Shattered Pieces (Peter/Niki(Jessica)) Part 3 of ?
Title: Shattered Pieces
Rating : PG-13 (possibly)
Pairing : Peter/Niki(Jessica)
Spoilies: Five Years Gone
Summary : Peter runs into a broken Niki's who's mind has broken to the point where reality means nothing any more.
I used to have a lot of time to think. Before Niki started completely loosing grasp, when it was
simply just the beginning of a long fall. Now it took more concentration then I could pull from
the few resources we have. Fearing that if I became too weak I would completely lose myself.
Niki at least had the comfort of believing she was living in reality and going thru the motions.
But I knew the reality of it and that made it so much harder. When Niki had first started going
downhill, we had conversations where I attempted to get Niki to realize what was real and
what wasn't. This only led to Niki fighting harder and loosing ground faster. My more desperate
attempts at taking over had led to the crashing of all reality for Niki. Those moments of
awareness when they were between themselves, where there was no separation at all were
too much for Niki.
During those times when thinking and planning without the constant rambling of Niki in their mind.
She thought back to how it all began. My first memories were of standing over Niki's dead sister
as their father reeled back to hit Niki and have her join her sister in death. That’s when I grabbed
onto all of the memories Niki had of Jessica and made them myself. Jessica in life had been her
protector and in death, she would be as well through me. I know I'm not really her sister she had
in life, but a saying I heard once heard that memories make the person strikes me as true. I have
all Niki's memories including all those of Jessica, and memories Niki doesn’t even have access
to. I emulated all of her abilities, how she acted, how she looked, everything, and after a while
I became her.
Then it had been simple I had aged with Niki at that time she was a child and it was easy to
become what she wished. In my heart, I am Niki's sister, and nothing would break us apart
again. I protected Niki then thru beatings and the healings so that Niki would not remember it
at all. Attended classes for and did all she needed to get her thru. That's when the first problems
began. Niki having no memory of my actions led to her not having memory of what she had
learnt. So I made provisions, I always made provisions to keep us safe. When we finally moved
out years later, when Niki became angry at the fact her father was never around from her
perspective. I took a back seat. Figuring Niki could fight for herself.
Now this doesn't mean I never completely left I'd guide a hand, change an arrangement here or
there, nothing big enough to be noticed. When Niki got too drunk and blacked out, I tended to
be the one to awake first and deal with things. Because that’s my role, protecting Niki,
protecting Micah. I never liked DL he was a threat to everything we were trying to make, an
ex-con who I saw as dangerous. You have to remember the only man I really knew was our
father. When he returned I had no choice but to start over again and as the black outs lessoned
and Niki had awareness of each other totally things changed as well. When your entire life is to
protect someone and then you can't, can't even have moments to exist to try. And all you can
have is fleeting arguments about a reality that doesn't exist or an irrational thought brought up.
Of course, you leap at a chance to end it all. Tina had been too frightened of me to help, even
though she did accept that Niki was safe with me, I knew she was scared. So, when Peter
showed up I saw our shot of fixing things. We'll never be normal, but we both deserve a chance
to survive.
Even with rare moments of control I have now, I still protect her. And I always will. I have to
think even now a part of her knows that. Well not think, I know she knows it I know everything
she does. And I know how it hurts her to see me like this, just as it hurts me to see her the way
she has become.
*****************
Rating : PG-13 (possibly)
Pairing : Peter/Niki(Jessica)
Spoilies: Five Years Gone
Summary : Peter runs into a broken Niki's who's mind has broken to the point where reality means nothing any more.
I used to have a lot of time to think. Before Niki started completely loosing grasp, when it was
simply just the beginning of a long fall. Now it took more concentration then I could pull from
the few resources we have. Fearing that if I became too weak I would completely lose myself.
Niki at least had the comfort of believing she was living in reality and going thru the motions.
But I knew the reality of it and that made it so much harder. When Niki had first started going
downhill, we had conversations where I attempted to get Niki to realize what was real and
what wasn't. This only led to Niki fighting harder and loosing ground faster. My more desperate
attempts at taking over had led to the crashing of all reality for Niki. Those moments of
awareness when they were between themselves, where there was no separation at all were
too much for Niki.
During those times when thinking and planning without the constant rambling of Niki in their mind.
She thought back to how it all began. My first memories were of standing over Niki's dead sister
as their father reeled back to hit Niki and have her join her sister in death. That’s when I grabbed
onto all of the memories Niki had of Jessica and made them myself. Jessica in life had been her
protector and in death, she would be as well through me. I know I'm not really her sister she had
in life, but a saying I heard once heard that memories make the person strikes me as true. I have
all Niki's memories including all those of Jessica, and memories Niki doesn’t even have access
to. I emulated all of her abilities, how she acted, how she looked, everything, and after a while
I became her.
Then it had been simple I had aged with Niki at that time she was a child and it was easy to
become what she wished. In my heart, I am Niki's sister, and nothing would break us apart
again. I protected Niki then thru beatings and the healings so that Niki would not remember it
at all. Attended classes for and did all she needed to get her thru. That's when the first problems
began. Niki having no memory of my actions led to her not having memory of what she had
learnt. So I made provisions, I always made provisions to keep us safe. When we finally moved
out years later, when Niki became angry at the fact her father was never around from her
perspective. I took a back seat. Figuring Niki could fight for herself.
Now this doesn't mean I never completely left I'd guide a hand, change an arrangement here or
there, nothing big enough to be noticed. When Niki got too drunk and blacked out, I tended to
be the one to awake first and deal with things. Because that’s my role, protecting Niki,
protecting Micah. I never liked DL he was a threat to everything we were trying to make, an
ex-con who I saw as dangerous. You have to remember the only man I really knew was our
father. When he returned I had no choice but to start over again and as the black outs lessoned
and Niki had awareness of each other totally things changed as well. When your entire life is to
protect someone and then you can't, can't even have moments to exist to try. And all you can
have is fleeting arguments about a reality that doesn't exist or an irrational thought brought up.
Of course, you leap at a chance to end it all. Tina had been too frightened of me to help, even
though she did accept that Niki was safe with me, I knew she was scared. So, when Peter
showed up I saw our shot of fixing things. We'll never be normal, but we both deserve a chance
to survive.
Even with rare moments of control I have now, I still protect her. And I always will. I have to
think even now a part of her knows that. Well not think, I know she knows it I know everything
she does. And I know how it hurts her to see me like this, just as it hurts me to see her the way
she has become.
*****************