Who needs sleep? (Well I'm never gonna get it)
5:30 in the morning, sitting up with too many thoughts. Went over to Roze's to hang out for the 5th night in a row. She broke down tonight, after she tried talking about her past. Well, she didn't need to say anything, I caught glimpses of it anyway. Well, it was probably better she thought about it with someone around for her to talk to. It's so close to what happened to Deanna it scares me a little. I mean, I can handle the impressions, I don't mind sharing the burden. I just guess I am drawn to people who need to let go of pain. Steph did (still does), Deanna is still trying to bring most of it to a conscious level, which I wish I could help her when she does, because its going to be very, very hard. I hope she can pull through, there are a lot of buried emotions of all sorts she has. It is hard to tell what is what. It is the same thing I see over and over, and it can't be just a coincidence.
Everyone keeps telling me to go meet new people, but my heart isn't in it. I meet people who I am able to be happy with, them I'm not good enough for some reason. Makes me want to stop trying, if there weren't a big hole right through me. I don't want to go date a fucking stranger either. It's too awkward. There are too many people out there that would make me grind my teeth in the first hour of a date. It would be so much easier to be able to judge the workability of a partner by just two factors like most guys do: breast size and waist size. Oh and throw in hair color and favorite rap/pop/country group if you want to get picky. I went to college thinking everyone was going to be an interesting and individual person. Then I realized that the same bimbos that mindlessly slid through high school by copying papers were my classmates there too. The rare ones with a personality and two brain cells to bang together are either A) Taken B) Not interested in me C) Already my friends (just friends) D) All of the above. If you answered D, then you'd be right, and I'd be fucked. Or maybe I'm just not looking hard enough. however, single, sane (moderately), intellectual, open minded, pagan-friendly, and geek-friendly is a tough bill to fill. Add a fiery attitude, good taste, a hot figure (my definition of hot is not "stick"), and a healthy libido and I'd be in paradise but those are negotiable. Yeah, I know lots of those girls, but see A,B,C,D above. If you all know any, I'd be happy to make a new friend. As is, I'm feelin like I have pretty much met everyone I could meet already, so prospects do not look great. Yes, I am hopeless, I'm way past accepting that now.
Maybe I'll just forget about women anyway, since they seem to be gigantic money sinks in my past experience and I don't have much at the moment. Not that I mind flushing huge sums down the toilet, I just don't have the sums to flush. Well, I am applying for a bartending job again tomorrow, actually two of them, so that might change. Perhaps job 31 or 32 here will finally hire me. Thats another big one that has been getting me down forever. Michigan officially has no economy. I love living here but I'm probably not going to be able to. I have always wanted to raise a family in the house I grew up in, since it has been in the family for almost a century now. Well, maybe my brother will get it. Meh. I dunno. Gods I'm in such a downer mood tonight. I'm trying to work off all that bad energy I picked up earlier. Well, maybe I'll have solutions by tomorrow.
Everyone keeps telling me to go meet new people, but my heart isn't in it. I meet people who I am able to be happy with, them I'm not good enough for some reason. Makes me want to stop trying, if there weren't a big hole right through me. I don't want to go date a fucking stranger either. It's too awkward. There are too many people out there that would make me grind my teeth in the first hour of a date. It would be so much easier to be able to judge the workability of a partner by just two factors like most guys do: breast size and waist size. Oh and throw in hair color and favorite rap/pop/country group if you want to get picky. I went to college thinking everyone was going to be an interesting and individual person. Then I realized that the same bimbos that mindlessly slid through high school by copying papers were my classmates there too. The rare ones with a personality and two brain cells to bang together are either A) Taken B) Not interested in me C) Already my friends (just friends) D) All of the above. If you answered D, then you'd be right, and I'd be fucked. Or maybe I'm just not looking hard enough. however, single, sane (moderately), intellectual, open minded, pagan-friendly, and geek-friendly is a tough bill to fill. Add a fiery attitude, good taste, a hot figure (my definition of hot is not "stick"), and a healthy libido and I'd be in paradise but those are negotiable. Yeah, I know lots of those girls, but see A,B,C,D above. If you all know any, I'd be happy to make a new friend. As is, I'm feelin like I have pretty much met everyone I could meet already, so prospects do not look great. Yes, I am hopeless, I'm way past accepting that now.
Maybe I'll just forget about women anyway, since they seem to be gigantic money sinks in my past experience and I don't have much at the moment. Not that I mind flushing huge sums down the toilet, I just don't have the sums to flush. Well, I am applying for a bartending job again tomorrow, actually two of them, so that might change. Perhaps job 31 or 32 here will finally hire me. Thats another big one that has been getting me down forever. Michigan officially has no economy. I love living here but I'm probably not going to be able to. I have always wanted to raise a family in the house I grew up in, since it has been in the family for almost a century now. Well, maybe my brother will get it. Meh. I dunno. Gods I'm in such a downer mood tonight. I'm trying to work off all that bad energy I picked up earlier. Well, maybe I'll have solutions by tomorrow.