will go on tour.” “Already?”, the leader asked, blinking. “That’s right. With three of the top selling Johnny’s idols, we don’t have much fear that it won’t sell out quickly.”
“Awesome!”, Jin answered before his best friend knew what to say. While grinning at Yamapi, for a second he caught a glimpse of Kame who didn’t seem to be there at all. I don’t care. Look away. he commanded himself, trying to focus on the plans for the tour.
When they finished, everyone got up pretty quickly and Miyano asked Jin to stay for a minute. “Listen, Akanishi-san. I need to talk to you about something.”
“Sure.” Jin sounded as if he didn’t mind but inside he was pretty worried. When Miyano threw a tabloid on the desk, Jin stiffened. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to give you the things you don’t do while being an idol talk.” He was actually smiling so Jin was able to ease off a little. “So? If the old man ordered you to threaten me, there’s no need to. She was a one-night-stand.”
“No, I wasn’t ordered to do anything - yet. But Akanishi-san, please consider your image while being in this new formation. Everything you do will get back to Yamashita-san and Kamenashi-san.” Poking my consciousness huh? Well, it’s working. “I get it. I didn’t mean to endanger anyone.”
“I know that. Don’t worry. I just wanted to let you know before I have to explain myself to upstairs.”
“Thanks, Miyano-san,” Jin mumbled. Wow, that’s a first. Since when do they actually care?
After his short talk with Akanishi, Miyano hurried to catch Kamenashi. The younger one acted weird during the meeting today and he know it wasn’t only Akanishi’s fault. He finally caught him outside the building. “Kamenashi!” he called out to him. Fortunately the younger one waited for him after that.
“Is there anything you forgot to tell me?” Kame asked in work mode.
“Actually, yes, there is. I wanted to apologize for acting so weird this morning. I guess you just hurt my pride a bit and it’s true, I don’t like being used but.. That’s not the point. What I wanted to say,” he paused for a moment. “Friends?”
Kame didn’t really know what he should think about Miyano now. Suddenly he was the nice manager again? But he obviously had a problem with apologizing.“Can I trust you?”
“At least I hope you would. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Friends,” Kamenashi decided finally.
The following two months were busy and that was an understatement. Jin hasn’t worked like that in two years since his job as a soloist which was in many ways different from what it is within ToJiKa. With perfectionists at both sides he didn’t even get to party much. At least Pi promised me a huge party once we’re done touring. You better keep it! Aside from being unable to do as he pleased like usual Yamapi was getting the best out of him. Because it’s fun. We’re working like hell. We’re not getting paid any more than we used to but it’s so much fun thanks to you, Pi. Two months and he kept ignoring the second part of the formation for the major part of time. Only when there was absolutely no way out, like during rehearsals when they had to talk about the work they did together. Jin was, even if he never said so, quite worried about how that would play out on stage. But after the first concert in Saitama it was pretty clear that the fangirls didn’t notice much. It wasn’t like back in the days with KAT-TUN when every little dispute was noticed right away. In ToJiKa the fan community was still divided into fans of Yamashita, Akanishi and Kamenashi. Only with time they melted into one.
The tour was said to be a success a month before it even started but that’s what you expect from three top selling idols. Talk about pressure. With those high expectations everyone in the group was nervous at times. Even though they had seen most of the stages before, they were still worried if they could fill the hall like they should. But with the first live, most of those worries were blown away by the fact that the tickets were sold out on they day they started to sell.
“Oi, Jin. Open the door.” Huh? Wha- A glance at the clock on the wall told him that he fell asleep in front of the TV. At 9pm, that’s it, I’m getting old. “Jin, what’s taking you so long? Don’t tell me you’re in there with a girl? You promised you wouldn’t.”
“Yeah, yeah gimme a minute sheesh.” With that he opened the door and didn’t even look at Yamapi before turning back and disappearing into the bath room. “Don’t tell me I woke you up?”, his guest couldn’t help but chuckle. “Not partying disagrees with you huh? Well I’m here to save you. Get ready, we’re going out!”
“Eh? What’s with that change of heart?”
“Can’t I just pity you?”
“Yeah right, lemme guess, Ryo’s here to watch the concert?”
“No! Well... yes but hey it’s for your own good.”
“I agree, let’s get going then.,” Jin grinned like a child before Christmas.
While leaving his room and entering the corridor where both Yamapi’s and Kame’s rooms were, Jin didn’t miss the look of his leader when they passed their fellow group member’s room. “I can’t.” To that his best friend sighed. “I know.” He knew that Yamapi wasn’t completely okay with treating Kamenashi like this. On the contrary, watching him for two months must have made him feel guilty. But Jin couldn’t help how he felt, so while feeling sorry for him and some part of his heart was also feeling sorry for Kame, he still couldn’t do anything about it. In silence they passed the bodyguards and went down the elevator.
It was already past midnight while the three of them were having fun at the VIP section of a club. Yamapi and Jin spent most of the time flailing about their first live when Ryo was just as excited listening to it, not as excited as he seemed to be holding Yamapi’s hand and playing with his fingers for the better part of the night. “Okay, so you’re playing goodie-goodie idols for now?” Ryo commented seeing the lack of alcohol on the table with a grin. “Say that to your boyfriend.” Jin wasn’t really annoyed but he really could use a drink after all the work. “He’s stricter than a teacher working in a catholic girls only school,” he added while shooting Yamapi the that’s-what-you-get-for-making-me-do-this look. “Is that so?” Ryo answered with an ambiguous smile on his lips. He hadn’t seen that side of his boyfriend - yet. “Well then you can at least give me a hand with ordering some non-alcoholic drinks, will you?”
“Sure,” Yamapi said, unimpressed by whatever they said to him.
At the bar while waiting for the bartender to put his attention on them, Ryo took the chance to fill his boyfriend in on the plan he had been thinking about all day. “Listen, I get it, you want him to stay focused but like this we will never get him to talk about you-know-who.”
“Jin’s not here. You can call him by name, Baka,” Yamapi grinned. “But I see your point. What do you have in mind?”
“How about a drinking game? But not here. Too many unwanted eyes.”
“Hm yeah, sounds good to me. His place?”
“Sure.”
It didn’t take very long to convince Jin to go somewhere more private. The fangirls were everywhere and he wasn’t really in the mood for idol talk. So back in his hotel room, he sighed in relief and threw himself onto the bed. Yamapi instantly grabbed the remote control before anyone else could. “How could you let that happen Ryo? We will have to watch Pi stuff now.” He hid his face in his hands out of desperation. “I didn’t see it coming!” And with one look, Jin knew that was true because he had been busy searching his closet for something to drink. “Shots anyone?”
“You’re never going to just give in, are you? Fine!”
“Yay!” Jin smiled widely. But with a look at the TV he had to stop: “Oi, see! We’re watching Shounen Club now.”
“Hey-” Yamapi started but got interrupted by Ryo: “I just had the greatest idea! How about a drinking game?”
“Eh?”, the leader of ToJiKa played along. “Well, let’s take Nakamaru. When ever he says Sou we drink. It’s as easy as that, and I bet he would be laughing his ass off knowing we’re playing drinking games on him.”
“Yeah, I don’t know about that but I like it. Count me in,” Jin answered quickly. His best friend sighed and agreed with an annoyed look on his face. Just when Ryo was finished, Nakamaru had said Sou twice already. So it didn’t take long for them to get drunk.
“Now Jin, how’s it going?” Ryo had just remembered why he was playing this game and started to do what he planned on doing. Yamapi had to grin at the fact that he was already slurring his words a little. “Eh? What do you mean?” Jin answered without taking his sleepy eyes of the TV. But his friends didn’t miss that he was looking quite sad. “Um, I’m not supposed to say his name so let’s call him you-know-who or turtle. Ring a bell?” It stings and apparently not even alcohol changes that. For gods sake I miss you. “It’s fine. I’m fine. I don’t care. I like girls better anyway,” he mumbled while drinking another shot to one of Nakamaru’s Sou. “That was a very impressive speech,” Ryo retorted while raising an eyebrow. “Sheesh.” Even while drunk, Yamapi still had to think why it was that he was still spending time with them? “That isn’t helping, Ryo.” And just when his boyfriend wanted to say something, he silenced him with his own lips. What was intended to be a short kiss, ended in a very long french one. Jin watched them a while, ‘till he couldn’t stand it anymore. He went out of the door, when Yamapi yelled, “Jin, wait! Don’t-”
“Let him. It can only make things better when he finally decides to see him,” Ryo held him back, talking as if he was sure of what he just said, but his boyfriend looked after Jin suspiciously. “I wonder.”
Kame was still awake when someone knocked on his door even though it was way past midnight. Who’s planning on disturbing me at such an hour... hopefully no stupid camera team which thinks this is funny backstage footage. He sighed and went to open the door.
There was no real time for him to react because the moment he opened the door Jin was already in his face, kissing him hungrily. While the kiss grew messier and messier, Jin started to mumble ‘I’m sorry’ again and again in a low voice. The older one was drunk, Kame could taste the liquor in his mouth but this was way too good to stop. Only when they landed on his bed his common sense kicked in. “Jin, stop,” he said not so convincingly when Jin started to caress his neck. “Jin, I was sick.”
Only then his attacker stopped and shot Kame a questioning look and after Jin desisted from him he sat up. “I want you to hear the whole story. Are you ready to listen?” Jin only nodded in response and it was still probably the alcohol nodding at him. He wouldn’t listen to him if he were sober. That’s a thing Kame was sure of at least.
“It all started the summer before I left. I don’t know if you remember it but I suddenly started to have migraine attacks and got ordered to have a check-up.”
“But you said you were fine,” Jin interrupted him. “I know and I’m sorry but I just couldn’t tell you the truth.”
“But why? Do you think I would have left you just because you were sick? I wanted to be there for you, Kazu, always.” Kame was amazed at how sober Jin could sound even in this state.
“Please, let me continue my story. You don’t know everything yet.” He couldn’t look at Jin anymore, not when the latter wore a sad expression like he did right now.
“I went from one specialist to another but they all said it's too dangerous to take the tumor out.” Something changed in Jin's expression after that sentence. It was like he finally got what happened and he looked like he wanted to say something but held himself back. After all it was still Kame's turn to talk.
“Actually what they told me was that I don’t have much longer, until … Until somehow a doctor in Seattle got to know about my case and invited me over. He wanted to try it and he was probably the only one who actually thought I could make it.” And he did make it after all, even though it was hard, way harder than being an idol.
Now Jin knew most of the story, but Kame still didn't say a word about them and that was when Jin couldn't keep his mouth shut any longer.
“But still, Kazu, why did you leave me? Being all alone through this must have been hell.”
“It would have been worse if you were by my side,” he whispered and hated himself because of how he said it. He hurt Jin again, this time with his words. He could see that clearly as he glanced at the older boy who looked like he wanted to stand up and get the hell out of his hotel room.
“Because,” Kame said in a loud voice to stop Jin from leaving, “I didn't want to see you suffer as well. I knew it would have been hard for you and I know it's selfish but I didn't want to see you like this. I wanted to keep you in my memory as my cheerful and dorky boyfriend. I left with the assumption of not coming back. I simply didn't want you to see me die.”
“You could have contacted me. It was two and a half years after all.” Right now Kame couldn't read Jin's expression anymore. It's my own fault you aren't like an open book to me anymore. You changed while I was gone. “It wasn't easy like that Jin, I couldn't just contact you.”
“No, it wasn't easy. It was never easy with us.”
Kame didn't quite know what he should say after that small outburst from Jin. “I'm sorry,” he apologized again and continued his story. “I recovered quickly from the surgery but after that I still had to go through chemotherapy.” He wasn't so sure if Jin actually listened to him anymore because he interrupted him again. “You said you didn't plan on coming back. Then why did you? Is it even safe for you to work? Isn't it like.. It can come back anytime, right?”
“It could, that's why I'm still having check-ups on a regular basis.” That was the question he could answer easily. “I came back because of you. Because I missed you like hell and I wanted to use the second chance god gave me. Staying in Seattle even though I was free to go where I pleased as long as I didn't miss one of my check-ups would have been equivalent to being dead.”
There simply was nothing for him in Seattle. But then again, there was nothing for him in Japan as well, since Jin didn't want him in his life anymore, except for his family of course. After a short moment of silence Jin put his arm around Kame and pulled his body closer to him so that they were now lying in the bed.
“I don't want to think about it anymore,” Jin murmured, ”Just let me stay like this for a moment.”
The younger boy nodded and closed his eyes. He enjoyed lying in Jin's arms once again. The scent, the arms it all was so familiar and reminded him of their happy past. The next moment he fell asleep.
When Jin awoke the next morning, he didn’t know right away what happened or where he was. His throat was sore, his head was aching and somehow, his legs were ice cold. They haven’t felt like that in months, years even. It’s like someone stole away the blanket completely. And the last time he could remember something like that happening, was the last night he spent with Kamenashi. Out of a habit he wanted to grab a bottle of water he usually has on his nightstand. When he hit a phone instead, Jin opened his eyes quickly and regretted that the following moment. The sun was burning through the window. To cover his eyes he turned around and seeing his former boyfriend sleeping, he instantly remembered everything that happened and also found the explanation for his cold feet. He gave in to the urge to stroke a strand of hair out of his face. I can’t believe I almost lost you, for good. But seriously Kazu, what the fuck? What was that about wanting to protect me? If you would have died on me, I don’t know what I would have done. But all of that was too much to handle for him. He didn’t know what to do and all he felt was the urge to run away. So he stepped to his groupmate’s side of the bed and whispered in his ear: “I’m sorry Kazu, but I can’t do this right now.” He kissed his forehead softly before leaving the room.
In the hallway he bumped into Ryo who was grinning like an idiot. “So?” he asked as Jin just passed him and didn’t even look straightly into his eyes, the other man couldn’t help but drop whatever he wanted to do and went after him. “Jin? What’s wrong? Hey, hold on!” But no matter how hard he tried it wasn’t until they had left the building that he slowed down. “Oi! I’m talking to you!”
“What?” Jin hissed without looking at him. Instead he opened his car and didn’t even object as the other man was sitting himself on the front passenger seat. “What happened? And why are you driving like a mad kid? Don’t tell me-” He was half laughing and half anxious he might be right. “You’re not running away are you?” As there was no response Ryo sighed. “Gosh Jin, how old are you? Twelve? Seriously what does running away solve anyway?”
“I know. Shut up. I’m not running away, not really anyway I just - it’s too much okay? Up until yesterday everything was clear. I was hurt and kinda lost but I knew what I felt. I hated him for what he did to me and now, god.”
“Okay, look I have no idea what you’re talking about but if you don’t hate him anymore that’s good isn’t it?”
“He was sick, Ryo. He left me because he didn’t want me there with him.” To that, silence followed. “Sick? Like how?”
“Like deadly. And I didn’t know a thing. Think about it, he might have died in the states and I would be here not knowing a thing. He didn’t want me to suffer. To hell with that! How much did I suffer because of this?” Ryo didn’t dare to interrupt the words now that they kept on coming. “I fought over two years to regain my balance somehow but that didn’t change the pain. You have no idea how much it hurt. And I hated him for that and for the fact that I loved him - that I love him too much to let go. And now he comes back, turning my life upside down again and when I should be understanding, because for fucks sake he could have died there and had to get through all of that alone, all I can think about is that he should have trusted me.” Once he was finished, it took his friend a while to respond and when it finally came it was merely a whisper. “You are such an idiot, really Bakanishi. You just set a new record.”
“What?”
“You really think this is about trust? It’s not. But if you want to put it like this so badly then at least see the truth, Jin. It wasn’t you he didn’t trust, he couldn’t trust himself. That’s a huge difference. The only thing he did was protecting you.”
“Yes, and that’s the last thing I wanted. I wanted-”
“It’s not about what you wanted. He was the one that was thinking he was about to die. He had to face that and if you ask me, whatever he needs to do to accomplish that he has every right to.”
“I could have been there for him,” Jin answered stubbornly. “To ease your guilt? That’s pretty selfish. He had to care for himself. How should he make sure you feel okay on top of it all? So what this is really about is love. He loves you so much that when he had to face death he had the strength to keep away from you. Pretty impressive, didn’t think he could pull something like that off.” He turned his head towards the window when Jin took a sudden turn. “What the fuck?”
“I’m such an idiot,” Jin murmured to himself. “Yeah, been there, done that. At least you’re getting it now.”
“Thanks.”
“Yeah, whatever. Just get me back to Pi before he gets pissed at me.”