Glee: "Idiosyncrasy" (6/ ?)
CHAPTER FIVE
MAMA WHO BORE ME
Artist: Lea Michele
LIMA, OHIO SPRING 2011
'Mama who bore me
Mama who gave me
No way to handle things
Who made me so sad.' - Spring Awakening
PARK
Quinn pushed the stroller down the walkway. She was so happy that the weather was finally back to warmth. It still wasn't warm enough for Beth to go out without a jacket. But, at least her jackets are more in the medium light weight area. Quinn had a major battle with Rachel over this issue - but she was pleased that she had won. She after all was Beth's mother and should have the final say in any matter concerning her daughter.
Quinn loved Rachel for her unconditional and unwavering protectiveness for Beth. Even when Rachel goes way beyond all belief on the simplest of all things concerning raising an baby. Like take the teething ring issue for goodness shake. Rachel just had to do a complete and in depth research into ever single teething ring known to man kind. It had taken months before Rachel narrowed the choices down to three. Even then she highly doubted that those three were truly the safest for Beth to put in her mouth. Quinn was honestly worried that Beth wouldn't get a teething ring for her teething stages. But, when Quinn adjusted to herself of using her own fingers during Beth's teething stage - Rachel had walked in with a bag full of the teething ring that she deemed was the safest.
Lets not go into the diaper issue. Ever.
Quinn smirked down at her eleven month old daughter. "You should feel very lucky that you have a stubborn mommy, baby. If Mama Rachel had her way - then you would have remained inside mommy your entire life. But, I wanted - no, needed to see your precious face to allow that ever happen."
Beth grinned up at her.
"I can't believe you'll be one years old next month." Quinn sighed, "Where has the time gone baby? Soon you'll be walking, talking, running, signing, leaving mommy behind." She felt tears prickle behind her eyes. "Gee-sh, if I continue down this line, I'll be a bubbling idiot in public."
Beth gently cooed.
Quinn laughed gently. "I'm a mother, what can you do?"
"Quinn." A hard voice said behind her.
Quinn stopped dead in her tracks and stiffened up. Slowly twisting her head she found her mother glaring at her. "Hello mom." She said impassively. She reached down with her right hand and touched her daughter. She stared into her mother's eyes, but keeping her own baby girl close to her. She remembered that she was in a public place, and it wasn't safe to keep her eyes off her baby. She deliberately took her eyes from her mother to look down at Beth.
"I can't believe that you are out in public, Quinn. Can't you think of your father and I? Can't you think how this looks bad on us?" Judy sneered at her youngest daughter.
"I'm not going too keep Beth hidden away for eighteen years, mother. It's not healthy to keep a child locked up in doors. She needs the fresh air." Quinn said in a low and hard voice. She felt her daughter stiffen underneath her hand. She glanced at her mother, "In another year, mother, you won't have to worry about running into me and your granddaughter. We are moving too New York after I graduate."
"So you are going to be still living with her." Judy glared daggers into her daughter's hazel eyes.
"Her name is Rachel, mother." Quinn said. "And yes, Beth and I are going to be living with Rachel in New York. She's going to go to Julliard, and I'm going to attend NYU. They both have excellent child care programs."
"I'm pleased that you got into a good college, Quinn. I'm pleased to see that you haven't given up your education." Judy said in stiff tone. "You know that whatever is in your savings is yours. Your father and I haven't added anything to it since you left home last year."
"Since you kicked me out." Quinn snorted.
"I never kicked you out." Judy seethed quickly back.
"You just sat there with your scotch as he kicked me out. You never said or did anything, mother. You allowed him to kick your daughter out of the only home she ever knew." Quinn had to remind herself that Beth was with her - otherwise she would have screamed at her mother. It was difficult enough trying to keep herself calm.
"I knew you would go to the father's home." Judy coughed. "You did end up with him eventually. You should have remained there, Qunnie, you didn't need to go her."
"I went home, mother. Rachel is home." Quinn said in a soft voice.
Judy felt then fire rise even higher than before. She was just about to release it when a small whimper sounded out. She looked down into Beth's hazel eyes as she looked straight at her. "She has your eyes." She softly said as she found her voice once more.
Quinn breathed in relief as she saw that her mother wasn't going to give into the desire to blast her. "Even through we don't agree about my chosen home, mom, I do still want you part of our lives. Beth should know you, her grandmother."
"Your father wouldn't allow it." Judy said never taking her eyes off of her granddaughter. "I can't accept your decision of remaining with her, Quinn. It's a sin against God."
"God is love." Quinn said simply. "He forgave me. Why can't you?"
"I can forgive you for the sin of having per-marital sex. I can forgive you for deciding to keep your daughter at seventeen. But, I can't see forgiving you for the ultimate act of sin." Judy said her eyes had left Beth's, and met Quinn's by the end of her speech.
"I'm not a devil Worshiper mother." Quinn said in a flat tone. "I just found my soul mate is all."
"A woman Quinn, a damn woman. You are a woman yourself - you need to be with a man. Man and Woman go hand and hand. They fit together as perfect halves of the same paper." Judy seethed.
"Look mother, this is going to be a long and drawn out fight for us. I don't want to deal with this today. I just want to spend the day with my daughter in peace." Quinn stood to her feet once more. As soon as Beth had whimpered, she had knelt down to tend to her. "You and I can set up a meeting and have it out. But, I don't want my daughter to be anywhere near us when we lose our tempers."
"Of course not." Judy said stiffly. "I didn't mean to get into it with you. I just wanted to say hello was all."
"You could have fooled me." Quinn sighed.
Judy raised her eyebrow.
"You said 'hello' in a tune that invited an confrontation." Quinn smiled grimly. "Good bye, mother." With that she turned her back on her mom and walked away.
Judy stared after her youngest daughter and her only grandchild. If only I was brave enough. She bowed her head and shook it. Turning she left the area herself.
NOAH'S HOUSE
"Hey there baby girl." Noah bent down and unstrapped his daughter from the confines of the stroller. "Hey baby mama." He glanced up into Quinn's eyes before looking back into his daughter's. Lifting Beth out and into his arms, he stood tall once more. "Daddy missed you. Yes he did." He snuggled his face into her tiny neck.
Quinn smiled as she leaned against the wall. "She missed you too. She was just asking where her daddy was. I knew that you had a free moment so I decided to come here."
"I didn't hear your car." Noah said raising his right eye bow.
"Beth and I are out for a walk. We went to the park and then before heading back home, I decided to come see you." Quinn fidgeted with her hands.
"Where is Rachel?" Noah asked noticing his baby mama's famous 'I'm nervous' maneuver.
"She has voice lessons, then dance lessons. She should just about be starting the dance lesson right now." Quinn frowned down at her hands.
"What to talk about it?" Noah gently asked.
Quinn's head jerked up. "N-no."
Noah walked up and put his left arm around his baby mama's shoulder and gently led her to the couch. Making sure that she was seated before sitting down next to her. He moved Beth so she was sitting on his lap. "I know that I'm not, Rachel, Quinn, but I'm a good listener. You know that I'll always be there for you right?"
Quinn slowly nodded her head. Looking down at her hands on her lap as she played with them. "I ran into my mother in the park two hours ago."
"Oh boy." Noah calmly said. "I take it that it didn't go well."
Quinn snorted. "She was spewing for a fight the moment she opened her mouth and said hello. You should have heard her, Puck. Then she has the nerve to blame me for responding in kind."
Beth reached out and put a tiny hand on her mother's forearm.
"If it wasn't for Beth being there," Quinn turned her head and looked into her daughter's open hazel eyes. "then we would have had a very public screaming match. WWIII, WWIV, WWV, WWVI all rolled up into one."
"That's how I feel whenever I picture my father, and I meeting face to face once more." Noah nodded his head. "My father and I don't have a prayer of making peace on this Earth. But, Quinn, you and your mother have a chance. It may take several years for it too happen - but you still have that chance."
Quinn looked up into his eyes, "Not while Russell is in the picture."
"Judy isn't going to put up with not seeing you or her grandchild for much longer." Noah said in an knowing voice.
"She won't accept my love for Rachel." Quinn lowered her eyes as tears rolled freely down her cheeks.
"Have you informed Rachel that you love her yet? That she's your one and only?" Noah softly asked.
"Rachel's not ready yet." Quinn sighed lowering her head onto his shoulder. She played with Beth's fingers. "I don't want to rush it. If I rush into this then I may lose Rachel for good. That's just not worth the risk."
"What if someone else tells her first?" Noah asked. "I in no way am going to harm you, or Rachel, Quinn. But come on a lot of people know the truth. Someone is bound to tell her. Not to hurt her. But to push her. Unless one of your enemies is out to hurt Rachel that is."
"My father." Quinn seethed through her teeth.
"Don't worry about Russell. He's under control." Noah firmly said. "If he decides to go near you, Beth or Rachel then someone will always buff him away."
"Thank you." Quinn sighed and closed her eyes.
"Anything to protect my family." Noah whispered in her ear.
RACHEL'S HOUSE
"Home sweet home, baby girl." Quinn softly sang as she entered the front door of the Berry home. She wheeled the stroller into the kitchen to began to get her sleepy daughter out of the chair. Running her hands lightly down her precious daughter's right side of the cheek. "I'm surprised you didn't take your nap at daddy's, like mommy did." Smiling as she unbuckled the belt that protected her baby girl. "But, I guess your daddy was having some father - daughter time with you, and you figured it would be rude to be asleep during it."
"Where have you been?" Rachel asked rushing into the room with wide eyes. "I have been frantic, Quinn. I didn't know what had happened too you and Beth. I was just about to report you two missing."
Quinn stood to her feet with Beth against her chest. "We decided that today was too nice of a day to stay inside, Rach. We had a fun morning in the park - then we went to Puck's. I accidentally feel asleep." She felt a faint blush rise on her cheeks. "Aren't you opposed to be at dance class?"
"It got canceled." Rachel waved her hand. "You should have left a note, Quinn. Or text-ed me. Something."
"I'm sorry, Rach. I wasn't thinking." Quinn sighed as she headed towards the staircase that led to the second floor. "I never planned on falling asleep at Puck's. I wanted to give him some daddy and daughter time, before Beth's afternoon nap." She walked into the nursery.
Rachel silently watched as Quinn laid the sleeping Beth on the changing table. She watched as the teenage mother quickly, but very gently changed her slumping daughter. Soon Beth was back in her mother's arms as Quinn walked to the crib. Quinn leaned against the crib's wooden bars just watching her precious daughter sleep.
"I was just so worried about you two." Rachel sighed as she turned and left the room. She walked into her bedroom and sat down in her vanity chair. Turning to her lap top she opened it to start on her homework.
"I never meant to worry you, Rach." Quinn sighed as placed a hand on Rachel's stiff right shoulder. "I honesty thought I would beat you home."
"I pictured you in a dark and small place, you were being beaten. You were dead." Rachel finally let the chocking sobs burst through her throat. She turned and wrapped her arms around Quinn's waist. Burying her head into the tall blond young mother's stomach.
Quinn wrapped her arms even tighter against the shaking Diva's body. She just silently held Rachel tighter to her as her own silent tears fell down her cheeks. She cursed herself for being so thoughtless. She should have text-ed Rachel and let her know that she was going for a walk with Beth. After all she always wanted to know where Beth was. She knew that Rachel considered Beth just as much as her daughter. "I'm so sorry, Rachel. I'm so, so sorry." She managed to kneel down so she could wrap Rachel into her neck. Holding Rachel's trembling back with one hand, and the back of the brunette's head with her other. She just held the broken Diva tightly against her.
FIFTEEN MINUTES HAVE PASSED
Rachel weakly pulled away. "I'm sorry, Quinn. I shouldn't have behaved in this fashion. I knew you were safe with your daughter. You have every right to step out with your baby and not tell me. I'm just a friend after all. I'm not her father - or her mother. I'm just a friend." She repeated as she pushed herself away from Quinn. She gripped the chair as she pulled herself upward.
Quinn sat up on her knees. She wrapped her arm around the brunette's waist. As her free hand rested on top of the both of Rachel's. "You are more of a friend, Rachel Berry. You are Beth's second mother. Always and forever. Nothing is going to change that." She begged Rachel not to turn away her eyes from her own.
Rachel pulled a hand from underneath Quinn's, and reached over and lightly traced down her cheek bone. "You looked stressed when you first got home. I take it your nap at Noah's wasn't as peaceful as you wanted?"
"Rachel -" Quinn sighed.
"I'm not changing the subject, Quinn, at least not on purpose." Rachel slightly smirked, "Well not entire purposefully. But, I do understand what you said. We just don't need to discuss into detail every single word or feeling what you said." Her head tilted to the right, "What's got you so stressed out?"
"I ran into my mother in the park." Quinn sighed as she frowned. "It didn't go well. She was spewing for a fight - and was insulted that I responded to it. If it wasn't for Beth, then we would still be screaming at one another."
"I'm sorry." Rachel whispered as she brushed Quinn's hair from her eyes. "I'm sorry that you have to go through this with your mother. No child should go through such hell with the woman whom carried, and given birth too."
Quinn lowered her head to rest in Rachel's lap. "I'm over it." She felt Rachel's fingers running through her hair. "I'm ever so tried."
"Beth is taking her nap. It's time for her mommy to take one also. Well okay, another one." Rachel said. She bent down, "You'll be more comfortable in bed." She kissed the top of blond's head. She sat up once more as Quinn lifted her head. Standing, and helping the blond to her feet - she moved over to the bed. Pulling back the covers she watched as Quinn crawled underneath them. She covered the young mother up. She turned to leave, when she felt a hand on her arm. "Lie with me." She nodded and moved to the other side of the bed, climbing beneath the sheets herself. She scooted over so she could spoon Quinn into her chest. Resting her chin against the thin but firm blond's shoulder, just underneath the neck, she closed her eyes.
"I love you." Quinn murmured.
"I love you too." Rachel whispered. That was the last thing she recalled as she felt her tired out body fall into an exhausted sleep.
Quinn turned her face so she look at the sleeping Rachel. "I love you more than an friend, Rachel. I love you beyond all reason. I love you beyond life itself. I have loved you since the beginning of time. I will love you even the Earth cease to exist. My love for you has no bounds, and no limits." Closing her eyes she feel asleep.
NEW YORK, WINTER 2015
'Mama, the weeping
Mama, the Angel
No sleep in Heaven
Or Bethlehem' - Spring Awakening
Handing the mug of coffee down at the young blond woman, Shelby couldn't help but be worried on the reason why Quinn was here unannounced. Usually Quinn asked if she could spend time with her. She never just showed up. Sitting on the chair that was close to the couch, but away from where Quinn sat on the said couch. "I don't mean to sound rude, Quinn, but what are you doing here? I mean if something was wrong with Rachel or Beth - you would come right out and tell me. But, seeing how you have waited until I made coffee for us, I know that my girls are safe."
"I told Rachel that I loved her last night." Quinn whispered. She lowered her eyes from the direct chocolate eyes of Shelby Corcoran Schuester.
"I see." Shelby said in a calm voice. "I would say congratulations; but by your eyes I can see my daughter didn't say it back."
"It's not that she didn't say it back. It's just that she's pulling into herself." Quinn lifted her eyes. "She's in a place that I can't reach."
Shelby felt her heart break. For her daughter, for Quinn and for Beth. Closing her eyes, she sought out her daughter. Rachel.
Mama.
Yes darling, it's Mama.
I'm scared. I'm so alone. I'm so cold.
Oh baby.
Why did you even bore me, Mama? Why did you even agree to give this worthless soul life?
You aren't worthless Rachel! You are a precious creation of God's. You are my gift from him.
Then why did you freely give me away?
I'm so sorry baby, I was self centered. I wasn't thinking of anyone but myself. I lost so much time and I made you lose so much time.
I'm unlovable.
No you aren't, baby. You are very much loved. Your fathers, myself, Beth, Noah, and Quinn. Especially Quinn.
How long did you know?
Since the first moment I saw you two together.
I don't deserve love.
Yes you do.
Mama.
Baby.
I'm so alone. I'm so cold. I'm so scared.
You aren't alone.
Baby? Rachel?
Shelby's eyes opened as tears rolled down her cheeks. "She blocked me out."
END CHAPTER FIVE
Author's Note: You knew I was going there. Hello, 'Mama who bore me' sung by Lea Michele is the perfect song title to show the differences between Shelby Corcoran, and Judy Fabray.