The One I Gave My Heart To
How can the one I gave my heart to just go ahead and throw it out and stomp on it the way she did? How could I have fallen so blindly into this lust of affection and attention knowing all too well what will happen?
Am I a fool to believe that she can be different, that she will be better than the rest? I must be a fool to think that way since it seems to be happening again.
The wretched pain of yearning and not knowing what everything is about. She keeps close but distant, the ultimate game of have but can never have.
It's a evil game as this poor marionette is manipulated by the heartless puppet-master, stringing him along, making him jump through hoops to prove to her that he means everything he said. She is special, beautiful, and truly a wonder.
Yet, she plays games. She has my heart on the ground with her heels over it, ready to stomp and squish. My heart is nothing but a bug that doesn't deserve to live. It is a nuisance that doesn't needs to be ended.
My heart, my heart, my poor little heart that only seems to beat because that's the only thing that it is sure of doing.
Everything else is a mystery, a mystery that it doesn't want to solve. Why? Why?
It'll just end up in more heartache. It'll just end up in more questions with no answers. The frustration it feels is legitimate as it goes about its business.
Such a sucker for love; a fool for love. Nothing more can come out of this. Nothing good can come out of this. It is just a petty game that it can't afford to play anymore.
* * *
It seems like it has been a while since I've written in this dear ol' blog of mine. It comes to a time where I really don't have much to say but have everything to say. My mind seems to be a jumble mess of mixed emotions.
There is joy, regret, laughter, sadness. A mixed bag.
I just don't think I can clear out these emotions anytime soon. They are just here and it seems it will always be here regardless of whatever happens. It will always be here despite everything I've tried to do to trust.
There's always that lingering feeling of doubt, of what is happening, of what is us, and what is this, and what?
I just don't understand anymore, and it just seems that I'm just a fool to believe that it can be anything different than what I've already been through. Who knows? Maybe she is telling me the truth and I should respect her privacy and trust that she is true.
Trust.
There is that word again. When can I ever trust people fully again? When?
I don't know anymore. I don't know much about anything anymore except that life goes one with the beat of time. Life is just life and I just need to face it as it comes.
SERIOUSLY
If it happens again, if my heart breaks again, I just have to allow it to happen. If she lies to me, then she lies to me and I have to deal with that. If she actually does have something that I need to know or should to know and she doesn't tell me, then that is something that I need to deal with.
People are selfish. They only want the best for themselves and nothing else. No one is ever that selfless. Never. Not even me.
* * *
Am I a fool to believe that she can be different, that she will be better than the rest? I must be a fool to think that way since it seems to be happening again.
The wretched pain of yearning and not knowing what everything is about. She keeps close but distant, the ultimate game of have but can never have.
It's a evil game as this poor marionette is manipulated by the heartless puppet-master, stringing him along, making him jump through hoops to prove to her that he means everything he said. She is special, beautiful, and truly a wonder.
Yet, she plays games. She has my heart on the ground with her heels over it, ready to stomp and squish. My heart is nothing but a bug that doesn't deserve to live. It is a nuisance that doesn't needs to be ended.
My heart, my heart, my poor little heart that only seems to beat because that's the only thing that it is sure of doing.
Everything else is a mystery, a mystery that it doesn't want to solve. Why? Why?
It'll just end up in more heartache. It'll just end up in more questions with no answers. The frustration it feels is legitimate as it goes about its business.
Such a sucker for love; a fool for love. Nothing more can come out of this. Nothing good can come out of this. It is just a petty game that it can't afford to play anymore.
* * *
It seems like it has been a while since I've written in this dear ol' blog of mine. It comes to a time where I really don't have much to say but have everything to say. My mind seems to be a jumble mess of mixed emotions.
There is joy, regret, laughter, sadness. A mixed bag.
I just don't think I can clear out these emotions anytime soon. They are just here and it seems it will always be here regardless of whatever happens. It will always be here despite everything I've tried to do to trust.
There's always that lingering feeling of doubt, of what is happening, of what is us, and what is this, and what?
I just don't understand anymore, and it just seems that I'm just a fool to believe that it can be anything different than what I've already been through. Who knows? Maybe she is telling me the truth and I should respect her privacy and trust that she is true.
Trust.
There is that word again. When can I ever trust people fully again? When?
I don't know anymore. I don't know much about anything anymore except that life goes one with the beat of time. Life is just life and I just need to face it as it comes.
SERIOUSLY
If it happens again, if my heart breaks again, I just have to allow it to happen. If she lies to me, then she lies to me and I have to deal with that. If she actually does have something that I need to know or should to know and she doesn't tell me, then that is something that I need to deal with.
People are selfish. They only want the best for themselves and nothing else. No one is ever that selfless. Never. Not even me.
* * *