Tonite...A Ramble
I plan on retiring to England. I have it all planned out. I will take a first class berth on a train to New York, where I will catch one of the Cunard boats from New York to South Hampton. Once in England I will rent a flat and spent the next year or two exploring Europe. That is if I don't get into Oxford to read for my Dphil in Literature.
If I make Oxford, then I plan on spending those years persuing my Doctorate, THEN I will explore Europe.
I only want the Doctorate for my own satisfaction. To know that I accomplished my goal. maybe I will teach after that, I don't know. I haven't planned that far, but I like the idea of sharing my love of literature or history with others. Not to metion the fact that the idea of studying at one of the world's oldest institutions is so appealing to my romantic sensibilities. When I look at pictures of the town, I find myself tearing up with anticipation. Anticipation of walking such halls of such age! Elizabeth the first founded one of the colleges at Oxford for crying out loud!
Sometimes I think that I was born in the wrong century, for I fear that I am too much of a romantic in a world that holds little or no romance anymore. I mean, what is there left to discover? We've made it to the moon, but what of Mars or further? I feel as if I am living in the in between times, times when our race is on the edge of expansion yet still trapped by the boundaries of Earth.
I regreat that I live in this time. I often wish that I hadlived in the age of exploration, to have been one of the crew of Columbus. Sometimes I wish, and regret, that I was born in 1967. I want to see how far we humans can go. I want to live to see space travel beyond this solar system. Maybe that's why I love Doctor Who and other science fiction as well as I do. It answers to my imagination.
I feel so wierd sometimes, like I'm the only one who desires theses things. Like the only one who regrets being of this age and not of another. It's concieted I know as I am sure there are others who feel the same way. If not, then the literature and the programming that I love wouldn't be loved by others. Yet, reality intrudes on the fantasy and life is what it is.
I can seperate the fantasy form the reality, but on particularly shitty days I long for men like The Doctor or even Severus Snape (depending on my mood) to rescue me from the mundane. Hell and if I haven't been reading too much fan fiction!
I've always wanted the unattainable, but if it were truly unattainable, then why does God let me want it? I mean, I believe that there is someone, a soulmate as it were, out there for me. There has to be, for they have lived before. Are there no more romantics like Byron? Am I to live the rest of my life alone with no one to share the wonders of this world with?
I won't let the fact that I am alone stop me from seeing the Sistine Chapel or the Pyramids at Giza, but I want to share that with someone. I want a hand to reach out and grasp as I draw wonderous breath at the beauty of all that we humans have made. I want someone that I love to share these things with, yet I fear that there is, and will be no one. What a waste of emotion, of experience and of sight. I desire that soulmate, someone I can turn to in the Sistine Chapel, with tears in my eyes, and know that they feel the same way I do. Someone who will sit with me on the deck of a Nile steamer in the dawn and watch the sun rise over the pyramids and have their breath stolen from their lungs over the sheer beauty of it all.
Do I ask too much? Should I settle for a little less in exchange for the company of someone a bit less enthuistiac?
There in lies the rub..to settle or to be alone and semi happy.
I think that I have begun my mid-life crisis..but then again I've always waxed romantic. Perhaps romance novels should be outlawed.
It's odd. I feel foolish for wanting more than what I have, but at the same time I know that if everyone settled for what they had, then the world would be sadder for it. It's the desire to go further that has gotten this human race to where it is now, even if it suck sometimes.
God, why are you making me repeat my teen-age years? I feel now like I did then; unsure and insecure. Sexy and ugly, confident and unconfident. It sucks and it's wonderful; I feel like I can fufill my dreams some days and on others I feel ancient.
Oh yes, a mid life crisis is exactly like being a teen ager again, only with a better income and more responsibility. It's so frustrating and at the same time exhilarating. It's so damn bipolar!
And that's tonite's rant.
If I make Oxford, then I plan on spending those years persuing my Doctorate, THEN I will explore Europe.
I only want the Doctorate for my own satisfaction. To know that I accomplished my goal. maybe I will teach after that, I don't know. I haven't planned that far, but I like the idea of sharing my love of literature or history with others. Not to metion the fact that the idea of studying at one of the world's oldest institutions is so appealing to my romantic sensibilities. When I look at pictures of the town, I find myself tearing up with anticipation. Anticipation of walking such halls of such age! Elizabeth the first founded one of the colleges at Oxford for crying out loud!
Sometimes I think that I was born in the wrong century, for I fear that I am too much of a romantic in a world that holds little or no romance anymore. I mean, what is there left to discover? We've made it to the moon, but what of Mars or further? I feel as if I am living in the in between times, times when our race is on the edge of expansion yet still trapped by the boundaries of Earth.
I regreat that I live in this time. I often wish that I hadlived in the age of exploration, to have been one of the crew of Columbus. Sometimes I wish, and regret, that I was born in 1967. I want to see how far we humans can go. I want to live to see space travel beyond this solar system. Maybe that's why I love Doctor Who and other science fiction as well as I do. It answers to my imagination.
I feel so wierd sometimes, like I'm the only one who desires theses things. Like the only one who regrets being of this age and not of another. It's concieted I know as I am sure there are others who feel the same way. If not, then the literature and the programming that I love wouldn't be loved by others. Yet, reality intrudes on the fantasy and life is what it is.
I can seperate the fantasy form the reality, but on particularly shitty days I long for men like The Doctor or even Severus Snape (depending on my mood) to rescue me from the mundane. Hell and if I haven't been reading too much fan fiction!
I've always wanted the unattainable, but if it were truly unattainable, then why does God let me want it? I mean, I believe that there is someone, a soulmate as it were, out there for me. There has to be, for they have lived before. Are there no more romantics like Byron? Am I to live the rest of my life alone with no one to share the wonders of this world with?
I won't let the fact that I am alone stop me from seeing the Sistine Chapel or the Pyramids at Giza, but I want to share that with someone. I want a hand to reach out and grasp as I draw wonderous breath at the beauty of all that we humans have made. I want someone that I love to share these things with, yet I fear that there is, and will be no one. What a waste of emotion, of experience and of sight. I desire that soulmate, someone I can turn to in the Sistine Chapel, with tears in my eyes, and know that they feel the same way I do. Someone who will sit with me on the deck of a Nile steamer in the dawn and watch the sun rise over the pyramids and have their breath stolen from their lungs over the sheer beauty of it all.
Do I ask too much? Should I settle for a little less in exchange for the company of someone a bit less enthuistiac?
There in lies the rub..to settle or to be alone and semi happy.
I think that I have begun my mid-life crisis..but then again I've always waxed romantic. Perhaps romance novels should be outlawed.
It's odd. I feel foolish for wanting more than what I have, but at the same time I know that if everyone settled for what they had, then the world would be sadder for it. It's the desire to go further that has gotten this human race to where it is now, even if it suck sometimes.
God, why are you making me repeat my teen-age years? I feel now like I did then; unsure and insecure. Sexy and ugly, confident and unconfident. It sucks and it's wonderful; I feel like I can fufill my dreams some days and on others I feel ancient.
Oh yes, a mid life crisis is exactly like being a teen ager again, only with a better income and more responsibility. It's so frustrating and at the same time exhilarating. It's so damn bipolar!
And that's tonite's rant.