{44} frailties
[Voice]
[The post starts out as an accidental voice recording. Juudai should probably know better than to slam the table that the communicator is on in blind frustration, obviously, because that will always turn it on. Every time. Undeniable law of the universe.
But regardless, he bangs the surface with his fists a few times, shouting something incoherent as he does so. When the banging stops after a few moments, he can be heard murmuring to himself between attempted calming breaths.]
...Why the hell do I even try. Just... why?!
This is hopeless... no matter what I do, I can't protect him. They'll never leave him alone at this rate... they've already hurt him so much, and it's affecting the other one as well.
[Pacing.]
Yet still, I... I just can't resent either of you. I want to hate you so badly, because I know the frustration is building up, and I don't have anything else to take it out on, so it just continues to build. But I can hear my better judgment practically begging me not to do so... because I know it really is wrong. Wanting to hate you probably puts me in the wrong as well, but I really just don't know what else I can do anymore... other than hate myself for it. But it's always so much easier to do that, anyway.
Is it really so wrong of me...? Why is the mistake mine, to speak up when someone I care about is getting hurt so deeply? This all just keeps opening up old wounds that were almost healed...
Why am I the one who has to think that what I said was wrong, supposedly, and understand their perspective, without getting the same consideration mutually...?
...Well... maybe he's right about one thing; maybe that's why I get hurt over these things...
[Hesitation. He notices the communicator on and recording, finally, and pads over to turn it off quickly in what sounds like embarrassment.]
[Typed]
...Um, Manjoume, are you feeling any better? I'm really sorry that had to happen to you, but it's gone now, at least, so you shouldn't have to worry about it anymore.
[The post starts out as an accidental voice recording. Juudai should probably know better than to slam the table that the communicator is on in blind frustration, obviously, because that will always turn it on. Every time. Undeniable law of the universe.
But regardless, he bangs the surface with his fists a few times, shouting something incoherent as he does so. When the banging stops after a few moments, he can be heard murmuring to himself between attempted calming breaths.]
...Why the hell do I even try. Just... why?!
This is hopeless... no matter what I do, I can't protect him. They'll never leave him alone at this rate... they've already hurt him so much, and it's affecting the other one as well.
[Pacing.]
Yet still, I... I just can't resent either of you. I want to hate you so badly, because I know the frustration is building up, and I don't have anything else to take it out on, so it just continues to build. But I can hear my better judgment practically begging me not to do so... because I know it really is wrong. Wanting to hate you probably puts me in the wrong as well, but I really just don't know what else I can do anymore... other than hate myself for it. But it's always so much easier to do that, anyway.
Is it really so wrong of me...? Why is the mistake mine, to speak up when someone I care about is getting hurt so deeply? This all just keeps opening up old wounds that were almost healed...
Why am I the one who has to think that what I said was wrong, supposedly, and understand their perspective, without getting the same consideration mutually...?
...Well... maybe he's right about one thing; maybe that's why I get hurt over these things...
[Hesitation. He notices the communicator on and recording, finally, and pads over to turn it off quickly in what sounds like embarrassment.]
[Typed]
...Um, Manjoume, are you feeling any better? I'm really sorry that had to happen to you, but it's gone now, at least, so you shouldn't have to worry about it anymore.