fic: rewrite the rule book 2/? (avengers/parks and rec, pg)
Pairings: Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt, Andy Dwyer/April Ludgate, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner/Ann Perkins
Summary: Steve and Leslie are BFFs, Bert Macklin joins S.H.I.E.L.D., the Parks Department becomes the Stark Department, and Ann kind of wants to date the Hulk.
Disclaimer: I wish they were mine. Alas, they are really, very much not.
Author's Note: Sorry this took a while, guys, and sorry the chapters are so short. I originally intended to release it all in one go, but somehow this way is less distracting from things I'm working on in real life. Thanks so much for the comments on the first one! I love you all.
Also on ao3.
One
“You’re telling me,” Ann said, “that there is possible alien activity. Here. In Pawnee?”
“That about sums it up,” Bruce answered. She looked almost unsurprised. Not pleased, and clearly resigned, but not shocked. He kind of appreciated it.
“And you and your superpowered friends are here to help.”
“Yeah.”
Ann finally took a sip of her coffee and made a face. “Wow, this is horrible.”
“The coffee?” Bruce asked. “Or did you mean the situation?”
“Both. I must have gotten distracted by having a superhero in my house and made it more milk than caffeine.”
Bruce ducked his head to hide his wince. “I’m not a hero.”
“Oh, don’t give me that.” Bruce looked up and found her stirring her coffee absently, eyes narrowed at him. “I’ve seen the Manhattan footage. You’re not fooling me.”
“Okay,” he laughed, and it felt like the first time in a while.
Tony commandeered Donna’s computer, leaving her to take over Jerry’s.
“But I’m working on a PowerPoint,” he said, and she gestured to Tony, hovering over her desktop with Pepper on a tablet beside him.
“Jerry, when Tony Stark wants your computer, you give him your computer. And my work is more important than yours.”
“Okay,” Jerry sighed, and closed the PowerPoint window. “Oh.”
“You forgot to save it,” Donna supplied unnecessarily.
“Gimme a second, I’ll handle it,” Tony called.
Things were starting to come out of the vortex. Things that hadn’t gone in in the first place.
“Not to worry, friends,” Thor told Clint and Natasha. “I will battle any beasts, should they appear.”
“Yeah, great, Thor,” said Clint, eyes darting to the couple a few yards away. “Nat, is it safe for them here?”
“Ask Thor. He brought them.” She didn’t approve, but with three S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and a Norse god, they weren’t likely to come to any harm.
“The girl’s making me nervous.”
With a punch to Clint’s arm, Natasha headed over to the couple, who watched her in fear and awe.
“I want to be just like you,” April said before Natasha could ask why they wanted to be on the scene in the first place. “April,” she added as an afterthought.
“Bert Macklin,” the man said, reaching out to shake Natasha’s hand. She declined with a shake of her head, and he wilted slightly. “You can call me Andy, I guess.”
“Leslie Knope!” said an enthusiastic voice, interrupting Steve’s sentence. “Sorry to interrupt, but I heard that Captain America was in the building, and I just had to come in and tell him how much I admire him.”
“Hello?” Steve said, feeling more than a little awkward.
“Captain,” the man said, shaking his hand vigorously. Steve wasn’t sure when that had started. “Meeting you is literally the greatest honor of my life. I am Chris Traeger. While I may not have a super serum flowing through my veins, I do my utmost to ensure that I am in prime physical condition. I believe we may have a lot to talk about.”
“That’s great,” Steve said. “Sure. But can Leslie and I finish up this strategy meeting first?”
“Oh, you have no idea the chaos we’ve been through here,” Ann said. “Aliens are a new one, but things get weird in this town. I’m just glad Ben’s back from D.C. Leslie was going crazy without him. Not that she’s usually the sanest.”
“I know what you mean. You should’ve seen Clint and Natasha before Coulson came back from the dead.”
“Wow, okay, we are definitely working on different weirdness scales.”
Bruce laughed softly, and Ann smiled into her mug.
“Captain-“
“Steve.”
“Steve,” Leslie said. “How are we going to fix this?”
He frowned. “I have Thor looking into it, to see if it has any connection to Asgard or Loki. Once we’ve heard from him, we can plan a course of action.”
“How long will it be till he knows?”
“Probably another couple of hours.”
Leslie grinned. It was a good look on her. “Can we talk about history while we wait? I want to hear how you felt about FDR.”
He couldn’t help smiling back.
Ben was pretty sure this could not actually be happening.
The guy in the suit he’d bumped into at Leslie’s office was in front of him in line at Food ‘N’ Stuff, and he had a guy in armor with him.
Armor.
“Sorry,” he said to the blond armor guy, “This sounds like a sarcastic question, but it’s completely genuine. Is there a renaissance fair in town, or is it something weirder?”
“Definitely weirder,” said the guy in the suit, and Ben decided he’d rather not ask.
That plan was foiled by his phone ringing. Loudly. To the tune of “Call Me Maybe.”
“Leslie, I thought you were going to change that back,” he said.
“I like it! It’s fun! Anyway, I’m at JJ’s with Captain America. You should come. He’s got really great stories.”
“Okay, I-did you just say you’re at JJ’s with Captain America?”
“Indeed she did,” said armor guy, and Ben realized some introductions needed to be made.
“Ann, are you aware that the Avengers are in Pawnee?” said Ben on the phone, and Ann glanced at Bruce. She suspected he could hear every word. Ben was kind of freaking out.
“Yeah, I’m actually having coffee with Bruce Banner right now,” she said, trying to make it sound casual, as if “I’m hanging out with the Hulk” was a perfectly normal thing to say.
“Coffee’s not a euphemism, is it?” said Ben. “It just kind of sounded like it.”
“No, it’s not.” Apparently, Ann needed to work on sounding casual.
“How do you do the thing where you kill a man with your thighs?” April asked, notepad in hand.
“Training and possible genetic enhancements?” Natasha offered. Clint barked a laugh, and Andy joined him, looking confused.
“Where did you get your uniform?” April continued. This was beginning to feel like an interrogation. In the unpleasant sense, not the Natasha-in-total-control sense.
“S.H.I.E.L.D. supplied it,” she said. “Why are you so curious about my work?”
“Because you’re perfect,” April said, and Clint raised an eyebrow. Natasha couldn’t really argue with that.
Summary: Steve and Leslie are BFFs, Bert Macklin joins S.H.I.E.L.D., the Parks Department becomes the Stark Department, and Ann kind of wants to date the Hulk.
Disclaimer: I wish they were mine. Alas, they are really, very much not.
Author's Note: Sorry this took a while, guys, and sorry the chapters are so short. I originally intended to release it all in one go, but somehow this way is less distracting from things I'm working on in real life. Thanks so much for the comments on the first one! I love you all.
Also on ao3.
One
“You’re telling me,” Ann said, “that there is possible alien activity. Here. In Pawnee?”
“That about sums it up,” Bruce answered. She looked almost unsurprised. Not pleased, and clearly resigned, but not shocked. He kind of appreciated it.
“And you and your superpowered friends are here to help.”
“Yeah.”
Ann finally took a sip of her coffee and made a face. “Wow, this is horrible.”
“The coffee?” Bruce asked. “Or did you mean the situation?”
“Both. I must have gotten distracted by having a superhero in my house and made it more milk than caffeine.”
Bruce ducked his head to hide his wince. “I’m not a hero.”
“Oh, don’t give me that.” Bruce looked up and found her stirring her coffee absently, eyes narrowed at him. “I’ve seen the Manhattan footage. You’re not fooling me.”
“Okay,” he laughed, and it felt like the first time in a while.
Tony commandeered Donna’s computer, leaving her to take over Jerry’s.
“But I’m working on a PowerPoint,” he said, and she gestured to Tony, hovering over her desktop with Pepper on a tablet beside him.
“Jerry, when Tony Stark wants your computer, you give him your computer. And my work is more important than yours.”
“Okay,” Jerry sighed, and closed the PowerPoint window. “Oh.”
“You forgot to save it,” Donna supplied unnecessarily.
“Gimme a second, I’ll handle it,” Tony called.
Things were starting to come out of the vortex. Things that hadn’t gone in in the first place.
“Not to worry, friends,” Thor told Clint and Natasha. “I will battle any beasts, should they appear.”
“Yeah, great, Thor,” said Clint, eyes darting to the couple a few yards away. “Nat, is it safe for them here?”
“Ask Thor. He brought them.” She didn’t approve, but with three S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and a Norse god, they weren’t likely to come to any harm.
“The girl’s making me nervous.”
With a punch to Clint’s arm, Natasha headed over to the couple, who watched her in fear and awe.
“I want to be just like you,” April said before Natasha could ask why they wanted to be on the scene in the first place. “April,” she added as an afterthought.
“Bert Macklin,” the man said, reaching out to shake Natasha’s hand. She declined with a shake of her head, and he wilted slightly. “You can call me Andy, I guess.”
“Leslie Knope!” said an enthusiastic voice, interrupting Steve’s sentence. “Sorry to interrupt, but I heard that Captain America was in the building, and I just had to come in and tell him how much I admire him.”
“Hello?” Steve said, feeling more than a little awkward.
“Captain,” the man said, shaking his hand vigorously. Steve wasn’t sure when that had started. “Meeting you is literally the greatest honor of my life. I am Chris Traeger. While I may not have a super serum flowing through my veins, I do my utmost to ensure that I am in prime physical condition. I believe we may have a lot to talk about.”
“That’s great,” Steve said. “Sure. But can Leslie and I finish up this strategy meeting first?”
“Oh, you have no idea the chaos we’ve been through here,” Ann said. “Aliens are a new one, but things get weird in this town. I’m just glad Ben’s back from D.C. Leslie was going crazy without him. Not that she’s usually the sanest.”
“I know what you mean. You should’ve seen Clint and Natasha before Coulson came back from the dead.”
“Wow, okay, we are definitely working on different weirdness scales.”
Bruce laughed softly, and Ann smiled into her mug.
“Captain-“
“Steve.”
“Steve,” Leslie said. “How are we going to fix this?”
He frowned. “I have Thor looking into it, to see if it has any connection to Asgard or Loki. Once we’ve heard from him, we can plan a course of action.”
“How long will it be till he knows?”
“Probably another couple of hours.”
Leslie grinned. It was a good look on her. “Can we talk about history while we wait? I want to hear how you felt about FDR.”
He couldn’t help smiling back.
Ben was pretty sure this could not actually be happening.
The guy in the suit he’d bumped into at Leslie’s office was in front of him in line at Food ‘N’ Stuff, and he had a guy in armor with him.
Armor.
“Sorry,” he said to the blond armor guy, “This sounds like a sarcastic question, but it’s completely genuine. Is there a renaissance fair in town, or is it something weirder?”
“Definitely weirder,” said the guy in the suit, and Ben decided he’d rather not ask.
That plan was foiled by his phone ringing. Loudly. To the tune of “Call Me Maybe.”
“Leslie, I thought you were going to change that back,” he said.
“I like it! It’s fun! Anyway, I’m at JJ’s with Captain America. You should come. He’s got really great stories.”
“Okay, I-did you just say you’re at JJ’s with Captain America?”
“Indeed she did,” said armor guy, and Ben realized some introductions needed to be made.
“Ann, are you aware that the Avengers are in Pawnee?” said Ben on the phone, and Ann glanced at Bruce. She suspected he could hear every word. Ben was kind of freaking out.
“Yeah, I’m actually having coffee with Bruce Banner right now,” she said, trying to make it sound casual, as if “I’m hanging out with the Hulk” was a perfectly normal thing to say.
“Coffee’s not a euphemism, is it?” said Ben. “It just kind of sounded like it.”
“No, it’s not.” Apparently, Ann needed to work on sounding casual.
“How do you do the thing where you kill a man with your thighs?” April asked, notepad in hand.
“Training and possible genetic enhancements?” Natasha offered. Clint barked a laugh, and Andy joined him, looking confused.
“Where did you get your uniform?” April continued. This was beginning to feel like an interrogation. In the unpleasant sense, not the Natasha-in-total-control sense.
“S.H.I.E.L.D. supplied it,” she said. “Why are you so curious about my work?”
“Because you’re perfect,” April said, and Clint raised an eyebrow. Natasha couldn’t really argue with that.