(no subject)
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Start August 28, 2006 @ 09:22 am
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Okay, well I suppose I will go ahead and start this now. This entry is going to be extremely long and I have to leave for class in about 38 minutes, give or take, but I have had a lot of thoughts brewing around in my head that I would really like to get down on paper, or whatever you want to call this. A lot of things have gone on lately dealing with friends, medical issues, money, school, work, rubbermaid containers, world views, snakes on planes, and everything else that you can possibly think of.
I guess I will start out with the easiest of those topics and head straight into Snakes on a Plane. Worst movie ever. Now, I know that most people are thinking to themselves, "oh my god... why did you even see that movie? That looked HORRIBLY STUPID... Im surprised that you are still alive after seeing that bullshit." And to be honest, Im thinking the same thing. But I went with my girlfriends, Hannah, and Nick because we were invited by them, so I went more for the people and just to have a good time. We also left before the end, or else I might not be alive to type this because I might have killed myself. Worst movie EVER and that says a lot because I have seen a lot of crappy movies like Kids (( the movie about little kids having sex and spreading AIDS )) or Attack of the Lobster Man (( I think the title sums it up... a man who is a lobster comes to Earth from outer space and s kidnaps a woman who is then rescued by the humans and it pisses the lobster man off and he goes crazy and attacks... )). Yeah, both of those were better than Snakes on a Plane. If you enjoy living, dont see it. However, if you are looking for an explosive way to round out your life and commit suicide, I very highly recommend it. Speaking of suicide, before we "change gears", as they say in grade school, I will also be discussing death due to recent events.
As a matter of fact, lets go straight into death right now since I brought it up and there is 30 minutes of typing time remaining. For those of you who struggle with death and think that they might be upset by this, I advise that you skip this section. Its nothing big, just my views on life, death, religion, etc. Nothing that really should matter to anyone but myself. Oh, and it rambles a lot, too, but what would you expect from someone like myself? Seriously... heh.
My views on death. Hmmmm. I handle death extremely well. Everyone can argue this all they want, but thats the way I see it anyhow. I guess I have just come to terms with death. Maybe you can say this is because 12 of 13 of my dad's brothers and sisters, so my aunts and uncles, have died. But I would say otherwise since most of them I have never even met. Maybe you can say its because my grandfather and grandmother and step-grandmother on my dads side have died and my grandfather on my moms side has died, but I would again have to disagree because I barely know them either. Maybe you can blame it on the fact that so many people have died from my schools throughout middle and high school. However, I would have to disagree again. Maybe you can say that its because I almost died in a car accident and my girlfriend did die in the same accident, but I would have to even say that that isnt totally accruate. Of course all of these issues play into it, they all connect into one big outcome, but the reason is mostly due to my depression. I guess it started somewhere between 6th grade and freshman year and continued through until maybe a year ago off and on and if you look at my writting much thought has gone into such a topic. Now, this is much different than ever being suicidal, because I havent ever gotten to the point where I very, very, very truly wanted to die and was going to slit my wrists or something. This is just to say that I have thought about it a lot and so I have come to an understanding of how I feel about and have come to an understanding as to what I think it is and why I am comfortable with it. Honestly, I dont want to die tomorrow, but if it were to happen I would happily accept it. Maybe not happily, but I would be okay with it because I feel that I have lived a very good life full of ups and downs and I have accomplished so many things already. I have had three amazing relationships with some of the most amazing people in the world, then theres the erica stuff to throw in as well but most people would argue that that was not a relationship due to Isaac and all, becoming an eagle scout, everything in high school, everything in school in general, I have had amazing friends, Ive been through like 13 accidents, one that was meant to kill me on multiple occassions but amazing people like Dirk and Carl held my head up so that I didnt choke on my blood and amazing surgeons and nurses and all sorts of medical staff brought me back to what I am today, and just so many other things. I think that I have already experienced all of the little things that life is really about. I have been extremely happy and I have been terribly depressed. I have been in a coma, I have rolled down grassy hills. Ive broken laws and I have done punishments for them. Ive done big community service projects, I have helped friends. I have gotten into fights with my family, I have spent christmas mornings with my family. I just think that I have lived through ever single satisfaction of life. Now some might say that I havent because I havent gotten married or bought a house or had kids or so many other things, but I would disagree. I havent been married, but I have been through amazing relationships. I dont need the government to tell me that I am "legally married". I havent had kids, but I have spent time with so many kids, Ive been a kid, etc. I havent bought a house, but I live in one and do so very freely as though it basically were my house that I bought and I like it here. There are so many things like that that you can bring up, but some people never get married, never have kids, never buy a house, never do so many things, that you cant really say that that is what life is about. Theres a quote in the movie Van Helsing that was on the other day at work that I really like. Its something that I basically sum up as, the secret to life is death. You have all of these stupid material things like owning a house or buying a car or whatever. You have all of the legal thigns like getting married, winning a lawsuit, inheriting money. You have all of the personal things like having a boyfriend or girlfriend, having kids, having great friends. But some people never do any of those. What is one thing that everyone does? Die. And thats how all of this is related back together. There are all of those things that so many people look for to be the meaning of life, but when you really look at it, what is the one thing that you HAVE to have for life? Death. Some people might argue water, air, food, etc. I get where you are coming from and I agree at the same time. I think that those should be appended though. I mean, some people added love to that, so why shouldnt death be added? If you never die, then you were never alive. Simple as that. What do I think happens after you die? Nothing. Heaven is just a way to make people feel better about dying. Its a way to make people not afraid to die, and a way to make people not as sad because their loved ones who died went to "a better place". I simply cannot accept this. I cannot accept that there is a God who has this master plan that we are forced to follow no matter what. I just think that a book written by some human being should not be taken to this level. Fuck, if I believe that God exists and Jesus did and all od these other things than I might as well people that Peter Cottontail exists out there somewhere. Where do we draw the line between Fiction and Non-Fiction for books that were written before record of such things? I mean, Christian and so many other's bibles are nothing more than people writting it. It says so itself. This is what Mark wrote. This is what Peter wrote. Well who the fuck is Peter? Peter Cottontail wrote it? No, some other person wrote it. Sections of the bible were removed by King James. There was a book (( being book of the bible, not like a whole other book )) written by an athiest that was ripped out of the bible by King James and was never to be printed again. How come? Because someone who was a non-believer couldnt be part of the bible. Jesus himself preached against organized religion according to the bible yet here we are with organized religions about it? So I cannot believe in heaven. When you die, its the same as before you were born. Just nothing. You arent aware that its nothing. You dont know that you died. You dont know that you didnt die. You dont feel anything. You dont not feel anything. Its just exactly the same as before you were born. Your heart stops, your brain stops, every cell of your body dies.
I put a little time stamp block here so that when I start writting the rest of this you dont have to figure out where you stopped reading the first time, you can just scroll down to here and start from here.
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Stop August 28, 2006 @ 10:00 am
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Will start writting here when I finish the entry.
Start August 28, 2006 @ 09:22 am
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Okay, well I suppose I will go ahead and start this now. This entry is going to be extremely long and I have to leave for class in about 38 minutes, give or take, but I have had a lot of thoughts brewing around in my head that I would really like to get down on paper, or whatever you want to call this. A lot of things have gone on lately dealing with friends, medical issues, money, school, work, rubbermaid containers, world views, snakes on planes, and everything else that you can possibly think of.
I guess I will start out with the easiest of those topics and head straight into Snakes on a Plane. Worst movie ever. Now, I know that most people are thinking to themselves, "oh my god... why did you even see that movie? That looked HORRIBLY STUPID... Im surprised that you are still alive after seeing that bullshit." And to be honest, Im thinking the same thing. But I went with my girlfriends, Hannah, and Nick because we were invited by them, so I went more for the people and just to have a good time. We also left before the end, or else I might not be alive to type this because I might have killed myself. Worst movie EVER and that says a lot because I have seen a lot of crappy movies like Kids (( the movie about little kids having sex and spreading AIDS )) or Attack of the Lobster Man (( I think the title sums it up... a man who is a lobster comes to Earth from outer space and s kidnaps a woman who is then rescued by the humans and it pisses the lobster man off and he goes crazy and attacks... )). Yeah, both of those were better than Snakes on a Plane. If you enjoy living, dont see it. However, if you are looking for an explosive way to round out your life and commit suicide, I very highly recommend it. Speaking of suicide, before we "change gears", as they say in grade school, I will also be discussing death due to recent events.
As a matter of fact, lets go straight into death right now since I brought it up and there is 30 minutes of typing time remaining. For those of you who struggle with death and think that they might be upset by this, I advise that you skip this section. Its nothing big, just my views on life, death, religion, etc. Nothing that really should matter to anyone but myself. Oh, and it rambles a lot, too, but what would you expect from someone like myself? Seriously... heh.
My views on death. Hmmmm. I handle death extremely well. Everyone can argue this all they want, but thats the way I see it anyhow. I guess I have just come to terms with death. Maybe you can say this is because 12 of 13 of my dad's brothers and sisters, so my aunts and uncles, have died. But I would say otherwise since most of them I have never even met. Maybe you can say its because my grandfather and grandmother and step-grandmother on my dads side have died and my grandfather on my moms side has died, but I would again have to disagree because I barely know them either. Maybe you can blame it on the fact that so many people have died from my schools throughout middle and high school. However, I would have to disagree again. Maybe you can say that its because I almost died in a car accident and my girlfriend did die in the same accident, but I would have to even say that that isnt totally accruate. Of course all of these issues play into it, they all connect into one big outcome, but the reason is mostly due to my depression. I guess it started somewhere between 6th grade and freshman year and continued through until maybe a year ago off and on and if you look at my writting much thought has gone into such a topic. Now, this is much different than ever being suicidal, because I havent ever gotten to the point where I very, very, very truly wanted to die and was going to slit my wrists or something. This is just to say that I have thought about it a lot and so I have come to an understanding of how I feel about and have come to an understanding as to what I think it is and why I am comfortable with it. Honestly, I dont want to die tomorrow, but if it were to happen I would happily accept it. Maybe not happily, but I would be okay with it because I feel that I have lived a very good life full of ups and downs and I have accomplished so many things already. I have had three amazing relationships with some of the most amazing people in the world, then theres the erica stuff to throw in as well but most people would argue that that was not a relationship due to Isaac and all, becoming an eagle scout, everything in high school, everything in school in general, I have had amazing friends, Ive been through like 13 accidents, one that was meant to kill me on multiple occassions but amazing people like Dirk and Carl held my head up so that I didnt choke on my blood and amazing surgeons and nurses and all sorts of medical staff brought me back to what I am today, and just so many other things. I think that I have already experienced all of the little things that life is really about. I have been extremely happy and I have been terribly depressed. I have been in a coma, I have rolled down grassy hills. Ive broken laws and I have done punishments for them. Ive done big community service projects, I have helped friends. I have gotten into fights with my family, I have spent christmas mornings with my family. I just think that I have lived through ever single satisfaction of life. Now some might say that I havent because I havent gotten married or bought a house or had kids or so many other things, but I would disagree. I havent been married, but I have been through amazing relationships. I dont need the government to tell me that I am "legally married". I havent had kids, but I have spent time with so many kids, Ive been a kid, etc. I havent bought a house, but I live in one and do so very freely as though it basically were my house that I bought and I like it here. There are so many things like that that you can bring up, but some people never get married, never have kids, never buy a house, never do so many things, that you cant really say that that is what life is about. Theres a quote in the movie Van Helsing that was on the other day at work that I really like. Its something that I basically sum up as, the secret to life is death. You have all of these stupid material things like owning a house or buying a car or whatever. You have all of the legal thigns like getting married, winning a lawsuit, inheriting money. You have all of the personal things like having a boyfriend or girlfriend, having kids, having great friends. But some people never do any of those. What is one thing that everyone does? Die. And thats how all of this is related back together. There are all of those things that so many people look for to be the meaning of life, but when you really look at it, what is the one thing that you HAVE to have for life? Death. Some people might argue water, air, food, etc. I get where you are coming from and I agree at the same time. I think that those should be appended though. I mean, some people added love to that, so why shouldnt death be added? If you never die, then you were never alive. Simple as that. What do I think happens after you die? Nothing. Heaven is just a way to make people feel better about dying. Its a way to make people not afraid to die, and a way to make people not as sad because their loved ones who died went to "a better place". I simply cannot accept this. I cannot accept that there is a God who has this master plan that we are forced to follow no matter what. I just think that a book written by some human being should not be taken to this level. Fuck, if I believe that God exists and Jesus did and all od these other things than I might as well people that Peter Cottontail exists out there somewhere. Where do we draw the line between Fiction and Non-Fiction for books that were written before record of such things? I mean, Christian and so many other's bibles are nothing more than people writting it. It says so itself. This is what Mark wrote. This is what Peter wrote. Well who the fuck is Peter? Peter Cottontail wrote it? No, some other person wrote it. Sections of the bible were removed by King James. There was a book (( being book of the bible, not like a whole other book )) written by an athiest that was ripped out of the bible by King James and was never to be printed again. How come? Because someone who was a non-believer couldnt be part of the bible. Jesus himself preached against organized religion according to the bible yet here we are with organized religions about it? So I cannot believe in heaven. When you die, its the same as before you were born. Just nothing. You arent aware that its nothing. You dont know that you died. You dont know that you didnt die. You dont feel anything. You dont not feel anything. Its just exactly the same as before you were born. Your heart stops, your brain stops, every cell of your body dies.
I put a little time stamp block here so that when I start writting the rest of this you dont have to figure out where you stopped reading the first time, you can just scroll down to here and start from here.
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Stop August 28, 2006 @ 10:00 am
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Will start writting here when I finish the entry.