(no subject)
I am so lost and confused at how to feel. That moment when you realize that if he wnated to he could be fucking someone else. That point when even though he says he loves me and that things will work out, you still have that insecurity. He hurts and has been hurt before. I broke my promise that I wouldn't break his heart like everyone else. I treated him just like I always was treated and made to feel like nothing. Yes we argued and talked about it, and things started going good. Then BAM! I fuck up again and made him mad. He said he never wanted to talk to me again. But through the blackness here we are fixing things, feeling like nothings wrong. I still have the all night conversations and fun talks when I am sad, and still the I love you's. I never wanted him to cry, I never wanted our tears to be of pain. I am making up for it and showing that I have changed. I miss the "No, I have a boyfriend.", i miss that. Yes Bill loves me and I love him, but I still worry about him find that person that is better then me. But why do you care? Why bore you with my problems and stress, that I shouldn't be worrying about? I don't know I guess just want to relieve stress. Will these insecurities ever vanish? Does it really matter if the titles are there? He has said "Breanna I'm not a little kid, I'm 20 years old almost 21, when I say I love you it's forever." But I still worry and contemplate the worst. But he wouldn't hurt me. It's just fear that he will leave I mean I never realized all that I had until it was gone. Even though it's not really gone i still feel lost and lonely. But you know what? I still have everything, even if we aren't b/f g/f. I do have him and the I love you baby.