step 1: put on the bunny suit
it has ultimately been determined that i think too much. about nothing, about everything.
i had the most random dream last night. me, casey, emily, steve vanhoy, dan, rob, cory, vanessa v, erica, dennia, and matt kling were all string rays. we were bored with life in the ocean so i proposed a game -- see who can kill the most people. so we all went all around the world killing people and then finally met back at hawaii. cory killed the most. everyone else was pissed. then he was like, "well, im heading home guys", and he split into two different stingrays, one was him and one was rae, and they both flew into the sky and to their house on top of this volcano. i pretty much have the most random dreams in the entire world.
mental and physical health report #1:
so, my allergies have been killing me for days now. it started the day before i helped clear out the storage units for work, but it increased exponentially after that -- presumably because of how much dust was covering all of the things in the units. since then, i have pretty much felt like shit. my eyes are fucking killing me. this could also be due to the fact that i spent about 20 hours almost straight working on my lab for my java 1 class. outside of that, obviously the allergies. my throat is dry and sore from all of the drainage. for the past day or two i have felt as though i am under oxygenated -- probably draining into my lungs and will turn into bronchitis, this is the time of year that i get it every single year, after all. my knees have been hurting a lot lately. there is something terribly wrong with my fingers -- a few times a day when doing something i will get an excruciating pain that runs through a couple of them that feels almost as if my fingers have come out of their joints for a brief second. i find myself staring off into space a lot lately. this isnt anything unusual for me, per say, but i do so now in a sense that i am thinking just about nothing at all and yet about everything all at the same time. talk to myself in my head more and more -- pretty much going insane, its cool.
i really hate commenting on anything like that at all because everyone im close to at all always asked whether there is anything that they can do or if im okay and other things like that and that really bothers me. i guess there are a few kinds of people in the world. there are the people who like to be taken care of and like to recieve attention from other people. there are the people who like to buy people things and love to give anything that they can to others, be it material or otherwise. there are the people who like to get things and like to be treated like royalty. im one of those people who likes to just give and give and give. i really dont like to recieve. now, this isnt to say that if you give me a present, im going to hate it or its going to bother me. rather, it just means that in relationships, romantic of friendly or a mix or whatever the case may be, i prefer to be a person who will give up anything to make the other person happy and give them everything. now, some people say that people like this arent healthy, but in reality this is not the case. statements like such are completely dependant on who the person associates with. myself, i tend to have a strange sort of attraction to people who like to take but tend not to give emotionally. thus, this works for my lifestyle and is not unhealthy at all as it has no negative reprocussions. however, somebody else who is like this that constantly gets into relationships with another person who is like this runs into problem after problem after problem. typically, people who are alike do not work in a relationship as has been proven time and time again.
i am disappointed in myself for my java 1 class. i have all of cory's work from when he took it during a previous semester so a lot of my labs have already been done for me and merely need to be formatted in a mannor that is different and had a name change take place in the header. now, things like this are always nice and always inticing, but i always feel as though i have put myself at a disadcantage because this was an option and that i havent truly learned the material as i should have. i just feel like i took short cuts i fuess and that i dont have a real understanding of the material. this isnt to say that i cant do it at all or anything, because that is very far from the truth. for the tests we have to write programs with paper and pencil so there is no error checking or anything like that and i do just fine, earning a high C and low B on the two tests that we have taken. furthermore, even on labs like this last one that i spent about 20 hours doing myself without having a complete lab to work off of done by cory but rather only bits and pieces of a similar lab that had to be almost completely recoded and problem solved. that wasnt a real and complete sentence i dont think, but my eyes are closed because they hurt and in general i just feel like shit.
i have a sleep study sometime in the last week or two. i havent setup the appointment yet, but its in the making. i just decided to stop where i was going with whatever i was saying before. to be entirely honest i dont even remember what it was. I couldnt tell you a single thing in this entire entry so far i dont think. just writting whatever comes to mind. oh, i think i talked about my stingray dream and my eyes and how they hurt. i really hate this feeling. its different from how my eyes were hurting this morning and afternoon. then it was just that they were burning relaly, relaly bad. it was amusing this morning on the way to class because i almost couldnt open my eye at all, mt left eye. then they were fine the rest of the day, just burned. now its that feeling like you have your eyes closed and someone is taking their thumbsd and pressing on your eyelids into your eyes. it just feels like there is a lot of pressure there. for my usual flavor analysis of eye pain, its very bitter and/or sour.
it would be pretty funny if i open my eyes and this entire entry is just total jibberish. even if it was only certain parts that were. that would amuse me anyway.
i have this problem. i have trouble getting to sleep most nights. once i get to sleep, i have trouble staying to sleep. i wake up constantly. a couple dozen times a night. enough so that when i wake up in the morning, i dont feel rested at all. just often enough to break the sleep cycle before i get a real restful session in there somewhere.
im just rambling. im going to switch from my headphones to the stereo system and lay in bed.
the only music that is on this computer right now is lovers requiem by i am ghost.
i love that word... requiem.
my memory has been killing me the past couple of days with how fucking terrible it is.
im feeling pretty fucking miserable right now. between my eyes, my throat, my back, my knees, my right arm, my lungs, and the fact that just in general i feel exhausted but cant sleep and the feeling of a lack of oxygenation... bah
whatever. sleep.
sleep in peace.
anchovies.
butter.
maple syrup.
yum.
whatever.
i dont know so dont ask.
peace.
i had the most random dream last night. me, casey, emily, steve vanhoy, dan, rob, cory, vanessa v, erica, dennia, and matt kling were all string rays. we were bored with life in the ocean so i proposed a game -- see who can kill the most people. so we all went all around the world killing people and then finally met back at hawaii. cory killed the most. everyone else was pissed. then he was like, "well, im heading home guys", and he split into two different stingrays, one was him and one was rae, and they both flew into the sky and to their house on top of this volcano. i pretty much have the most random dreams in the entire world.
mental and physical health report #1:
so, my allergies have been killing me for days now. it started the day before i helped clear out the storage units for work, but it increased exponentially after that -- presumably because of how much dust was covering all of the things in the units. since then, i have pretty much felt like shit. my eyes are fucking killing me. this could also be due to the fact that i spent about 20 hours almost straight working on my lab for my java 1 class. outside of that, obviously the allergies. my throat is dry and sore from all of the drainage. for the past day or two i have felt as though i am under oxygenated -- probably draining into my lungs and will turn into bronchitis, this is the time of year that i get it every single year, after all. my knees have been hurting a lot lately. there is something terribly wrong with my fingers -- a few times a day when doing something i will get an excruciating pain that runs through a couple of them that feels almost as if my fingers have come out of their joints for a brief second. i find myself staring off into space a lot lately. this isnt anything unusual for me, per say, but i do so now in a sense that i am thinking just about nothing at all and yet about everything all at the same time. talk to myself in my head more and more -- pretty much going insane, its cool.
i really hate commenting on anything like that at all because everyone im close to at all always asked whether there is anything that they can do or if im okay and other things like that and that really bothers me. i guess there are a few kinds of people in the world. there are the people who like to be taken care of and like to recieve attention from other people. there are the people who like to buy people things and love to give anything that they can to others, be it material or otherwise. there are the people who like to get things and like to be treated like royalty. im one of those people who likes to just give and give and give. i really dont like to recieve. now, this isnt to say that if you give me a present, im going to hate it or its going to bother me. rather, it just means that in relationships, romantic of friendly or a mix or whatever the case may be, i prefer to be a person who will give up anything to make the other person happy and give them everything. now, some people say that people like this arent healthy, but in reality this is not the case. statements like such are completely dependant on who the person associates with. myself, i tend to have a strange sort of attraction to people who like to take but tend not to give emotionally. thus, this works for my lifestyle and is not unhealthy at all as it has no negative reprocussions. however, somebody else who is like this that constantly gets into relationships with another person who is like this runs into problem after problem after problem. typically, people who are alike do not work in a relationship as has been proven time and time again.
i am disappointed in myself for my java 1 class. i have all of cory's work from when he took it during a previous semester so a lot of my labs have already been done for me and merely need to be formatted in a mannor that is different and had a name change take place in the header. now, things like this are always nice and always inticing, but i always feel as though i have put myself at a disadcantage because this was an option and that i havent truly learned the material as i should have. i just feel like i took short cuts i fuess and that i dont have a real understanding of the material. this isnt to say that i cant do it at all or anything, because that is very far from the truth. for the tests we have to write programs with paper and pencil so there is no error checking or anything like that and i do just fine, earning a high C and low B on the two tests that we have taken. furthermore, even on labs like this last one that i spent about 20 hours doing myself without having a complete lab to work off of done by cory but rather only bits and pieces of a similar lab that had to be almost completely recoded and problem solved. that wasnt a real and complete sentence i dont think, but my eyes are closed because they hurt and in general i just feel like shit.
i have a sleep study sometime in the last week or two. i havent setup the appointment yet, but its in the making. i just decided to stop where i was going with whatever i was saying before. to be entirely honest i dont even remember what it was. I couldnt tell you a single thing in this entire entry so far i dont think. just writting whatever comes to mind. oh, i think i talked about my stingray dream and my eyes and how they hurt. i really hate this feeling. its different from how my eyes were hurting this morning and afternoon. then it was just that they were burning relaly, relaly bad. it was amusing this morning on the way to class because i almost couldnt open my eye at all, mt left eye. then they were fine the rest of the day, just burned. now its that feeling like you have your eyes closed and someone is taking their thumbsd and pressing on your eyelids into your eyes. it just feels like there is a lot of pressure there. for my usual flavor analysis of eye pain, its very bitter and/or sour.
it would be pretty funny if i open my eyes and this entire entry is just total jibberish. even if it was only certain parts that were. that would amuse me anyway.
i have this problem. i have trouble getting to sleep most nights. once i get to sleep, i have trouble staying to sleep. i wake up constantly. a couple dozen times a night. enough so that when i wake up in the morning, i dont feel rested at all. just often enough to break the sleep cycle before i get a real restful session in there somewhere.
im just rambling. im going to switch from my headphones to the stereo system and lay in bed.
the only music that is on this computer right now is lovers requiem by i am ghost.
i love that word... requiem.
my memory has been killing me the past couple of days with how fucking terrible it is.
im feeling pretty fucking miserable right now. between my eyes, my throat, my back, my knees, my right arm, my lungs, and the fact that just in general i feel exhausted but cant sleep and the feeling of a lack of oxygenation... bah
whatever. sleep.
sleep in peace.
anchovies.
butter.
maple syrup.
yum.
whatever.
i dont know so dont ask.
peace.