Halloween's Sorrows
Things don't always go as planned they say. I've noticed how life is so unexpected and events just kind of crash down upon you. It's hard to remain stress-free in environments filled with this kind of chaos. But I try anyway.
Life has taken another turn, an emotional one that has left me down as of late. A girl I met awhile ago, has decided to take little sessions of time to disconnect all communication from me. The first session was three weeks, the second was a weekend, and this one is going on for about five days. I won't say her name, but I really liked her. Now I feel shattered for thinking she was everything I hyped her up to be. It wasn't completely tragic, it was just an unsuccessful attempt at finding someone to spend some pleasant and loving time with. I was looking to find something it just doesn't feel like I'll find here. I'm just tired of being neglected. I'd love for things to work like they do with my friends, but they just won't. I wonder if my time will ever come to shine. That doesn't just apply to relationships, it applies to life as a whole.
I've realized what it's like to have someone permanently placed in your heart, that you just love to hate. I have accepted this love/hate person to be my ex. In all honesty, I despise her for things she put me through. Though she seems unsure of them, she knows she did wrong. But the fact remains, I still habe a purely sexual addiction to her. Her beauty is undeniable, yet her heart is frozen over. I still don't feel like she's passed over me.
Even if life throws me another one of these unexpected turns, I will never reunite with her. I will never rejoin with her for what she did. I just wish she'd leave my head, and wish I didn't have to torment myself to the point of losing my mind because I miss her forbidden body so much. It's like a synthetic Ecstasy. I guess you're never really over someone until you can forgive them for the bad things they've done to you. I will openly admit that I haven't risen to that point yet and it still feels far away.'
This on top of the stressfulness of school and work, which have both reached the level of being hell on earth, isn't helpful. Without anything of what I mentioned above, what is life? Am I to remain a drone for now until god knows when? Maybe thats the most lingering thought of it. Not knowing when and the fear that it'll never happen. That's probably the root of it.
Well, at least thats one fear stricken from this holiday. Hope you all had a happy one.
Life has taken another turn, an emotional one that has left me down as of late. A girl I met awhile ago, has decided to take little sessions of time to disconnect all communication from me. The first session was three weeks, the second was a weekend, and this one is going on for about five days. I won't say her name, but I really liked her. Now I feel shattered for thinking she was everything I hyped her up to be. It wasn't completely tragic, it was just an unsuccessful attempt at finding someone to spend some pleasant and loving time with. I was looking to find something it just doesn't feel like I'll find here. I'm just tired of being neglected. I'd love for things to work like they do with my friends, but they just won't. I wonder if my time will ever come to shine. That doesn't just apply to relationships, it applies to life as a whole.
I've realized what it's like to have someone permanently placed in your heart, that you just love to hate. I have accepted this love/hate person to be my ex. In all honesty, I despise her for things she put me through. Though she seems unsure of them, she knows she did wrong. But the fact remains, I still habe a purely sexual addiction to her. Her beauty is undeniable, yet her heart is frozen over. I still don't feel like she's passed over me.
Even if life throws me another one of these unexpected turns, I will never reunite with her. I will never rejoin with her for what she did. I just wish she'd leave my head, and wish I didn't have to torment myself to the point of losing my mind because I miss her forbidden body so much. It's like a synthetic Ecstasy. I guess you're never really over someone until you can forgive them for the bad things they've done to you. I will openly admit that I haven't risen to that point yet and it still feels far away.'
This on top of the stressfulness of school and work, which have both reached the level of being hell on earth, isn't helpful. Without anything of what I mentioned above, what is life? Am I to remain a drone for now until god knows when? Maybe thats the most lingering thought of it. Not knowing when and the fear that it'll never happen. That's probably the root of it.
Well, at least thats one fear stricken from this holiday. Hope you all had a happy one.