Mistakes
Alright, it's late enough where I think everyones asleep. I've had more on my mind than the petty stuff as of norm. I went after Samantha to get some closure and just talk, and her ex-bf/bf whatever and his gang were doing a drug trade when I arrived. I got closure, but later I got a call from them. They want to "meet with me" tommorrow, and if I don't come they're going to give my house a "coat of lead paint." And they want to settle things, to quote them and listening to them make snide comments over the phone. I'm going just in case they aren't bluffing about hurting my family. I don't let that happen. I should have never got caught up in this, but I didn't tell anyone about this because I didn't want them to worry. Worst case scenario...
I hope you don't worry too much, but I am dealing with criminals and drug trafficers. I saw the guns on them the first time I met them. I don't plan to leave the world anytime soon, besides. If it was Game over for me, Alexis would lose her net and phone because I couldn't pay her bills, and im sure everyone else would at least mourn. She seemed happy today, I couldn't bear to tell her directly what was happening. I tried to spend more time with her today, just in case. But...yeah. Stay happy Alexis, I know if something happens to me you'll lose everything. I know you need me, whether you want to admit it or not, at least for money, I will support you. I should have never taken your advice and tried to date though. But just in case:
Alexis, I want you to be happy. You want to be happy so bad that you refuse to realize all the bad things. I wish you wouldn't be so defensive. I know you wanted to see on your own. Thats why I gave you the space am giving. Please don't worry about me. I really want everything to be fine.
Evelyn, if the shit hits the fan, im probably going to get through this because of you, you helped and gave me advice on how to build my body. I listened. If something happens, take care of yourself alright? You better.
Diana, Thanks for holding me the nights Alexis wouldn't. I know your computer isn't even up right now but when you come back, I want you to know your a true friend to me. You really do understand everything that we've talked about, and you aren't blind, if anything, the least blind person I know. Don't worry, by the time you read this you'll probably know the outcome anyway.
And everyone else that probably does or doesn't even read this journal, just in case. I love you all. If you can't tell im a little afraid for my life. I should be. I couldn't tell everyone while they were awake because I didn't want everyone worrying about me. Alexis, I love you. I have been so selfless in giving you space and helping you in any way I can. I worry most about you worrying. I know you've been distancing, and you may even think it's your fault because if you'd stayed close I wouldn't have met her in the first place, but don't. It was my decision to see her. I have to deal with the consequences. Im sorry, again, I didn't tell you in the morning because I didn't want you to worry. Just in case, worst case scenario. I love you all.
I hope you don't worry too much, but I am dealing with criminals and drug trafficers. I saw the guns on them the first time I met them. I don't plan to leave the world anytime soon, besides. If it was Game over for me, Alexis would lose her net and phone because I couldn't pay her bills, and im sure everyone else would at least mourn. She seemed happy today, I couldn't bear to tell her directly what was happening. I tried to spend more time with her today, just in case. But...yeah. Stay happy Alexis, I know if something happens to me you'll lose everything. I know you need me, whether you want to admit it or not, at least for money, I will support you. I should have never taken your advice and tried to date though. But just in case:
Alexis, I want you to be happy. You want to be happy so bad that you refuse to realize all the bad things. I wish you wouldn't be so defensive. I know you wanted to see on your own. Thats why I gave you the space am giving. Please don't worry about me. I really want everything to be fine.
Evelyn, if the shit hits the fan, im probably going to get through this because of you, you helped and gave me advice on how to build my body. I listened. If something happens, take care of yourself alright? You better.
Diana, Thanks for holding me the nights Alexis wouldn't. I know your computer isn't even up right now but when you come back, I want you to know your a true friend to me. You really do understand everything that we've talked about, and you aren't blind, if anything, the least blind person I know. Don't worry, by the time you read this you'll probably know the outcome anyway.
And everyone else that probably does or doesn't even read this journal, just in case. I love you all. If you can't tell im a little afraid for my life. I should be. I couldn't tell everyone while they were awake because I didn't want everyone worrying about me. Alexis, I love you. I have been so selfless in giving you space and helping you in any way I can. I worry most about you worrying. I know you've been distancing, and you may even think it's your fault because if you'd stayed close I wouldn't have met her in the first place, but don't. It was my decision to see her. I have to deal with the consequences. Im sorry, again, I didn't tell you in the morning because I didn't want you to worry. Just in case, worst case scenario. I love you all.